A LETTER...
Dear Son,
You must be wondering “What happened to me? Why I wrote you when you are just a call away?” The answer to your curiosity is: I want to share something with you. Rather I want to confess something today and I felt, I might not be able to convey my feelings properly over the phone. Or I may turn turtle thinking... ‘How will you feel??’ then I found the best help to convey my thoughts is `written language’
So here I am, writing my first ever letter to you!
You know I have few days in my kitty now; I want to share something which may resolve your complaints towards me.
Oh yes, I was completely aware of my rude behavior with you. I do remember my strict expressionless face when with a great enthusiasm you showed me your excellent exam results! Every time you came to with a hope that this time your trophies or certificates will bring some shine on my face or in my words, but in vain.
Initially it was a challenge for you to please me, you worked very hard but I did not melt, instead your father always cheered you, trying to balance the situation. And after some years I could feel that you accepted the fact and …. Our conversation became robotic. You expected joy, warm hugs, cheers and kisses. I always gave cold stubborn words with ‘Ok, NOT A BIG DEAL’ expressions ruining the joy of big moment of your life. Off late, you started hating me so much so that you stopped showing or telling me your extra-ordinary achievements. I always knew it from your papa, and we have celebrated many times. But I never came to congratulate you.
On this note, I want to share something,
I was born as a girl child, being the youngest member of the family. Ma, Papa n your mama-my brother adored me a lot, I was an apple of their eye. I was a pampered child in earlier years of my life; I call it a `Heaven Phase’ that lasted for 20yrs. Later I could see the popping of gender discrimination between me and bhai, but I was too young to realize.
Bhai got married and my world started changing. After few years my always caring, loving and motivating bhai turned into always demanding and complaining person.
Time asked for maturity more than my age, my heaven started shaking!
Meanwhile I married to your papa. Though your father was supportive, The change in my life was huge from language to people, form food to lifestyle, from freedom to dependence and in the midst of all this I was in need of my family`s support and guidance to settle with a completely new family.. But in vain, instead I received complaints, complaints, and complaints…
My faith in the word called `Family’ evaporated! Sometimes my parents supported me… understood me … but that also did not last for long as I lost them in a massive accident. You were barely 4 months old at that time. I was surrounded by many thoughts, left with lot many questions with two answers SILENCE & ACCEPTANCE! A heart with crushed emotions, and extinct expectations….
My heaven had shattered in to tiny pieces by now.
Now relatives around me started treating me as an individual adult as if I was the replacement of my parents. I was left with no options but to manage their relations with equal warmth else, I may lose the connections. I was too young to handle this huge burden on my shoulders. I felt like I am standing alone in the whole universe. I felt as if I have suddenly travelled 10ys of my life just with one incident. And this sudden leap of 10yrs in terms of maturity gave birth to an over protective mother….
Yes… An over protective mom, son!
Whenever I lifted you, various kinds of thoughts kept hovering over my mind…
“Is this how ruthless the world is? If yes, then how you, my little child will be able to cope up with the world around?? How will you handle such situations?? I was scared…
No….! I am the mother I will make him strong...very strong…,
Expectations and Emotions are the root cause of every single problem of humans. I will teach him not to expect anything especially from your own people; after all it’s your loved ones only who can be responsible of immense pain in your life.
Right from young age I will make him realize that life is not a cake walk but a path full of thorns.
I think that will make him…tough....and strong enough!” I will turn him in to a strong minded personality who rules the world, instead of the world ruling and molding him..
That’s when I decided to be little stubborn with you – like the real world around, which never bothers about your feelings!
So that you expect very little from the people around unlike me…!
So that you have less heart breaks than that of mine…!
So that you can survive smoothly in this bitter world!!!
So that you can live in synchronization with your age and enjoy every bit of your life.
And today, I witness your successful and pleasant survival with your family. When I observe you managing your responsibilities and hurdles with no stress, more over your capability to accept the situation and find a suitable solution else move on… makes me feel that my target is achieved.
I am happy.
I always knew from first that you`re a bright child. And I used to be on cloud nine wherever you achieved something, thanking God for giving me the privilege to be a mother of a son like YOU!
I apologies for all the deductions in my warmth, kisses, hugs and appreciation towards you, believe me it was difficult for me too! I love you my child.
I was, I am, and I will always be proud of you!
May God bless you..!!!
From,
An over protective mom.
