MEMORIES
As soon as I stepped into the beautiful hills of Dehradun, all those memories came back to me, because of which I had left Dehradun. However, there is a huge difference between the Dehradun of that time and the Dehradun of now. Earlier, it was not as dazzling as it is today, neither were there such wide roads, nor such a big market, and nor was there so much crowd in the market. Since it was made the capital of Uttarakhand, it has been transformed. People from many cities started coming and living here. Just thinking that living in the mountains will change the air and water and employment will also be available. That is why so much crowd and rush of people started appearing here. Earlier there were small houses here, that were too far away, and now skyscrapers have been built here, and beautiful hotels and resorts have been built. The small market has now been transformed into big malls. Big schools, colleges, and technical institutes have been built. Earlier, as soon as evening fell, silence and desolation spread on the roads and squares of Dehradun, now the streets here are bustling and bustling with people till 2 o'clock in the night.
While looking at this dazzle of Dehradun and roaming on its roads, I felt as if I had come to some big city like Delhi-Mumbai, not Dehradun, where day comes at night.
There is a huge difference between Dehradun twenty years ago and Dehradun now. At that time, I had come here as a teacher in an inter-college. At that time, I was a youth of twenty-two or twenty-three years. Very shy and reserved, not quick-witted and talkative like today. Now I speak freely and talk to anyone, but then I could neither talk to anyone nor mingle with anyone easily. Because of this habit of mine, people used to consider me more of a student than a teacher. Such an incident has happened to me many times. Only after I told them, people came to know that I was a teacher and not a student. The college where I had joined as a teacher was about eight kilometers from Dehradun, which seemed impossible for me to cover, that too on foot, because, at that time, there was no ride to reach there like today. Now auto rickshaws and taxis are available at every step. Earlier, there were no roads like today. One had to just walk. It was very difficult for me to reach the college for the first time, I was out of breath walking on the rough and paved paths of the mountains. It was natural for this to happen because before this I had never climbed such a height of the mountains. I had to stop at many places in between and also had to ask many people for the address of the college. I was out of breath due to hunger and thirst, there was neither any tea shop nor any food shop on the way. Again and again, my mind was saying, where did I get stuck? Sometimes it felt as if I had made a mistake by coming here, and many times I even thought of returning halfway. But I did not do so, because the hope of getting a government job was making me forget the physical and mental fatigue. Although my courage was failing, there was no strength left in my body to walk even one more step, still, I did not lose courage and kept walking ahead. Half a day passed by the time I reached the college, but I reached there. My heart became happy after seeing that beautiful college built at the foothills of the mountains. I did not feel that I had come to any intermediate college, I felt as if I had come to a beautiful hotel built in the beautiful valleys of the mountains. Standing on the campus of the college, I kept looking at the natural beauty of the mountains with curiosity for a long time, everything seemed so amazing and unique to me. I kept looking at the beautiful valleys of the mountains spread far and wide. Seeing that natural sight, I was delighted and forgot all the tiredness of the day.
The principal of the college, Mr. Devesh Rawat, was a very gentlemanly person. I introduced myself to him and told him why I had come.
As soon as he met me, became happy and asked me to sit in front of him. After sitting, I offered him my joining letter and file, and he immediately said, "Mehta Ji, keep all this with you for now, you have walked such a long distance in the sun. Anyway, I know very well how difficult it is to walk from Dehradun to here. So you sit comfortably and first drink water, drink tea, then we will talk about work."
He called the peon and said to him, "First give water to Mehta Ji, then make hot tea for him and bring it, and yes, bring something to eat as well."
I felt very good that the Principal gave me so much respect and ordered tea, because at that time I was in a bad condition due to hunger and thirst, I felt as if the Principal had sensed my hunger and thirst. The peon brought an empty glass and a jug of water kept it on the table near me and went out. I gulped down two-three glasses of water.
The principal smiled at me and said, "You must have faced a lot of trouble in reaching here from Dehradun. I can understand that climbing such a high mountain for the first time becomes difficult for everyone, no problem, in a few days you will get used to climbing and descending the mountain.
The peon brought tea and snacks. The principal also drank tea with me. After drinking tea, I felt as if life had come to my lifeless body. While drinking tea, the principal also looked at the joining letter as well as the file of certificates. After that, he asked me whether my accommodation had been arranged. I refused and said, "No, I have come here for the first time, I do not know anything about this place, then he said, "No problem, your accommodation will also be arranged in a village nearby, whatever rent is required, you just pay it. Saying this, he sent the peon to the nearby village and got information about someone's empty room and also arranged for my accommodation close to the college. It happened in a small hilly village two kilometers away. Most of the teachers and staff of the college are outside of Dehradun and all of them live in the same village.
I joined the college and got a room to live in. Now the problem was what to do about food and drink. Because there was no hotel in the village and neither did I have utensils and a gas stove to cook food. The only solution was that I agreed with the college peon that until I got the cooking material, he would get the food cooked from his home and whatever money I earned in return would be given to him.
The next day morning I came face to face with the students studying in the college. There was only one college in that area where boys and girls studied together. It was prayer time. All the boys and girls were standing in the line of their respective classes and their class teacher was standing in front of each line. Suddenly my eyes fell on a girl from class 11th. She was smiling at me. I was taken aback by her action. I looked around to find out if the girl was smiling at someone else. There was no one around me. I looked at her again; she was still smiling at me.
She was a carefree teenager of sixteen-seventeen years. Tall, slender figure, fair complexion, attractive face, neatly combed hair, and large eyes like a deer. When she smiled, dimples appeared on her cheeks. Wearing her shiny college uniform, she looked very beautiful. There was a strange attraction in her eyes, seeing which I felt a tickling sensation in my heart. That day I kept thinking about her and kept getting immersed in her natural beauty, due to which I could not even sleep properly at night.
One month, two months, and three months passed like this. Neither did she talk to me, nor could I say anything to her, the only time we met was in the morning during prayer time. That too in gestures, yes, now she does not smile like before. Now she remains serious. She just looks and says everything through her eyes. Even if I look at her, she lowers her gaze in shame. Her doing this
I like it. Now she seemed more beautiful to me than before. Earlier she did not wear a kajal in her eyes, but now she started a kajal in her eyes. Her black eyes had a very bright shine. She also started applying a little lipstick on her lips and she had also changed her hairstyle. It seemed as if she had started doing all this for me. I wanted to go close to her, sit and talk with her, but I could not muster the courage to do it. Now my world was limited to her. While getting up, sitting, eating, and drinking, she was always on my mind.
To reach the college, I had to go through a dirt road. Although there was a hilly forest on the way, there were tall Chinar and Deodar trees all around. There was silence all around. Initially, I was scared while passing through there, but it was relaxing. Anyway, we city dwellers are used to shortcuts, so I found a shortcut to reach college quickly and easily.
One morning, I was going to college on the same path when suddenly my steps stopped. I could not believe my eyes, it felt as if I was dreaming with open eyes. I saw that she was standing leaning against a poplar tree on my way. Suddenly, my heart started beating fast on seeing her. Drops of sweat started floating on her face. I had never imagined that I would meet her like this. She started smiling at me in the same way as she used to smile during prayer in college. I took out a handkerchief from my pocket and wiped the sweat from my face. It came out of my mouth immediately, "You... what are you doing here...?"
"Waiting for you." She said quickly.
"Waiting for me?" I said swallowing the spittle stuck in my throat.
"Yes, waiting for you. I want to tell you something."
"Yes, tell me, what do you want to say?"
"I love you... I love you so much." She said immediately and started laughing loudly, then blushingly she ran away from there. I stood there, stunned, looking at her. She stopped for a moment after going a little further. She turned and looked at me and gestured with her hand and disappeared somewhere in the thickets.
I stood there silently, I felt as if her words were echoing in the dense forests of poplar and deodar and hitting my ears, SirJi I love you... I love you... Her tinkling laughter was still echoing in my ears like music. While running away, I could hear the tinkling of the bells of her anklets for a long time. I felt as if my world had changed in this one moment, everything around me had changed. It felt as if I was not on the mountain trails but in the valley of beautiful flowers. My mind was not in my control. I was getting impatient to meet her and talk to her. My heart and mind were not in my control, it seemed as if I had won some big battle of love.
Now whenever we got a chance, we would get lost in the solitude of the forest. We would roam together, and walk along the river flowing between the hills for a long distance. We would talk to each other about our hearts. We would sit together for hours with our feet inside the river. Sujata was a very playful and mischievous girl. While walking along the river, she would often push me and make me fall and laugh loudly like a child. I liked her little mischiefs a lot. She loved getting drenched in the rainwater but would get scared by the thunder of the clouds. Whenever she was with me and it rained, she would get drenched a lot, she would also drench me along with her, but as soon as the clouds thundered, she would shrink into my embrace.
One day while walking together she said, "SirJi, how long will we keep meeting you secretly like this? Why don't you talk to my brother about our marriage?" That very day she told me that she has no parents; her elder brother has brought her up. I also wanted Sujata to be mine as soon as possible. I told her, "Okay, I will meet her brother on my holiday next week and talk to him about her marriage. She was very happy with my decision. She said, "Sir, you must come, we will wait for you and now we will not meet you like this. Now we will meet you only after our marriage."
I knew that neither she would be able to live without meeting me nor I would be able to live without meeting her, yet to keep her happy I agreed with her. That very evening the college principal told me - "He has received a call, your father's health has suddenly deteriorated, he is in the hospital. You have to go home right now." Hearing the news that my father was unwell, I panicked and immediately left for home from Dehradun.
Reached home the next day morning. Knocked on the door with a pounding heart. Father opened the door. I was shocked to see that Father is fine. I suddenly said, "Father, you are here?" Father understood what I wanted to say. He asked me to come inside and sit comfortably. I came inside and kept my bag. Mother quickly made tea for me and brought it.
"Take it, son, you are tired after the whole night, drink tea and take a rest."
I took the glass of tea from mother. Mother sat beside me and looking at me carefully said, "You have become so weak, now I will not let you go to Dehradun. To hell with such a job. There is no dearth of jobs, you will get many jobs."
Then father said, "Son, your mother used to worry a lot about you. She used to cry day and night remembering you, that is why I have called you here making an excuse for my health. Son, the truth is that we were not able to bear your absence. Now you stay here, don't go to Dehradun. Stay here and get some job."
The ground slipped from under my feet. I started thinking about Sujata. What will happen to Sujata? I had promised her to meet her brother and talk to him about our marriage. If I don't go back, what will Sujata think about me? I told my mother and father, it was not like that. It happens that leaving a job is not that easy, I will have to go to Dehradun once and till I get another job, I will have to stay in Dehradun. When I get another job, I will resign from this job and come here to you people. But my mother and father did not listen to me. Father got my resignation written that day and sent it to Dehradun by registered post. I was left in a state of turmoil. I could not muster the courage to say anything in front of my mother's stubbornness and father's fear.
I soon got a job in another college but the memory of Sujata was not getting out of my heart. Every moment, every second spent with her kept coming to my mind. What would Sujata think of me? She must have started hating me thinking me to be a cheater. She should, after all, because I have hurt her heart. Many months passed thinking about all this. Meanwhile, I thought many times to go to Dehradun and meet Sujata and tell her about my compulsions, but I could not muster the courage to go to her and face her. Many times, I also thought of telling my mother and father everything about Sujata, but I could not do that either.
Days turned into months and months into years. Meanwhile, I got married and became the father of two children. I got completely engrossed in my household affairs. I was very happy with my wife and children, but a vague memory of Sujata still resided in some unknown corner of my heart and whenever her memory came alive in front of my eyes, I felt a strange restlessness and anxiety in my mind.
The bus stopped at a place. Along with the bus, I also came out of the past, and along with the passengers, I also got down from the bus and headed towards the college.
It was a college vacation, so there was complete silence there. Everything had changed in college, nothing was left the same as before. My heart said Sujata must have changed completely in these twenty years. She must have got married. She must have children. I don't know, how she will recognize me or not. Even if she recognizes me, she will probably not talk to me, because I had hurt her. She must be so broken, so shattered for me.
Whatever happens, I will meet Sujata. I will tell her about my helplessness, I will tell her how helpless I had become. If she yearns for me, then I too have yearned for her no less, I too have yearned a lot."
"Mehta Sir, you! After so many years, today suddenly?" The old watchman of the college, who now looked very old, stood in front of me.
"Hello Danu uncle, how are you?"
"I am fine sir, but you?"
"Yes, I had come to Dehradun for a seminar, I felt like seeing the college so I came here."
"To see the college or to see if Sujata is still alive or not?"
"Danu uncle! What happened to you, how are you talking?"
I said changing the topic, and then Danu Kaka got furious and said, "What harm did that innocent girl do to you? If you didn't want to adopt her, then why did you love her? First, you loved her, then showed her sweet dreams and left her, leaving that poor girl to die in agony." "What are you saying Danu Kaka, what happened to Sujata?"
"Sujata died in agony remembering you. Sujata had told her brother everything about herself and you. Her brother was very happy to send her off with you, but when he came to know that you left Dehradun forever, Sujata's brother started hating you. Many times Sujata insisted on going to you but her brother did not listen to her and she became crazy in your memory. Gradually she was confined to bed and then she could never get up from that bed and one day she died groaning."
I felt as if Danu Kaka had pushed me hard and I had fallen into a deep gorge several thousand feet below. I was stunned after listening to Danu.
