Rain Flower
Kotra Siva Rama Krishna
“Thoughts are harmless Will. First don’t feel fear to thoughts. Whether you think intentionally or the thoughts come all by themselves, thoughts can do no harm to you. Let thoughts flood you, overwhelm you, just remain as a passive observer of thoughts.”
It was one more occasion that they both had sex to their hearts content. He was relaxed, relaxed completely after the sexual acrobatics with her but did not fall asleep. However crushing and torturing the fact that he had forgotten his past substantially, one thing was more soothing, more happy to him was that beautiful psychiatrist who treated him became his wife. She was that much beautiful, that much attractive in fact on one hand he thanked his madness who made her his wife.
It was not so that he had no love for her. For the first time after acquaintance with her he came to experience that wonderful feeling. Slowly he understood it was not just her love that made him attracted towards her, but something more than that making him strongly feel about her.
When he first heard that suggestion from Rose, it appeared so good to him and he decided to implement it instantly. But it did not appear easier and most of the time he entangled in the cobwebs of thoughts forgetting himself completely that he was merely an observer.
“It requires patience Will. You need to practice observing thoughts. If you do continue practicing observing thoughts, soon you find how easier it is.”
He gave lot of credence to what she said and continued practicing and understood what she said was of course true. But sometimes however hard he tried to say to himself that he was only an observer of thoughts, they were making him suffer.
“In fact thoughts, don’t matter Will, the feelings that are evoked by the thoughts do matter. But the irony is, you cannot escape from the thoughts, you cannot escape from the feelings either. But you have to follow the same course for thoughts and feelings also. Just be a observer of feelings and thoughts without trying to force them out. ”
In that relaxed state, his mind was remembering her suggestions while his body was furiously remembering the lukewarm touch of her flesh around him. How nicely she said! How marvelous the touch of her lukewarm flesh was!
The first memory in sex with her was blurring and shady to his mind but his body was able to recover every bit of that information. He lightly remembered that she was just obedient to him when he behaved with brutal roughness in that mildly mad state. He could remember that she just remained staring at his nude body with fascinating eyes while he was furiously at work on her.
Only from that moment he could remember things. Not before. Why, what the bloody hell happened to his mind he could not understand. It was just like he came into his senses again only after he plunged into the sea of sexual pleasure with her.
“You are marvelous!” she kissed on his lips and said with wide opened eyes after he did it so to her like an animal on that day. It was not fake, she did not say it only to please him. Even then in that mindless stage also, half conscious about himself, he knew she meant it and it came deep from her heart.
Williams turned and looked at her and she was sleeping like a baby. Just moments before he had her like an animal in his usual way. In fact while sexing with her, she would remain passive with him all the time, her activity would be almost nil but with a mesmerizing smile always on her lips. But all the time she was so tasty, so good, just wonderful! The remarkable thing was, she never would negate whatever he wanted to do with her body. Let him go on it wherever he wanted! Let him do whatever he wanted!
With the memories like that and seeing her so, he sensed himself once again with desire. There was a strong urge in him again to do that to her. But he just could not think to disturb her peaceful sleep.
“Be a passive observer of your thoughts. Let the thoughts flood you. Let the feelings overwhelm you like tides in the sea. Just remember all the time that you are not the thoughts and the feelings and they can do no harm to you”
He remembered what she said and became supine on the bed. He started trying to make himself separate from the thoughts and feelings and observe them. As usual he felt difficulty in doing this.
“I don’t say that it is easy Will. It would be difficult. But practice makes it easier. If you continue doing it, gradually you can become a master in observing your thoughts and feelings.”
There was sure some truth in what she has said, Williams thought. Surprisingly, he could observe the thoughts and feelings separate from him like pictures on the screen and clouds on the sky.
He found his desire slackened.
***
“You want to say something important to me but troubling to say it” After talking with Jasmine, the sister of Williams, Rose said. Even Jasmine was the sister of Williams, there was not much resemblance between them both. Williams resembled mostly his father and Jasmine resembled mostly her mother. The common thing between them both was both were beautiful and attractive! It was not unusual but the love and affection Jasmine was showing on Williams was fascinating and interesting to her. She always remembered her own sister who was nearly ten years or so elder to her and who was so affectionate and loving to Rose. In fact, her sister Liza was the reason why Rose wanted to become a psychiatrist.
Jasmine nodded her head and smiled. “You can read people, are not you? You are a psychiatrist, I forgot.” There were frowns instantly on her forehead. “You are right. I just don’t know how to talk about that with you.” Got away from the chair she sat and went into the middle of the room, Jasmine said again. She clipped her lower lip between her teeth frames, closed her eyes and started thinking hard how to say what she wanted. Then the touch on her shoulder interrupted her thoughts flow. Then the squeeze that followed assured her that Rose also knew about it.
“It is about your brother, right.”
Jasmine turned back and looked into the face of Rose. “If you were just his psychiatrist now, it would have been easier to me to ask. But……….” Jasmine paused for a moment before saying again. “……….you have become his wife.”
“For that I am so happy in fact.” Rose heartily laughed. “One good thing that your brother’s madness did is; it made him my husband.”
“Not just that.” Jasmine too laughed. “It made a wonderful woman like you as my sister in law.”
“You are also happy. What is the matter then?” knitting her brows together Rose asked her.
Jasmine went near to the sofa and slumped herself in that again. She breathed deeply and closed her eyes. She opened them again only after Rose sat beside her on the sofa and put her hand around Jasmine’s shoulders.
“Tell, what you really want to tell. I am feeling you like a friend to me, if you feel reserved to say anything to me, I do hurt. What you really want?”
Jasmine immediately kissed on the cheek of Rose. “My feeling is also the same. Now I come up with everything.” She paused for a moment before continuing.
“You just don’t know about my brother, how he used to be, before he struck by madness. He was a charm. He was a wonder. He was a sports man. He was a superman to me. Everyone liked him.”
“He is like that now also.” Rose said.
“No. He is not even half of that now.” Jasmine said. “You don’t know my brother before his madness, so you are completely ignorant of his real personality.”
“Still he is impressive, intelligent and not disappointing at all.” Rose really meant what she said. “He might be more skillful, more intelligent before becoming mentally imbalanced like that. He may not be like that now. He came out of his madness and got his sanity back. Is it is not enough to us?”
“Of course enough. More than enough. I agree. But……” Jasmine knitted her brows. “But what was that? What that was made my brother a dummy for one month? What made my brother to forget his past this much? My brother was never a weakling to become mad with some stupid happening.”
Rose did not know what to say and it had become increasingly difficult to convince the brother and sister that some lack of oxygen or nerves damage caused the mild madness in Williams. In other circumstances they would have believed that, but Williams was in that palace in that room at that time was quite puzzling to all of them. Williams very seldom would visit that old palace and never at such time.
“I cannot agree much with your saying that it is because of lack of oxygen or some other inner damage of the brain caused the madness to my brother. Even I am not a doctor, I can say it would be known in scans and other tests if it was the reason.”
Rose was thinking furiously what to say to satisfy this girl. As Williams forgotten almost all his past it had not become difficult to her to convince him with the reasons she herself knew absolutely false. But this Jasmine was intelligent, educated and pretty well could remember each and everything to be convinced easily.
“The only thing beyond my purview to comment any is why Williams was in that room in that palace at that time.” There was a hissing sound as she breathed deeply and hissed out heavily. “But it can happen to anyone as it happened to your brother. There were instances like that.” There were no instances like that to her knowledge, she did not hear about even a single patient became mad like that, not to say treating him.
“May be you are right, maybe there was some reason for your brother to become like that. But……” Rose paused for a moment to give stress to what she was going to say. “………it is not at all better to force him to remember anything. Especially he should not be made to remember that particular moment. If we do like that it may cause even more damage.”
“Oh! No.” Jasmine hastily said. “My intention is not at all to involve my brother in it. I am more concerned than anyone with his health. I just cannot bear something like that happens to him again. Is there no way at all to know what happened to my brother without his involvement?”
“I cannot think of.” Rose had thrown her charming smile. “I don’t bother either. What all I want is Williams in a good and healthy condition.”
Jasmine smiled too. “Really I am happy that my brother has got a devoted and dedicated wife like you.”
“At the same time that he has got an affectionate sister like you also.”
“It is reciprocal.” Jasmine said with a small voice. “He used to love me as much as I loved him. But after this madness I virtually became a stranger to him.”
The distress filled voice moved Rose. She put her hand on Jasmine’s shoulder “It is not so, Jas. Even he had forgotten all his past, even he cannot remember you fully, subconsciously he has love and affection on you.” Rose paused and squeezed Jasmine’s shoulder. “It is not going to be permanent. Soon he recovers all his memories and becomes all normal.”
“All our hopes are on you.” Looking straight into the eyes of Rose, Jasmine said. “Nearly one month my brother remained like a dummy. You could make him this much. Considering that I am having full confidence that you can make him normal as usual.”
“Thank you for your confidence on me.” Her charming smile once again danced on the lips of Rose
Talking in between themselves so, they had forgotten how much time had passed
(I hope that you enjoyed the story till here. I update the next chapter as soon as possible. Don’t forget to rate and review this story)
