Edward's POV —
Marry me, Emily . Be my wife. Seize your rightful place in my heart. Be my queen as this king couldn't possibly rule his kingdom alone anymore while he still writhed each day for you and — your touch.
The words were stuck in his head, singing their own emotions and their own feeling of happiness if ever they could come true.
He gazed at her with adoration, not being able to play this game of cat and mouse anymore. Either he be the man and let her know he couldn't care a whit about how she thought of that fake marriage — because he was very well about the way on his knees again to offer the real one — or he be the coward and suffer his fate by seeing her getting snatched by someone else.
But Emily wasn't a property. And it mattered to him a whole lot than he'd still hesitate to admit— about what she thought of him as her life partner in general.
Perhaps, he should go about this in the modern way and not just jump right into the marriage. He didn't want to scare her away with the burden of his feelings anymore than he already did when he wasn't sure of them himself.
But now that he couldn't imagine doing anything for the rest of his life alone, other than to just brood in grimness for ever letting her go, his hands itched to just grab her who stood no more than two inches from him— and yet he couldn't be sure if her wariness and aloofness had stung him more than it did now.
Something had changed between them and it wasn't a one night thing. It has been brewing for years, tumbling and emanating that sweet essence of being born, being growing so real and so — mesmerizing — between them.
Emily looked at him with confusion, her lips claiming the sweetest pout.
She thinks he'd muck up again? He'd be damned if he didn't do his best to go about this the right way.
Squeezing her fingers, he said, "What do you think of me, lily?" He made sure she met his determined gaze head on, "as a man?"
Emily gasped, releasing a breath she'd been holding for so long. He could see the thoughts working in her head, and knowing her, she'd probably think this is some sort of a trick question.
"If you think this is the time to joke around, perhaps you should return back home, Edward."
She worked her fingers out of his but he was quick to grab her slipping wrist. "This is no joke, lily. I'm as serious as you might have never seen me before."
"Then you think of me as a joke if you ever think you're gonna trick me into answering this trickery."
His fingers curled tightly around her wrist as he tugged a little and she was forced to meet his eyes once again. "I'm as serious as a damn AIDS report if you think this is an adequate metaphor one can use to claim substantiality in this matter."
She seemed to be at a loss of words now and he was surprised using medical terms at all ever got him somewhere — with her stubbornness and his slipping patience.
"What do you wish for me to say, Edward? I've never been subjected to such a query before. Do you feel you're losing your masculinity just because you got divorced young and you don't have the confidence to convince Lara to marry you anymore?"
His mouth was hard as the solitary muscle in his jaw ticked in annoyance. "There is going to be no involvement of Lara in this question, Lily. She had no part in it."
A faint emotion passed through her brown eyes — surprise, or perhaps hurt — he wasn't sure but it was long gone before he could decipher it further. "You know Edward, I've never blamed anyone for what happened between us, to our marriage, or as to what we are now" she looked down,"or whatever is left between us."
Old broken shards of irreparable friendship.
The two best friends who were now Ex-husband and Ex-wife.
Suddenly he wanted to plant his fist on the nearby wall, break the fucking plaster into pieces, until his hands shook with nothing but pain — and thunder — anything so that he wouldn't feel as utterly helpless as he was feeling at this moment.
"Whatever happened is all my fault, lily, and it is nothing less than I deserve, if I'm being honest with myself. It was bound to happen sooner or later, since there are always dire consequences of one's far-fetched ambition."
Her eyes shone with emotion as she grabbed his arm. "There's nothing wrong with loving someone, Edward. It is not a far-fetched ambition, and neither does one deserve a tragic end for feeling such emotions."
Squeezing his fingers, she continued, "If it makes you feel any better, I had never seen your love for Lara as anything but one of the most beautiful things to happen to you, and seeing you shine in that relationship — in her presence in your life — made me the most proudest and the most envious to see you happy — as your friend." Her eyes were focused on the ground now, "I could never have picked anyone better for you myself. Your choice was impeccable. Always the best, Edward."
He removed her hand from his arm. "I never loved Lara. I never did, from my heart. I tried, but failed to let her in the way she expected me to."
Emily's mouth was opened in awe. "You say that because you feel she is to be blamed because of our divorce and maybe that's why you're thinking of her that way, Edward." She grabbed his arm and made him turn to him. "She's not a bad person. You must know she wanted nothing but the best for you — and herself. I would've reacted the same way if the man I was in love with married his best friend just to keep me in his life. There's bound to be some insecurity and jealousy mixing in the relationship. We're friends, Edward, people do get the wrong idea no matter how much you explain to them. You shouldn't let my feelings on this matter dictate the results of your relationship with her. She's your girlfriend-"
His eyes flashed in anger. "I don't feel anything for her, damn it!And she's not my girlfriend." He met her shocked gaze. "Not anymore."
"What in the name of everything miserable are you talking about? Did you two fight? Again—"
"We broke up. It felt like dragging a soulless animal and the weight was just too much to carry anymore than was necessary."
Emily's eyes melted into moisture as she crossed the much needed two steps between them and grabbed his shoulders. Tipping on her toes, she engulfed him fully in the whirl of her femininity and emotions.
Edward couldn't breathe, he didn't even dare move a muscle lest the moment should break and disappear into the bubble of longing and misery. Again.
He was abhorrently tired of dreaming of her each night — whimpering, sighing, moaning and clinging to him just like she was doing now — and equally tired of having to play the role of a gentleman each time she was around him in reality.
His hands found her back, shifting her weight, lifting her up from the ground. Her feet dangled loosely as he buried his face in the tresses of her hazelnut curls. His nose inhaled the base of her throat hungrily, the faint pulse roaring near her collarbone.
He could feel his mouth water in anticipation. He wanted nothing more than to lick her pulse, bite—
"Poor Eddie, I really wish you're okay. If you had told me of this before, I would never have been so cruel to you." He tilted his head to look at her face and found the tears marring her cheek now.
He felt like the biggest jerk ever to even think about devouring her whole at this moment when she was being such a sweetheart. Damn, he didn't deserve her.
You never did, the voice in his head said. But somehow he always knew how to tamper it down.
Because even if he didn't deserve Emily, he would make sure that she'd never feel the same for him as he felt for himself.
Slowly he put her down on the ground, his heart clenching tightly to find more tears pouring down her beautiful soulful eyes. He ran his knuckles over her wet warm cheeks and she shivered.
Sniffling, she tried to stop her tears but few still escaped and he found himself hauling her into his arms again. She cried more on his chest and he didn't know what could possibly get more worse than seeing her cry so much for his broken relationship with the woman she thought to be the love of his life.
Does that mean she doesn't feel so much as an inkling of affection more than a friend for him, if she was so upset over his break up — more than he himself ever was.
And truth to be said, he was not at all affected with the recent turn of events between him and Lara.
"I really am sorry. Forgive me, Edward. I should've played my part right in this marriage. I should've been more careful. I should've been more prudent in planning all this out. I can't help but feel you don't deserve such cruelty and no one is more at fault for this tragedy than me, Edward. You wanted nothing but the love of your life," Hiccuping more, she continued. "And I couldn't even give you that. You deserve al-all the love in this world and I— I— spoiled everything with my carelessness. If the divorce papers weren't there at the time my mother visited me,"more hiccups,"If they weren't there, if they weren't signed—"
"I signed them first and if anyone should bear the responsibility of this mess, it is me, Emily."
"No! You wanted me to keep them in the safe place and I-I mucked it up by keeping it under everyone's nose. If it weren't for m-me, you'd be well settled with La-Lara by now, you wouldn't have to feel such an unnecessary heartbreak—"
"But it was very necessary I assure you. There isn't anything more necessary than this break up—"
"Nonsense! You only say that because you feel like this is your fault. Or her fault. The love in your heart for Lara shouldn't turn to hatred just because of my mistake—"
"This is bullshit! I told you I don't love Lara, never did! I'm sure of it to the point of every precision that ever existed and I'm not a kid who couldn't differentiate between attraction and love. Whatever I felt for her was nothing more than a passing fancy and I'm glad it was over before I lost my head over it."
Emily looked unconvinced as she said, "But you married me because of her. Wasn't that the whole point of you being in love with her so much that you couldn't stay away from her and if you couldn't marry her, you would rather marry me to keep facades of a happy marriage while keeping her by your side?"
"God, yes, that was it—"
"Then why is this sudden change of heart, Edward? Why is this sudden need to put yourself to such misery of losing your love—"
"Because I am more in misery by not being in this marriage than I was during the marriage!"
Emily looked like she was holding back the tears at bay. Her nose reddened and her cheeks flushed. Her lips trembled when she spoke, "And does it not denote the fact that you're still so much in love with Lara — and how the end of this marriage is the end of your meetings with her which is the reason of your misery?"
"Or perhaps it is not her who I was married to and so, maybe she has nothing whatsoever to do with my misery — or the lack of it with this breakup — anymore than your previous question did."
"Then you're much more idiot than I conjured you to be. You know nothing about apologizing to a woman and if she ever felt insecure about your marriage with me, you should've given her the much needed explanations and comfort that she really needed. Now you can only suffer for the rest of your life while regretting what could've happened if you didn't back down the way you're doing right now. "
"Believe me when I say I do not regret one bit of what had happened." His intense gaze bore into hers for a moment before he spoke."Not a bit."
For a moment, Emily looked like she had nothing to say but then she continued, "I don't understand. You've gone mad, I'll go talk to her so that she'll understand the reasons." She made a move to go but his grip on her wrist never loosened.
"There's nothing to understand Emily. Because it was I who broke with her. And not the other way around."
______
I don't know what to write here anymore than I do what to write next lol. But I'm trying my best to reconnect with the characters.
Edward may sound a tad bit aggressive and emotional but I guess that's how people in love to me sound and look like. Not the red flag because he's being dipped into green colour again and again that he'd be a damn pineapple again soon.
Rather a brown shade but it'll do.
So how was the chapter, did you like it guys? I know it feels like something is definitely missing but I'm trying to tie the points together for it to make a whole story.
I know a lot of you wish for Edward to grovel his way first, and believe me I do too, but if I made Edward grovel, it'd probably be decades before he'd become worthy of Emily.
And I'd have already lost my profession for my intensity to make him grovel too lol.
Sometimes I just feel like drop everything, pack my laptop, some cash, few books in my small library and book a train, and travel and just write and write until I am drained of all the things I wish to speak of.
Right now, I've like 7-8 plots I desperately wish to write. Or scenes I'm dying to read! But because there aren't any books with those scenes, I'm dying to write them myself.
Good Night. And thanks for reading.
Your sweet pea(it's summers here),
Aisha. ❤️
