Increasing Divorce in India and its Consequences
Even though divorce rate in India is one of the lowest in the world, it has seen an upward trend during the last two or three decades . The divorce rate in India was around 1% ( 13 per 1000 ) according to 2019 data .
During the last two decades India has witnessed a 350% hike in divorce rate .
According to a study in Mumbai divorce rate increased by 40% in just the 2014-2017 period . In Delhi this rate was 36% between 1990- 2012 .
More than 53% divorce was filed by youth aged between 24- 35 years. Though it is thought that men file more divorce but in Delhi alone in 2019 , 65% divorce was initiated by women .
While divorce might be a healthy decision for some couples, for others they might feel regret and pain for the rest of their lives .
Global Divorce Index - During the last two decades divorce rate has increased globally with few exceptions.
Undoubtedly the rate of divorce in India is too low compared to other parts of the world, especially the western countries . Next comes Vietnaam with divorce rate of 7% . The divorce rate in some other Asian countries like Nepal , Bangladesh , SriLanka is also low .
Portugal tops the list with a nearly 94% divorce rate followed by Spain’s 85% .In several European countries and the USA this is nearly 50 % .
Reasons of increase in Divorce -
1 . Women are getting Independent - One of the major reasons in the past two/ three decades is women are getting more educated and joining more jobs and earning well. So they have grown well socially and financially and they are not dependent on men financially . If they are not happy in a relationship they can decide their future .
2 . Interference by Friends and / or families - These days living style , thoughts and sense of mutual recognition have changed. Sometimes women are not allowed to stick to their opinion and sometimes vice versa and the present generation is less tolerant . They don’t want to compromise and adjust within the family . And under this situation external interference by a friend / family adds fuel to the fire .
3 . Lack of trust and Infidelity - Mutual trust on each other is the foundation of any relationship. Once it’s breached it can never regain the original normal relation . After a few years of happiness they are less physically and emotionally tied with each other . They get less interested in each other and the original binding trust might be decreasing / missing .
4 . Taken for granted - During the first few years of married life they used to spend more time , attention to each other and put more effort to make each other happy. They made each other feel special but gradually these things vanished . Though the sphere of his / her responsibilities and duty has changed he / she still expects the old way .
5 . Lack of Intimacy - For any long lasting relationship intimacy is also important . Intimacy doesn’t only mean sexual intimacy , frequent conversations on family , social , national / international matters , holding each other's hands , going for walks together .
6 . Urbanization - It has been noticed that after the 1990s With urbanization and women’s empowerment , the divorce rate has been slowly and gradually rising in India , specially in metros like Delhi, Mumbai,and Bengaluru .
7 .Social Media - Role of social media also can’t be ruled out . Media has increased awareness towards individual’s rights and how to rear kids as a single parent .
8. Influence of Western Culture - With modernisation and globalization going at a fast pace , it is not so difficult for some to copy, especially when working with multinationals / abroad .
9 . Ego Clash - Sometimes either spouse or both get involved in a clash of egos and neither is ready to compromise. Ego in any relationship is very dangerous and it causes lack of empathy. This makes one of them insensitive to the feelings, needs , desires and emotions of the other person ( spouse in this case ). Ego causes one to focus on self needs . This is bound to strain relationships and if unchecked ultimately the relationship is broken .
Whatever may be the reason of divorce , it leaves emotionally broken all involved - husband , wife and kids . Besides, some are financially broken too . Taking Indian culture into considerations , it also leaves a permanent stigma on him/her
Who suffers most - Though divorce makes all involved suffer , it’s not limited to husband , wife and children but can affect other family members and our society . However it may affect them differently but it does affect physically , emotionally and financially .
Once both sadly feel that their marriage is not going to survive , they decide to divorce .But post divorce who is going to suffer more / most - men or women or children . Though men and women experience it in different ways , it is said that it is more traumatic for men .
Men - It has been seen that Men have to bear a bigger psychological and emotional shock than women . They suffer more depression than women . Women can vent their emotions to friends and / or family while men lack this trait .They get in the habit of consuming alcohol, drugs etc. They can start spending more time at works.Their health suffers more as they are generally dependent on women for food . There is no lady to encourage healthy foods and habits . Usually after divorce primary custody of the kid is granted to the mother .So men get less time to be with their kids .This also causes stress . They experience more loneliness in life than women do .
Women get more support in society from friends and relatives , they are busy with jobs / raising kids but men’s lives fall into void and they might turn to bad habits also . This is why Suicide rate in single men is more than women .
In many cases Men have to face a bigger financial burden towards alimony and child support .
Women - Women foster deeper emotional closeness with friends and family members than men . As such they can expect more support from society than men . Our society and also our courts suggest children are best looked after by mothers . So women bear a bigger share in their rearing .
Women bear bigger financial shocks even if they are working . They may like to spend more time with kids and opt for low wage jobs. Mothers being primary caregivers of kids have to compromise with wages and working hours . If the mother isn’t working ,she has to manage with alimony .
Children - If couples without any kid divorce the consequences are limited to them only. But in case they have a child / children the child too has to face consequences . The frequency , intensity and length of a kid's parents' fights or arguments ( during or before divorce ) affect the kid's nature and future behavior . But usually parents underestimate the impact of divorce on their children .
Study has shown that parental divorce has caused enhanced risk for child’s and adolescent’s adjustment issues including academics .This results in lower grades , drop outs and depression .
If couples having child/ children divorce , children have to suffer physically and emotionally during divorce and after divorce . During or prior to divorce kids might have seen parents fighting / abusing . This exposure can have adverse effects on their emotional and physical growth . Sometimes they have to face unpleasant things from their friends in school .
Divorce affects Society also - Researchers have found that the rising divorce is having huge adverse effects on our society . It causes cultural shifts , indifference towards religious acts , crime in society , distancing from close ones ,family backgrounds and juvenile delinquency .
Why some people regret divorce
Often the physical and emotional upheaval of divorce is far more than they might have expected. This might cause long lasting pain , anger , anxiety , sense of guilt and depression .
Couples might have expected a better relationship with their new spouse in future .But if it doesn’t happen they have to face more regrets and pains .
Some regret divorce when they have to face stigma and rejections from friends and family .
Some regret their divorce as they didn’t work it properly or a decision made in haste or why they didn’t go for counseling before divorce .
What to do if you have regrets
Acknowledge the emotions and try to explore it. You may go to a psychologist or therapist . Try to move on and focus on your growth .
You can approach your ex and explore mutual reconciliation and remarriage accepting your weakness or wrong doings .
Healing from the wounds of divorce is not so simple. It needs time , patience and your will power .
Bottomline - After a divorce the couple usually has to face loneliness , decrease in happiness ( in some it might not be permanent if they settle happily with a new spouse), change in financial level , lower productivity and focus , physical and emotional issues .
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