With a heart full of hatred and anger I burned down the whole memories and tried not to think about it that much as it only led to more anger. For years I was known to have a cold heart and I was never given a chance , a chance to explain and live my life , a chance to be who I am and show the world what I can do but instead I was underestimated and once again shut out of the world . I looked back to what people consider memories but to me they where worthless junk and in my head memories where unachievements . As the flames lit up thoughts gathered around and I could feel them hurting in my head , it felt like I could burst or explode but the courage to let it out wasn't there , no tears and no words just the flames going up and me believing that I was letting go buy was I really letting go? I stood faraway and tears went down my cheeks with every wipe I got taken back to that past , the past that made me what I am and maybe perhaps what people hate now.
" Your the one I love " a familiar voice said . A man I fell in love with , the one I thought would be able to take me out of the dark and make me a whole new person but just like all old sayings he was lieing benith those words was a man who wanted money and a soft life out of me . I believed him and all he said . There was more and everytime I fell for it but little did I know that I was playing with a lion . With his sweet words he left me stranded and alone and in the end I was the one begging for him and he blamed it all on me . With a whole load of heartbreak and nothing to spare anymore I continued to believe hoping that someday he would be mine and yet he wasn't, I was a stranger in my own relationship and I found myself begging for love and more , I weeped and spent nights praying but effortlessly I lost him to another woman he has always loved and was destined to love no matter what . It was like I had come between a love story and destroyed something so strong and yet still so strong that no one can come in between. He had a different kind of happiness with her and he was more openly and joyous with her I couldn't destroy that so I maintained my distance and gave them space but it hurt cause I knew it was supposed to be my place not hers but I lost I was never in his life and he was never mine.
Family turned against me , I couldn't remember the last time I called them family, relatives and yet they expected me to be one . They betrayed me in a way that it changed my whole perspective of the world and witnessing everything only made it worse. I became withdrawn and isolated cause family thought I was ugly and not worth it . I changed myself into a monster and they didn't appreciate anything in the end with noone by my side I cried. Family and relationship not working I turned to God but he turned a deaf ear and shut me out . I found myself clinging to threads of life that seemed helpless but I had no choice . The people I considered close betrayed me in all areas of life and I gave up sooner on life than usual. It was my fault and I blame myself but I don't know where I went wrong..........
Panicking and panting I added more things to the fire making sure it'll burnt but still it felt as if I wasn't burning enough I needed to burn more . The more I kept thinking the more my mind led me to the darkest and yet I didn't do the deed cause I was taught right by myself and that was how I could control my anger and still be grateful even when things are wrong but grateful to who???
