Their walk back to Advaith's suite was in silence as usual but weird in an obscure way, because Amaya could feel his eyes on her ,maybe he was checking that she is sane , but he did not ask anything..thank god for that.
Even if he try to ask her, would she be able to tell him? Or anyone else for that matter? What would she even say when she doesn't exactly know what is wrong with her.
Pondering over the thoughts and wallowing in self pity she didn't even realised that they have reached to his room.
' Oh..we are here!' Advaith turned towards her, his gaze on her which was kind and warm but a little inquisitive.
Amaya could not decide weather she was happy or disappointed that they have came back quickly. Charlie wasn't happy either for shortening his first outing in a while. He kept scratching in the bag making noises to show his disappointment.
'I will take him outside more..'she promised herself.
' Well...dinner will be here shortly and I hope you have a good night. Thank you '
Amaya was being a little brave with her confession of being thankful.
She always wanted to be in her best behavior when she was with her guest but she has been keep showing him the worst side of her from the beginning for a change and he was accommodating..sort of .
Should she return the gesture of kindness and ask if she needs to check on him the next day too or not? Will it be too much to show an interest when
he hasn't requested it? Or he would think that she is a pushover on top of being a weirdo?
Amaya rarely got into such difficult situations where she has to constantly check on her own intentions. She was good at her job because it was always the same, different people but her tasks would be the same.
She will talk and laugh with them easily , give suggestions for good restaurants and view points and maybe babysit a naughty kid so that the parents could have a break.
It was her job and it has nothing to do with how much Amaya would have cried that very morning or how much difficult it was to get ready for the day but with Advaith, it was different somehow .
He didn't fit into her usual designed pattern of service, rather it involved herself in a more personal way which was new to her and it bewildered her .
Amaya took a few steps towards the stone paved path , towards her quarters and then turned to look if Advaith was still there , which he was .
Amaya stopped in her way, maybe she could just ask him one more time if he needs any help from her side. Fine, it's better than feeling burdened by a kind gesture. But how to ask without putting too much concern in it?
Why her brain always deserts her in such awkward situations?
'Do you want me to check on you tomorrow too?'
It sounded more foolish than she thought in her head. She should have just gone without asking, yes , that way it must have been easier for both of them.
' It would be helpful if you could do that' he sounded relieved somehow. Amaya let out a breath in relief.
' I will see you tomorrow morning then' Amaya grinned.
Suddenly the prospect of meeting him on the next morning was very appealing and she couldn't hide her smile.
Maybe everything happening in her life wasn't that bad, she could stole moments like these to smile at time to time . She was presumably happier when she returned to her apartment. She fed Charlie and gave him a massage with her old make up brush to cheer him up, which always worked like a charm.
Her bit of happiness didn't seem to last for more than an hour as her mom decided to call her beloved daughter for a chat.
She was just stepping out of shower when her phone started ringing.
Her mom's number flashed on the screen and her heart started beating erratically.
'You have to come and take care of Mili.
I am doing this alone here Amaya and I have my own things to do. I can't babysit her all the time and learn to be responsible Amaya..sending money is not enough to support a child. You should be doing your duties too..'
Her mom's voice filled with all the accusations, Amaya squeezed her eyes shut.
It's nothing new to her but it always hurts.
Why can't her Amma be a bit more kind to her? Don't parents call their children just to know how they were doing? She has seen Mithila's doting parents, who always loved and supported her.
Life would have been much easier ,if her Amma trusted her a little more and loved her a little even it was fake.
She had made plenty of mistakes in the past but she had been trying her best to keep her family well. Wasn't she?
She worked almost every day , picked extra shifts whenever got a chance, saved up a little for her future, rest she send it to her Amma.
She had paid their pending loans and was trying her best , what else is there to do? She hasn't abandoned them ? She had stayed with them, didn't that matter?
Apparently, it didn't. Nothing counted as far as her Amma concerned.
' What do you want me to do Amma?' She replied in exasperation.
'Either you come here and babysit her or take her with you. I have plans for the weekend. So you have to be here tomorrow morning 'there's a finality in her voice Amaya felt the frustration seeping through her veins.
'Ok. I will be there in the morning ' she conceded.
Her Amma won't consider that how difficult it would be for her to get a leave on a weekend or how hard she is trying to keep it all together.
Her heart shrank in pain. It has been always like this.
Amaya was desperate to impress her Amma always but she lacked every single time. She and her father shared a special bond and Ashi and mom were close. So she was happy in her father's company but when her Acha passed away, the hole formed between herself and Amma was so huge that Amaya didn't dare to try. However Ashi was her savior like every time, she connected the family into each other. When they lost Ashi, both she and Amma started to wander again like kites without any thread or orbit. It was lonely and sad and Amaya didn't know how to stop it.
With a sigh she texted Mithila weather she could take morning shift instead of her which was okay. Then she informed her supervisor, who wasn't that happy with her but still allowed her a half day leave.
So Amaya will visit her home and come back with Mili since she had to attend the monthly review by the management and also she didn't want to stay at her Amma's , more than a second that was needed.
So it was fixed and Amaya was leaving early morning next day.
She thought about what to do with Advaith then asked Mithila for a favor. She hoped he won't mind if Mithila went to see him in the morning, she sincerely hoped so ,and made a mental note to visit him once she came back.
Amaya hardly slept that night , the thought of seeing her Amma made her so anxious and jittery that she lost her apetite too. She tried to read , which did not work either. So she went to her bed to get some sleep and it didn't even come in the early hours of the morning. So she got ready and left earlier than she thought and hoped she would be able to come back before lunch break.
The bus she got on was mostly empty and she was comfortable in her seat, she dozed off half of her journey, thanks to her sleepless night.
It took her an hour and a half to reach there. As she walked the rest of the gravel path to her ancestral home, she felt queasy.
Home..she could not quite call it that. A home is a place where you feel happy and warm, where your heart felt at ease and you feel belonged..right? Or at least she had thought so but here it was a house, where she spend her childhood and somewhat of her teenage years, a building which was never her home, more like a place where she felt like a prisoner and lonely.
Her Amma was up as she'd expected when she stepped into the threshold of their tiny kitchen.
She was busy in kitchen cleaning some spilled milk on the stove. Her shoulders hunched in concentration and her lips curled into a scowl. Her Amma was wearing an old cotton saree in mustard yellow color which had been gifted by her father. Amaya felt a pang of guilt for not visiting her mother often, even though it was unpleasant most of the time, she was her mother after all.
The burnt smell of milk hung in the air , Amaya felt the stillness in the air. Like the house is holding back the breath carefully, like Amaya.
' Mili is sleeping ' Her Amma's voice was as cold as ice. She didn't even bother to turn around and look at Amaya.
There were no pleasantries exchanged. It was nothing new to her but still it hurts. She made herself a cup of black coffee and went to Mili's room, which was her parents room back in the day.
Growing up there wasn't that bad when her father was around. It was a small house with two bedrooms, a living room , a guest room and kitchen. As she entered the bedroom she noticed the peeling paint on the wall and the dust on all over the surfaces. Cleaning wasn't her mom's forte.
There were piles of washed clothes yet to flod on the chair.and a lot of Amma's religious magazines on the table which she bought regularly.
The statues of lord Shiva and Krishna stood in the corner of the table with a monotonous look on their faces. Everything was haphazardly placed that Amaya felt suffocated instantly.
She did not even dare to go to her bedroom which she shared with Ashi long ago.
She knew for sure that Amma hasn't removed anything from that room...all of Ashi's things were still there, her.clothes , her paintings and posters of some actors and singers, her old skating shoes, everything was there. If she search a bit she was sure she could find even her hair scrunchies and the vitamin tablets she used to take while pregnant.
Amaya took a deep breath, she never want to step into that room, it's nothing but a reminder that what she had lost and why did she. So she deliberately stayed in the tiny guest room whenever she visited, which always made her Amma frown.
She voiced her displeasure several times but Amaya never wavered. Today it was bad, spending an hour here felt like a year, her heart beaten erratically.
Need to go , need to get out of here, she kept telling herself as the little girl on the bed peeked her head from the duvet.
' Ammu...you came?' There was a touch of disbelief in her voice followed by a smile.
Amaya climbed onto the bed and cuddled with Mili who caught her in a choking hug.
' I missed you sooo very much Ammu.'
' Me too bubs and that's why we are going to spend a lot of time together '
Amaya cooed. The soft curls of Mili, which smelled like baby shampoo, made Amaya to feel a little at ease.
' Are we going to play here today? And will you read me too?'
Her voice, so hopeful, so delicate , Amaya sighed a little.
' We will do both and more because I am taking you with me and we are going to have a good time...'
' Really Ammu?' Her whole face lit up.
' So Charlie is waiting for me?'
Of course she won't forget him...
' Yes yes...he is waiting for you. Shall we get ready and go'
'Yeyy...' Mili giggled.
' You are the best.....I love you soo much Ammu'
' So do I' she whispered back and kissed the top of her head wishing for the nth time that if her love was enough?
'Ammu...is it pretty? Look I made a rainbow ' Mili looked up from her drawing book as she showed the colorful streaks on the page to Amaya, who was bit sleepy and tired from all the traveling in the morning.
' It's beautiful....what else you can draw? Maybe a flower? Do youknowhow to draw one?' Amaya smiled.
' Yes yes ...next one is a flower ' Mili went back to drawing with a bright smile on her face.
Amaya felt bad to put her there beside her on the reception. It's either here or in the playing area for kids but she can't put her there without supervision. So they settled beside Amaya, in her reception desk with a book and crayons.
She was not that busy ,so it was easy to manage her and Mili was in her best behavior since she loved this place.
It's almost break time and she could take Mili for a walk and maybe go and check on Advaith too.
Mithila had kept her promise and checked on him in the morning and Mithila had recognized him too.
' Isn't he your writer guy Amaya?' She had asked.
I didn't recognize him at first but then I had this feeling that I have seen him somewhere and when I came here , I checked the books..' Mthila had smiled at her conspicuously, like she know how Amaya felt about it.
Amaya squirmed a little.
' Yes it's him.'
'Woah....you must be happy...right? Did he ask for personal assistance yet?'
'No...not really...it's just a favor I am doing '
' Oh?' Mithila had looked confused but she didn't press her for details.
' He asked about you though..and he is really handsome ' She winked .
' Is he?' Amaya replied nonchalantly but she was sweating.
Why was she getting nervous and anxious even when she was having a normal conversation? Isn't this the way friends talk? Mithila is someone she could consider as a friend, at least close to that. Why she can't talk her mind with her. She sighed and shrugged the whole thing like it wasn't a big deal and she had nothing more to say.
Mithila had looked at her with a pained expression and Amaya felt guilty till now for not talking with Mithila properly.
It was around six, when Amaya decided to take a walk along with Mili who was too tired to draw any more flowers for the day. Mili was hopping around happily since she got a chance to explore the place and ran ahead of her giggling asking numerous questions about the plants and flowers in the sidewalk and random things. Most of the time Amaya didn't even know how to answer those simple yet complicated questions. Today Mili wanted to jump in the pool and Amaya promised her that they would do that tomorrow noon, when it's not crowded. She has to check with the supervisor for that and hoped it would be okay.
As they got closer to the suit rooms, mili got ecstatic about the bushy plants and the butterflies that Amaya had a hard time to persuade her to walk with her to Advaith's suite.
They found Advaith sitting outside his room, dressed in a pajama shorts and a sweat shirt, which was pulled up a bit , exposing his forearms. His hair was all fluffy messed up as usual and there was a wire frame glass perched on his nose and he looked really cute. She had to kick herself in her head to not to get carried away.
' Hi there ' she gave a little wave trying to get his attention.
Amaya was relieved to see him outside for a change and he seemed to be in deep thoughts and somewhat gloomy.
' Oh hi...you are back? And who is this cute little one? ' His gaze moved to Mili who giggled.
' Mili ' she waved her little hand and looked at Amaya with a curious smile.
' Who is this Ammu?'
Advaith looked at her too, like he wanted to ask who Mili is but not sure weather to ask or not.
Mili has some similar features as Amaya. Their eyes and heart shaped face , it's like they are mom and daughter than aunt and niece.
' That's a friend Mili..
Say Hi' she patted on Mili's head lightly and felt awkward for introducing him as a friend, which is not true. Rather than explaining the complicated things about their unusual relationship, she felt it's easier this way.
' Your daughter ?' His gaze was a bit curious and intent.
Ok so he is not going to held back his curiosity. Amaya sighed.
She can't blame him though, he doesn't know much about her except that she is kinda weird.
' No Ammu is my Aunt. My mom went to angels to see grandpa' Mili decided to let out the information this time.
Her inside churned. Mili had always known that Ammu is not her mother but the nonchalant way she told it to him, like it's not a big deal at all and she is not bothered by it, made her sad.
Will she miss her mom as she grows up? Will Amaya be able to fulfill her needs ? Will it be enough?
It's difficult to think that far when she's struggling every day to meet the ends, just to live a day.
' Oh yes...you looks prettier than Ammu. He replied as he took his glasses off. He sounded cheerful, not forced , just amused a little.
Mili got shy and covered her face .
' Thank you and Ammu has big nose like..Squidward Tentacles It's funny...'
Amaya gasped. She unconsciously touched her nose, was it that big ?
' No..more like a SpongeBob ' he whispered to Mili. They shared a laugh.
It seemed like Mili and Advaith are in perfect sync with each other.
' Her eyes are pretty though' Advaith and Mili shared an agreement on this and he took a look at Amaya who was flustered for being the material of dissection of a four year old and Advaith.
' Sorry ' he mouthed silently. Amaya flushed. She clutched her fingers to not to touch on her nose again.
' Do you like Masha and the bear?' Mili was quite serious about her favourite cartoons.
' Of course, I also like Dora and Tayo too
'
Amaya knew Masha and Dora but who is Tayo? She felt like a thousand year old granny.
'Really?? ' Mili was totally impressed so was she. How quickly he was warming up to Mili, how people are able to do that was beyond her capability to understand.
' Ammu...he knows everything. ' she jumped on her feet with excitement.
' I love your friend...what should I call him?'
Valid question, Amaya hasn't thought that far, her mouth went dry. Should she suggest to call him uncle? Which is going too far, she had already lied that they were friends and pushing it again is wrong.
' Call me Adhi ' he offered helpfully.
'Ok Adhi' Mili replied cheerfully.
Sometimes Amaya wondered if she was this enthusiastic and cheerful like Mili when she was a kid. Probably no. She doesn't have any such memories about her childhood. Ashi was the loud one, cheerful, funny , vivacious and Amaya always melted into the background, she wasn't complaining though. She was happy the way it was then..she would silently follow her around always, like a shadow.
Amaya's phone vibrated in her pocket disturbing her thoughts.
She fished it out quickly , it's their supervisor and Amaya needs to get back to attend the review meeting for at least the first thirty minutes. Then she could get back to her desk. She ensured that she will be right there and turned to Mili. She will have to leave her in the security office or with cleaning staffs for the meantime. She did not like it but leaving her alone in the playing area wasn't an option either.
Mili looked up at Amaya, raising her eyebrows in perfect arch shape, like Ashi used to do, which gave her an unnecessary amount of pain at times.
' Mili , we have to go back. Remember, Ammu has a meeting to attend?' She bended down to her eye level and reached to touch her soft plumpy cheek.
' But we just came now' Mili reminded, her lip jutting out a little. Clearly unimpressed with the situation.
' I know, we will come back tomorrow? Now we have to go..' Amaya didn't like to cut short their visit but it's a necessary.
' I don't want to go now. I have a lot of things to ask Adhi..' Her eyes welled up.
Amaya felt so bad about it now. Mili was pouting and her little face is all sad, which is difficult for Amaya to see.
'If you don't mind, she could stay here , with me?
' Really?'came Mili's happy smile.
Amaya was speechless for a moment.
That was so kind of him but should she take the offer? Which is being totally unprofessional and totally against her mantra of not mixing her personal and professional life together. Then she can't avoid the fact that Mili really enjoyed his company and would love to hangout a bit more .
But is it safe to do so? Advaith is practically a stranger and if it's like one of his best seller, he could be a total psychopath with killing tendencies for all she knows.
Amaya clutched Mili's hands instinctively. Probably she is over thinking but her protective instincts were too sharp to avoid at the moment, eventhough it was slightly embarrassing.
' I don't want to trouble you , I am sure you have something to do other than baby sitting ' Her tone was clipped , she probably sounded like an overprotective lunatic, which is not completely untrue.
Advaith studied her face.
His jaw tightened and his brows knitted in a confused manner, that he was considering the situation carefully then he exhaled , like he found a break through.
' Hm...let's see, how about this ? If Mili and I could take a walk in the park ? That's outside and even visible from your desk.
And you could take my number and call us at any moment you want. '
Amaya turned red. It was like he see through her concerns, which was mortifying to the core but still he was ready to help her out.
Her phone started ringing again.
Both Advaith and Mili was waiting for her reply. Her anxious self has to make a decision quickly.
' Okay , Mili could stay , just make sure to stay away from the pool side.' She offered putting Mili's happiness over her anxiety.
' Thank you Ammu.' Mili's face lit up like a Christmas tree as she hugged her tightly.
' Be a good girl okay? wear the sweater and cap too, it's getting cold here and I don't want you to catch a cold .' Amaya felt her voice tightening.
' Yes Yes...you know Ammu , I am a really good girl like Masha' she giggled.
Amaya smiled. ' Masha is a little naughty devil Mili...don't you know?'
' Maybe a little ' she replied with a sheepish grin.
' Don't worry too much , we will be out there...and you will be back quickly too. ' He reassured.
Amaya took a deep breath. She was somewhat ready to follow her own decision.
They exchanged numbers and she ignored the little giddiness bubbled deep in her heart.
If it was in a book, it would be like a dream come true moment , when the handsome boy voluntarily giving his number to the awkward shy girl who has a secret crush on him.
Readers will start rooting for the characters to interact with each other more and make a connection.
Too bad that her real life was far from it.
Mili gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and went to Advaith's side. As she wrapped her little hand around his finger, Mili looked at both of them with her bright eyes .
Amaya turned on her heels but stood there for few more seconds willing herself to trust Advaith with Mili.
She was breathing too quickly , maybe she has separation anxiety too. She was sweating even in that cold weather. Maybe she was making a fuss about it in her head, but it was difficult for her to entrust her little girl to someone .
' It's going to be alright Amaya, trust me. ' He was standing beside her, too close that she could feel the warmth arising from him. His voice was very gentle and careful that Amaya felt herself easing a bit.
She gave a little nod. 'Sorry for bothering you and thank you so much. You are really kind. ' she blurted before she could think twice.
He smiled .
' Of course I am the kindest soul out here. ' His tone light with a hint of smile. Amaya looked at him.
' Don't worry, I really enjoy Mili's company. So we are going to have a good time. Now off you go little worrier..' He gave a gentle pat on the small of her back. The touch was very light that Amaya wondered whether she imagined it.
' Right.'she uttered.
Amaya left them without looking back again as she tried to ignore the tingling of her skin and shouting at her stupid brain to stop over analyzing everything happening around her. It's nothing, just nothing, I am just too much of a mess right now and he was just being kind. Should not cross the limits , she said over and over to herself until she believed it, somewhat.
