'These children don't listen to their parents at all.' 'Oh, if we go to say something good to kids, they get wild on us! Mummy, you started once again…' 'Oh, some children are such that even before the parents can say something, they announce, 'Now stop your nagging!'
Those parents who do not vent out such frustration every day are indeed very lucky parents. Even in this horrible Kaliyug, Shravan or Ram seem to have incarnated in their houses! This reminds me of an incident.
In America, one lady instantly started saying, 'I have only one son. He's sixteen years old, but I have a lot of tussles with him. Every day there are clashes.'
I asked her, 'Lady, what’s wrong with your son? He doesn’t study?'
'Oh in studies, he brings a A . He always stands first. He is very intelligent. In sports also, he always brings first prize!' the lady said.
'So is the boy in bad company? Does he have bad habits? Is he in an affair with girls?', I asked.
Then, the lady said, 'No, no. In all those aspects, my son is absolutely straightforward and clean. I'm 100 per cent sure of that!' she said emphatically with full confidence in her son.
'Then where is there anything to say in your son’s case? Where do you face a problem with him?' We were all confused when we heard the virtues of that woman's son!
The lady said, 'Hey, what do you know? My son messes up the entire house. His room is like a village yard. While going to school, he throws his clothes anywhere and goes. Books, ball, bat, he throws everything here and there. After coming from school, where he throws his shoes and where the socks! His books are scattered in every room! So from the moment he goes to school, the mind gets busy that when he comes home and when I take him to task. And today I want to straighten him out for sure!'
I asked that lady, 'Then? He’s become straight?'
"No Ma’am! He’s the same. On the contrary, now he has started telling me, 'Mummy, now stop your nagging! Is this called nagging?'
I asked her, 'What is your husband saying?' She said, 'Oh, if he said something, what else I would want! He doesn't say a single word to him. On the contrary, he tells me only that you stop the nagging now!'
'If your husband ever tells something to your child, does your son obey him?' I asked.
'Oh, he obeys every word of his. I feel a lot within that this boy is his father’s – both together have isolated me in the house! And on this matter, I and my husband have a lot of quarrels now!'
I asked the lady, 'So is your house always in disarray? Or do you put it in order?' The woman replied, 'Then I only have to do it obviously! Can the house be left untidy like this? I don't do a job, so obviously I can do that much staying at home!'
Now, rather than burning this heart, why not burn the hands? When the son is deserving by all means, then why make life miserable by making noise over just one matter? If you understand a little and stop saying anything, then the house can become like heaven! It is our own lack of understanding that makes us unhappy. Our word may be true from all aspects, but if it is not acceptable to the other person, then it is worth nothing. Even a true fact, one should know how to say. If the truth is beneficial, short and sweet, then that truth is indeed truth, it will be acceptable to all! And if the other person feels it as nagging, then it's all over! How can we utter a single word thereafter?
If some of the principles of worldly life are woven into life, then no problem can come with anyone anywhere. The primary principle being whether in house or outside, anywhere, in small-small matters, never anything is to be said. Certain matters that seem significant to us, we can say only in that, and that too not again and again. And significant matters meaning son is consuming meat and wine, is in affair with some girl, is not focused on studies at all, only those matters are considered big. Everything else is said to be small-small. Whether he has smashed the car or he has lost something, damaged something, forgotten something, committed a mistake, all of that is called small-small. In all of these, the parents should remain silent.
Embrace him with equanimity and love, then he shall not overrule your word. Nagging happens therefore he goes adverse. The parents' glory goes away. Without saying, one remains in awe, that proves useful. We say something to our son and he feels that right and accepts it, when things are said in that manner, only then do we have the right to say. Otherwise, we only are further distorting our children. When we keep saying and saying, it converts the right thing also into nagging. If we say something more than two or three times, then they feel the nag. When the control is through love, control remains; not by scolding or hitting. On the contrary, they become opposing!
The woman adopted this learning in her life. And a year later, when she met me, she started saying, 'My house has become heaven now, and there is a lot of joy and happiness in life. I realised my mistake and I broke it."
