These bizarre instructions were found etched into the wall at the bottom of an old well, somewhere in rural Germany. They have been translated to the best of my abilities:
Somewhere in Europe, there is an empty field of grass. Amongst the long, unkempt grass is a wooden hatch in the ground. The hatch guards an old storm shelter, but this is not your destination. In order to gain access to the alternate opening, you must spill your own blood over the doors. You will awaken at the edge of field; the doors will now be made of rusted iron. You may now enter the hatch.
There will be a long, narrow shaft stretching deep into empty darkness. You must climb down a ladder fixed to the northern wall, keeping your eyes upward at the opening.
If you are to glance downward into the darkness, then return your gaze upward, you will find yourself ten rungs away from where you started. If you look any longer downward, the echoing sound of someone climbing up the ladder will reach your ears, and a rotten, weather-beaten version of yourself will pull at your legs until you fall.
After an undetermined amount of time climbing down; your feet will reach a floor. Keep facing upwards, if you look at your feet; there will be no floor. You must now choose your path.
LEFT
Reaching into the darkness to your left, you will feel a cold metal plate mounted on a concrete wall. Keep your hand on this plate, within the course of ten minutes it will rise to an excruciating heat and your hand will be burned. Do not remove your hand until the plate cools once again and lights click on. You may now turn around.
You will find yourself in a long corridor, there will be a door corresponding to each year of your life on both sides. At the opposite wall will be a door marked ‘PRESENT’. If you enter this door, you will find yourself ahead in your life to three minutes before your death. You must find the door marked with the year that you found most fortunate. Should you pick the wrong door, you will relive that year, but every space in which you did not stand will be torn away to reveal fire beneath. When the year finishes, you will be back at the door, as if you had not opened it.
If you are to pick the correct year, you will enter an enormous space of undetermined size. Darkness will surround all but a straight line through the room. The door behind you will cease to be there if you check behind you. You must follow the lit path through this area for one hundred minutes. Along the way you will regularly encounter loved ones, trapped in rusted metal torture devices. They will beg and scream for you to help them. You must ignore their pleas and keep moving. If you help even one of these people; the exit door will vanish and never reappear.
Should you reach the end of this area, there will be a scratched door with your name engraved upon it. Enter this door and you will awaken in the storm cellar, the original form of this place. You may now leave.
RIGHT
Reaching to the wall on your right will yield different results. You will feel a warm, moist wall of soft flesh. Keep feeling around until you feel a hole in the wall, plunge your hand into it. After thirty seconds, you will be bitten and blood removed from your wound. Keep your hand there until the pressure stops. Your eyes will suddenly adjust to light you never noticed before, you may turn around.
You will see a long corridor paved with pulsing skin, flesh and muscle. On both sides of this corridor, you should see torn openings that stretch inwards deeply. Cool air will gently flow from each opening rhythmically as if it is breathing. At the end of the hallway, you will see a door marked with your mother’s name, awkwardly incorporated into the wall of flesh.
Never enter this door.
You must look for the opening from which hot air is breathed. If you enter the wrong opening, the tunnel will never end and you cannot return.
Should you enter the correct opening; the tunnel will become gradually wider and more humid. There will be hands pushing through from both sides, stretching the wall trying to reach you. Keep away from them, and do not turn around. Every so often you will find an ideal s*xpartner, sitting in the centre of the tunnel. They will beg you to stay with them, ignore them. If you stay with them, they will devour you from the waist up.
After one hundred minutes in this place, you will reach a hole leading to a far narrower tunnel, enter this hole and crawl as fast as you can. The hands can now reach you and will caress you gently from behind the thin flesh. If you stop, they will drag you down.
As you progress the light will gradually fade and your heartbeat will become louder until it reaches an almost deafening volume. Open your eyes; you will be lying in the foetal position on the floor of the storm shelter. You may now leave.
If you chose the left path; you will receive complete financial security until you die, but your hand will throb painfully once a day.
If you chose the right path; you will be considered popular and charismatic by everyone you meet, but you will be plagued by nightmares of the tunnel.
If you attempt this ritual twice, you will never awaken from those nightmares.
