Bereavement is the state of having lost a relative or close friend who has recently died
शोक, ग़म, वियोग
or
the death of a relative or close friend किसी संबंधी या निकट मित्र का निधन
A common theme among people who have lost their spouse is the debilitating effects of feeling entirely alone and incomplete. The sense of feeling like you have lost an essential part of yourself is both painful and disconcerting. The world suddenly looks like a different place, often odd and distanced.
Experiencing the death of a spouse or partner affects your head, heart, and spirit. Confusion, disorientation, fear, guilt, relief, and anger are just a few of the emotions you may feel. Don't be overwhelmed if you suddenly experience periods of pain or grief that seem to come from nowhere.
Loss of intimacy is the hardest part of losing spouse.Many people find the loss of a physical or sexual relationship hard to bear. It's understandable to miss the intimacy and closeness of your partner. Talking about this may feel particularly difficult or inappropriate but it can help to do so with someone you trust, or with us.
Grief caused by the loss of a spouse, termed spousal bereavement, is one of the most stressful events that older adults will experience (Holmes & Rahe, 1967).
Older adults are likely to encounter the loss of a loved one more often than other age groups. Acute grief normally evolves over time into integrated grief but for some, grief may be prolonged, severe and impairing. Prolonged grief can be associated with higher rates of depression and suicidal thoughts.
"Clinically we could say that around one year is when the loss should be accepted and emotions should be less intense, but we know that it is a general criterion, it must be adapted to the person and their circumstances,” Psychologist specializing in grief, Paloma Romero, agrees.
Feeling:
When your spouse dies, your world changes. You are in mourning—feeling grief and sorrow at the loss. You may feel numb, shocked, and fearful. You may feel guilty for being the one who is still alive. At some point, you may even feel angry at your spouse for leaving you. All of these feelings are normal. There are no rules about how you should feel. There is no right or wrong way to mourn.
When you grieve, you can feel both physical and emotional pain. People who are grieving often cry easily and can have:
•Trouble sleeping
•Little interest in food
•Problems with concentration
•A hard time making decisions
In addition to dealing with feelings of loss, you also may need to put your own life back together. This can be hard work. Some people feel better sooner than they expect. Others may take longer.
As time passes, you may still miss your spouse. But for most people, the intense pain will lessen. There will be good and bad days. You will know you are feeling better when there are more good days than bad. You may feel guilty for laughing at a joke or enjoying a visit with a friend. It is important to understand that can be a common feeling.
It's when older adults who have lost a spouse face an increased risk of dying compared to those whose spouses are living. Possible causes of the widowhood effect may include self-neglect, lack of a support network, and lifestyle changes that follow the death of a spouse.
A 2014 study published in the Journal of Public Health found that people whose spouses had just died had a 66% increased chance of dying within the first three months following their spouse's death. Prior studies had placed the increased chances of death for the surviving spouse even higher, at up to 90%.
Men, but not women, are much more likely to die within several years after the death of a spouse than are people who are still married, according to a study by Johns Hopkins University researchers. But remarriage appears to increase the widowed man's chances of living longer, the study says.
Losing your spouse is always extremely traumatic and painful. Also it comes with countless hardships and issues to deal with. Knowing that your partner in life would no longer be with you is upsetting.
However another reality is that you are alive and have to live this life through. The only things you are left with are the memories of your partner.
Don’t let the grief inside you make you weak outside. It’d only make things weaker for you. However on the other side it’s equally important that you openly talk to your loved ones about your feelings.
You’d have to make your grief strength for you now a weakness and it will in fact help you keep the memories of your late partner alive as well.
These include stress-induced changes in blood pressure, heart rate, and blood clotting. There is also a tendency after such a profound loss for the surviving spouse or partner to disregard his or her own health and become resigned to dying.
Overall, the researchers also found that in the year after losing a spouse, men were 70% more likely to die than similarly aged men who did not lose a spouse, while women were 27% more likely to die compared to women who did not become widowed.
A research report
Losing a spouse makes men 70% more likely to die within a year(BY Haley Weiss
March 22, 2023,Times ):
Losing a spouse forces people into what is often one of the most vulnerable parts of their lives. The negative health consequences of widowhood can stretch years down the line, but in some cases, they don’t get a chance to. The phenomenon in which both halves of a couple die in short succession is so common that it even has a name: the widowhood effect.
How at risk is any given person? That depends on many contributing factors, from their religion to race and even their spouse’s cause of death. But the widowhood effect is generally believed to be a problem primarily affecting closely bonded elderly couples.
However, a study published March 2022 in the journal PLOS One finds that younger people—especially men—are even more at risk. Researchers in Denmark, the U.K., and Singapore studied data from almost one million Danish citizens ages 65 and older and found that the younger people were when they lost their spouse, the more susceptible they were to dying within a year. Overall, the researchers also found that in the year after losing a spouse, men were 70% more likely to die than similarly aged men who did not lose a spouse, while women were 27% more likely to die compared to women who did not become widowed.
Controlling for key variables can be difficult in this type of research, says Dawn Carr, co-director of the Aging Research on Contexts, Health and Inequalities program at Florida State University . Old age in general means a higher risk of death, and couples often share lifestyle habits and other behaviors that play a big role in health, like diet and exercise regimens. But because of the study’s large size and long follow-up period—up to six years—the researchers were able to peer into specific risk factors for the widowhood effect.
वो तो चले गये ऐ दिल
याद से उनकी प्यार कर(२)
जीने मे क्या मज़ा रहा
मौत का इंतज़ार कर
वो तो चले गये ऐ दिल---
तुझको खुशी से क्या गरज़
गम है तेरे नसीब मे (२)
खुशियो की आस छोड़ दे
गम को गले का हार कर
जीने मे क्या मज़ा रहा
मौत का इंतज़ार कर
वो तो चले गये ऐ दिल ----
भूल जा दिन बहार के
देख ना खाब प्यार के(२)
दिल तो निसार कर दिया
जान भी अब निसार कर
जीने मे क्या मज़ा रहा
मौत का इंतज़ार कर
वो तो चले गये ऐ दिल
याद से उनकी प्यार कर
एक और रचना :
कैसे कटेगी ज़िन्दगी तेरे बगैर तेरे बगैर
पाउँगा हर शै में कमी तेरे बगैर तेरे बगैर
फूल खिलें तोह यु लगे फूल नहीं यह दाग हैं
तारे फलक पे यु लगेजैसे बुझे चिराग हैं
आग लगाये चाँदनी तेरे बगैर तेरे बगैर
कैसे कटेगी ज़िन्दगी---
चाँद घटा में छुप गया
सारा जहाँ उदास है
कहती है दिल की धड़कने
तू कही आस-पास है
आजा के तड़प रहा है जी
तेरे बगैर तेरे बगैर
पाउँगा हर शै में कमी
रहें ना रहें हम, महका करेंगे
बन के कली, बन के सबा, बाग़े वफ़ा में ...
खाक पे तुम रुकोगे चलते चलते
अश्कों से भीगी चांदनी में
इक सदा सी सुनोगे चलते चलते
वहीं पे कहीं, वहीं पे कहीं हम
तुमसे मिलेंगे, बन के कली बन के सबा बाग़े वफ़ा में ..
गुज़रा हुआ ज़माना, आता नहीं दुबारा
हाफ़िज़ खुदा तुम्हारा
खुशियाँ थीं चार पल की आँसू हैं उम्र भर के
तन्हाइयों में अक़्सर रोएंगे याद कर के
दो वक़्त जो कि हमने इक साथ है गुज़ारा
हाफ़िज़ ...
Information compiled by
Dr. Bhairavsinh Raol
