Siddhant Shah
Wed 08/17/2016 2:45 AM
To: Hritisha Jain (jain.hritisha@gmail.com)
Dear Hritisha Jain,
No one falls in love by choice; it is by chance. No one stays in love by chance; it is by work and no one falls out of love by chance; it is by choice. (Thank you Google for the lovely quote)
Here, I am drizzling out my entire heart, soul, and want to let you know that you are the only love of my life.
Without you, life has become meaningless, music has become melody-less, food has become tasteless, flowers have become colorless, the mind has become restless, and my heart has become feeling less.
All the people around were telling me that you do not deserve my sincere love; care and feelings as you were continuously walking in and out of my life. However, I want you to know that you are worth it.
You have taught me many good and bad things in my life. I have never thought our relationship would end the way it did, even in my wildest dream. However, I know that you have moved on while I was still stuck in the middle of the path.
It has been almost ten months, okay, ten and half months now since we last spoke. I wonder if you think of me. Do you look at my profile? Because I still do and get disappointments.
I know that I have no right to know what is going on in your life. We both tried our best to keep the relationship alive, I guess, and I am sorry for how things ended. All I can do is keep moving forward from here.
I hope you are happy with your new life and Avinash. I hope he knows he has the best person. I hope he loves you better than I ever did.
I regret everything that I have done to you and us. I cannot change the past.
I wish we were still best friends who could tell everything to each other. I admit that I fell in love with you and I do not regret any of it for a single minute. I would not take anything back. I wonder if you still think about me as if I wonder if you see something that used to remind you of it and me makes you think ‘hmm I wish I could tell Hritisha about this.’
It is hard to say you; yes, it is. I do not care about you anymore, but that is only when I am around people. The fact is I hide my emotions very well.
So here, I want to write a Sorry and A Thanksgiving note to you. I hope you would read it at least once in your life.
I regret the fact that I could not give you all you wanted, all you deserve.
I regret all of the little things that I did to get you mad or upset.
I regret the fact that I tried, but it just was not good enough.
I regret the fact that it did not work out as we both intended to.
I regret the drunken text messages and the desperation.
I regret the fact that my emotions failed to control my words.
I regret the fact that I still wait for your breakup with Avinash and want you to marry me.
I regret being selfish sometimes.
I regret breaking your trust that I would always be your best friend, not lover after a breakup.
I regret destroying all the lovely gifts, which you had made and purchased for me.
I regret blaming your family once for our breakup.
I regret wanting more than I got because that is what brought me to this heartbreak.
However, at the time we first found each other, I know that you were the same what I needed. Therefore, I just want to say thank you.
Thank you for finding me.
Thank you for being the regular person I needed and for helping me to navigate my life.
Thank you for late night talks and good morning texts.
Thank you for that Saturday afternoon Skype chats.
Thanks for the mother’s care and all your dieting help.
Thank you for loving me and teaching me to love others as well.
Thank you for the memorable four days from July 29, 2015, to August 1, 2015, my Delhi trip. I will never forget in my life.
Thank you for teaching me that person will leave your life with little explanations, and will not look back.
Thanks for helping me understand what real heartbreak feels like.
Thank you for teaching me that Bollywood movies are a damn lie because not every story ends happily.
Thank you for teaching me to let go.
Thank you for showing me, as you took your loving presence away, that love is not something you can fall in and out of.
Thank you, as now loving things surround me with my family, laughter, my best friends, my new job, my planning to pursue my career as Writer / Director.
Thank you for making me realize that you are not the only one I who loved me.
So many people have consistently loved me.
You made me understand how painful growing up can be.
Loving you helped me discover parts of myself I did not even know that it existed. I had no idea what it was like to find myself in person. You showed me an unexplainable part in my heart that will always be yours.
I was playing the puzzle game to solve the puzzles of my life. I was adding more and more people as puzzles in my life for more clarity and for resolving the game. Through the process of putting all these puzzles together, I realized you were the final piece of my puzzle to finish the game but until I found that last piece, you decided to break up with me. Thank you for giving me the gift of understanding that the final piece of my puzzle can be found only in me.
Thank you for allowing me to find what I am longing for within myself.
Thank you, thank you, thank you,
Yours Truly,
Bachhu, Bettu, Mottu, Namuma, Kabadi,
Siddhant Shah.
