July 2016.
Seven months had passed since I had my last words with Hritisha. I did not have any single medium to contact her or to see her even. I lost my job as I could not concentrate on whatever I was doing, as a result, plenty of errors were found and seven months’ work got backlogged.
The top management decided to terminate me after many warnings and showing sympathy. They had sent me back to India and canceled my visa and work permit. I did not beg to give me more chances; I literally became a dead body.
My family was shocked when they saw me with my luggage. I did not inform them beforehand that I was about to return to India forever. They were unaware of my situation and mental condition. They thought I was fine but I was not.
‘I want some rest’ the only answer I had to their questions. My parents and my grandma noticed the changes in my physical and mental appearance. They decided to keep quiet for some time; mom opened my luggage and gave me the nightdress.
I changed my clothes and went to my room. I wanted to cry, but I forgot how to cry louder. I was crying inside, but my eye glands turned dry; there was no single drop of tear.
Finally, I slept for 14 hours after a long time.
When I woke up, I noticed Jiju and Drishti. Heer came running and hugged me. I did not have chocolates for her that time, but she did not complain as she too understood and noticed my condition.
Jiju got up from the couch and asked me to sit beside my grandmother. I did not know why, as soon as I sat beside her, I rested my head on my grandma's lap. I used to call her ‘Baa’ which means grandmother in Gujarati. During my early years when I was a kid, she used to love me more than my parents did. I never used to sleep without seeing her and it was almost six years had passed since I felt her touch of love.
'Kai khavu chhe Baka?' Baa asked me if wanted to eat something.
I nodded and said no.
Suddenly, I started crying so louder that the neighbors ran towards my home to check if anyone died in my family. I cried like a small baby, everyone was shocked, as they did not know the reason behind my tears.
'Mama, radso nai, radso nai' Heer started to console me and I noticed that she also crying with me. She asked me not to cry
'Radi leva do ene, bharai gayo chhe andar thi' Jiju told everyone to let me cry.
After forty-five minutes, I stopped crying. Drishti gave me water and wiped my tears. Mom offered me dinner but I refused to eat. She did not listen to me and started feeding me with her own hand, Baa too joined her. Dad was quite. He could not say any single word. '
Sorry, Papa, mane job ma thi kadhi mukyo.' I told my dad that my company terminated me from the job.
They did not react to it much. I told them why I lost my job due to constant memories of Hritisha. I told them that I could not forget her even after the one year of a breakup. My parents decided to give me a break for few days.
My all friends used to come to my home daily to cheer me up, they took me outside for a movie or a hangout so that I could divert my mind. Divya took me to meet her female friend and asked me to make a new relationship. However, I was so afraid of going through such bad relationship, that it was impossible for me to get engaged in another relationship and that also with an unknown person.
After two months, slowly slowly I started coming off the pain with the help of family and friends. I started to sit with the family, began to talk with them, and most importantly I began to SMILE.
'So, now what you want to do?' Dad asked after dinner.
'I will look for another job from tomorrow' I said.
I realized that we were not that much financially settled. Both my father and I had to earn money to run our house. I knew that I would not get paid as much as what I used to get in Dubai and it would be quite difficult in the beginning. However, my parents were happy that I would live with them.
I desperately looked for a new job from the next day. I contacted all my former colleagues and managers to ask them whether they knew about any vacancy in a company and would go with my profile. They asked me why I left my well-settled job in Dubai and came back to India. I told them I wanted to live with my family, as they needed me.
Fortunately, According to my experience and qualification, I got a job at one of the textile manufacturing company without much struggle. I started enjoying my new job, tried to gel up with new colleagues, made new friends and started making female friends too. However, the problem was that the loneliness of few minutes reminded me of Hritisha. There was no single night I had spent without remembering her.
Sometimes I tried to search Hritisha in Social media but I could not get any single information. I made fake profiles on each social media in which Hritisha was having her account. I checked all her friends' profile, Relatives' profile, Reet's profile too. However, I did not get any single clue about Hritisha's present situation.
I checked her LinkedIn also and noticed that she updated neither her profile picture nor about her new job. It was still showing that she was working as Senior Process Associate at GENPACT.
I could not decide what I should do. The negative thoughts were running through my mind like whether she was alive or not? Whether she got married or not? Whether she was in Delhi or not? My frustrations and curiosities were at its peak.
I again decided to contact Suraj. He was the only person who could give me the information regarding Hritisha. I wanted to send him a text to ask whether Hritisha was okay or not? However, my fingers were fighting with my mobile screen, and I again failed to send him text personally.
'The number you have dialed is switched off, aap Jo Vodafone number ko sampark karna chahte hai woh switched off hai' the same lady was informing me the same lines for last two years and even today.
I shut my door and thought of committing suicide by hanging myself from the ceiling fan. I could not control myself. I was about to commit suicide then suddenly a Message from Arpit appeared on our WhatsApp group named ‘ BFF: Best F#C@R%S Forever.’
'Haan Siddhantye, kidhar Mara Hai kamine?'
‘I am committing suicide, fucker’ I replied.
'Abey MC, Teri itni himmat tu hume bina bataye Marne jaa raha hai? Hein?'
Meanwhile, the Sunny Boy joined the conversation.
'Haan, if you can find any apsara in heaven, do affair with her. I guarantee you will die virgin on this planet'
‘Yaa Yaa BC, as if you had lost your virginity already, right?'
'No personal questions please'
Keval also joined.
'BC quite everyone, let me focus on my work'
'Then do it na, haramkhor' Arpit Replied to Keval.
The conversation was funny and I also forgot that I was about to commit suicide.
Neelay Joined.
'Let’s booze, let’s party Fuckers.' Neelay texted.
'Yes yes, let's go.' All agreed except me.
We all know that the Gujarat is a dry state, but we always change our topic and mood by the subject of liquor. Arpit, the 6 feet tall and a well-built creature of God, threatened me by saying that I will have to join or else he will kick my ass.
We all reached Ruturaj Tea Stall, opposite to the Gujarat University within an hour.
Ruturaj Tea Stall was the Beer Bar for us. One can get tea with musk bun instead of daru with chakhna.
Arpit, Sunny, Keval, Neelay and I were enough to disturb the people around us at Ruturaj. We did not bother about what the other people would think about our behavior.
'Aur haan BC, I feel Hritisha got married' I said while everyone was talking about their ex-girlfriends and their husbands.
Suddenly all four of them became quite. They were looking at each other, as they could not decide what to say and how to react to my statement. Sunny said something to Arpit in sign language.
'Let's go somewhere else' Arpit suggested, and all agreed.
We reached Neelay's home. I asked many times why we left Ruturaj even after the funny conversation, but no one was ready to reply and tried to avoid my question.
'Are you seriously Happy?' Sunny asked me, finally.
They understood that I was pretending to be happy and to be funny, but I was feeling the pain deep in my heart.
'Do you want to cry?' Keval asked
'Yes, cry as much as you want, but promise us that you won't cry from tomorrow' Neelay added.
I cried again, a lot, without a break, without caring, what my friends would think of me. No one stopped me. They all wanted me to cry. I was missing Hritisha a lot. I thought that Hritisha must have had settled and married with Avinash just the way she came close to him. This treacherous feeling of jealousy made me cry more and more.
Sunny wiped my tears after I finished crying. Although I cried many times before but this time, I was feeling light-hearted. Maybe she was well settled and happy with her life. Arpit called my mom and told her that I would stay at his home that night.
'I am hungry, salo?' I cracked a joke and told all of them I want to eat something. I was trying to be normal.
'Be Ganda awaj kar, I will bring everything for you dude. Tari mate toh Jaan, Jigar, Jangiya ane?' Neelay told in his typical Gujarati Patel Accent.
'Ane Shu topa?' Keval asked Neelay.
'Jantha, topa' I said and laughed.
Everybody started laughing and felt relaxed. I also felt quite relaxed. We all decided to Go Manekchowk, the famous night food Bazar in Ahmedabad.
I sat down behind Sunny's Activa.
'Dofe, be happy always.' Sunny told me.
'yes, bro.’ I said to him.
'Happy Realization Bhai.'
'Hmmm... But, I don't know why I want to meet Hritisha one last time.' I said
'Why?'
'Pata nai, but I feel something stuck deep in my heart. I want to see her.'
'Hmmm. I can understand your feelings. Try to contact her if you have any contact details of hers.'
'Wohich problem hai. She blocked me from everywhere. She had deactivated her all social media accounts. I do not know what to do. '
'Her cousin also blocked me, even her best friend Shruti blocked me suddenly after our breakup. I think I am a ‘block bastard’ for her.'
We both laughed.
'Hmmm. Leave it. Be happy now.'
We reached to the Manekchowk and ordered Pav Bhaji, Chinese noodles, Masala Dosa, Gwalior Dosa, Chocolate sandwich, pineapple sandwich and almost all the things, which were available at Manekchowk. We ate as if we were hungry for the decades.
