24-Tour to the heaven:
Generally, the god of death or his staff does not commit mistakes in catching the humans who have completed their tenure on the earth, but in my case it has happened. Though my tenure on the earth was not completed on the earth but was picked by the staff of god of death wrongly.
And it was because of computer failure in heaven on account of electricity failure, therefore the staff of god of death picked me instead of my name fellow.
As soon as the electricity resumed in heaven computers became operative and the staff of god of death realised that they have picked the wrong person, they sent me back on the earth through courier.
It was my luck that my wife could not believe that I could dare without her permission to leave her alone and hence she did not allow my dead body to be buried.
However, I am very much impressed with the honesty and well settled methodology in heaven. Here I will give you one example.
In heaven there are numerous wall clocks to keep the records of good and bad deeds of the humans so as to decide the punishment accordingly.
The hands of the clock move ahead relatively to the bad deeds committed by humans on the earth.
I saw that the hands of the clock assigned to Mother Teresa and M K Gandhi were not moving at all.
The only thing which was missing in heaven was fans. When I enquired about the non-availability of fans, the staff deputed there told me that the clocks assigned to the politicians work as fans for them.
25-Patent:
Indian are famous for contraptions; no other country can match this quality of Indians.
In Japan there were a lot of complaints against a soap factory as many of the soap packets were found empty while opening the cartons.
To overcome this complaint the factory owner installed an X-ray machine and while the individual soap packet was passing by this machine before packing them in carton the X-ray machine was giving red signals if it found any of the packets empty and the empty packets
were sorted out from the lot.
The same problem occurred in Indian factories too, but the factory owners did not follow suit of Japan’s method, instead they used makeshift arrangements in their factories. Each factory owner installed a heavy-duty fan for sorting the empty soap packets.
After packing the individual soap in its wrapper, it was being passed through in front of the fan and the empty packets were being sorted out automatically. And the Indian factory owners have registered this method as their own patent.
Yet another example of contraption skill of Indian was recently seen at Heathrow airport when after a lot of efforts, the engineers could not start an aeroplane carrying passengers an Indian passenger started it within no time. The Indian used his contraption skill and aske a heavy-duty jack and after loading the plane from one side of the jack he tilted it on the other side for a while. Then he removed the jack and the plane
got started.
When he was asked about this trick by British engineers the Indian passenger replied that in India whenever our scooters are not starting, we use to tilt the scooter and it got started and the same trick I applied here.
26-Same trick for different results:
Generally, it is heard that the people do not do what they say but it was not true in case of Mr. N. He does what he says. Mr. N was smart enough in doing the trick which an ordinary person could not even think of doing it.
One day Mr. N told in a get together that he can make the things cold and also hot by using the same trick.
The audience was disbelieving him but he did it. He took a hot potato from the oven and rubbed it for a while between both the palms and after some time the hot potato became cold. Then he dipped both his palms in cold water and then rubbed both the palms for a while and the people found both the palms of Mr. N became hot.
Again Mr. N showed his friends that he can write red, yellow, or any other colours they desire by a pen of blue ink. Not only did he say it but did it Infront of his friends.
One day he told a genuine fact that all the things are of different meanings at different occasions, as if you are on the rose bed for the first time after marriage it is called honeymoon night but when these roses are put on you, it is your last night on the earth.
27-Machos:
In a bar today’s topic among the drinkers was ‘whether the liquor is harmful for the health or it is simply a gossip of those who don’t use liquor?’
Many of the drunkards expressed their views on the topic and all of them were of the opinion that usage of liquor is not harmful at all instead it provides courage and wisdom to the drinkers. It also forces the user to be open minded and they can never lie. It also gives opportunities to make real friends.
One of them boasted that only machos can drink this elixir, the cowards cannot dare to use it. Another drinker who was almost fainted asked how it increases courage?
The one who was boasting explained ‘you see me and my courage. I came here telling my lioness, sorry wife that today I will come home without taking liquor, but see that I am still in the bar room without any fear of my wife using liquor and will still continue till I see those three trees as six.’
The owner of the bar feared that something worse is going to happen if this drinker is allowed further to drink hence requested ‘sir, there is only one tree in front of my bar which you are seeing as three. If you continue, there will be a full-fledged garden in front of my bar. Please stop here only. I have full faith in your macho ship.
28-Changing relations:
A sick and old widow mother of a son was sure that this is her last time and she is not going to live for a longer time, she called her only son and told him that she is wishing to tell him the name of his real father before she dies.
The son asked why to tell me the name of my
father? Do I not know?
Yes, my son, the name which you know as your father is not your real father. Till now I kept it as a secret as I promised to your father while he was dying. The person you cremated was not your biological father but a great soul who married me sympathetically as your real father could not marry me because of certain developments at that time. Your real father is still alive, my son.
Now he will not remain alive, the son busted in tears. I will kill him; I will kill the bastard who left my mother in lurch when he was needed most. The son shouted.
Please Mom! tell me the name of the rascal I will Kill him, he has no right to live on the earth.
No my son, this is not the right way to call your father. He was not at fault at all, my father did not allow me to marry him because he was poor and I too could not resist my father.
Still Mom! At Least after my birth he could have married you.
Oh! Mom! Please do not take a side of that rascal. Tell me the name of my real father, I will kill him.
My son, since long he was asking me to let him talk to you. Now you can talk to him, I have connected the telephone.
The son picked the phone and shouted ‘how dare you to call me son you basta...?’
My son, I am Bill Gate this side, I missed you and your Mom a lot.
Oh! Dad I too missed you a lot. The son replied. Please come and take me and Mom with you. I love you so much dad.
29-Old pretexts:
I was invited by the same college to award me the honorary doctor ship in which I studied for five long years. It was a great honour for me.
I was allotted a new hostel of the college beside the old hostel in which I stayed for the whole of the five years during my study. The only difference was that some additional new rooms were constructed recently and one of the newly constructed rooms was allotted to me as a guest.
Since the facilitation programme was next day, I decided to have a look at the old hostel, especially the room number fifteen in which I spent my five years.
The door of room number fifteen was locked from inside. I knocked on the door which was opened by a young boy student. I gave him my introduction and entered the room. I saw that nothing was changed even after twenty years of my leaving the room. The same almirah, same table and same cot. I was overwhelmed by seeing all the old things.
As I was to return back, I saw a young girl student shying under the cot.
Before I could say anything, the boy student said ‘sir she is my sister and was searching her pen below the cot.
I did not say anything to both of them but went into my olden day’s memories thinking really nothing has changed, even the pretexts.
30-Extortion:
Six-year-old Baby Chintu was very fond of seeing cinema and from where he learnt that if with heart and soul anybody asks anything, God definitely fulfils his or her wish especially of children.
Chintu was a poor boy and wanted a bicycle therefore he started worshiping Lord shiva. After a month-long worship, Chintu placed his demand to lord Shiva and continued for another month but Lord Shiva did not fulfil his demand.
Chintu did not lose his heart. Next day it was Mahashivratri festival and the whole of the Lord Shiva family was enjoying it with sweets and games but his son Lord Ganesh was missing. Lord Shiva asked his Ganas but they could not tell where the Lord Ganesh was. Meanwhile one of the Gana of Lord Shiva brought a letter and handed it over to Lord Shiva.
The letter was from Baby Chintu in which he wrote that he has abducted your son, Lord Ganesh and if you want him back then send a baby bicycle to the address given in the letter.
Everybody loves his or her children, so does Lord Shiva. Lord Shiva agreed to give a baby bicycle as an extortion to Baby Chintu.
31-Human concern:
Sitting in a bar room, a group of terrorists was planning their strategy for the next terror attack on India.
The captain of the group explained the strategy saying that this attack on India must be so severe that at least two thousand people and a donkey must die.
An Indian drinker sitting on the next table sipping his drink could not resist himself and asked the captain of the terror group ‘why a donkey?’
One of the terrorists could not control himself and laughed loudly saying ‘boss, are you seeing these Indians? They are least bothered for human life
but for donkeys.’
32-Limitless love:
They both were two bodies but one soul. Their love was eternal. People were giving the example of their love.
Till now they could not marry because of the wealth of the father of the girl. Her father was too harsh on her daughter as she desired to marry this poor chap.
Since long they both could not meet because the father of the girl kept a tight vigil on her. Luckily, she got a chance to convey the message through her dear friend to his lover that tonight she will drop a ten-rupee coin when her father goes to sleep and by hearing the sound of the dropped coin he can come inside her house.
It was midnight when the girl's father slept hence, she dropped a ten rupees coin.
Hearing the sound of the coin the boy who was eagerly waiting tried to search the coin but failed in the dark.
He reached the room of the girl after two hours.
The girl was furious and asked angrily ‘why did he take so much time to come in?’
The boy told her that he was searching for the coin you dropped.
The girl winked at him and told him that the coin she dropped was with a thread and after dropping she pulled it back.
