Dhruv and Dipshika were extremely happy when they became parents for the first time. Their small world was now complete after their little angel stepped in. But as Dipshika's maternity leave was coming to an end, both husband and wife were worried about the upbringing of baby Divya. They were working parents and lived alone. Dhruv was an architect in a reputed company and Dipshika was a sales manager in an insurance firm. Both were aware that expenses would now be on the rise and it was important that both continued to bring the bacon home. Nevertheless, what about Divya? Mutually they were totally against baby-sitting.
They had long discussions among themselves and weighed all the pros and cons. Each one had a word with their head and finally found an agreeable solution. Dhruv's director gave him the flexibility of timings. He had to fill in eight hours, doesn't matter what time he came in. And Dipshika got an hour's concession everyday. So between the two, one of them was always with their daughter and their financial status was not disturbed either. Dhruv left the house only after Dipshika came home.
What would you call this? Right.
COMPROMISE!!
An adjustment to find a middle path, where both happily agree to a common solution. Where each walks a few steps towards the other, without looking behind on what he or she might miss. Why? For a healthy, successful relationship!
It's vital to understand that compromise and sacrifice are quite different from each other. In a compromise both partners are making adjustments for mutual benefits. Whereas in a sacrifice, one is bending more than the other or giving in to fan his or her spouse's ego. This only leads to bitterness and connection with loved ones wither away. Too many sacrifices on part of one partner destroys love and respect in that relationship.
This is exactly what happened when Sunil asked Asha to resign from her blooming job as a designer to take care of his ailing mother. For a while she didn't mind. But when Sunil was reaching newer heights in his career and became careless towards home responsibilities, it pinched Asha big time.
In any relationship however strong it might be, conflict is something which can never zero down. There will be fights. After all, two different personalities with different perspectives are living under one roof. It's bound to happen. So the prime factor to remember here is that even if you argue, both must get a chance to voice out their thoughts and feelings. And each needs to put in an effort to try and understand the point of view of the other.
Take major decisions mutually. Stick your heads together and brainstorm as a team. Exchange ideas and scrutinize what is going to prove advantageous and in favour of all. Problem begins when you think as YOU and I. Consider WE.
Taking your partner for granted or giving into assumptions can be fatal. Reality might be something else. Try asking questions. Many clouds will clear away automatically.
Even if you want your partner to compromise more than you and if you feel that you are helpless and can't adjust after a certain level, at least watch your tone. Be respectful and courteous rather than demanding.
Only the willingness to change and considering another's perspective helps in making a compromise which is healthy and goes a long way in building a home filled with love, respect and security.
As all great, wise people have advised, it is better to bend a little than to break.
Shamim Merchant, Mumbai._________________________________
Shades of Simplicity
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