EPISODE XIX
“You have my word on that –Balou made a promise to the sure-fire winner Titan – but it´s worth-saying that in order to meet your request I will stand in need of role-playing”.
Recklessnes: Dangerous behaviour seemingly not to have been previously evaluated, neglecting all the consequences possibly rising out of it.
Cali, Colombia, January 18th 2018
Something needed to be done on the side of Juan José, the sure-fire winner Titan, at the beginning of this day. Juan José, son of Isis and raised by Balou during their living together.
Given that Balou prevented himself from speaking out loud with regards to metaphysic issues, in spite of Isis being well-versed in the esoteric field, he did not tell her anything about the airport happening with Valentina. Yet, he had two confidants, one of them his stepson. Upon rising early in the morning, Juan José mustered up courage and went to the house where his exiled stepfather had been living in, before heading for the school. With as much bravery as he could gather, he ordered:
- You are going crazy for such Valentina. We must talk about it, take me for dinner tonight.
- Crazy? I´ve never meant otherwise, darling. But let me put things right: I´ve driven crazy thanks to Valentina, out of her mercy so to speak. Truth be said, you didn´t get wrong, Juan José. It is to be noted, however, that I am very grateful to Valentina for everything which occurred at the airport and also for everything it came next.
- Juanjo, pay close attention to me -Balou continued, putting on airs of ascended master-, I learnt from my English lessons that the verb “to occur” has a negative connotation. To occur refers as to disasters or catastrophes, earthquakes or hurricanes, whereas habitual events just “happen”. An event comes out of routine, is foreseeable, for example the sunrise; in a third place we have something in between which may be called “quite an event”; in this sense the end of millennium is on one hand a fact we commonly met with every one thousand years, on the other, it is a great happening, quite an event, because certain paradigms are bound to expire while new ones start to influence the functioning of the incoming era; violet rays piercing through a sunrise is so weird a picture, it is obviously quite an event. I guess these grammatical nuances are present in the Spanish language as well. Putting this in the context of my recent affections, the fact of having met Valentina is quite an inebriating event, an encounter tied to a precise date, for fate has sagely synchronised itself to let it happen. Moreover, the encounter with Valentina has enabled me to understand many unexplained things of my past, that is why it should be regarded as a stabilizing experience in the long run. I am pretty aware how complex this matter is for you, and how difficult it is for you to understand.
- Nobody knows what tomorrow brings -Balou rendered occultist now-. Therefore, it´s better to move backwards: Not more than fifty years ago, the era of Pisces came to an end and marked the commencement of the era of Aquarius. Taking into account that Valentina belongs to Aquarius in the zodiac thus she is living in her era, I am certain that she will blossom. Every era lasts two thousand one hundred and sixty years, that of Aquarius is ruled by new frequencies of vibrations, by sprouts planted in the past which are to be transformed into the winds of the world to come, so affecting all which is extant. These renewing influences shall imply the flourishment of Valentina.
The Colombian youngster wondered: “how strange writers speak, to me there is no difference between being crazy thanks to a girl or to be crazy by a girl´s mercy. May there be a difference actually?”
- Yes, I know, I know -Juan José went with the flow, always preventing him from addressing to Balou as Daddy so as not to provoke professional jealousies on his biological father-, but it´s time for you to snap back into reality.
- What you are asking me for is an uphill task. The abode of Valentina is located in heaven, not mine´s. -Balou replied-. I really don´t know where I am; I am like a driftwood stuck forever on the same beach but, at the same time, struggling to reach her on the opposite shore, for my prime object is to walk nearer just to look upon her proudly, and so the divine plan be completed. That´s it.
At this point, with the Loser Titan ostracized because of his inability leave, Balou propelled an emotionally-storming contact with his stepson. Balou was about to become involved in his son´s game, knowing full well how dangerous a play it was going to be. As to Juan José, he would put his best efforts to make his father come back to his senses, no resources shall be spared to force him down. Hoping neither injured people to be reported nor injuries to be counted at touch-down. With both stances remaining clear, they went to a restaurant in Ciudad Jardín, one of Juan Jose´s favourite neighbourhoods.
Balou walked inside the dining establishment making free association of ideas: “Youngsters easily masters too many abilities to select expensive toys, places to eat and garments, moreover, they excel at turning the knife in the wound when the most relevant matters are approached, giving to adults a lesson of insightfulness. I must be watchful during the dinner”.
If we stick to chronological order, Mario Mercat was the first person to learn from Balou, on January eleventh of two thousand eighteen, about the encounter between the writer and the model. Chilean by birth, Mario Mercat had Catalan ancestors and was living in Barcelona by the time The Loser Titan (who had been travelling around Europe in 2017 with Isis) paid him a visit. By the way, the Chilean had been induced to a wondrous psychedelic trip in the course of a ritual of Andean shamanism, not long before the visit (Mercat would share with the Loser Titan even the finest details he could remember of, while they tasted a glass of red wine). What struck most about the ceremony was that instead of the regular potion of Ayahuasca, someone had poured into the potion of Mario Mercat an hallucinogenic substance which led him ashtray to a dreamer´s highway, his world started to spin out of control until he was sent away to the twenty seventh dimension, not a place, not a time, but a plane where no chakras, no vortexes, no interdimensional energetic portals to keep hold of, were available; there lays the deathbed for deranged astral travellers who hopelessly seek a remedy for their hallucination. Mario Mercat had been lucky enough, because he came back to normal life after a week wandering about in parallel universes, he succeeded in gaining conscience although he nearly fails to return. In the aftermath of the ritual, Mario Mercat had a score to settle with the fake shaman, so he set up a tedious search for him, fruitless in the end as the man in question dropped out of sight as regards the places he usually spent time in. Further psychiatric as well as psychologic inquiries, included toxicology screen, made proof of Mercat being drug abused with ectasis, which was deliberately mixed up with the Andean potion, in a dose two times higher than the ones insouciant German tourists take when dancing at Ibiza´s discos.
While Mario Mercat was reading the email from Balou, where he described his thrilling experience with Valentina, he recalled on his own shamanic trip and in doing so he found resemblances between both mental disorders. Besieged by those persistent memories, the Chilean wanted to create in Balou a big urge in order for him to reach farther, he wanted to encourage him to go beyond the limits of the universe thanks to the stimulating email answer he planned to send him. Even more, Mercat wanted Balou to outcome his shamanic feats, to leave frontiers behind until he could merge with the infinite. Introspection was successful: a couple of days before Balou´s first visit to Nugaró, Mercat arranged a skype meeting during which he read to the argentine, in a hushed tone, Rudolf Steiner´s poem entitled “Initiation into Courage”, which helped Balou´s mind to become elated. The poem said as following:
“We must eradicate from the soul
All fears and terror of what comes towards man out of the future,
We must acquire serenity
In all feelings and sensations about the future
We must look forward with absolute equanimity
To everything that may come
And we must think only that whatever comes
It is given to us by a world-directive full of wisdom
It is part of what we must learn in this age
Trust in the ever-present help
Of the spiritual world
Truly, nothing else will do
If our courage is not to fail us
And let us seek our awakening from within ourselves
Every morning and every evening
Balou became impressed by the poem. He shivered when he heard the next excerpt: “And we must think only that whatever it is given to us by a world-directive full of wisdom; trust in the ever-present help of the spiritual world”. In a state of utter bewilderment, the assimilation of the message progressed, for he realised that in order to abide by -and to follow- the undeciphered mysterious instructions contained in the poem, he should arm himself with high doses of courage; he realised that he should better follow the indications to align with the directive provided by the universe. Since it [the directive] shall be fraught with wisdom, hence turning unquestionable.
- Do you love her? -Juan José asked him unexpectedly, as he was swallowing a chicken-wing at Sushi-Green’s restaurant that full-moon night in Ciudad Jardín
His mouth portrayed a storehouse being filled with more than food. Balou noticed that the cheeks of Juan José were reddening, something that could only be classified as youngish stratospheric anger.
- Taking for granted that you claim love to be the most sublime feeling a man can ever experience for a woman, the answer is positive, my love for her is unmatched on earth.
The body language of the adolescent seemed to stake a claim against Balou -not pointing an accusing finger at him nevertheless- on grounds of disarray, it seemed that a stand against his stepfather was being carried out on a court which accused him to love in excess, to be losing his marbles; Juan José was in condition to provide the means to release a verdict with respect to the ongoing disparity of interests between Valentina and Balou.
- Don´t fool me -the exalted adolescent yelled at Balou-: How could it be possible for you to die for a teenager aged seventeen?
- Valentina is about twenty, not seventeen, I´ve checked it out during my inquiries -Balou lied- Am I dying for her? ¿Are you alright, uh? Do not forget that my dignity is safe, it´s out of devotion that I bow down before her. Okey? So, well: Do you think that veneration is equal to becoming infatuated? If so, you are in possession of a reptilian soul. Perhaps in a past incarnation you will have embodied an alligator and there is an aftertaste left in your present life. Only he who holds dignity is apt to become a devotee.
- I insist on you going crazy, you´ve driven nuts. Come on, soothe your mind for one single moment, let´s go play football and forget everything about Valentina once and for all. Life should go on.
- I quitted football and gave up eating pork meat not too long ago.
- Clear enough, we have to carry on -Balou agreed-. You have a girlfriend, Natalia, your mother kicked me out of your house four years ago, the person in front of you holds, therefore, no ties with anyone, he is free in the same way you freely date Natalia. I am doing an exercise of free will through a concrete action: I am knocking on Valentina´s door, my performance in the last eighteen days only served to the purpose of waiting for her to open the door. Maybe she will, maybe she won´t. It´s definitely time for her to exert her free will on my regard. That´s the beautifulness of life, it´s both uncertainty and unpredictability in pursuit of a shelter. Life is also a test bench. So, son, each of us has to mind his own business.
Balou was unable to explain to his stepson the undercurrents which caused his life to be tied to Valentina, firstly because the bond itself defied ordinary mind-reasoning; secondly because, if it happens the bond to be of no interest to Valentina, it avails for nothing to add an epiphenomenon to the teenage brain of his stepson; thirdly, because Balou was supposed to be in command of this dinner-conversation instead of giving way for the Loser Titan to walk on-stage to speak of superfluous aspects of the Colombian model.
- Stop it please, can you? ¿Are you going to leave her or not? -Juan José pleaded, fixing his eyes on him.
The voluptuous SushiGreen young waitress rushed in by then, bringing a beer for Juan José and a glass of wine for Balou. Both the writer and his stepson surrendered to the charms of her butt’s incessant sway, losing control over their lowest passions altogether. Father and son crossed their glances, aiming them straight to the point where the navel of the universe splits the butt cheeks of the waitress. So much striking the focussing on the target was as to hasten the stocking up of certainties. Balou sprang out of his seat when some heart-breaking fragment of Rudolf Steiner´s poem stormed into his head.
“And we must think only that whatever comes, it is given to us by a world-directive full of wisdom, trust in the ever-present help of the spiritual world”.
- Okey, you win. I will move apart from Valentina; you have my word on that -Balou made a promise to the sure-fire winner Titan-, but it´s worth-saying that in order to meet your request I will stand in need of role-playing, because to pull away from her life is something I am being forced to do. Hey dude, no fucking way to lament, let´s look the bright side of the situation, after all there evidently was a reason for me to have taken a performing art workshop in two thousand four. I am going to put into practise all the teachings of Professor Rebolledo.
The mind and body of Balou swept back to the period when The Loser Titan was a would-be actor. The settings, the scenography, rehearsals and also all the exercises which intended to synchronise actor´s body languages. “This play is brimming with full adrenaline -Balou cleared up his mind upon coming back to the present-, so much packed with it is that rehearsals are useless, it´s necessary to jump onto the stage right away, it´s necessary to mount a play whose script be based on…”
- Do it please, do it for me -Juan José interrupted, insisting upon the same old boring story-. I am your son, I want to recover my stepfather, stop this nonsense, cut it out, stop the chaos caused by Valentina´s mercy. If she happens to love you, time shall come for you to be together, if not, what fucking bad luck, it was to be your loser´s fate, buddy.
- As to me, avoid the term of endearment “buddy”, use it with your reggaeton fan´s buddies instead, not with me.
- Fine, good, good, Adolfo Sammartino -Juan José retorted with a share of sarcasm-.
The expression “fine, good, good” mouthed out by the sure-fire winner, marked a kind of son-father settlement coincidental with the addition the latter paid with credit card. It was midnight when a taxi driver drove them home. School classes will be awaiting Juan José tomorrow morning: as a good schoolboy he actually wasn´t, he was expected to get up early.
