All her life, until she was in her mid forties, Shaziya had always been jealous of her cousin Nargis. She was timid and cocooned in her shell most of the time. Nargis on the other hand, was confident, outgoing, centre of attraction in every gathering and definitely more talented than her. Nargis was everything that Shaziya was not and could only dream of being like her. Problem wasn't just the feeling of jealousy. Problem was that Shaziya did not do anything constructive to change her situation. The negative emotion seeped in her so deep, that it affected her entire personality and corroded her very living existence.
Suraj, a young and aspiring photographer. Every time he went to his partner's house for any meetings, his eyes would move around in awe and a pang of jealousy would grip him tight in his chest. He would never fail to sing songs of praise and tell his partner of how beautiful and artistically decorated his home was. This kept the fire burning in Suraj. He put the same ferocity in his work and aimed at owning an equally stunning accommodation one day. Within five years his dream came true.
Green with envy... in other words - jealousy. An emotion that spells,
"I don't have what you have."
OR
"Yours is better than mine."
Jealousy is complicated and is actually a forefront which carries a baggage of many other hidden emotions that go along with it. Fear, anger, betrayal, insecurity, inadequacy and humiliation.
What does this powerful, negative emotion make us do? A lot of not required nonsense!
1. We keep comparing ourselves to others.
2. Never satisfied with what we have.
3. Always suffering with feelings of self-doubt and deficiency.
4. Low self-esteem and wobbly confidence.
5. We criticize others and become sarcastic.
6. It pulls you back from reaching your goals and becoming a better person.
It's that ugly green dragon, which is strong and toxic. It has the capacity to worm its way, not only in our heart and mind, but also leave damaging effects on our life and our relationships.
"Tsk tsk!! Let's do something about it."
A little bit of jealousy is healthy. It keeps you driven to thrive and achieve newer heights, reach out for better standard of living and warmer relationships. What really bothers is the quantum of how much you allow this emotion to affect your thoughts, feelings and interfere with your peace and happiness. If you stop at, "Why she and not me?" That can be dangerous, unhealthy. But if you take it a step further and think, "If she can, why can't I?" That spirit will create a ruthlessness in you for striking out to higher peaks.
First and foremost accept that each one of us is unique. Our life has moulded as per our personality and our circumstances. Even if someone inspires you and you wish to imitate them, remember, we are all different.
Improvise on who you are and what you do. Jealousy is YOUR OWN feeling, growing roots and wings inside you. Why not channelize it in the right direction? Put in efforts to polish your skills. Work hard and upgrade yourself, your position. Focus on your health and well being. These positive aspects should keep you enough busy that there's absolutely no time for jealousy.
You will definitely have something which others might crave for. Realise that nobody's life is perfect. Sometimes things might seem rosy only on the outside. You never know what goes on behind closed doors.
At times we are jealous of people who have or get more than they deserve. Especially if they haven't toiled and sweat for it. Here I would say, it's wrong on our part to be judgemental. Who are we to decide whether they deserve it or not? We haven't lived their lives or walked their paths. How do we know?
Understand how lucky you are. If you sit to compile a list of things you can be grateful for, I'm sure it will go beyond your fingertips. Sit and ponder. How much jealousy consumes your thoughts and how much you allow it to eat you up? Is it worth it? Or is this an utter waste of time and energy?
I'd like to end with this quote,
Jealousy is a disease. Get well soon!!
-
Shamim Merchant, Mumbai.
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