EPISODE XV
“I am going to kill you, Arepera, you ruined the moment just when I was about to demolish the fucking door. Hey you, forget it, I am joking. I cannot kill anyone. I am a man of peace.
Trespass to chattels: Infraction, violation of common-sense dictates, infraction on the safety of property rights. Breakdown in law and order in public spaces, breach on the mastery of social graces.
Cali, Colombia, January 27th, 2018
The Cali domicile of Valentina is an upper-class residential complex with an impressive control building access, workplace of receptionists and security guards. The latter’s´ are six, they wear khaki uniforms which are distinguished by the prominent corporate logo. The staff is composed of three men and three women, to be up-to-date with today´s labour proportionality trend between sexes. All watchmen were armed with a blackjack, a mace and a gun, holstered around a Mexican-buckled belt, making them look like a vulturous team of mariachis. The security guards carry short-range weapons as most of Cali civil population does, a legacy from the turbulent decades at the end of last century. By that time the society of Colombia was ruled by the panic thanks to drug dealers, hired assassins and criminal organisations, in charge of outright killing of either suspects or innocents, so ennobling the archetypes of an endless war whose causes had long ago disappeared from the memories of its participants.
The condominium´s security guards’ sextet is a bunch of retired ex police officers over the age of 50, recycled products thrown back onto the streets to do away with urban violence, of which they think they can make unlimited use. While they were at home waiting for labour reinsertion, not any longer authorised to wear uniform so to shoot legally, their violence found no way of expression. What to do then? To be confronted to bloody scenes, to make arrests, to enter into fights, these were their main daily duties, how could they end up working for the public administration completing forty hours per week, keeping their seats warm only to collect their monthly pay checks? It goes against their nature. The only option for them was to put at disposal of the private sector their crime-combating expertise. Namely, to render services to surveillance and security companies in the first place; to treasure and cash transport companies in the second.
Since nothing ever happened in there, the condominium offered the sextet no chance for them to remember what materials they were made of. Then, it was a mere illusion to catch a thug by the neck and blow him with a truncheon. For this reason, they live in a paradoxical situation, as on one hand they were responsible for the security of the residential complex while on the other they expected someone to breach it. At combating the breach, they feel comfortable, as they think they can justify their salaries by using their service weapons in gunfire or something alike. As reintegrated manpower with vengeful desires, they dream of showing their true nature at the first opportunity; beneath their uniforms the aim to chase and ruthlessly hunt poor bastards is far too alive. “It´s very sad –made a fuss of this contradiction an enraged Tania, one of the fittest members of the body of guards- to be carrying weapons around our waists, but never having the chance to draw them”. When will the day be –she deluded herself- when at six in the afternoon, minutes before the change of shift, I should have to clean a well blooded blackjack, signal of a scalp massage made on the head of an intruder to the condominium?
Valentina was dear to the watchmen, they cared her as if she were part of their extended family; either from afar or at close range, she was escorted from lookout posts or during patrol rounds. The watchmen never lost track of Valentina`s steps inside the building. Owing to a deep feeling of shame combined with a share of shyness, Valentina seldom spoke to them, even though her heart and mind were sensitised by the miserable lives, they were subject to lead, surrounded by arms most of the time; as the epitome of non-violence, that submission made Valentina sad.
Tania was the most recent incorporation to the security guard team of the condominium. After six months of unemployment, she didn`t miss the chance to jump in to this new job. Tania gets along well with her colleagues but she doesn’t spend much time in their company; her attempts to socialise often crashed against her introverted personality. The other five watchmen called her “bloody ghost”, a nickname she was very comfortable with. Due to her seemingly absent-minded behaviour (often confounded with low profile), nobody imagined that Tania was lesbian. In line with her sexual orientation and driven by a burning desire, she managed to patrol Valentina´s flat 1132, Unit 7, at least a couple of hours per day. To the woman guard it was love at first sight with the Colombian model. It was also a challenge for her to abide by the rule of not coming too close to the people under her surveillance; therefore, the observance to that norm implied deep levels of self-restrain. Valentina did not know that a person of her same gender had become infatuated upon seeing her walking through the corridors of the building. Every time she came in or out of the Residential Complex, Valentina greeted the security guards cautiously, keeping a tender equidistance with them, wholly unaware that, in general, Tania was the one going round her vicinity.
Voluptuous, sensuous, endowed with wishful lips, Tania was a black-skinned stout divorced lady in her early forties, mother of two adolescents, whose hips would make any gringo in Cali revise his civil status and the length of his holidays. Her thumping heart constrained to freeze by the reglementary prohibition to give free rein to her instincts with regards to Valentina, knowing that René was as fierce a hound-dog as her. A brave man. Tania had nothing but to control her hunger for passion, she strived to postpone it behind a pain-stricken face, in the hope to transmute her energy into a highly intensive surveillance pattern. Shortly after her incorporation, Tania upgraded Valentina to her almost exclusive monitoring target; which resulted in an unmovable daily routine of following her up from prudent distance, every time she was on shift. The watch-woman proceeded scientifically: at assimilating Valentina´s every day hours in and out of the building, she would take a close look at the general scenery, she´d map it thoroughly, then she would survey the surrounding area in search of possible threats. Tania would also check the flat door being well locked as soon as Valentina stormed out of her place. Only over her dead body arseholes might succeed on stealing Valentina´s personal belongings. Thieves would be up a blind alley if they ever tried to. They should better be informed that Tania was not ready to die yet: She had gone through an intensive armed self-defence training, so becoming an expert in disarming and shooting enemies within walking distance. In parallel she had gotten a black-belt in taekwondo, with which she learnt how to always be in control of her sanguinary instincts, as well as to always be in sharp alert. Now Tania moves among the crowd waving about her cold-bloodiness as a shield. Tania relished thinking that Beautiful Valentina was unaware of having a guardian angel to watch over her steps inside the condominium free of charge, for the sake of her security.
The twenty seventh of January Tania and a colleague, fierce detractors of any signable ceasefire humanitarian agreement, watched on tv at the reception booth, the appointed overseers Felipe Gonzalez and Pepe Mujica signing the sixth verification agreement on the implementation of the Peace Treaty concluded by the FARC guerrilla and the Colombian government. To Tania, however, peace was an on-hold interval between two wars, a utopic state of affairs unwanted by most of the country population. Tania, gotten used to fight (either in dreams or down in the battle-field) criminal gangs alongside her colleagues, also regarded the peace process as a distractive political manoeuvre intended to divert the citizen´s attention from the real problems of society, a loss of time and money that could be addressed to the acquisition of arms as well as to educational endeavours. Moreover, she didn´t understand why a pencil-pusher like Humberto De La Calle had been put to conduct the negotiations with an array of left-winger insurgents, the FARC forces, whose yearning for peace was non-existent, as evidenced by their public extortive kidnappings and subversive behaviours. Tania fell prey to annoyance at knowing that the top FARC leaders had consented to play the role of ex jungle-based rebels now turned into reconciled ideology-free Cuba summer visitors, running a life of nonchalant dandies who seemingly opened a line of communication with the government.
As TV images of Felipe González and Pepe Mujica signing protocols went on, Tania and her co-worker thought how similar a society the FARC forces and them dream about: they shared ideology, insurrection-oriented public conduct, willingness for revolution and the constant threat of use of force. Although she wished to leave a peaceful country to her children, she could not deny that she promoted and supported the continuity of the conflict. Needless to say, she was actually trapped in a dilemma as of the ongoing war. Tania looked attentively at Felipe Gonzalez grabbing an expensive pen to sign before the cameras the most brainless legal contrivance of the last lustrum, the Peace Treaty. According to Tania, the Peace Treaty was, in fact, a delirium tremens of president Juan Manuel Santos, who criticized harshly the opponents to the agreement by proposing shallow arguments, because his secret goal was to see a statue of his own erected in downtown Bogotá, hopefully before his death. Santos wanted to become a living stone, as a self-reward for being the paladin of the pacification of the nation.
Only when she strolled aimlessly reflecting on the bastardized value of peace, her body rebalanced her hormones. Only when she calmed down her claims to possess Valentina, her sexual instincts weakened.
As a result of a self-made neck twisting typical of talented chiropractic’s, Tania colleague´s neck stretched out enough to place his head faced to the street. Through the picture window he then realised that the building front door had been left open.
For being glued to the television, Tania and her co-worker missed the moment when a subject wearing sport clothes skipped the Control check-point and walked into the lobby, heading unnoticed to a white floor-tile area nearby. The place was a small roofed hideout surrounded by bushes and azaleas, sheltered by rounded ionic-style white columns. Standing out there, dripped in sweat, the man took out his muscle vest, breathed deeply before starting to turn on its axis gradually, in the way infants do when they play to feel dizzy. He closed his eyes and remained concentrated on going round and round in slow motion. The revolving movement was divided into four clear phases, taking into account the size of the floor tiles: during the first quarter of the whole rotation, he inhaled, the third quarter was used to exhale, the two reminders’ quarters in between were gaps to maintain the end of inhalation and the end of exhalation. The turns were being made one after another steadily, placidly, until completing twenty-one reps. Next, he put his hands on the hips with arms akimbo and took three smooth breaths; then he lay on the floor, lifted his legs up and bent them at head level. So high a degree of concentration on the task was achieved that the simple idea of a guard spotting him doing this practise, cleared off his mind. The gymnast conveyed peace to any coin of the condominium; the same peace Tania is currently chasing.
One hour later the guard house received a complaint from Ramón Ordaz, the deaf tenant of flat 1133 Unit seven, Valentina´s neighbour as a matter of fact. He reported disturbing noises that a guy -presumably demented- was making while trying to knock down the door of Valentina´s flat. On hearing this, two guards rushed forward to the crime scene, insofar as their heavy bellies let them to: one of them Tania. “¡Time for action has come at last!” she shouted with the joy that only ex-polices officers feel when a call for duty appears in sight.
∞∞∞
The phones swap worked magic. Because that very same day René got from Balou a WhatsApp message on the cellular device of Valentina, that read: “Crystal Heart, I need to meet you. I´m overwhelmed. I am not a victim of anything, rather than to offer you an apology I prefer to give explanations. I know that you know that I know. Who cares about it anyway? It´s better to clarify before it gets dark. I am going to your house to tell you what it´s happening inside me. Best regards”. Unfortunately, when René phoned the guards to warn them about a person who might be intending to enter the building, the guy in sport clothes making revolving movements had been gone. Valentina followed her father´s order and got into the bed, and said to him that she was going to take a sleep-inducing tranquilizer. “Exactly, do that, have some rest, my queen. Sleep, -René encouraged her-. Stay calm. Everything is under control. It´s impossible for me right now, but I can go for you in the afternoon”.
∞∞∞
On arrival at flat 1132, the first thought that came to Tania´s mind was to knock out the rule-breaker that was begging for Valentina to go out, while he tried to break the door down with a combination of punches and kicks. She changed her mind as soon as she got closer to him and motioned to the edge of the stairs. From this privileged position she realized that the eyes of the subject flared and that he foamed at the mouth like an epileptic dog. Tania perceived less violence in her than inside this man, labelled in a minute as a haughty feline prey hard to pin down. “One wrong move, Tania calculated, would be sufficient for his hand speed to put me down”. Taking advantage of her presence not being noticed yet, Tania studied him carefully. Two meters separated her from the bold, a lunatic with bloodstained finger joints who seemed not to be yet aware of the number of bruises and contusions he had, product of his attempts to demolish the door which, despite his fury, still resisted the attack. Tania waited for a couple of minutes, then she caught a long breath and shouted out imperatively:
- Halt! Hands down! Your name!
- My name is none of your business -Balou answered back.
- Your name -Tania insisted, full of anger.
- I do whatever I want. It´s a pity that I don´t feel now like giving you my name. Why should I do it? As far as I can see, there is no chance for us to get into an affectionate relationship. Bearing this in mind: why should I have to give you my name? Or are you going to invite me over to dancing?
- What is it so funny, uh, you idiot? Stay here, don´t move. I am going to call for back-up and look for handcuffs. You have no way out. There is another guard downstairs. You are stoned? Can you understand me? Don´t fool me -Tania threatened him-. Be smart, otherwise you will be removed from here with kicks and punches too.
- Will you please tell me why are you trying to smash that door? A neighbour -said to be a deaf- has just complained about the noise you are making. This Unit is occupied by people that need rest, peace; you know. So, by hook or by crook you´ve got to go away from here. Listen up! Come on, move!
- Is it a threat? -Balou challenged Tania.
The resolute guard approached the subject in order to grab him tight by his wrists but Balou made it faster, jumped back and wriggled out of her try.
- What´s the matter with you, bitch? Don´t touch me. Nobody touches me unless I want to. And, unless you step back right now, I won´t tell you the reason why I am trying to smash the door.
Tania pulled back.
- That´s really better. Well, here I go: the love of my live is living behind that door. Yes, you´re right, I screwed up with her. There is no second chance. Our relationship is over because I screwed it up. Easy to understand, difficult to accept. This took place some days ago. I was not born yesterday, agent; I know I should not be here. What did I come for? To explain her the underlying causes of my last three week´s strange social behaviour. Done? Are you happy, you little gossiper?
It started to drizzle as tons of jealousy overtook Tania inwardly. She, the master of hiding her emotions succumbed to open exposure. Inattentiveness and faded readiness contributed to her jealous rage attack becoming visible. When he realised that, Balou glared at Tania and said:
- Let me guess, we are competitors, aren´t we? But not enemies, right? Ha, ha, ha. You are in love with Valentina, it´s evident, you cannot cheat me, sweetheart. It´s as plain as the nose on your face. Take comfort in knowing that I am not in love with Valentina, although it´s true that my affection toward her exceeds any possible feeling that you could ever have imagined, more profound than any man across the ages could have even dreamt of. In order for you to understand me, I actually use socially common terms, if I used my own language, I could say that I am not loving Valentina. Since love is a minor energy unit compared to the vibrational frequencies which engages me to her. The said frequencies, though, have nothing to do to what you feel for Valentina. I am sure of that. There are rivers of lust flowing out from your face. I can see them. Your only desire, your sole urgence is to fuck her. Your only aim is to put an end to your sexual excitement. Or do you have the galls to contradict me? Instead, my experience with Valentina is rather tied to subtle fields of energy unperceivable by a lustful wannabe mistress clouded by animal sex drive. An enormous chasm exists between you and me in this sense.
As the speed of reaction had been withdrawn from her muscles, Tania was forced into brutal seriousness. She wanted to kill this insolent. But, in spite of that she gathered enough composure to call Balou to order:
- Show more respect. I am an agent on duty, treat me accordingly.
- Do you think that the badge on your jacket means anything to me? Your badge stinks, your badge sucks. After all, agents have never scared me. I would even not show respect to a president, why then do I have to show it for you? Even if I consider myself an exemplary citizen, I was not born to abide by the law. If you, agent, have come to the conclusion that my deference to the authority went down to zero and, therefore, I deserve the death penalty, no problem, look at me straight, don´t take your eyes off my gaze (as squint-eyed looks announces betrayals, my mother used to say) and do it. Being you and I the only witnesses. But do remember that I shall assume no responsibility of the consequences that my physical death might bring into your dirty life.
- Hey, walk closer! -Balou urged her-. I can feel your violence emerging. Come on in and strike me once and for all! You called yourself to action, didn´t you? Good, Prove me right. May I request to the Lord (you are my Lord for the time being) a last wish?
Silence, idleness.
- Do you have children? -asked Balou all of a sudden.
- Two -Tania replied furiously.
The aggressiveness of the intruder´s speech caught Tania with her pants down, so much so that she was finding hard to recover.
- Wow! Jesus! Are you a tortillera and a mother of two children? Sorry, I wasn´t ready for that, but so nice a combo should be worth-looking; How would it be like to be living side by side in two different worlds, uh? You may have heard that Tortillera is tantamount to Butch, baptismal name for lesbians in Argentine´s slang. Please, don´t take it personally, okey? I hold no sex distinctions, self-determination on the sexual preferences of human beings is a private matter. The business or the need of a change in the sexual orientation during the second youth is older than God´s Grandpa. Nerón and Alexander the Great, to take a case in point, engaged themselves in different sexual intercourses depending on who at their side were at a given moment. If we switch to Colombian parlance, you should be called Arepera. Nothing changes: Tortillas, Arepas, old wine in the same bottle. Now that I am able to categorise you, now that your soul was sold to the devil, I can greet you properly: Hello, Arepera, how are you feeling this beautiful morning? Any glossy news for me today?
Once again Tania had no other option than to flash him an ironic smile. Regardless of her savage desire to inflict on Balou´s humanity several blows at-a-stretch with a truncheon, until the son of the bitch be welcomed in hell with honours, Tania´s violence refused to make appearance on the ring. On the contrary, it stepped back and stayed crouched at the ring-side, where her nightmares merged at a dizzying pace with the philosophical speech of the Argentinian.
- I have sympathy for Tortilleras -Balou dropped by calmly-. After a year spent in Brazil living and working surrounded by LGTB people, I ended up getting on well with the members of your syndicate as well as that of gays. The term for Arepera in Brazil is sapatona. The Arepa resemble an open shoe, a flip-flop, a summer sandal, doesn´t it? Well, well, you can relax, agent, my defeat is now an accomplish fact. Valentina didn´t show up and I couldn´t manage to knock down the door before your arrival. Simple visible facts are bound to be unquestionable. Yow won. It´s because of you that I bear a double-defeat, I am going to kill you, Arepera, you ruined the moment just when I was about to demolish the fucking door. Hey you, forget it, I am joking. I cannot kill anyone. I am a man of peace. There was an urgent matter I needed to talk with Valentina in person, you know, so urgent the matter was to the point that my life depended on it. Yes, agent, what you are thinking of is right, I had the rug pulled out from under one. I apologize for Valentina being unavailable to tackle this issue…Listen, it´s time to go home tasting the blunder of a lifetime. Since you won and I consider myself defeated now and forever, I quit the job, I give room for you to deploy your military assets in the battle-field, to deploy prodigious efforts to seduce Valentina. As far as I admit my failure, I become a gentleman loser. In the event that you reach to the top with your acts of seduction, you agree henceforth to select me as your Best Man.
- You still have mood to say nonsense? Fuck-off! I don´t have the whole day for yourself. Go ahead, hurry up, move, little prick! I go with you -Tania offered herself, as she regained composure-.
And then she made another attempt to grab him.
- Listen to me, little jerk -Balou winced suddenly-, I am the guardian of your secret, I bet the ranch that the other guards have no idea that you have crossed the border to the lesbian side. So be careful what you do with your hands, because if for any bloody reason you touch me lightly again, if you brush me up, you grab me or strike me, if I happen to get wounded on the way out of this building, I will shout at the top of my voice your clandestine non-existent affair with Valentina, I will spread the news on your being an Arepera reluctant to come out of the closet. You´ve just missed the chance to eliminate me, there was a possibility available you didn´t take profit of. I´ve become immortal and unethical out of your idleness. Watch your behaviour before the crowd, agent, in such a way as to give the impression of being a wedding couple approaching the guard house, like lovebirds rushing to the cinema. Don´t make me angry, utter fool, is that clear enough? How distasteful would it be for the calendar which accounts for your days remaining on earth, the suspension of its calculations due to an unexpected interruption of your breathing system. It´s not advisable for you to get me angry. I could become an ogre without losing my temper, without losing the condition of a peaceful stateman. Well understood?
- Yes, I got it, calm down -Tania answered, disconcerted.
Tania was not as foolish as to risk losing her job because of a typical “much talk little action” man who is by all means trying to provoke the downfall of her well-incorporated tae-kwon-do readiness. She knew he had spent all the time speaking mince words.
- Oh, just another sweet warning -Balou stressed on the last two words-, don’t try to find out my address in Cali, don´t you ever try to investigate me or look for me, because I am the western diplomatic attaché of a Command Group worldwide known for its hatred towards niggers, as they call them. In fact, it´s rather a suggestion than a warning. In a way, I am taking care of you on the condition of you staying away of my life. You see that I put it into nice words as you, somehow, give off good vibes. If I hadn´t plunged into a spectral trip with Valentina, I would have courted you in the most gentlemanly manner, Arepera. I die for afro-descendants like you once a year and today is just the day. Nevertheless, my wistful thinking, now that Valentina put me out of her life, is tempting me to ask you for your phone number. I might call you to have some drinks together in order to forget this woeful incident which, led to no serious consequences at the end of the day. Obviously, it would be a pure flippant date with no sex on board, considering both your latest sexual choice and my quality of reliable Buddha, the guardian of your secret.
- I´ve always swum better in the stream of friendship than in loving matters. So, gain my trust and you will have this newest friend for life, Arepera -said Balou, and then he shut his mouth-.
Tania and the intruder shook hands as if they were being filmed by tv cameras. The woman guard was strolling on over the exit in tandem with Balou, keeping 50 centimetres´ reglementary distance from the potential runaway subject. Tania still liked men, but a boozer unfaithful husband had left a perpetual mark on her. Tania looked at Balou and determined that his body was not too bad at all. Tania uses to keep the cards close to her chest about flirting strategies when a maniac was under consideration. She would have liked, however, to have a disturbed non-violence enemy as a friend. She built Balou´s identikit in a minute: infatuated man makes sporadic damages here and there, and then, in a reverse-engineering Christian penance, he intends to repair what he had burnt to ashes along with the rescue of the wounded. Overlooking the fact that the perpetrator of the damages is himself, the chief of the wounded; no doubt, an unredeemable character. They went together through the exit door and, standing there, Tania promised to herself not to dream on unfeasible humanitarian agreements and utopic peace treaties while she is at work at the reception desk.
