The blue ticks enlarged themselves, became huge, covering the whole room, then with a mild explosion, disintegrated into minuscule particles; some disappeared, some hung in the air, some resided in her eyes..the permanent irritants. She fluttered her eyelids to settle them down and found standing in front of her, the landlady's daughter-in-law, minus her sweet smile. "You got us so worried.", She said softly and a tear dropped out of her eyes. "Do you want anything from your room?"
"Any news on the tiffinwalah, Bhabhi?"
"Who asks about a tiffinwalah in this state?" The daughter-in-law's sad eyes toyed mischievously with her own question, and she presented her ever sweet smile for everyone's benefit.
"Maybe he ran away with my money", she let out a small laugh.
"Maybe!" The two pairs of eyes twinkled together.
"I don't need anything from my room, Bhabhi. You will be coming again, won't you?"
The sweet face wore a simple assent and that was enough reason for her to be happy as for now.
"See you tomorrow. By the way, I had a talk with your sister and father. They're fine with you being at the PG after you get discharged from here. One more thing, forget the tiffinwalah!"
As she watched the daughter in law heading out of the ward, she saw the particles of the blue ticks fade away for good. The light blue lights in the ward started feeling friendlier.
She wondered where her cellphone was. She wondered if her father and the sister would have reacted the same way had her mother been alive today. She wondered if the roses were still fresh, hoping that the aspirin tablets that she had crushed and added to the water in the jug should have worked their magic. She wondered if her absence from the classroom was acknowledged. She wondered if her presence was ever acknowledged. She wondered if her presence in whatever was left of her family was acknowledged. She wondered if she was unaffected. She wondered if she was hungry right now.
No wonder, she was unaffected.
The next few days passed too slowly. The 'kowa snan' (i.e. the sponge bath), the dressing, the bland meals, injections, scheduled checks, the moans and cries of other patients in the ward, their visitors' convos.. all without any clock in sight. She had all etched out in her mind like a pattern. The only bright spot was when the best friend or when the daughter in law came to meet her. She would lament about the loss of classes with her best friend, who in turn would lament about how the mess staff was missing her badly. With the daughter in law, she would lament about the loss of her five hundred rupees, who in turn would lament about nothing.
She would be discharged the next day. She had started to use the washroom without any assistance, and had begun to believe that she was fit as a fiddle. Sometimes she even took a walk outside the ward. Once as she was taking a walk, she overheard one of the staff nurses talking on phone, "As it is I am so stressed because of my work schedule and now you have started to spy on me as if I am having an extra marital romantic affair. How do I keep calm?"
She felt guilty of overhearing the nurse. She also wanted to walk up to her and soothe her anxiety. She wanted to hug her and say that she was doing a fantastic job of managing the patients so well. She wanted to say that this was just a phase and her husband would understand. She wanted her to be happy. But she didn't do any of these. She felt guilty of overhearing the telephonic conversation, and decided to go back to the ward, lest the nurse gets embarrassed or offended.
For some, there's so much of pain in this world. There's so much of joy around for some. Should she be guilty of being at a better position or should she be jealous of those in the better stage?
