71-80 Ways to Boost Your Self-Confidence
71. You Look Marvelous
- The difference between a man of sense and a fop is that the fop values himself upon his dress, and the man of sense laughs at it, at the same time he knows he must not neglect it. —Lord Chesterfield
Long before “Dress for Success” hit the market, people were not just judged by their appearance: Their lives were dictated by it. In olden times, paupers and nobles could be told apart from a distance by their clothes (and maybe the way they smelled). Clothing has always been a way of showing what you want others to see. Many people dress to impress because they want others to perceive them in a specific way. Corporate executives wear power suits and ties, and rock stars (and wannabes) use piercings, leather, and tattoos to create an image for their fans. People in all walks of life dress not just for success but also for effect—both good and bad. Your appearance can also dictate how you feel about yourself.
If you think you’re sexy sitting around in two year-old sweats, your self-image may need a slight tuneup. When you get dressed in the morning (or, if you’re a rock star, in the afternoon) the clothes you choose will make you feel a certain way. If you like that feeling, you will be empowered; if you don’t, your confidence level will be shaken to one degree or another. You Look Marvelous A friend of mine coined the phrase manicured depression. Whenever she was feeling a little down she went and got a manicure and/or pedicure, put on something that made her feel good about herself, and strutted through the mall. Getting looks of approval from strangers made her feel better, and then she would deal with whatever problem was vexing her at the moment from a place of self-assurance. If you’re not feeling all that good about yourself, try her technique (okay guys, you can pass on the “mani-pedi”; have your shoes shined instead). Giving ourselves the gift of looking good makes most of us feel better about life. It also helps others see us at our best, and, though we may not actually be feeling that way at the moment, looking and feeling great can lead us to it. So break out the formal gown or the tux and do yourself up to the nines, stand in front of the mirror, and just let yourself feel good about the person you see. The truth is, you deserve it.
72. Forgive Your Way to Confidence
- The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. —Mahatma Gandhi
If you hold on to toxic feelings of resentment and can’t seem to let go of a grudge, you are actually holding yourself back from having a better life. Learning how to forgive those who have wronged you and also forgive yourself is one of the tools necessary to keep your confidence level solid. Forgiveness is not a magical spell that will immediately turn your world around and make everything okay, but the principle is sound. The amounts of negative energy you have to hold on to in order to stay upset can cause you pain and certainly hold you back. It can also do damage to your physical and your emotional well-being. Before you can forgive another, it may be necessary to forgive yourself.
If you aren’t sure why or even if you are angry with yourself, you need to get in touch with the resentful feeling and its cause. Just sit quietly and ask yourself what you have done or avoided that makes you feel insecure. Perhaps you just need to say you are sorry to yourself or someone else. It may take some additional introspection to truly let this negative feeling go, but the process will give you incredible relief. You will not be able to move forward in your life if you allow anger at yourself or someone else to run through your psyche.
When that happens, your brain continually tells you that you’re not good enough, and eventually you start to believe it, and your behaviors will follow that very inappropriate lead. Forgive Your Way to Confidence True remorse is a part of the process, whether it be forgiving yourself or another, or feeling sorry for the wrongs that were committed. Being available to make amends is a necessity if you want to let go of the pain. The idea of atonement encapsulates how forgiveness works. Making the realization of any misdeeds, appropriately apologizing, and asking for (or offering) forgiveness will allow you to let go of the pain and move forward with the rest of your life.
Knowing that you can forgive yourself and those who have wronged you can’t help but make you a more self-assured human being.
73. Learn to Love Mondays
- If you have a job without any aggravations, you don’t have a job. —Malcolm S. Forbes
More heart attacks, strokes, suicides, sicknesses, and accidents occur on Monday mornings than any other day of the week. Research suggests that this is because people are distracted and unhappy when the weekend is over and they have to go to jobs they don’t resonate with. If the beginning of your week makes you want to change the calendar or your career, you may want to spend a few moments taking a good look at why. We have all had the Monday blahs sometimes. It’s pretty human to want to avoid the commute, the grind, or a boss who seems to enjoy giving you a hard time. There is also the pressure of having to show your worth in a world where jobs are becoming more difficult to find and keep. Even the best and the brightest have off days and times when they wish they were doing something different. It’s only human.
Now more than ever, hanging in there is important, and finding ways to make it more comfortable is clearly a necessity. It can help to reassess how you look at your work and reduce any pressure that you may be adding on your own. If you know that your position is secure, but can’t summon up the energy to enjoy that fact, start thinking about what the 10-plus percent of people who don’t have a gig at the moment might be doing (and fearing) in their lives. If that doesn’t make you grateful for what you have, despite the fact that you feel a little overworked or underappreciated, then you need to take a hard look at what else might be taking away your motivation.
If you don’t feel secure about your job, and you believe that things are going to get worse, it becomes even more difficult to face the week ahead. The old saying that “When the going gets tough, the tough get going” is very appropriate here. This is definitely not the time to rest on your laurels and wait for something better to come along.
I suggest making the best impression you can on a daily basis. You can turn getting a different job or starting a home-based business into your new hobby. Learn to Love Mondays You can also get the whole family involved in a little weekend business like a garage sale. Right now, if you aren’t putting in some extra time and days, you need to think about doing so. The upside is that by doing it as a family you have more time for your loved ones.
And everyone will appreciate your willingness to take care of business during a time now being referred to as the Great Recession. Learning to look forward to Mondays may not be something you’re wired for, but if you can make it happen, your world is going to feel a lot better. Accepting that work is a part of life, and doing whatever you can to keep your dreams alive while shining at your day job, is the only way you can make your dreams a reality.
74. Never Accept Unacceptable Behavior
- Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none. —William Shakespeare
Confident people do not need to accept unacceptable behavior from another person. When someone behaves inappropriately or is potentially abusive, your best option is to let her know what you see, and stop the bad behavior in its tracks. By doing so you are setting a boundary for yourself that will serve you well. If you don’t, when people see that you are willing to let them do or say things that are questionable, you are actually giving them permission to continue doing so. Saying “stop” or, if necessary, leaving the room (or asking the other person to) lets him know he has crossed a line and signals him not to do it again. Discussing the offending behaviors may be necessary, and important if you want to save the relationship, so don’t just point to the door; let people know you are willing to talk about it. Do not let yourself be abused. It will erode your confidence faster than anything else I can think of.
75. Plan B
- We all have big changes in our lives that are more or less a second chance. —Harrison Ford
Because many things don’t go as well as we would like them to, it’s a great idea to have a “Plan B.” Having fallback plans can’t help but make you feel better about the outcome of any situation, and it is a common denominator among very self-confident people. Anyone who has had more than one failure in her life can tell you that having another path to take probably saved her bacon a time or two. I’m a big one for contingency plans. If you are an entrepreneur, in Plan the arts or media, or you have all your eggs in one basket, a Plan B is essential.
Knowing that if you lose the farm you have a condo you can go to makes you feel safer in the world. I know a number of people who have motor homes, and one of the reasons they do is, as they jokingly say, it’s their “in case” home.
During the last big earthquake here in Los Angeles, many people who had them were very grateful—and those of us who didn’t were envious. With the world economy in turmoil, creating some kind of additional income stream is also a good idea. The jeweler who is also a great designer or builder, the computer geek who can also teach school, or the PR person who is a closet novelist can all find a way to thrive even if their current position disappears. Backup plans don’t have to be new ideas—I continue to use aspects of everything I’ve ever done. My days on stage playing guitar have made me a better public speaker, which makes me a good radio host. The energy I put into songs and poems has helped them become columns and books.
The years I spent running my own business give me the insight to help others streamline theirs. And all of my experiences have made me a confident and successful therapist. Every talent and ability you have can be built upon and also used again. Not that I’d ever again want to be on a tour bus with six smelly guys for eight weeks, but if I had to I could still put food on the table by humming and strumming.
There’s another potential upside here: Sometimes your original plan and your backup can work at the same time. I still counsel, consult, write, and speak to groups all over the world. In years when the speaking business got very slow (such as after 9/11 and then the financial crisis), I spent more time writing and counseling. When there was a lull between books, I put more energy into my radio show and business consulting, and did pro-bono events.
Having multiple options gives you the sense that, if any one thing went away, you’d have other gigs that would more than fill the gap. So get a little creative. Look at your past accomplishments and your current talents. A Plan B is only an idea away. By the way, this Plan B thing works in life, but not in relationships.
Having a backup mate is only going to erode your current relationship and cause heartache for everyone involved. Enough said.
76. Practice, Practice, Practice
- The more you sweat in practice, the less you bleed in battle. —Anonymous
The good news is that even if you don’t have confidence, you can learn to find it. There’s an old joke about a tourist asking someone on the streets of New York how to get to Carnegie Hall. The stranger responded, “Practice, young man, practice.” Start practicing and polishing your act, whatever it may be. Practice, Practice, Practice When you know you’re great at what you do, your confidence is far less likely to be shaken. Practice, even if you’re doing the same thing over and over, doesn’t have to be boring.
Yes, musicians play scales for hours and athletes run endless drills, but at the same time they are also mentally on stage or at a meet visualizing their success. Using practice in this manner not only keeps them in shape to do what they do, but it also helps them to get better. As a writer, I believe (and some will disagree) that there are very few practice exercises to do other than writing, but some people like to read to warm up, and others use outlines or notes to help them get started. All of these preparations are good practice for creating a piece or a performance you will feel good about.
A famous musician once said that if he didn’t practice for one day he would notice a difference. If he didn’t practice for two days his teacher would notice, and if he didn’t practice for three days the audience would notice. And so he sits at the keyboard every day and keeps his art honed and his confidence high. The trick is to make practicing something you enjoy doing every day. Sometimes you have to do a little mental gymnastics to make that thought a reality. If you only like practicing because it makes you better at what you do, that’s fine because that little piece of positive attitude will help you get to the next level and continue to refine your skill set. But it will make your practice sessions much easier if you feel some joy in the process. We all know the truth that practice makes perfect. What some fail to realize is that practice also boosts your self-confidence.
77. Don’t Be Owned by What You Desire
- Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work. —Robert Orb
Desire is one of our most powerful motivating forces, but it is wise to be sure that what you want will improve your life and the lives of those you care for.
Whether it’s a person, place, position, or object, wanting something too much can make you do things that go against your value system, and that may be far more painful than not getting what you want. To covet someone who is attached or unavailable will only bring pain to you and perhaps to another. If you are in a relationship and you are feeling desire for a person other than your partner, the one who shares your bed will feel it on some level.
If this has ever happened to you, remember how you felt when your mate emotionally pulled away. You may not be sure of what you are feeling, but you know that something isn’t quite right. And then the relationship is thrown off balance. At this point you start to look at what you might not like about the person you are with and how much better the one you desire will fit into your life. Most of this happens in your own head. Keep in mind that regardless of how many “moments” you’ve experienced with the object of your desire, you really don’t know what life would be like with him.
Don’t Be Owned by What You Desire If what you want is beyond your financial means, going into debt (especially in this economy) is at the very least unwise, and could, at worst, ruin your chances of achieving the American Dream.
Spending money you don’t have on something you don’t actually need is like trying to fill a bottomless pit in your soul. The emptiness in your heart can never be filled this way. If you’re living beyond your means, take a good, strong look at your behavior. It may be smart to cut up some credit cards or block the home shopping channels on your television. Simple acts such as these won’t automatically stop you from spending what you don’t have, but it will remind you that you need to change this part of your life.
Most people want to move forward or up in their lives. We think of this as ambition, and it’s usually a very good thing, unless it goes blind. Achievement at any cost can be emotionally expensive and actually cripple your upward mobility, and you will also alienate the people who would have supported you.
The best way to build your career is to create a support team that works together to achieve the kind of success and recognition to which you aspire. It takes more time, but it will make you better, and your position will last a lot longer than if you got it by stepping over your coworkers. Desire, when used appropriately, will help you get what you want. Just make sure that keeping your integrity is part of the goal.Class Up Your Act
78. Class Up Your Act
- Class is an aura of confidence that is being sure without being cocky. Class has nothing to do with money. Class never runs scared. It is self-discipline and self-knowledge. It’s the sure-footedness that comes with having proved you can meet life. —Ann Landers
I met actor Martin Sheen at a rally to support a local organization that helps the homeless. When I was introduced to him, he stuck out his hand to shake mine and said, “Hi, I’m Martin Sheen.” Two thoughts went through my mind: the first, “Duh!”, and the second, how classy it was of him not to assume that I knew him just because he was the star of the number-one television show at the time (The West Wing). There are two kinds of people in the world: those who have class and those who don’t. The ones who do are unassuming, gracious, and kind.
They radiate an aura of confidence and warmth. The others are the quintessential jerks we have all met or heard about. Your mission—should you decide to accept it—is to be a class act. If self-confidence gives you anything at all, for the sake of the people who care for you, let it be that.
79. Second Thoughts
- If you don’t get everything you want, think of the things you don’t get that you don’t want. —Oscar Wilde
Whoever said it wasn’t okay to change your mind? Most people, even very confident people, make choices they believe are wise and then have second thoughts. It’s not neurotic; it’s normal. Rethinking a decision— be it on a small purchase or in a large business deal— can make you doubt yourself, so it’s wise to understand that process so you can deal with it as well as possible. In terms of a financial choice, some call it buyer’s remorse.
We’ve all made a substantial purchase and then wondered if we’ve done the right thing—we have thoughts about the cost versus what we are getting, looking at our income and the economy, and then there’s the “did I get the best deal I could” machinations that go through our now totally confused mind.
Buying a new home, refinancing, or purchasing a big-ticket item such as a car or a vacation can make you beat yourself up to the point that, no matter how great the holiday or the item, you can’t enjoy yourself (or the new car, house, or flat-screen TV). None of us can make all the right decisions. If you are used to almost always being correct in your choices, then making mistakes or having second thoughts becomes even more uncomfortable. But second-guessing is also an opportunity to tune in to your confidence level and Second Thoughts ask yourself how deeply your decision will affect you in the big picture.
In most cases, even with the largest purchases or decisions, there is a way to change course. If you don’t feel good about yourself because of a decision, other than in the case of plastic surgery, you can usually reverse it. Most things you buy can be returned, although sometimes you have to pay a “restocking” charge or a “buy-down” fee. Re negotiations in these cases are important because you can’t accept a deal that’s going to make you feel like a doormat.
The post-decision fear is that, even if you don’t lose any money, you could lose face, a business contract, or, at worst, a friend. But those losses are easier to recoup than a loss of self-esteem. You have to trust your internal navigation system, and if something really doesn’t feel right, knowing that you have the power of two feet and can walk away from any deal gives you the strength to stand behind your convictions. (As a side note, try not to make these big decisions on a Friday, because then you have the entire weekend to ruminate about whether or not you did the right thing.) When something doesn’t feel right and you do change your mind, that’s empowering, and you will be more self-confident the next go-round. A deal is a deal only if both parties agree it’s in their mutual best interests. If one person feels taken advantage of or pushed into it, then neither one of you is going to be happy in the end.
80. Friends as Family
- In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit. —Albert Schweitzer
Millions of people feel lonely every day—many for good reason. They may be separated from their loved ones, or their family may have passed away. A few, by choice, isolate themselves in order to find some inner peace. For all who suffer this kind of loneliness, selfconfidence is shaken to its core. Some people opt out of their families of origin due to abuse or neglect. This is an act of self-preservation, and a necessity for survival, but it’s still hard and lonely. If life has forced you to walk away from your relatives, take heart. You are not alone. Whether the circumstances occurred by nature or by choice, the result and cure are the same: For many people, building a family of friends is an appropriate thing to do. Having a close and loving group of friends who are supportive and able to be there for you is a blessing. These relationships require the same level of commitment and trust any successful family needs to thrive. You may have heard that married people live longer than single people. Indeed, studies on longevity show that those who live alone die sooner than those who live Friends as Family with others, but it has little to do with being married. The key is being involved with other human beings.
Being involved means bonding with others and filling your life with people and activities that give you the sense that you are part of something larger than yourself. Being with other people gives you something you can rarely get by yourself: validation. Long-term friendships become more important in time because the process of sharing your history with other people creates a powerful connection.
It seems that when people who knew each other in school reunite, relationships are potent. This goes for romantic connections as well as friendships. Making new friends helps us to live longer and keeps Alzheimer’s at bay, for it causes our minds to think and feel in new ways. Every time we do something differently, we reinforce connections in our brains.
New relationships require that we take in new information, process it, and try to achieve a desired result. If you want to be friends with someone, it’s usually pretty easy, for, most of the time, we like people who like us. By asking nonthreatening questions, you can show an interest in someone you are trying to get to know. You can share your thoughts and opinions on movies, books, and newspaper columns, or experience a new restaurant together.
When you create a family of friends, know that these are the people you have chosen to be in your circle. Do everything you can to honor their participation, and you will find solace in their presence. Remember that you have to be a friend to make a friend. 81. Recognize Your Abilities If you hear a voice within you say “you cannot paint,” then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced. —Vincent Van Gogh The number-one motivator of people is recognition. Saying to a teammate that you recognize her efforts to make your working relationship great is the best motivator you could give to her. Letting someone you love know that he has added to your life by being himself is one of the highest compliments you can pay.
Many people fall short by not giving some of that recognition to themselves as well. If we could only realize who we truly are and give ourselves credit for being our best selves. This is especially important when we’re not feeling it.
Once you know what you’re capable of, it’s hard to feel good when you fall short, but you have to keep those setbacks in perspective. Truly confident people recognize that they have succeeded in the past and still have the ability to do it again—and will. Knowing that you have talent and really taking that in will help you get through almost any situation.
Believing in yourself requires that you are able to recognize what your abilities are and pat yourself on the back for having them. This isn’t ego-tripping; it’s a necessity for integrating confidence-boosting behaviors into your thought process and lifestyle.
Ashish Shah
9825219458
Mad: making a difference
Maaster Blaaster
Business growth Coach
