FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE THE RAIN...
IT'S UNPREDICTABLE, BUT THERE'S ALWAYS SIGN BEFORE IT COMPLETELY FALLS
Yahi likha hai na??
Ki mohhabat Baarish ki Tarah hai..sach hi kaha hai.. pehle hawa chalti hai, baadal garajte hai aur phir ek ek kar boonde aake zamin ko chooti hai..
Wo bhini bhini si mitthi ki khushboo jo ehsaas deti hai na wahi naye pyaar ka ehsaas hai..
Kabhi feel kiya hai??
Jarur kiya hoga
Maine bhi kiya hai
Aur mai apse apni life ka wo kissa share karne aai hu jab Maine mohhabat ki baarish ko ishi Tarah feel kiya
Hawa bhi chali.. khushboo bhi mekhi aur pehle ek ek kar Ishq ki boonde bhi feel ki..
Thoda dramatic ho gaya na??? Chalo let's make it simple
Mai Riddhima .. aur ye meri life ka ek hissa...
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Dehradun, city of love. You ask me why? Well, let's see
A place where God resides & nature speaks.
Situated between two valleys and surrounded by awesome food along with scenic beauty & lovely people it is a place no one wants to miss.
You have nature and you have food!!
What's not to fall in love about?
And it's my home.
There's no place than this I'd rather be. It's my safe heaven. And it's the place people come for holiday. The same way he came.
So let me began from the beginning.
24th july, 2017
The local radio station;which my baba listen to while reading newspapers; announces that all the schools are closed just when I get a text from my colleagues telling due to heavy rain, the school will be closed for a couple of days.
I am happy. The work load is extreme since a week. My other colleague is on maternity leave and till they find the replacement, I have to teach her classes as well. That means double paperwork, double attendance and mostly, double the screaming.
I hate shouting on kids but it comes with the job. And unless you are not a middle class teacher, you wouldn't know how naughty the kids can get.
I needed this little break. Thank God for raining.
Though it was already declared of heavy rainfall, it's usual here. Every year, we prepare ourselves as best as we can.
I sit on the chair with my hot cup of coffee and sigh. It's pouring heavily, getting a little cold. Baba passes me his shawl and gets up to attain his phone.
"Haa bol, Chandu??" He says in his high peached voice. He thinks just because he can't hear the other person properly, it goes vice versa. Everytime I call him, I pull my phone away to prevent my eardrums.
"Ha ha, quarter khali." He says and looks at me. I nod confirming him. He then keeps the call and comes back sitting with me.
"Do mahine ke liye chahiye keh raha tha.. "
"Baba, barish ke season me kaun do mahine rukta hai?? Ye Chandu phir koi nayi problem na laa de.."
"Are bichara toh bas apna pet palne ke liye karta hai.. tu tension mat le.. mai ache se baat kar luga." Baba takes my cup which I kept on the tea table and put in the kitchen.
I look out of the window. The rain doesn't seems to stop so soon. Deciding to make more coffee for myself, I walk into the kitchen. Baba is humming, and cutting onions. Lots of it.
"Kya bana rahe ho, baba?"
"Pakode....Chandu thodi der me aaega aur phir mujhe kuch banane kahega.." he laughs.
For the record, I can't cook. I don't know to make anything other than maggie and coffee. If it comes to survival, I would with these two food items.
I make myself another cup of coffee, walking into the room,I take the blanket, wrapping around me, grab my phone, earphones and bundle of paper I have to check. I will be done in an hour or so if I start now.
Sitting on the porch, on the swing I start working when Chandu comes rushing drenching and dripping in rain shouts," didi jaldi se chai peela do warna mai aj mar hi jauga..."
"Tujhe kitni chatriya di hai aur kitne raincoat diye hai ... kya karta hai unke.. " I scold him passing the towel and move aside while he tries to drip off all the water from his clothes.
Before he could say anything, baba comes out with three cup of tea, my beloved cup of coffee and two plates of hot pakoda. It smells divine.
"Phir ghar bhool aaya tu chatri?" Baba asks Chandu who just laughs and sits on the wooden stool.
"Bhaiya jee aa jao.." he calls out.
Collecting my school work I keep it aside as baba sits next to me. He passes me a cup of coffee. This is the third one and I will be hearing from him very soon.
"Baba, mumbai se aaye hai Bhaiya jee. Kuch kaam hai unhe yaha.. station pe hi mil gaye. Jyada saman nahi hai." He explains about the new guest he brought with him.
He walks in just as drenched and dripping as Chandu. One tracking bag around his shoulder and he is trying to cover his camera with is wet hands. I almost laugh.
He looks like a hippie. Dreadlocks with three different malas in is neck. Eyes covering shades and his clothes which are stuck to his body, I presume will be very loose.
Baba looks at me unsure just as much as I am if we should keep him as our guests or not. For sure me has made a great first impression on both me and Baba.
He keeps his bag down and takes the cup of tea sipping it,"aahhh.. thank you.. it's damn cold here..." he then look at me and grinning, waves his hand, " ap kafi achi chai bana leti hai.."
I raise my eyebrows but without bothering he takes the plate on pakoda and start eating," I am very hungry.."
"Ap quarter dekh lijiye Bhaiya jee phir baba ko advance jama kar dena.." he said taking the pakoda from the other plate.
"No need.. Kitna advance dena hai baba.. ?" He says taking out the wallet. Baba looks at me asking what we should do.
Taking the matter in my hand, I ask him about the food situation if he'll be eating out or something and he said he'd love to have the food I make. Then about how he is going to stay and he said he will be mostly not around except for weekend.
After knowing as much as I could, from the shortest conversation, I try not to judge too hard I tell baba to take the advance rent from him.
Baba goes in to take the keys to the quarter and Chandu helps him and the hippie to take his bag while he finishes the plate of pakoda and jumping to the next.
When he was done eating it all, he turned to me," these are so yummy.. can I have some more?"
I looked at him laughing," you better change and get into some dry clothes first. With this rain hum koi doctor ke pas jaa bhi nai paege if ap bimar hue toh.. aur with that hair of yours, I don't think it's going to take much for you to fall sick."
He nods, " smart.. I like smart girls." He then forward his hand," Armaan Mallik."
"Riddhima.. "
"Sweet.." saying he walks away to the quarter.
I just shake my head. Since I was a kid, we have guests coming to our quarters every few months. Some stay for a week some more. At first I use to get attached to them but soon I realize it's of no use. They come, they enjoy the stay and then they leave. They forget about us. It's better to be just mind my business and not bother to be friends with them.
I called Simpi, baba's supermarket manager. She helps him look at the supermarket when baba can't go. It's usually in rainy season and he has arthritis. I give her a list of things we'll need for our guest.
That evening, I am on my eighth cup of coffee, enjoying the rain, and reading my book.Armaan comes and sit next to me on the swing. I spare him a look then get back to my book while I feel his stare on my book.
I move the book away and he grins. For a change, he looks less of a hippie and more of a town boy now. He grins at me making me laugh, "what are you?"
"Wasn't it supposed to be how are you? So I am comfortable in the quarter. It's cozy. I won't mind a few more blankets though. Damn it's cold here." He blabbers as he shivers. I chuckle then keeping the book and my cup of coffee aside, I walk in to fetch a shawl for him.
"Here... hey that's my coffee.." I shout when I see him sipping my coffee. Dammit.
"Sorry but I needed it..."
"But that's my coffee.." I almost cry. Don't look at me that way. I am very sensitive about my coffee," and aren't you a tea person ??" I groan at him glaring him.
"Okay okay.. calm down.. here." He passes me the used cup.
"Eww... I am not having that anymore. I will make myself another one.." I throw the shawl at him and walk in. Baba is taking his evening nap.
"So you are a coffeeholic and a bibliophile.. interesting.." he says impressed as he enters the kitchen.
This guy has no boundaries.
"What's with that hippie look?" I look at him as I make my coffee," do you want?"
He nods," I was in Rishikesh for a couple of months. Made some Pandit my friends, adapted their lifestyles." He shrugs.
"So you didn't come from mumbai?" I start by inquisition. Well, I am a teacher for a reason.
He shakes his head and start looking at the paintings hung on the wall," you paint?"
I look at him and he seems to be taking a note.
"That isn't mine.."
"R written at the end??"
"My sister."
"Ohh.. talent runs in the family."
"What were you doing in Rishikesh??" I ask changing the subject. Baba will be up soon and it's better he doesn't listen to us talking about Rihanna.
"I am on tour for almost one and a half year. I travel to different cities for a month or two." He answers touching the vase I decorated. He touches the flowers and turns to look at me," you love art, don't you?"
"I am a history and English literature student. If I do not love art then what's the point?" Passing him his cup, I walk out to sit and continue reading again but he comes and sit next to me.
As we had dinner; where he again said was very delicious looking at me; baba asked him all kind of questions regarding his personal and professional life.
His life is quite different and interesting when you hear about it, but living a life where you don't have a home is difficult. When I think about it, I know if I go out for more than a week, I'd miss home. He hasn't been in touch with his family for over a year and I can't even stay away from baba for a day.
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Few days went just like that. The rain didn't stop until Saturday evening and I got an extra day off.
On Sunday, a little sunny for a change. I woke up and as usual got ready to go the supermarket. Baba gets a day off and so does Simpi. We have other help so it's just me lurking around and disturbing the helpers.
As I walk towards the main road, Armaan shouts my name,"hey Riddhima.. wait up.."
I stop and to my surprise his hippie dreadlocks are gone. He has trimmed off his beard and his hair looks good.
"You clean up good.." I say as we continue walking.
He has his camera with him and every other step, he stops to snap pictures. The tea stall, people walking. I don't understand what is so special about people walking?
"Where are you headed?"
"I am going to the supermarket." I say and keep walking even when he stops and the run to catch up with me. People are looking at us anyways.
"I will come with you. I have to get stuff too."
I was about to tell him that I am not going to get stuff but then stops. Let him walk back alone. What do I have to do?
I lurk around, checking for any webs or dirt. Armaan is making rounds and adding all kind of junk food into the trolley and everytime she sees me he asks if I am done?
He still hasn't figured it out that I am not buying anything. If I'd want something, I'd just ask for delivery.
"Hey I am done.. wanna go back?"
"I am staying.. you go ahead.."
"Tum yaha kya karogi stay karke?" He asks," chalo and show me some good places..."
"I can't, this is the only day I am here..."
"Didi, kuch nayi delivery aai hai.. samne counter pe koi nahi hai. Ap thodi der dekh lo mai delivery kar ke aata hu." a helper says. I nod and walks to and sit behind the cash counter while Armaan chuckles.
I smile looking at him.
"You work here??"
I shake my head.
"So this is your store?"
"Baba's.." I say and start the computer.
It's Sunday morning. The store is mostly empty. People give their orders on phone or online and our helpers get them delivered.
"So you are busy the whole day?"
"I will be here for two more hours then around 1 we close it."
"Okay then, meet you at 1?"
I raise my eyebrow. He just smiles and walks out of the store. He doesn't even know places here and he is roaming around alone. No wonder he is so much into travelling.
He comes back just before the timing to close," now can we go?"
"Go where?"
"Show me some places nice around here." He says and drags me.
"Did you eat?"
"I had some soup around the corner. I am hungry though.."
"Okay.. let's eat first." I start walking and he is again doing his picture snapping thing.
"Hey Riddhima.." he calls and I turn. He snaps a few pictures of me before I realize and turn again shaking my head and smiling.
"Riddhima didi.. aj kya khaogi?hamesha wala?" Chandu ask. He then looks at Armaan smiling, "bhaiya jee.. ap bhi aaye ho didi ke sath.."
"Tu yaha kya kar raha hai chandu??"
"Yaha sunday ko kaam karta hu..baki din to band rehta hai ye.." he says and passes him the menu.
"Hamesha wala.." I say and turn to Armaan who is looking at the menu then shakes his head and orders the same as me.
"So tum har Sunday yahi khana khati ho.?"
"Ha sunday ka din baba ka rest day hota hai.. bahar hi khana padta hai.. baba toh apne dosto ke ghar jake kha lete hai.."
"Baba ka rest day hota hai toh tum apne liye kyu nahi banati??"
"Kya Bhaiya jee.. sara seher janta hai ki didi ko khana banana nahi aata aur ap toh abhi ek hafte se wahi reh rahe ho?" Chandu says keeping two plates of Aalu ke gutke and poori with raita. I smell it.
"Tumhe khana banana nahi aata toh mujhse jhut kyu kaha?"
"Maine kuch kaha hi nahi tha.. tumne maan liya.." I laugh and dig into my plate. As usual, it's very tasty and with the peanut chutney, it feels divine.
"It's delicious.." Armaan says and looks at me," Maine tumhe itne compliments diye tumne tab bhi mujhe correct nahi kiya.." he looks at me accusingly.
I just laugh and continue eating. Hearing the click I turn to look at him and he is again snapping pictures of me.
"What's with you and the camera?"
"My work!"
I look at him confused. He looks at me after checking the pictures he took.
"I am a travel photographer..."
"Ohh, that makes sense.."..
After eating, I take him to the town church where he is again busy taking pictures while I sit silently and pray in front of the cross.
When I open my eyes, his camera is for a change, kept next to him and he is praying as well.
"You believe in Jesus too?" I ask him when he is done praying.
"I believe in God. In whichever or whatever form he is.." he says and takes out his phone. I have never seen him with phone. It's always his camera.
He texts someone which I try not to look but from the corner of my eyes, I see him texting 'I love you ' to someone.
We go to few more places which I like the most. I show him all my favorite places and he takes pictures of me all the time without telling me. He got a serious obsession with camera I agree but what's with anonymous pictures of me I have no idea. Though I didn't stop him once. He'd delete it anyways.
"So kal tum Mere sath mussoorie chalegi??" He asks as we reach to our nearby lane. I look at him.
"Sorry.. kal se school jana hai..."
"Tum ab bhi school jati ho? Itni kamjor ho??" He laughs. I glare at him, pun intended.
"Jee, bachpan me chot lagi thi. Tab se dimag hi nahi chal rh hai.." I say joining him and smile.
We both enter inside. Baba is watching the kapil Sharma show and we both join him. Laters Armaan saying goodnight goes to his quarter.
Baba turns to me," kafi achi dosti ho gai hai tumhare aur Armaan ke bich.." he states and I know where he is heading with this.
"Baba, no.."
"Maine kuch kaha hi nahi.. mai toh bas puch raha hu.."
"No baba, Armaan mera boyfriend nahi hai.. wo aj mere sath supermarket chal pada.. use pata hi nahi tha ki wo humara hai.. phir maine use mere favorite places dikhaye.." I finish explaining him but he still has smile on him face.
"Baba stop smiling.. I said na kuch nai hai.."
"Thik hai.. thik hai.. maan li tumhari baat." He says," acha next Saturday barn function hai.. tumhe gana gana hai.."
"Baba no.. " but he cuts me off," Maine tumhara naam already register karwa diya hai.. "
"Ap hamesha aise hi karte hai." I say getting up annoyed and walk to the kitchen to make myself a cup of coffee. Baba looks at me and shakes his head.
As I head back to my room, drinking coffee, baba's words started troubling me. God, I better not fall in love with him. He will be gone soon.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Days went by and I got busy. The whole week I saw Armaan only twice. He was in mussoorie for two days then came back and again was gone to some other places. I was again back to my routine with school and evening tuitions at home.
On Saturday, I woke up with a knock. Armaan is standing with his camera and he clicks my picture again. I groan.
"Hey.. I just woke up.. what are you doing here??"
"Yoh don't have school today, right?"
"That's why I am sleeping till late.. " I say and keeping the door open I walk in and get back to bed. He walks in and pushes me off the bed," Chalo we will go somewhere.."
"Ohh.. no Armaan... you go and let me sleep." I try to drag myself but he still pulls me.
"Get ready. Jaldi karo jao.. jaldi.. "
"Maine abhi tak coffee bhi nahi pee. I can't go out without my coffee.."
"I know I know.. mai bana raha hu.."
"Tumne baba se pucha kitchen me jane se pehle.. kahi aisa na ho ki wo tumhe kahi aur phek de.."
Baba enters," are ye toh subh 6 bje se uth ke mujhe maska laga raha hai.. mumbai me milta hai na maska paw. Waise hi.." baba laughs passing me a cup of coffee then looks at Armaan, " Riddhima ki subh aur rat dono coffee se hoti hai.. agar usko uthke ki coffee na mile toh wo ghar sir pe utha leti hai.."
After getting ready I walk into the kitchen, "baba, aami aschi.."
"Hey,tum bengali ho?"
"Meri maa bengali thi.. baba toh yahi ke hai.. " I tell him and look at his bag,"where are we going?"
"Chalo surprise hai.. aur ye lo tumhari coffee" he gives me a disposable cup. I smile.
"Get in."
I turn to look at my baba in horror," apne apni car de di isko?" Then I turn to him looking with narrow eyes, "kya diya tumne mere baba ko? Unhone tumhe kaise apni car de di??"
He laughs, " Maine unhe apne hatho se bana hua mumbai ka famous poha khilaya hai.."he passes me a box from his bag," ye lo tum bhi khao.."
I can't believe baba gave his car to him. He never let me drive.. well, he gave me once and I broke it really bad. After that, he never mentioned it but it was clear that I am not allowed to even touch his car.
I eat my breakfast which is actually very delicious. He cooks really nice.
The whole way we talked and he even sang. And we move forward I knew where he is taking me. My favourite place of all the time. Though I didn't mention it to him, I just enjoy the ride.
We reach to lacchiwala range after a short ride which is a picnic spot.
Alot of people does their weekend getaway here and I have been here in my teen days and in college time. That doesn't mean I can't enjoy it again and again.
It's fun to have another experience. And Armaan is surely a daredevil. I never tried the trek to the highest mountain here but with him, today I did.
By the end of the day, we are tired, I don't even want to lift my finger. Deciding to take a couple of hours off, we sit near the lake as Armaan lean," I so tired I can sleep right away.."
"Not if sleep first..." I say with a yawn and he sits straight looking at me.
"Kya?" I ask him as he smiles.
"You're cute.. I like you.."
Taken a back, I sit straight too trying not to look too stupid. It start raining but with us both in the moment, we do not move.
His eyes searches mine; I don't know for what; and I try not to give away anything. Clearing my throat, I try to move but he holds my wrist," I really, really like you.."
"Armaan.. you don't like me.. it's just that you don't have anyone around you which makes you think you like me.." I try to reason it which sounded much better in my head.
"Riddhima, I am having dreams about you..." he says softly still looking into my eyes. I try not to flatter myself but the feeling just creeps in.
"We are spending so much time together.. it's normal... I guess?" I say so unsure that even my mind wouldn't want to believe it.
"I spent just two hour with you the last week. I call short both my trips because not seeing you didn't feel good" he moves closer. The rain is getting worse and I am so stucked in the moment, my drenched clothes doesn't bother me much.
He pulls me closer," I don't like this feeling.."
I could feel Something strange in my mind. My heart suddenly grew heavier as I stare at him to continue. Without saying anything lost in our own thoughts not knowing what do say further, I have no idea how much time we spent. When he looks away from, I gather myself and sigh.
"Riddhima," he says before I could say anything else," I can't fall in love with you."
I look at him confused but then I remember he is already in love with somebody. I saw the text the other day. And of course, for a fling like me he won't break up. Which I don't want him to do. He should be with her.
"Of course I understand Armaan. And I'd say you rather not fall for me. I don't want you to ruin things already happening in your life for this attraction we have. It will pass.." I say confidently and finally everything in my gut goes back to normal.
I again feel normal. If he is already in love, means he won't have to worry about falling in love with me which will make my life easier as I won't have to worry about him falling in love with me and then again I won't have to worry about me falling for him.
What did I just say?
Anyways, so now I know chances of him falling in love with me are none, I am at peace again.
I look at him but he is looking away, Maybe thinking about his lover. Leaving him to do that, I look at my drenched clothes
The ride back home is fine. It's not as awkward as it could have gone.
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The next friday evening, I am back from school, all work done and reading sipping my coffee when Armaan walks in. It's raining again. He is in raincoat and has his camera as usual. He looks at me but tries to cover it up.
If he thinks I don't know that he is avoiding me, then he so wrong. I have seen him sneaking out early in the mornings and sneaking in very late at nights. Since we came back from our picnic he has behaved as if he doesn't live here. Even baba has seen him sneak out in the morning and asked me what is wrong with him, to which I just shrug.
Though I know all so well, what is wrong with him. Baba is at the market so I can talk to him.
"Hey... " I shout when I see him trying to walk directly towards the quarter.
"Ohh hey.. didn't see you there Riddhima.."
"Yeah.. " I narrow my eyes at him. He walks ever so slowly to where I am sitting still trying to walk back to the quarter. Knowing what I have to do, I keep my book aside giving him space to sit," you know, my colleague suggested me few places I can take you this weekend. What say..??"
"Ohh.." he says sitting then he keeps his bag and camera on the table," actually what I was thinking.. umm I have to stay away this weekend. I won't be coming till Monday.. "
I nod and let it go. He is sitting awkwardly and as my arm brushes with his, he jerks up," I should probably go have bath.. "
"You'll be here for dinner tonight?" I ask and I already know the answer.
"Umm no.. mujhe bhook nahi lagi hai.. i will sleep early." He says and start walking.
"Why are you avoiding me Armaan?" I ask out loud even before I could stop. It hurts to see him behave this way. I rarely open up to people. And when I did today, he is behaving like a jerk.
I am not very good at hiding my feelings. Whatever is going on, I to speak it else I'd be a wreck.
"No I am not.."
"Of course you are. You haven't been here the whole week for any of the meal. I saw you sneaking up on me all around and now, just now, you saw me and decided to ignore and walk away. I said it's okay.. things will pass.." I am so tired of this. People shouldn't try and be friendly if they intend to hurt later.
After years, I let someone close to me. I don't have much friends. Except for my colleagues,I don't go out much with anyone and here is this guy. He came, he started talking and then he is avoiding me after telling me he likes me. I didn't say I like him, did I?
"Hey don't cry.. I am so sorry.."
"Uh uh.. who's crying?"
"You are.." he says and gives me a guilty smile. I shake my head clearing my tears chuckling.
"Fantastic. Now I am crying.." sniffing I get up. It's too much stress.
Walking in, I start making coffee. It's fine if he wants to avoid me. I could care less. For years of never opening up and now this happens. Wow.
Once I am done making myself a coffee, and face washed up, I walk out presuming Armaan would be long gone. But he is still sitting on the swing.
I stop and stare at him. He looks guilty and upset. Well, I am more upset than him.
"Where's my coffee??"
"Make your own.." I say almost angrily.
"Riddhima... come sit here.." his face looks in pain. As if someone has punched his guts and asked him to keep shut. He takes my free hand," I know you said it's just some attraction or something. But I could see myself walking up and seeing your face. That smile of your. And it's very settling..."
"Huh??"
"I don't want to settle. I can't. And seeing you around, laughing with you seems to be addictive."
What he is trying to say? Does his words make sense?
I sip my coffee, still looking at him but not getting where he is going with this.
"Kuch kahogi nahi??"
"Umm.." I gulping some more coffee," well,I just like you as a friend. Not more not less. After years, I opened up to someone and that's you.. so I guess that sums up all"
"So you don't love me?"
"What? Love?" My eyes are wide and I think I am having an attack," God no Armaan.. you are a good friend and that's all. Ye pyaar aur mohhabat se dur hi rehti hu mai.."
I could see he's hurt but that's not something he should feel. He has a girlfriend or boyfriend whatever. But I can't fall in love.
"I can't fall in love too Armaan. It's not something I can do.. "
"What do you mean, you can't fall in love?"
"Atleast not before getting married, I guess??"
"Kis duniya me reh rahi ho madam? Ye 21st century hai."
"Ye baat mai janti hu.. I am a history teacher.." I am stil giving him mad eyes
"Toh???"
"Bas nahi kar sakti.. " I say and I know he won't push me to say anything.
"I am sorry Riddhima. But seeing you is getting harder to not get attached to you. And just like you can't fall in love, I can't settle.. yaha has ek aur mahine, phir mai apna banjarapan leke kahi aur hoga aur tum yahi.." he says with so much sadness that I feel like giving him a hug.
I give him a side hug and he chuckles murmuring a thank you.
We talk and share our interest when Baba comes after a while with jalebi. I can smell it. I rush towards him and taking the packet I walk in to get it in a plate.
Baba and Armaan are laughing at something when I get back. I hand them both one plate and taking another one, I sit on the chair and start eating.
Feeling his gaze I look at him. He has his intense eyes game on. Baba smiles," iska aisa hi hai.. kisi ko mile na mile, ye apna hissa alag nikal hi leti hai.."
Armaan smiles still his eyes not wavering from me. I just shrug and continue eating.
He takes his camera and again start clicking pictures. I make all kind of faces I can and we all laugh.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Next evening, at the town function. We keep it during the rainy season for fundraisers and with all the money, we help people who can't afford to have shelter and food.
Armaan is here too. Baba has dragged him with us. He wasn't sure but baba was super persuasive. And with him, came his camera.
I guess he is the only guest who's stayed so long with us. Other than that lady who came to work at some hospital for a while. I don't remember much about her because I was a kid and she use to give me candy everyday coming from work. I even had a feeling that her and baba were into each other but when she went baba never mentioned her.
I am standing with my friends who are also my colleagues and we have our tomato soup.
"Wo apke baba ke sath kaun hai, Riddhima ma'am?" Bhavya teacher asks. I look at baba and then at Armaan who turns to look at me then wave. I wave back and ask him to join us. He instantly comes grinning.
"Waha kya oldies ke sath khade ho gaye?"
"You abandoned me as soon as we entered here.." he gives me accusing eyes. I laugh then I introduce him to all my colleagues and we talk till my name is announced for the opening song of the evening.
"You are singing?" He asks.
I nod and walks up to the stage. Taking the guitar I walk at the center and start singing my most favorite song roshni.
When I get back down, everyone start dancing, All aunties and uncles having fun. I find armaan standing at the corner. I waln up to him and he looks at me.
"How was it??"
He doesn't say anything but taking me out of the hall, he stops at a quite place under a tree. It's again raining but just slowly.
"Hey?? Kya hua?"
He turns to look at me and then closes his eyes," I can't take it anymore.. " saying he smacks his lips into mine.
My whole body is in shock as I feel him kissing me while I stand there with a blank mind and frozen kind of body.
AR OS BAARISH (PART TWO)
THE RAIN FALLING REMINDS ME OF YOU
BECAUSE IT'S FALLING HARD, JUST LIKE I AM FOR YOU
Mohhabat ki shuruwat toh hum dono ke dilo me ho gai thi..
Par mai nahi chahti thi ki aisa kuch ho..
Wo kisi aur ka tha..
Aur mai,well mera mohhabat se koi vasta nahi tha..
Phir kyu ye ho raha tha..
Na mai janna chahti thi aur na mai mehsus karna chahti thi..
Par aap kitni bhi koshish kar le, baarish se muh pherna mumkin hai kya?
Hawao ki Tarah.. Ya pani ki boondo ki Tarah hume mehsus dila hi jati hai
Aur agar ye na ho toh aasman me badal garaj jate hai.. joro ki bijliya chamakti hai..
Mujhe toh sab kuch mila.
Pata hi nahi chala ki mausam badal gaya. Mohhabat ki barish hui aur mai puri tahar bheeg gai.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Standing there, in rain, Armaan kissing me, yet I couldn't get my mind at place.
I jerked him away," what the hell Armaan??"
"I am so sorry Riddhima.. shit.."
"Yeah, you should be." I say very disappointed. I told him there's nothing going to happen between us and yet here we are.
"I know , I know.. I just saw you in the spotlight and ... shit.. I am sorry Riddhima.." he says and he means it. I can see regret clear in his eyes.
Calming myself, I take a deep breath then look at him again," look Armaan. I don't want it to get complicated. Just please. Don't do anything like this again.."I turn and start walking inside the hall.
When we reach home after the function is over, I go straight to bed without my coffee. I tell baba I will have it before sleeping.
Changing into comfortable clothes, I stand in front of the mirror. My eyes staring at my lips into the mirror.
Then a smile creeps in and I touch my lower lips. This was my first kiss. I haven't had any relationships or anything before.
I know I can't fall in love but I also know there's some part of me that likes Armaan too. I feel it inside me. When he looks at me and I sense it, it never happened before. I just hope whatever this feeling is, it never grow.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The next few days were something like this. On sunday, we totally ignored each other. I was at the supermarket till 1 then I went to meet one of my colleagues. After coming home, made a thermos full of coffee.I went in my room and never came out.
After that, the week was at school busy working. He again skipped the whole week of dinner telling baba he'd probably be late almost every day.
On friday night, baba is making dinner. I am checking some class tests I took, having my coffee.
Armaan comes all drenched. He looks at me then at baba and smile,"baba aj mai dinner ke liye aa raha hu..kya bana rahe ho?"
"Paneer burji aur parathe.." baba answers. He smiles saying okay and looks at me.
I give him a half smile. It's become so awkward between us that how to talk to him is a question now.
I get back to checking my paper when he comes sitting next to me," can we talk after dinner?"
"Sure.." I say unsure. I look at him and he is smiling.
He gets up and walks to his quarters.
After dinner, baba sits in front of the TV..I tell him we are going to take a small walk. He nods busy watching some serial he follows like religion.
"So kya baat karni thi??"
"Listen, I will be going back in two weeks.." he says as we walk down the lane.
"But tum toh do month ke liye aaye the na?"
"Haa aur two week me wo two months khatam ho jaege.." he says, his voice like a whisper," Riddhima I have a confession to make.."
I am all ears. Even if I haven't said anything to him and even though we haven't met this last few days, that kiss still lingers and I really want to kiss him. This time for real. Not one sided and not something so sudden that I have no reaction.
The more he was away from me, the more I wanted him to be closer to me. All I could think was about him. Seeing him again, meeting him again and spending some time with him is all I could think. And I knew even if I say I can't fall in love, I like him already, too much to look back.
My dairy has become a scribble book because I spend hours and hours writing about what should I feel him and what should I not. But the more I tried to sort it out the more it became complicated. The more I tried to make it simple the more it got strangled.
So I finally realized that it's no use of running away. It's time to take a slow walk with clear mind and go with the flow.
He doesn't want to settle and I don't want to fall in love. That doesn't mean we can't enjoy the littlest time we have left. I would rather enjoy this moment and be happy the rest of my life knowing I took my chances than just regretting later about what if.
"Kya soch rahi ho??" He asks looking at me. I stare at him for a moment.
I stop walking and turn to him,"yahi.." and I lean in and do what I wanted to do since the Saturday night. I kiss him. I could taste the wrath of my own medicine. He is shocked.
I move away," are you going to kiss me back or not?"
"Riddhima but..."
"Armaan, I tried to push you. I tried to not like you back. And I tried to reason each and every aspects I could but at the end all I got is, I like you more than yesterday. I am not asking for commitments and for sure I am not asking you to settle for me. I just want to live in the now for once. Can I??"
"Hell, yes darling!" He pulls me closer looking into my eyes and his hot breath touch my lips. I could feel my heartbeat turning into a bass and I could feel my eyes shutting as his lips touches mine softly.
He doesn't move it. Just touch. His arms holding mine and even his heartbeat is fast and loud. I can hear it. Moving his hand on my head he bent back my head across his arm, and kisses me, slowly at first, then with a swift gradation of Intensity making me cling into his arms in a dizzy swaying world. Shaking, I part my lips, as pure passion rushes through my each veins I kiss him back with the same intensity.
A little later, I stop to catch on my breath and he stops too. Opening my eyes, I smile with his lips still touching mine,"best kiss ever!"
He laughs then hold my hand and we again start walking,"I was saying..."
"You were?"
We both chuckle as he stops," Riddhima, I don't know what to say. It took me five days to make a speech about how important you have become in these past couple of weeks and you have ruined it.." he says looks stupid and adorable at the same time.
Do I regret it? No!
Do I want to go back in time and see what speech he has prepared? No!
Did I enjoy the kiss? Hell yes!!
I actually might get addicted if we kiss a few more time just as much as I am addicted to coffee. Maybe more than coffee.
"You still want that speech Armaan?"
"I guess not.." saying he again lean and we kiss again.
"Let's go.. I have to show you something.." he says and taking my hand we walk back towards my house.
He leaves my hand when we enter the yard. From outside of the door, I check if baba is asleep or not and his door is closed. Closing the front door form outside, I walk with Armaan to his quarter.
To my surprise, his room is mighty clean. His laptop and computer laying on the bed. He jumps on it and opens the laptop and Pats on the bed. I take a seat. He has a picture of his with a lady which I guess is his mother. He looks at where I am looking.
"That's my mom.."
I smile and I can see the resemblance in their smile.
"What do you want to show?"
"Here.." he gives me the laptop and it's a folder of my name. I click it open to see my photos. Lots of them.
"That's too much of me.." I blurt.
He laughs,"you have a photogenic face. The moment I saw you I knew it'd be worth it.."
"That's called stalking Armaan.." with narrow eyes I glare at him but these pictures are simply beautiful and It melts my heart seeing how his eyes shines looking at his work.
"I know. But whenever I saw you I knew with one right angle, your pictures would do magic. You don't even need make up Riddhima..look at this one," he says pulling the laptop and the pictures he took of me before we were going to lacchiwala,"I mean, even models need make up and even their no makeup look has two pounds of makeup."
I laugh taking back the laptop and go through all the pictures he took. I can't point anything wrong on even one of it. Every one of them are perfect.
He is staring at me when I look up at him. I raise my eyebrows. He grins and pulls me,"come here." And kisses me softly.
"Ab kya Armaan?"
"Ab hum dono sote hai.. kal ki kal dekhege?"
"Sounds like some plan." I tease him which makes him smile," seriously, Armaan? Aage kya?"
"What do you want to do?"
"I want to enjoy the time we have. This might be my last chance to have it. And I want to feel like I have it all."
"Fine then.. we'll have it all while it last. Okay?"
"Umm.. Armaan. Don't get offended but church me Maine tumhara text pad liya tha. What about that? If you don't want to answer then don't.."
He doesn't answer but he takes his from the side table and after opening it gives it to me. I look at him not taking but he pushes it.
It has maa written. I smile and mentally slap myself.
"I thought you have a girlfriend and I was still getting attracted to you so.."
"It's fine."
"So if you miss your mom so much why don't you go home to visit her?"
He shakes his head and pain clogs his face. He smiles sadly," I wish mai jaa pata unke pas. She is no more.."
"I am so sorry Armaan.."
"It's in the past. In fact mom ke jane ke bad, I took this job. Ghar unke bina ghar hai hi nahi."
"Wo text?"
"Maine aj tak unke number band nahi kiya. I keep it on. Jab bhi unki yaad aati hai toh message kar deta hu. Shayad un tak pauch jaye.. "
"And your dad?" I ask not sure what answer I will get. But his expression changes from sadness to anger. His eyes staring at one place.
"He never bothered about my mom or me. A month after mom was gone, he married a girl younger than me. Typical rich ass.. sorry" he shakes his head and takes a deep breath, " let's change the subject okay.. and if you want us to have it all while it last, we will.."
I nod. We talk for hours before I start feeling sleepy. Saying goodnight I got back to my house and without having coffee I sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The next day, Armaan comes for breakfast. He looks for baba who's in the kitchen and steals a kiss. I smiles when he whispers good morning darling.
"Good morning."
Baba comes just as Armaan takes a seat," are Aj kaise kya ghar pe ho armaan?"
"Aj Riddhima ki chutti hai toh usko leke jane ka socha hai.."he turns to me," chalogi kya?"
I look at baba then at Armaan and nod. Baba looks at me intensely and I know exactly what he is thinking and for a change he is right. Though I am not telling him that. It's not going to last forever so I'd rather just enjoy then giving a hint to baba and let him think I will have a love marriage.
"Of course.. kaha leke jaa rahe ho?"
"Ajeeb ho yaar.. mai tumhare seher aaya hu ya tum mere... tumhe mujhe ghuma chahiye toh mujhse hi keh rahi ho?"
Baba laughs and I look at him with narrowed eyes," I work 5 days a week and Saturday ko mai kaam karti hu.. sunday ko shop jati aur meri favorite places pe jati hu.. isse jyada nahi pata mujhe." I snap back at him.
"Galat insan se keh rahe ho Armaan. Ye toh school picnics bhi majboori me jati hai. Isko iski kitade aur coffee de do baki duniya ki jarurat hi nahi padti hai isse.."he laughs totally enjoying the banter," meri Rihanna hai jo iss ghar me jaan dal deti hai.." he then stops and looks at me.
The banter forgotten, I stare at him shocked. He himself is taken back. After a minute or two, silently he starts eating and doesn't look up.
Armaan raises his brow and I just shake my head. In years baba has never taken her name. She is kind of Voldemort. The one who's name shouldn't be taken. Baba made this rule and he made sure he never breaks it. I guess looking at me and Armaan fighting just like I use to fight with her made him say something.
I know he misses her. I have seen him staring at the plants in our yard which she planted.
After breakfast, which was terribly quite after that, I get ready and meet Armaan at the porch.
"Baba ami asche.." I shout at his closed door where I know he'd be sitting and staring at the plants from his window.
"What was that about??"
"Nothing.."
"Come on Riddhima. I have been on that table before, eating with you and your baba. Tell me!" He stubbornly says and I just shrug. I don't know what to say.
Armaan has called a cab this time. We get in the cab and I look outside the window feeling his gaze on me.
"Hey??" He says holding my hand. I turn to him and give him a smile.
He has already told me so much about him. I guess I can open up a little bit too. But not in this cab. Not when I don't know if I'd be able to breath after letting it out.
7 years. I haven't said anything to anyone. And suddenly it feels too much to take but when I let it all out, I will need fresh air.
"Not in here.. once we are somewhere else.." he nods squeezing my hand softly. He leans towards me and kiss my cheeks making me smile brighter, "where are we going?"
"You'll see."
We reach in 20 minutes. I smile looking at him.
"Chale??" He asks offering me his hand. I take it with a big grin on my face that I can feel my jaw hurt.
I put on veil and Armaan covers his head with a handkerchief and we enter the gurudwara's main gate. Washing our feet then taking chadar to offer inside, we both walk in.
After offering our prayers we go to serve langar. Spending some time with the kids their we play with them then he takes my hand and we walk behind the gurudwara to a garden.
It's less crowded and quite peaceful. Trees surrounded the whole place. Armaan sits and Pat next to him. We sit quietly for a while enjoying the perfect weather. Cold breeze hitting our faces softly. It's cloudy. Not alot to rain but enough to keep the weather cool and romantic.
"Ab bataogi?" He asks softly keeping his hand around my shoulder. I sigh as loud as I can and breath in.
"Rihanna is my sister. Twin." I say and look into his eyes. He looks at me with raised eyebrow and so many questions in his eyes yet he say nothing. Taking another deep breath I say ,"She was murdered by the guy she fell in love with."
He is silent. So am I. We sit just looking at each other. He leans in and wipes my cheeks and I realize I have tears.
"How long?"
"We were 16."
"No, how long has it been that you didn't cry Riddhima?"
"Ohh.." I don't know what to say at that. Maybe 7 years give or take. I haven't cried after her funeral.
"Tell me."
"7 years.."
"Do you want to cry?" I instantly shake my head. No, I can't recall her with tears. I am supposed to remember her with just smile.
"Tell me about her." He says kissing my head.
"She was the loudest, most irritating and annoying person I know. She was my opposite. Very stubborn, fun, loving. Never settled for anything. She'd fight in school everyday. For me as well. Kisi ne mujhe cheda ya kuch kaha toh wo uspe baras padti. Mai jitni hi introvert hu utni hi extrovert thi wo. Painting and cooking uska passion tha. Baba ke sath har sunday kuch nai dish banati aur phir hum shop band hone ke bad piche pahadi pe baith ke khate.. " I take a deep breath," wo 22 sal ka tha. Kaha se aaya kyu aaya kaise Rihanna se mila hume kuch bhi nahi pata. Baba aur mai market se aaye aur wo.. zameen pe thandi padi rahi.. tumhe pata hai usse pehle Maine use kabhi aise nahi dekha.. wo ek jagah kabhi hoti hi nai thi ek pal yaha toh ek pal waha.. hume laga mazak hai toh hum bhi uske sath mazak karne lage.." I stop choked up.
I can't breath. My head feels heavy and my heart is numb. I try to take a deep breath but it's hard.
"I...."
"Hey... hey...breath...breath...Riddhima" he Pats on my cheek.
I can't see anything. It's dark. So dark.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Riddhima... Riddhima" I feel someone shaking me. I jerk up and look around. Armaan is looking at me. I frown then recall what happened.
I blacked out.
"Damn. You scared the crap out of me, woman.." he hugs me tight.
"Sorry.."
"Don't be. I thought you died or something. Fuck man.." he shakes his head and again pulls me in a bear hug.
"I am fine Armaan."
"Hell you are.. Riddhima.." he is dumbstruck. I give him a smile and kiss his cheeks. We are in a gurudwara's garden. If anyone sees us doing this they will take us to jail. Yet I feel I had to.
"I am alright. I promise. "
"Why didn't you cry?"
"I got busy taking care of baba and house. I got busy with studies. She use to say I am such a crybaby and she never cried. I didn't feel like I should remember her crying."
"Riddhima.." he shakes his head and hold my face in both his hand as if I am a baby," darling, everyone needs a cry. Every damn one needs a good cry. You can remember her just as you like. And so what if she didn't cry. It doesn't mean you shouldn't!"
I silently look at him. I can see So many emotions all at once. He is sad. He feels sorry for me.
"Don't worry Armaan. I am fine."
"Are you?"
"Yes!" I reassure him. I smile, he again kisses my head before leaving my face and holding my hand. I look away,"after 7 years baba first time took Rihanna's name. He never mentions her. He talks about maa. But Rihanna is a sore topic for him."
"What happened to that guy?"
"He was arrested and jailed for lifetime imprisonment.Baba ne uska chapter wahi close kar diya. Na humne us bare me kabhi baat ki ka kabhi kuch aur janne ki koshish."
"Kya tum khush ho uska chapter close kar ke?"
"Wo meri behen hai Armaan. Twin. Humne 9 mahine apni maa ke pet me ek sath bitaye hai.. agar mai bhi uska chapter close kar dugi toh mai behen kehlane ke layak nahi hu.." I sigh and smile,"har wo jagah jaha hum sath ghume hai mai har sunday waha jati hu. Uski yaado ko phir se jeene."
"Wo pahad? Wo church?"
"Har Sunday hum dono wahi ghumte the. Maine uski rakh ko naadi me nahi dala. Maine usko inhi wadiyo me faila diya.. wo bas meri ruh me nahi hai. Wo har un jahago par hai jo uski favorite thi. Even lacchiwala me bhi.."
"Toh kya ishi liye tum pyar nahi kar sakti?"
"Baba once came in my room right after she was dead. And he asked me to promise him that I shall never fall in love."
"Riddhima.. tum ek bhot achi behen aur usse kahi jyada achi beti ho."
I smile. I am happy that someone thinks that way.
"Armaan, even though I can't fall in love with anyone, you will always have a part of me."
He smiles and kisses my head.
Getting up we move out.
"Kal date me chalogi mere sath?"
"Ye date nahi thi kya?"
"Come on we were just hanging out. Koi date Kehta hai kya ise?"
"Mujhe kya pata. Tumhe date karte ho.. Maine toh nahi kiya.." I tease him. He tickles me and I laugh running away while he chase me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My day started the same way every sunday does. I got up went to the supermarket and then Armaan joined me to eat then go to church. We sat and talked for hours.
I am getting so use to talking to him. After talking about Rihanna yesterday, I felt so good. Never knew I was holding up so much inside that I could get broken. I never knew I had to share to let the pain go.
We talked for hours. He shares his memories with me and I shared mine. He told me about his mom and I told him about maa.
It's 7 in the evening and baba is still not at home. I called and told him I am going out for a movie with Armaan.
Getting ready, I walked to his quarter and knocked.
"Hey go back. I am supposed to come and get you.." he cries out. I laugh.
"Tum lene aaye mai aai ek hi baat hai Armaan.."
"Riddhima.. it's the basic rule of a date. Whoever organizes does the leading. Go back right away." He sternly says though I can feel him trying not to break a smile.
"Okay okay.. I am going.. i am going.." i walk back," see gone.."
A minute after I walk inside the house, he knocks. I try not to laugh as I walk out and he gives me his hand," is milady ready for a date?"
"Yes, milord!" I bow in front of him and take his hand. We both laugh and walk hand in hand.
The mall is very close to my place so we walk talking and laughing.
After the movie, he takes me to a restaurant which is new, as he said and I have never seen this restaurant neither did I hear about it.
Ordering Chinese food, we talk. He tells me about his further plans. He is going to manali after this, then Ladakhi and the list goes on.
The good thing about all this is, he knows how things are going to take a turn once he leaves from here and he made no promises.
After the dinner, we walk out of the restaurant and I pull him to walk us to one of the closest tea stall.
He takes tea and I order my beloved coffee. We take the kulhads and walk to a corner rock at the end of the lane. The road is totally empty and the lights are out of the street.
We sit on the rock Armaan next to me, his hand around my shoulder. He is looking at the city's light and I am looking at his hand playing on my shoulder making circles.
"Tum settle kyu nahi hona chahte Armaan??"
"Huh?"
"Tumne mujhse kaha tha ki tum settle nahi hona chahte life me.. aisa kyu?"
"Hona chahta hu but ho nahi sakta.." he says softly. Turning to look at me he smiles. Though I can't see it properly, I can feel it.
"Kyu?"
"Mom ki death ke bad, jab dad ne shadi kar to Maine ghusse me ghar chod diya. Ek friend ki agency join kar li photography ki. He paid me just fine. But mumbai me rehna mushkil ho raha tha isliye aisi job dekh liya ki kahi settle hona hi na pade. Us time pe ghussa tha, akad thi, aur zid bhi isliye bina kuch soche 5 sal ka contract sign kar diya. Agar bich me kabhi choda toh I will be sued." He pulled me closer and leans in kissing my head again,"iss job me paisa hai naam hai par sukoon nahi hai.." keeping the kulhad aside, he takes my hand and kisses it softly, "do sal ho rahe hai Riddhima. Kahi itna dil nahi laga jitna yaha lag gaya hai. Aj tak har sherer me pauchne ke ek pal bad se hi waha se kahi aur nikalne ka khayal aata hai." He keeps my hand on his chest above his heart," aj pehli baar kahi aur jane ke khayal se dar lag raha hai."
His voice is broken. His eyes on him, even in dark I can feel it. He is sad. So so sad.
His pain is so much clearer even in dark that I move and hug him tightly. He holds me tight not letting me go.
I rub his back trying to ease his pain. So much has happened in these two days. We have come so close to each other. So close that we both can feel each other's pain.
He breathes then move and without even a warming start kissing me. It takes me a moment to register for me to kiss him back. My left hand still on his heart while other moves to his head and I groan when he bites my lower lip and with both his hands he picks me up pulling me into his lap.
Desperate, we try to get as close as we can. He pulls my head back leaving my lips and moving to my neck arches my head back.
I moan and trying to hold it back but when it's too much to take I jerk his hand and start kissing his face. Everywhere. His head, eyes , cheeks, jaw. Then I take his lips and again starting to kiss him.
Not having any senses, I move my hand towards his chest and start unbuttoning his shirt.
"Woah woah... " he holds my hand stopping me and I finally come back to senses.
"Sorry.." I say and he laughs.
"Take it slow darling. You don't wanna rush in these matters." He says and hugs me," you are hell of a goddess Riddhima."
After sitting for some time, we get up and walk back to the house.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Every day after the Sunday, after school when I'd reach home, Armaan would make something to eat for me and baba. He'd give me coffee. He has already finished his shoot, that's what he said. And that he has free time which he is going to enjoy with me.
Then he'd make fun of me with baba when I am checking papers or preparing for the coming day. Baba is happy to have him around. He is the only one who is staying with us for so long. Just like me, baba doesn't get attached to anyone of the guests but when it came to Armaan, we both were already attached.
He helped baba with cooking and cleaning and all sorts of work saying he should be baba's son.
Every night, after dinner, we both would take a walk down the lane holding hands. Then some days we'd stop at the corner and kiss.
It's Saturday and today we all are going to picnic with baba's friends and their families. Even few of my colleagues are joining us.
I pack all the sandwiches Armaan has made. Baba is making his world famous pakoda. Armaan walks with a thermos giving it to me.
"Your coffee, milady!!"
"Thank you milord!!" I bow down and giving him a flying kiss, walk into my room to get ready.
When I come out, Armaan is keeping all the bags in back of the car. Baba is sipping is coffee looking at Armaan. He turns to look at me and smile, "lagta hi nahi ki ye bas do mahine raha hai.. aisa lagta hai ki hamesha se jante hai isko.. hai na Riddhima.."
I just stare at baba then turn to look at Armaan. We were so busy enjoying and living the moment, it never occurred to me that he will be leaving next Friday. This is the last weekend I am going to get with him.
Suddenly I don't feel like sharing him to the world. Just this once, I want to keep him and have him just for me.
He looks at me and gives me a sweet smile. He is so good looking. And with that white tee shirt sticking to his body, he looks no less than a model. Shades covering his beautiful grayish blue eyes.
"Dream on babe." He says snapping his fingers in front of me and I come out of my dream land.
"Huh?"
"You were day dreaming..." he smirks. I smile and turn to look at baba. He is taking his cards and chess board. I drag armaan away and walk to the back of the house. Pushing him to the wall, I kiss him. He holds my hand and moves me and a second later, pulls back.
We kiss each other hungrily both trying to get deeper and failing. Frustrated, I stop and let him have at it. He kisses me urgently as if it's needed to live.
"Riddhima.." baba calls.
I push armaan away and rushes," Armaan apna phone bhool gaya hai wahi lene gaya hai.."
He returns after a while and baba gives him the key to drive taking shotgun. I sit back enjoying the feel of our stolen kiss looking outside.
When we reach to the picnic spot, it's a huge slide ground. Alot of people comes to spend their time here. Baba and his friends comes here every other month.
Baba is setting the stump for cricket. Armaan is helping khukdeja uncle to cover the score borders. I am following his every move.
"Bas karo Riddhima. Tumhari aakhe bahar aa jaegi aise hi dekhte rahi toh.." Naina, my colleague says. I turn to look at her and she with my other colleague Nitya are grinning looking at me. They are the closest I have as friends
I laugh and shrug it off. Armaan walks back and sitting next to me he takes the water bottle and whispers, " aise hi dekhti rahogi na mujhe toh tumhare baba yahi mera kriya karam kar dege. Waise bhi jo ghar pe kiya wo heart attack and brain stop karne ke liye kafi tha.."
I get up,"fine then.. ab tum bologe toh bhi nahi dekhugi.. " I say and taking the ball, walk to go and play.
He is left stunned. I smirk when he is chosen to play in the different team.
Nitya is the first one to bat. I ball for her and in two balls, she is out. Same goes with baba and Sharma uncle.
Armaan walks to them taking the bat," I didn't know you were this good."
"Abhi tumne dekha hi kya hai.."
"Is that a challenge, milady?"
"Yes, milord!" I say bowing and smirk.
"Challenge accepted then."
I give him a thumbs up and then slowly moves it down. Everyone from my team including Naina boo him and his team all clap. I throw the ball at him and he hits it hard throwing the ball.
As the game goes on, I keep balling and he keeps hitting until everyone is tired and they all ask us to stop.
"Har maan lo Riddhima.. nahi hara paogi mujhe.."
"Is that so?" I take my cap out and wears it the other way,"one last ball, if tumne isko hit kiya then you win."
Everyone is sitting and looking at us. I take the ball and look at the stumps behind him. He looks at me in his charming I-can-do-anything look. I walk away and then running in, throws the ball hard and too fast.
It touches the bat at the edge and goes dropping the stumps.
Everyone laughs and cheers for me and Armaan is standing looking at the dropped stumps behind him and then his bat. I walk up to him.
"Kuch keh rahe the?"
"Damn, woman, you are good.." he appreciates me and was about to lean in to kiss or maybe hug me but I move fast.
Realizing, he scratches his head and walks with me to join others.
"Where did you learn to play?"
"Rihanna. She taught me.." I say and then shakes my head when we almost reach,"bad me bataugi.."
We all sit, play more games, eat and enjoy till the evening. After that everyone is invited to kukreja uncle's house for dinner.
Armaan and I finish our dinner and we walk back to the house as baba has stayed to talk to all his friends.
He holds my hand playing with my fingers,"aj subh kya hua tha tumhe?"
"Baba ne yaad dila diya ki ye humara aakhri weekend hai sath me. Tumhari flight hai next Friday." I say not trying to get my mood sour.
He goes silent.
I feel a drop of rain on my cheek. I wipe it when I feel one more on my nose.
Armaan stops pulling me in front of him. He kiss me on the nose sucking the drop. It start raining heavily.
He takes my hand pulling it behind his back, I clutch it. Taking my face, he leans in and we start kissing. Both of us are getting drenched but not bothered, we continue to kiss until Armaan has picked me up and he takes a round. Too afraid to fall, I hold onto his shoulders very tight. But when he again twirls, I open my arms and look up at the sky feeling the rain hitting my face.
He keeps rotating letting me enjoy every moment of this. Laughing and feeling so happy and sad at the same time.
He drops me and again takes my face in his hand kissing very slow this time. His lips parting mine as he let me feel his warmth and enters my mouth. Devouring every details of it, his slow touches becomes urgent and we kiss hurriedly.
Someone honks from behind. We both jump away and laughs when whoever the driver is laughs at us.
We walk back home, totally drenched and dripping. I remember I saw this just like this the first time as well. With just one look, I disliked him just as much as I like him now.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am a little sick today. Baba is reading his sunday newspaper and listening to the radio. It's raining heavily and every drop of rain is making my head pound.
I slept with wet hair now I am sick. Baba gets up and pulls the shawl from the cabinet covering me,"kya jarurat thi pani me bheegne ki?"
"Baba bas 5 minutes hi bheegi na. Aur mera dryer kharab ho gaya isliye.. "
Not even listening he walks in and goes into the kitchen. Armaan comes from the back and looks at me questioning.
"Tumhari wajah se hua.." I blame him and pout.
I hate being sick. I get cranky and pissed.
He laughs and kissing my head then my nose which is running down, walks in.
Baba comes back and I forward both my hand for coffee but he is empty handed.
"Baba, my coffee??"
"Armaan laa raha hai.."
I pout and sit solemnly. I hate this.
He comes back after a few minutes and passes me my cup.
I smell it but my nose is blocked which makes me groan. I hate everything.
Taking a sip I try to relax but spit it as it taste nothing like coffee.
He is laughing with baba at my obviously stupid expression. I glare at them both.
Armaan sits next to me,"ye kadha hai.. pee lo jaldi se thik ho jaogi.."
I drop the shawl keeping his stupid cup of poison dragging myself inside to make coffee or else I will kill someone.
"Are Riddhima..baitho yaha aur ye peeyo.." he orders me pulling back to the swing. I glare at him.
"Agar abhi ke abhi mujhe coffee nahi mili toh mai ye kadha tumhare muh me dalugi.. " I say leaning in. He is leaned back sitting with his head back and looking at me a little scared.
"Okay..okay.." he gets up," laa raha hu tumhari coffee.." he turns to leave but again looks at me,"laa raha hu.. ghussa mat karo.."
"Jao na toh.." I shout.
He rushes inside. Baba laughs which makes me glare at him. I narrow my eyes at him.
"Apko badi hasi aa rahi hai? Kadha peela rahe the mujhe??"
Putting pillow at the end I lie down on the swing. Baba walks up to me and covers me with the shawl.
Armaan comes back with coffee. I dip my finger and lick to check if it's coffee or not. After confirming I take a sip and take a deep breath.
He again goes in and comes back with my blanket. Covering me he sits with baba talking about sports and old movies.
I wake up after a nap, still on the swing. Armaan is sitting looking at me, he has his camera in his hand.
I try to get up but he rushes to me and with the blanket still around me, taking me in his arms, he walks inside.
"Tumhare baba market gaye hai tumhare liye mushroom lane. Soup banaege."
"Coffee.." I whisper.
He shakes his head and from the thermos, which I presume baba has kept, pours me a large cup of coffee.
He sits next to me and gives me a bear hug. Then covers me properly and sits. I look at him still looking at me.
"Kya hua?"
"Choti bacchi lag rahi ho.. tumhari nose puri red ho gai hai aur cheeks bhi."
I groan and keep sipping my coffee which makes him laugh.
"I hate being sick."taking the tissue, blowing nose, I look at him," see.. hate it!"
He laughs and taking his camera start clicking kya pictures. Groaning, I throw the blantek on my head and sip my coffee inside.
"Come on Riddhima, don't be a spoil sport."
"Go away Armaan. That thing is so heavy I feel is kept of my head."
"Acha chalo nahi kar raha. Batao kya khaogi?"
"Mushroom soup." I say pouting and moving the blanket of my face.
He smiles and imitates my action as I blow my nose again.
Once I had my soup, baba gives me medicine and I lie down on the couch. He tells me he'd cancel going to Sharma uncle's house for lunch but I insist him telling I will let Armaan be my slave today. He laughs and goes.
Armaan sits at the corner of the couch as soon as baba is gone and he takes my legs keeping on his lap.
"Yaha aao." I get up with my blanket then pushes him to lie down. Then with my blanket, I slip on the couch at whatever place is their. He takes me in his arms and covering properly, pulls me closer cuddling, kissing my head.
I am already feeling better. With the soup, my taste buds are back and I don't feel that pounding in my head. Closing my eyes, I drift into sleep.
When I get up, Armaan is asleep. Very slowly, not waking him up, I get off the couch and going out, sit on the swing. I am feeling much better than before.
It's almost dark outside and thank goodness, it had finally stopped raining.
Last sunday with Armaan which I can make better than just feeling sleepy and sick. I get up.
First things first, I make myself a hot cup of coffee. Then I take two packets of Maggie and boil it. Once the Maggie is ready, I put it in oven so it's warm when.we eat.
I don't want to wake him up but if baba comes, we won't get to spend any time. I shake him.
"Armaan .. utho.." he gets up very fast. I guess he is a light sleeper. He smiles and pulls me on top of him.
"I was dreaming about you.."
"Ummh huh? Kya dekha?"
"Kuch khas nahi bas ki hum kisi bare me baat kar rahe hai aur tum mujhe kiss kar rahi ho.."
"Acha.. wo toh mai abhi bhi kar sakti hu but mujhe sirdi hai.." I say when he pulls my face to kiss and move away. I wouldn't want him to fall sick just because of me.
"Chalo jaldi se uthke fresh ho jao.. hum date pe jaa rh hai?" I pull him. He gets up sitting stretching his arms.
"kaha?"
"Tum fresh toh jao.." I pull him.
When he came back washing his face and wiping it, I smile and give my hand to him. He takes it smiling and we both walk out.
"Ye tumhara date plan hai?"
I nod. He looks again and smile, pulling me. Taking my face in both his hands and give me a long peck.
"Eww.. Armaan.. my nose is still running down."
He laughs and pulls me to the swing where I have kept our bowl of Maggie and coffee on the table in front.
We both sit and he feeds me the first bite then he eats,"wow yummy.."
I laugh,"I just boiled it Armaan."
"Toh kya hua.. it's still tasty and world's best date ever!!"
Once we are done, I put the bowl and our mugs in the sink and again sit in front of the TV. He puts on some music channel, moving the tea table aside he forwards his hand.
"Dance with me, milady??"
"Sure, milord!!" I say bowing down and taking his hand.
He pulls me closer, his hand on my back and we slowly move with the music. And to admit it, we both suck at dance.
He is just as Terrible as I am. Doing some silly steps which goes wrong, we laugh together.
The next song is a nagin song. He leaves my hand and gets on the floor and start dancing on the floor. I laugh and join him.
"Ye kya haal banaya hai tum dono ne ghar ka?"
We both are still on the floor with very stupid and funny positions. Baba walks in and start laughing.
Baba takes the remote, puts on an old songs channels. Rajesh Khanna's jai hai shiv Shankar is on. Baba increases the volume and start Dancing.
I look at Armaan and he looks at me. He gets up and join baba, dancing with him.
I sit on the chair and watch them as they dance like some old buddies enjoying themselves.
Once the song is finished, they sit on the couch and laughs. I have never seen baba so happy. Maybe it's because I am always busy with my own stuff.
I mean we do have fun. We go to watch movies together, shopping, we play tennis together, cards. But with Armaan, I saw something I didn't know baba had in him. He talks about sports with Armaan. They discuss movies and politics. It's like he has known him forever and they share this best bound of friendship. I never knew baba would dance. He use to dance with maa. They always use to put on a show in front of us and we'd cheer for them. But when maa passes away, baba never danced.
Hell, he even gets the best out of me too. I never knew I have it me to enjoy so much. I never danced. I never challenged anyone. I am not the one to feel so many emotions all at once and yet he brings that in me. It's like, with him I am this different person known even I didn't know.
When he goes back to his quarter, baba sits with me as I still think about Armaan and he watches some repeat game of football.
"Riddhima.. tujhe Armaan acha lagta hai?"
I look at baba shocked. Does he know about is?
"Mane?"
"Mujhe lagta hai mai agar usse tere liye baat karuga toh wo shadi ke liye haa kahega.. "
"Baba, ee tumi ki balacha?"
"I like him for you, beta. Wo tujhe khush karta hai. Maine tujhe itna khush, itna haste kabhi nahi dekha hai.." he says keeping his hand on my shoulder.
I don't know what to say. I never thought about love marriage but I never thought that baba could like someone for me, someone whom I already like.
"Tini ekati guest, baba. He is going next week." I try to reason him.
"Mai baat toh kar sakta hu na bete.."
"Baba, uska contract hai. He will be sued agar usne apna contract toda. Ap aise usse puch ke uspe pressure mat daliye.."
"We can fix your alliance if he says yes,beta.."
"Baba, no! We must not put any pressure on him.." I say and get up," he has more than three years of touring to do. Agar abhi usko kuch bolege toh wo ek bandhan me band jaega. Aur mai nahi chahti ki aise kisi ke sath bhi ho.."
"Do you like him Riddhima?"
Having no guts to lie to him, I just nod my head slightly and walk into my room. I don't know what baba must be thinking of me but I know he won't talk to Armaan against my wish.
And I do not wish to do that to Armaan. He has his dreams. He has his passion to follow and I want him to have the whole world. I want him to have all the happiness in the world.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's Thursday evening, I came back from school and went straight to Armaan's quarter. He gives me a sloppy kiss getting busy packing.
"So?"
"So?" I ask him back.
The last few days went very different. Baba never mentioned about Armaan to me again. I thought he'd be upset but for a change he was okay. He was just normal.
Armaan and I tried to spent as much as time we could but the more we were together the less it felt. It wasn't enough. I know it's never going to be enough.
We haven't talked about us going our separate ways. Rather, I ignored every time he brought that topic up. I'd sush him kissing or doing something which would distract him.
But today I can't avoid it. It's happening for real and I have to face is once and for all.
"Riddhima, I am going tomorrow.."
"I know.."
"Toh hum kya karne wale hai us bare me?" He asks frustrated, "tumhe pata hai na ki hum date kar rh hai.. hume ek decision lena hoga.."
"Toh kya kahu Armaan. Maine meri life ka best time tumhare sath jiya hai.. ab wo khatam ho raha hai. Kya chahte ho kya kahu mai??"
"Mujhe rukne keh do Riddhima.. " he pleads.
I shake my head," I can't do that to you.. tumhare sapne hai, tumhara passion hai photography. Agar Maine tumhe aj rok liya toh wo sapna tut jaega tumhara Armaan."
"Toh kya karu yaar mai. Tum bhi chalo mere sath.."
I laughs halfheartedly, " you know I can't Armaan. You know it."
He throws the shirt he was folding and sits with his head in his hand. I rub his back.
"Armaan.."
"I don't like it at all Riddhima. I don't like it at all.."
"I know.. I know. But ye toh karna padega na Armaan. Ye hi life hai na. Hum emotionally decision nahi le sakte na.."
He takes me in his arms and hugs me. We both sit there life forever. Forgetting about the world, forgetting about the reality, tucked in our own bubble.
"Tum wait karogi mera?"
"Kis liye?"
"Teen saal baad jab mai aauga tumne milne?? Wait karogi mera?"
I nod.
"You promise?"
I smiles and seal his lips with mine. Softly we kiss, our lips moving in sync as we pour all our emotions and all our love in that one kiss.
Sighing, I nod,"I will wait for you Armaan. Forever."
We kiss again and again and again.
And that's when I realize, I am in love with Armaan. Deeply and madly in love.
Yet I know I can't stop him. Because I love him, I have to let him go. Because if he stays then our love won't be anything special.
Loving someone doesn't mean you have to have that person. It means their happiness. I have seen Armaan with his camera. He is empty without it. I can't do that to him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I look up at the sky as I see his flight taking off. Waiting for it to disappear, I stand there.
I reach home and walks to the quarter he stayed in. In the bed, there is a rose, from our garden, and a paper with a CD.
I open the paper.
Dear Riddhima,
Tum ek nayi hawa ke zhoke ki Tarah meri life me aai aur Maine tumhare sath jeene ke sapne dekh liye. Tumhare sath jitne bhi pal bitaye ye meri zindagi ke sabse hasin pal the. Maine har wo din ho tumhare sath jiya hai wo mere zehen me bilkul tasveer ke Tarah hi base hai.
Mai janta hu ki tumne janbujh ke na kabhi mera number liya aur na mujhe apna number diya. Tum mujhe bandh ke nahi rakhna chahti. Mai bhi tumhe bandhna nahi chahta Riddhima. Isliye kal jo promise tumse liya wo tod raha hu.
Mai nahi chahta ki tum mere intazar me apni zindagi na jiyo. Tumhe mera wait karne ki jarurat nahi hai Riddhima. Qki ye intazar hi hume aadha maar dega.
Mai chahta hu ki tumhe is duniya ki sari khushi mile. Meri dua rahegi ki tum hamesha khush raho..
Tumhara Armaan
I fold the letter and hold it close to my heart.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Na maine wait kiya aur na kabhi usse kuch suna. Us CD me meri har wo pictures this jo usne click ki thi.
Jab bhi barish hoti hai mai use aur humari us adhuri lekin phir bhi poori jee hui mohhabat ko yaad karti hu.
Kisne kaha ki shadi karna aur sath jeena hi mohhabat ko pura karta hai.
Dur reh ke uske liye dua karna aur uski khushi chahna bhi toh mohhabat hai. Toh kya agar aj hum sath nahi.. ho sakta hai kabhi mil jaye.
Par itna jarur janti hu, ki jab bhi milege hum dono muskuraege. Na koi shikwa hoga aur na koi bair.
Jab bhi milege toh hum dono ke dil me bas ek dusre ke liye khushi hogi.
Mai nahi janti ki hum phir milege ya nahi par agar mile toh mai apni kahani ka wo kissa bhi apko jarur sunaugi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~THE END~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
