11-20 Ways to Boost Your Self-Confidence

11. Clarity Creates Confidence
Clarity affords focus. —Thomas Leonard
Knowing that you know, that feeling of being absolutely, positively right, deep inside yourself, is truly empowering. To get to that place you have to clear away any issues that could block your progress by checking in with your mind and emotions, and learning to trust your feelings. If you are facing a problem, the first thing you need to do is to ask yourself “clarifying questions.” The easiest way to know what questions you need to ask is to imagine that someone is trying to help you out, and he or she will need some clarification on what the issue is. Now ask yourself those same questions. It can help to write down both the questions and your answers. Look at the problem from every angle possible; sometimes it helps to actually run it by a person you trust and see what he thinks. He may come up with other questions and help you create more clarity. Then, once you can see what the real issues are, you can begin to create solutions. Clarifying questions can be anything from how much? to how long?, and even why are we doing this? Don’t limit yourself—this exercise doesn’t cost you a thing and will give you the information you need to make an informed decision, and be confident in it. Learning to ask the right questions of yourself will save you money and time as well as give you a feeling of empowerment.
12. Be Open to New Ideas
Confidence, like art, never comes from having all the answers; it comes from being open to all the questions. —Earl Gray Stevens
Being open to new ideas when you are looking to solve a problem is what true learning (as well as confidence-building) is all about. Believe in your own resources and those of people you trust. If you try to do it all yourself, micro-manage every detail, and don’t welcome new and innovative ideas from those around you, it’s gonna be hard to make it to the next level, or even survive where you currently are. It is always wise to get some input from the competent people with whom you’ve surrounded yourself. Unless you want to live in a cabin in the middle of nowhere, without a connection to the modern world, you are going to be influenced by everything and everyone around you. Accept the influence, allow it to become a part of you, and let it make you the best you can be. Just be sure to give credit to those people who inspired you. It makes sense: If you’re secure with yourself, telling someone she had a great idea that you’d like to incorporate would be taken as a compliment. And the truth is that their idea actually did complement yours. Sometimes the “off the wall” thought, the one you were just messing around with, is the one that makes the biggest impact. I call it playing with ideas; when you do it with other people, you might call it brainstorming. Sometimes someone says something just to be funny or to get a reaction (kids are great at that) and it turns out to be a concept that you totally resonate with. Sometimes the answers or ideas you need do come from your own head, and you may ignore them if you are being hard on yourself, or your confidence tank is running dry. Learning to be open to your own thoughts, especially during difficult times, is a challenge we all face. If you are not open to different types of intelligence (ideas from the world around you, and learning by living), your experience and your self-confidence will be greatly limited.
13. Nobility
To whom much is given, much is asked. —Anonymous
Knowing that you are a person of honor and integrity keeps you on a purposeful and positive path. Those who have strong moral fiber are generally very confident people. This is because the foundation of their values is unshakable. There is a big difference between knowing the right thing to do and just doing what you say is right. Wars have been fought over righteousness, but this isn’t about forcing your beliefs on others. Nobility is a character trait that compels us to do the best thing for all concerned. When we think in that way, we can never lose. If you feel that what is good for those around you is also good for you, then you’ve created a balanced and confident life. When a noble person sees a friend, loved one, or business associate succeed, it brings up a feelings of joy; envy is never part of the equation. People who possess the quality of nobility know that the good that comes to others will also affect them in a positive way. They also believe in helping people because it always comes back and makes your circle (of people and influence) stronger. The “nobles” of days gone by, the good lords and ladies, worked to make the lives of those in the kingdom better. They realized that not everyone could care for themselves, and a little guidance and assistance was a good thing to give. Knowing the outcome of putting out positive energy makes it easier to do, and also gives you the sense that your purpose in life is greater than you may have suspected. People who have noble aspirations enjoy doing the right thing and don’t expect much in return. They have chosen to use to the gifts they were handed in a good way, and “pay it forward.” When you employ a noble attitude and your focus is toward the “highest good,” your sense of self and confidence will get stronger, and you will get more out of life. A wonderful, unmistakable feeling comes from doing the right thing, and that feeling can only come from taking action to help your fellow humans. Learning that you can’t play the game of life solely for yourself is not a maturity thing, and it’s how we can all contribute to make the world a better place. Once that happens, your life also gets better. Nobility is a win-win.
14. Strong Foundations
The will to do springs from the knowledge that we can do. —James Allen
When you have a good foundation you have the knowledge, strength, and self-confidence necessary to create anything you want, and go wherever you like. This is a basic truth recognized by those who have accomplished their dreams. Even if you don’t have everything you need right now, there is nothing wrong with reviewing, relearning, or rehearsing to make your foundation as strong as possible. Self-confident people know (and are comfortable realizing) what they don’t know, and take the steps necessary to get the information and support they need. If you think of building your life the way you build a house, it can help you see how important having a strong foundation is. The very first thing you do when constructing a home is decide what kind of foundation you want and need. Similar decisions are required if you are starting a new business; you have to do your due diligence and make sure you have the right bankers, brokers, and business consultants, the foundation of any new venture. If the team and structure are in place, everything fits together so that your home, business, or new life has a good launching pad. All people, homes, and businesses need regular maintenance, and perhaps even serious repairs along the way—these don’t mean you have failed; these are things that happen over time. Most contractors will tell you that if your house has good bones (a strong foundation) you can make whatever repairs you need, or even remodel or expand. This goes for the rest of your life as well. Judging yourself harshly because something didn’t go right (welcome to the human race) won’t help you out of your problem. Relying on the foundation of what you know you can accomplish makes dealing with any unforeseen problem much easier. If you have the right tools, such as confidence in what you are doing, or the availability of a dynamite support structure and team, you can move through whatever issue is presenting itself at the moment. Having a good foundation doesn’t require that you have a traditional education; you can rely on your talents, your experiences, and the abilities others to create the life, job, or home that you desire. Our foundations can come from anywhere. Perhaps your dad taught you how to construct and fix, or maybe Strong Foundations your mom gave you a talent and desire to decorate, and you’ve always been good at it, but never really knew quite why. The reason is that you have a strong foundation, whether inherited, natural, or learned, and respecting it is a foundation for greater self-confidence.
15. Multiple Intelligence
Trust yourself. Then you will know how to live. —Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
Having the mental capital to invest in your ideas, the hard work ahead, or your interpersonal relationships gives you a leg up on those who do not. If you don’t have the confidence that you possess the smarts you need to make your life work, there are other intelligence you can access that are just as (if not more) useful than your brainpower, and none of them require a college degree. First, it may be necessary to reevaluate how you feel about intelligence. The reality of multiple intelligence has become widely accepted; it’s not just about IQ anymore. Employers, evaluators, and educators now look at EQ (emotional intelligence) and CQ (creative intelligence) as well as a few others when evaluating talents and abilities. I was not the top student in my class; that distinction belonged to my buddy Dr. Sitze Vanderheide, JD (yes, a doctor and a lawyer), and his lovely wife, Nancy, also has two Psy.D. degrees (doctorates in clinical psychology) and is president of the Los Angeles Psychoanalytic Institute of Contemporary Psychoanalysis (talk about your overachievers). Although they both would kick my butt in an intelligence test, we agreed that I’d score higher in creativity—and who would argue with the likes of them? I share this anecdote to help you understand the importance of being able to see your whole self and not just one component. Very few of us can be doctors and/ or lawyers, let alone both. Just because you’re not the smartest student in the class doesn’t mean you can’t be the most creative person in the workplace. Continuing to compare yourself to someone who may have scored better on a test or gotten a higher degree makes life more difficult. Does he know how to navigate his life as well as you do? Does she accept who she is and feel confident about herself? These questions won’t be found on the SATs, but your answers really show how you score in this game called Life. You have all the intelligence you need, and your talents and abilities in other areas more than make up for what you think you might lack. Think about it, and also know that if you don’t start believing in yourself, the gifts you have may become a little stale. Don’t let a false belief keep you from forging ahead to make your world and the one we all share a better place. Multiple Intelligence
16. Depend on Yourself
There are only two things in life you can count on: death and taxes. —Mark Twain
When you know you can count on those you love, those who are on your team, and perhaps most importantly yourself, you have the tools you need to get through a rough patch or create something new and wonderful in your life. Trying to do it alone in the world today isn’t impossible—it will just take you a very, very long time. Having someone to depend on makes your life easier, and you also get the confidence that comes from knowing that you don’t have to do it all by yourself. If you are a dependable person, taking pride in that fact only makes you more reliable and confident because you like the energy you’re experiencing. It trickles into your brain and helps you feel good about yourself, the task you are working on, and the people you are helping or those who are assisting you. It all becomes a positive force. When a group of people work well together on a project there is an esprit de corps that develops, and you all get to share in good vibes. Being the dependable one isn’t boring; in fact, in time it will make you more desirable. As we mature, we tire of being let down or of people who are flakes. You can win the heart of your true love or climb the ladder of success if people know they can depend on you. And when you truly realize that you can depend on yourself, then there isn’t a river you can’t cross or a problem you can’t think your way out of. Confidence comes from knowing that you, or the person you need, will be there—period.
17. Like Riding a Bike
Experience is the best teacher. —Anonymous
Having been there (and gotten the T-shirt) lets you know that you can go there again and again. Even if it has been years, most things in life are like riding a bike: You may be a little unsteady when you first try again, but the ability returns quickly. Experience may be the most powerful force in building self-confidence. Once you know you’re good at something, though you may have a bad day or two, you know deep in the core of your being that you can get back to where you were, and continue to improve. This is something the stand-outs in athletics, medicine, the arts, and leadership all have in common. They also share the drive to constantly get better, and spend hours practicing, researching, and getting themselves in shape to do and be their best. I’m sure the Manning brothers don’t stop throwing a football just because the season is over. Sure, it’s important to take a Like Riding a Bike break, but if you love what you do, and you love being one of the best, you won’t be able to avoid picking up that ball and seeing if you can hit your favorite receiver. What many may call “practice” is actually experience. Think about it: You run plays over and over in your head, you practice avoiding getting sacked, and you get in shape to run your hardest. This is all experience, and it all makes you better at what you do and who you are. For those just starting their careers or in the middle of them, doing more of what intimidates you will help you get over the fear. You don’t get used to it, but you come to understand what you need to do and believe that you can accomplish the task in front of you. Not only does the job become less anxiety-producing, but you will actually be able to master the task sooner than you may have thought. Being experienced is not the same as being a burnout. Those who have a ton of experience in their fields are the “go-to” people who know things others have forgotten or never learned. The older doctor has seen things in his practice that a new doc, who may be aware of the latest technology, may not have experienced. When it comes to the cure, yes, I want to know what the latest inventions are, but when it comes to diagnosis, I’d rather be with a professional who has seen it before. Remember: The more you do it, the easier it will be to repeat it. If you have many successes, it’s easier to have them again.
18. Is It Need or Want?
Necessity is the mother of invention. —Anonymous
Where would we be without our mothers, especially the mother of invention? Finding a need and filling it is one of the best ways to make yourself indispensable. In addition, being needed is one of life’s greatest motivators and confidence-builders. If you have the energy to give of yourself when needed, it can only serve to boost the confidence others have in you, and it will be next to impossible not to feel a little better about yourself in the process. Knowing the difference between what you need and what you want is important knowledge to have in order to make appropriate decisions. One of the easiest ways to look at it is by understanding the difference between hunger and appetite. When you feel hunger, your body is running low on calories and energy, and it wants to be fed, so your stomach sends a message to your brain that says “Feed me!” Appetite, however, is the desire for food that smells or looks tasty. You aren’t starving and may not even need to eat, but you crave the savory scents and salivate at the anticipated flavor. Now that you have a basic understanding of the difference, let’s see how it relates to how you look at your own necessities versus your desires. Start by doing a “necessity triage,” which will help you decide what is a need and then put your wants Is It Need or Want? in an appropriate place. List the things you think you need, and really be honest with yourself. Are they really needs, or just wants? I believe you will find that much of what you thought you needed was really a want, and you already have 99 percent of what you need. That in itself is a great confidence-builder. In addition, knowing that your needs are taken care of will allow you to give of yourself because you know that you can emotionally, physically, and financially afford to do so. Also remember that the father of invention is perspiration, so be prepared to work for your desires.
19. Real Courage
Confidence is courage at ease. —Daniel Maher
Courage is not the absence of fear; it is about moving through the unsure moments to reach your goals, despite any anxieties. Facing challenges with the understanding that you have the emotional mettle to withstand the difficulties around the corner is a building block of confidence. Awareness of your surroundings and the realization that your path is the right one will help you get through many issues, both personal and professional. Think about it like a road trip (or a commute if you live in Los Angeles): When you’re driving on the freeway, how many cars ahead do you look? If it’s only at the car right in front of you, chances are you won’t see the accident that occurred half a mile ahead, and all the cars in front of you slamming on their breaks. If you looked that half-mile in front of you, you would have avoided rear-ending someone because you would have seen the accident in plenty of time. Courageous people are in touch with what is going on around them. They sense when things change and are usually prepared internally and externally to deal with changes and challenges. The brave give the impression that they are used to dealing with scary situations, but the truth is most just trust that they’re doing the right thing, and if, for some reason, they find themselves in an unknown predicament, they improvise, using what they have around them. Perhaps courageous people are more resourceful than brave, but whatever the key, their confidence does depend on having the ability to monitor their surroundings and stay calm enough to deal with what comes their way. When you know you’re doing the right thing, it makes you feel empowered. And that kind of confidence can’t help but give you the courage you need to face adversity. Whether it’s a physical illness, a work challenge, or a relationship issue, if you trust that you are meant to be where you are, or meant to survive whatever is threatening you, your ability to win is greatly enhanced. Courage comes from many places; it is with confidence that you can survive something that intimidates you. Maybe it’s a new sport, a first date, or a new class—all of these things create anxiety in most Real Courage people. No one wants to look bad to their friends who are watching, to a potential beau, or to a room full of people eager to learn. We all feel the same way, and knowing that should give you strength when it comes to tackling something different or a little scary. The truth is, you’ve come this far and learned a bunch of new things, you’ve survived a few tragedies, and your mettle has been tested in a number of ways. That should give you the confidence that you will not only survive the new, but also gain the courage to try some things that may be much further out of your box than you may have reached before.
20. Sheepskin Confidence
The height of your accomplishments will equal the depth of your convictions. —William F. Scolavino
Knowledge is power. If you get educated, and really learn what you are taught, no human being can throw you off track because your connection to what you know is solid—a surefire confidence-booster if ever there was one. Don’t get me wrong; there are many educated people who just sit on their brains and do nothing with their lives. It is not just about going through the motions, reading the books, and passing the tests. Getting educated is a process that makes you a broader, better, and brighter individual, and it doesn’t have to be a traditional education either. Learning a craft or art form, starting a business, and going to school are all forms of education. They are all things that will add to the fabric of your humanity and help you weave an inspiring tapestry of life. Education makes you more of what you already are, and may also help you uncover some gifts you didn’t even know you had. I’ve enjoyed some mild artistic success and learned how to write in the process. My business pursuits have always been great teachers—perhaps humbling at times, but always growth-producing. And I loved going to graduate school a little later in life. Not starting until I was in my 30s gave me a leg up because my life experience allowed me to gain greater insight in areas that were important and not take so seriously the things that didn’t really matter. That being said, the experience of receiving my diploma really did have a visceral effect on me. Simply put, I felt great about myself and my accomplishments. The degree helped me believe in myself like nothing else ever had. I knew that if I could do this, I could do whatever else I wanted. I remember it clearly, and am using the energy I got from it to write this book, the ones that preceded it, and the others that will follow. The confidence that I and many, many others have gained from our educations is obvious, but not to be taken for granted. It was work, it cost money, and it took the most valuable thing we all have: time. There Sheepskin Confidence is no question that it was worth it, and the only thing I would do differently is perhaps be a little less openly opinionated in class (that way I wouldn’t piss off as many teachers). But it was in those classrooms that I learned that cocky and confident are two very different things. No matter what stage of life you are in, getting educated is one of the greatest gifts you can give to yourself.
🍎 Ashish Shah
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