10 Ways to Boost Your Self-Confidence

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*10 Instant Confidence-Builders*
It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer. —Albert Einstein
When things get out of control and you momentarily lose your confidence, there are any number of little things you can do to regain it. Here are 10 tools to help get you started.
1.Wash your hands and face, and brush your teeth. It cools your body, which is relaxing, and gives you that “fresh start” feeling.
2.Look at any diploma /degree or certificate of achievement you have. And if it isn’t framed and on the wall, do it now. These are reminders of your accomplishments, and taking in your success is important to maintaining your confidence.
3.Remember your last (or greatest) success and think about it for 60 seconds. Taking in your success as often as possible will help you reach another and another. Quite simply, it reminds you that, because you have done it before, you can do it again.
4.Give yourself a good shave (face or legs). It’s another instant refresher, and, in addition, when we know we are looking our best, we are naturally more confident.
5.Know you are the person your kids or other loved ones think you are. Knowing that you are unconditionally loved can’t help but make you feel good about yourself.
6.Wash your car, inside and out. Hey, when our wheels are shiny, we feel better. If you don’t think this applies to you, just remember how you felt the last time you got a ride in someone’s very funky car. Race you to the car wash.
7.Put on clean socks and shoes you haven’t worn in a few days. Shoes take a day or two to release any moisture they have absorbed, and this is a very easy way to put a little pep back into your step.
Organize your closet and get rid of anything that no longer fits. Old clothes may come back into style, but you really don’t want them on hangers for the next 20 years. Throwing out the old makes room for the new. For some, the feeling they get from putting on a new “power suit” fills them with self-esteem.
Cook a lovely meal. Even if you are by yourself, preparing a tasty dinner, setting the table, and treating yourself to a wonderful culinary experience will lift your spirits. Sharing it with someone you love and/or respect will make it even more nurturing.
Look around you, remember that you started with nothing, and know that everything you see, you created. We can all lose our feelings of self worth, especially when something goes wrong in our world. The real truth is that, if you have done it before, you can do it again. No matter what.
None of these tasks has to be uncomfortable, and won’t take you much time. Finding ways to give yourself a little boost when you’re not feeling at the top of your game is a trick that truly confident people use on a regular basis
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2. Negativity Kills Confidence
I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence but it comes from within. It is there all the time. —Anna Freud
Negative environments where people are harsh or even abusive to one another are toxic. No one tries to lift you or anyone else out of the pain, and no one can find emotional or even physical comfort—that will lower your self-worth and perhaps even your will to live. This isn’t about having the occasional bad day or moment.
It’s about living and/or working in an environment that brings or puts you down. When someone is constantly telling you that you’re not good enough, eventually, if you stay around a while, you will start to believe it.
Only two creatures on the planet, if you continually tell them they are bad, will take it in and believe it: dogs and humans. We have all seen dogs whose spirits have been broken. They walk around with their tails between their legs and their heads down. They get startled or scared very easily, and can react with fear aggression (barking or growling when they are frightened).
The poor things never seem to feel safe and secure. They have lost their wag, and it’s sad to see. People tend to react in similar ways when they are living with someone who puts them down on a regular basis or they are working for a company that manages by intimidation. There is very little joy to be found here, and one’s sense of self-confidence can be easily shattered.
Most people in such places are unable to find the strength they need to battle the forces that are attacking them because they have simply run out of energy. The trick here is to step back far enough to get some perspective, and, if the circumstances I just described truly exist, and counseling hasn’t worked or is refused, the best move may be to just leave.
I know that’s drastic, but staying in a negative environment or relationship because you are afraid to leave is also known as “battered person’s syndrome,” such as when abused women continue to go back to the home of their abusers. They do it because the devil they know is better than the one they don’t (as they mistakenly think).
They are returning to what is familiar. Confidence cannot exist within an aura of meanness. To find yourself and rebuild what has been taken from you, leaving a bad environment may be the answer. This requires a type of inner strength that some find in desperate moments—the strength that helps you believe in yourself and to know that you do not deserve to be treated badly, no matter what another person says.
You have finally had enough, and you reach down to the depths of your soul and pull up whatever shreds of self-respect you can find. The feeling may only last for a few hours, but use that time to pack or write your resignation, because you will never be able to flourish where negativity and horrific behavior are allowed to run rampant.
Once most people get out of a negative environment or relationship, one of the first things they do is castigate themselves by saying, “Why did it take me so long?” But that thought is totally self-defeating. It took as long as it took; do not waste any more time feeling beat up. At this point you may actually be used to it and not even see that you are doing it to yourself. As soon as you are aware you’ve changed the behavior, all you have to do next is whatever is in front of you. Leave the past, and the old behaviors, behind. Accept that you had the strength to change your life. It’s okay to feel good about yourself.
3. Push Through the Upset
When you are going through hell—keep going. —Winston
Churchill Push Through the Upset You had a great plan for the day ahead. You even went to bed early so you could wake up with a little more energy to put to your project du jour, but something happened. Somewhere in the night, upset struck your unconscious, or perhaps you got an early morning phone call or nudge, and a problem you had not anticipated occurred. So much for your best-laid plans. When the unexpected happens, we usually get a little anxious; sometimes we totally freak out.
Again, this is pretty human stuff, but the problem is that whenever most people get derailed, their confidence is shaken, and they can change direction (or just get lost) and have difficulty getting back on track. Here’s an alternate way to keep your focus and move forward in the process: Instead of putting your project aside to deal with the problem that’s trying to get your attention, take the time to do what you were going to do in the first place.
By not allowing yourself to be thrown off course, you are keeping control. If you can sit down and complete your goal, despite your current (and most likely momentary) circumstances, you will build your self-confidence and won’t lose any ground. Being able to focus, even though you are stressed, and get the job done gives you the knowledge that, no matter what happens, you can avoid internal musings and excuses. Doing what needs to be done, regardless of temporary setbacks, will make you proud of yourself.
It also produces a secondary positive outcome, which is a greater ability to focus on the problem that cause the upset, because you won’t be thinking of what you haven’t gotten done. You will also gain more clarity, and maybe even some additional ideas of how to deal with your dilemma while finishing the work you had planned to do. Any time you can use your unconscious to help you create some problem-solving skills, do it. We have all experienced getting better ideas once our minds are actually off a problem we are trying to solve.
In addition, you may be able to channel your nervous energy into something much better. Just being frenetic and ignoring what you had planned to do doesn’t help you or anyone else. But if those around you see that, even though the world is going to hell in a hand basket, you can still get the job done, then everyone involved feels more confident about you. Sometimes putting out fires can be a way of avoiding what you really need to be doing. So make sure the emergency is real and you truly are needed before you put your priorities on the shelf. The truth is that you do have the ability to get your homework done and save the world.
4. A Secret to Happiness
Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy. —Norman Vincent Peale
A Secret to Happiness I asked Marci Shim off, author of the New York Times best-seller Happy for No Reason and featured teacher in The Secret, what she believed about how confidence and happiness are related, and how, together, they can help us create a life worth living fully. Marci says:
I define true happiness as an inner state of peace and well-being regardless of circumstances. That’s why I call it “happy for no reason.” When we experience that kind of inner happiness, we also have high self-esteem—we believe in ourselves and know that we are worthy regardless of our circumstances. That is true confidence. Developing the inner state of well-being will create confidence in all areas of your life.
If you don’t develop inner well-being, you may feel confident in one specific area of your life (perhaps you’re confident in your intelligence), but uncomfortable in many other areas. That is “conditional confidence,” and it will never bring you fulfillment. Marci sees the process of developing greater confidence like building a muscle—it takes regular training, making a habit of doing the things that help you feel inner peace and well-being.
Marci also believes that it’s important to listen to and learn from your inner guidance. She says, “Trust your intuition, as your inner wisdom will guide you to your greatest success and happiness in life.
Believe in your wisdom and follow it.”25 For many of us, trusting ourselves may be difficult because we have been habituated to look outside of ourselves for our answers. So it’s best to start out with small decisions for which you are listening to your own guidance. Then every success that comes from your own guidance reinforces your belief in yourself.
Marci goes on to say, “Any day of the week I will put my faith in someone who has unconditional confidence. They are open and willing to learn whatever they need because they have a fundamental belief in them self [sic].” Marci’s work has inspired millions of people to look within and not only find happiness, but along with it a stronger sense of self and a greater enjoyment of life. And with that, you can live happily and confidently every after.
5. Be Patient With Yourself
If you have confidence you have patience. Confidence, that is everything. —Ilie Nastas
If you don’t reach your goals the first time you try, don’t see it as a failure. Remember that you have learned something and will do better next time. The way to develop self-confidence is to know that, no matter what happens, you will grow from the experience.
Be Patient With Yourself It is easy to become impatient and frustrated, but just imagine what life would be like if Thomas Edison gave up trying to invent the electric light after failing thousands of times. He had lots of ideas and the patience to carry them out.
When asked about the attempts that didn’t work, Edison allegedly said something like, “I didn’t fail 10,000 times; I just found 10,000 ways that didn’t work.” Yes, as well as being patient, he was persistent, and the two do go together: One could say that you need to have the patience to be persistent, or vice versa.
The real truth is that patience comes from a place of believing that you have the answers or trusting your ability enough that you know you will find them. That is the essence of self-confidence.
Self-confidence doesn’t come from sitting on your hands and waiting for something to happen. It is about throwing everything you have against the wall and waiting (patiently) for something to stick.
Then you have to take your time to refine your projects. For many, that is the hardest part of the process. Great innovators can be very impatient when it comes to the implementation of their ideas.
Remember that when you are being impatient with yourself, there is no one who can defend you. Our self-imposed “deadlines” really need to be changed to “preferred time lines.” If you miss a deadline, it unconsciously creates anxiety because a part of your brain actually feels as though you will die if the job doesn’t get done.
That also happens when a person doesn’t give you what you think you want, when you think you need it. Your mind is really telling you that you may lose something very important to you and that can cause some panic. When you are stressed in that way, getting anything done is more problematic.
Practicing patience, by forcing yourself to take your time, can also be done by realizing how you react with people you are close to. If you are impatient with them it is likely that you will be the same way with yourself, and that shows a lack of self-confidence.
Learn how to be more patient with yourself when life gets in the way or requires more time than you budgeted, by working harder on going with the flow. If you feel yourself starting to get antsy, take a patience pill by simply reminding yourself that Rome wasn’t built in a day, and whatever you are involved in is worth the time you are investing. Patience may be a virtue, but it is also a necessity in achieving and living a self-confident life.
6. Be Prepared
The most difficult thing is the decision to act; the rest is merely tenacity. The fears are paper tigers. You can do anything you decide to do. You can act to change and control your life, and the procedure, the process is its own reward. —Amelia Earhart
Be Prepared You can’t feel confident unless you know what you need to know. Get educated, learn, research, and never stop reading. Preparing, whether it is for a presentation or a date, will help you feel safe and allow you to show off your best assets.
By making sure all your ducks are in a row you can also plan for the unexpected more easily. Although you may not have brought every trick in the book with you, you probably read about them at some point.
If you prepare, it makes the inevitable question you were afraid of easy to answer. No, you can’t constantly be ready for everything life throws at you. But, getting into the habit of preparing, you create a backlog of emotional building blocks you’ll get to use later. Trust me on this one, please; there is no wasted effort here.
Whatever you are preparing for today, even if you don’t use it tomorrow, you will in the future. Preparing emotionally is as important as preparing mentally and physically. The best way I have found is to visualize (imagine in your mind’s eye) what it is you are about to do.
If it’s taking a test, see yourself passing it. If it’s giving a speech, see the audience nodding their heads and applauding (perhaps even laughing at your jokes). This technique is used to cure cancer, and I’m sure it can make you feel more self-confident.
It will also help you succeed at the task in front of you. Mental preparation requires that you are studied or have the ability to learn. There’s an old joke about men never bothering to read instructions; that may have been the case before the technology revolution, but not these days. Life is way too complicated to not at least look at the manual before you try to hook up that new video-game system.
Doing common-sense preparation, such as a mental or written checklist before you begin a project, old or new, is only going to make you feel more confident about what you are about to take on. In addition, it will help you think of things you may have missed— and you won’t be wondering what the leftover parts are for.
Making a checklist might seem a little over the top if you are just going out for dinner and a movie, but it can be immensely helpful when you are doing something as simple as going to the market. I don’t know how anyone can get through life without to-do lists.
They may actually be our single greatest aid when it comes to getting things done and staying on track. If required, taking safety precautions is another great preparation technique: Carefully organizing your gear as you prepare to climb the Matterhorn in the Alps, you mentally practice using it.
As you tee up your ball, and look around to make sure you’re not going to pulverize your boss with your Big Bertha driver, you are also preparing yourself to make a great shot by reducing your anxiety.
Preparation is your friend, and not nearly as painful as you think it is. It is also a necessity when it comes to gaining greater self-confidence. Be Prepared
7. Recognition Is More Powerful Than Money
Wherever a man turns he can find someone who needs him. —Albert Schweitzer
Having a sphere of influence and providing a place where others can build their own confidence also gives you a better life. It is how we generate the future and make our own lives full. Everyone has baggage that keeps them from being the best they can be. Your job is to check those bags for them (or at least make sure they are carry-on).
It will help to bring out the best of that person because he will understand that he is not doing it all alone. He will feel much better about himself and your conversation, as well as your connection with him.
Helping someone feel good about him or herself can be as simple as saying “Thanks.” You would be surprised at how many people feel they go through their lives without recognition. A pat on the back, a handwritten thank-you note, and a small token of appreciation are just a few of the ways you can lift someone to a higher level without investing a ton of time and energy. When was the last time you thanked your loved ones for just being part of your life? Have you recognized the people who work with you and help you make that part of your life as easy as possible? Then there are those whom we only see once in a while, or, in the digital age, never see.
How do you let them know you appreciate their participation in your world? I make sure to write personal notes when it’s appropriate and fully acknowledge their contribution to what I do. I find that most people are pleased with the recognition, and I also feel good about myself for I thinking about doing it and following through.
It can only help to make your relationships—personal or business—better. Giving confidence through recognition comes back to you in many ways. Helping people feel better about themselves will foster good in every way, shape, and form. Give it a try. Your life, and the lives of those you recognize, will be better for it.
8. Embrace Your Fears
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear. Except a creature be part coward, it is not a compliment to say it is brave. —Mark Twain
Logic would dictate that overcoming something that frightens you makes you stronger and more self reliant. By embracing your fears, you are creating a much more efficient and practical way of dealing with Embrace Your Fears them.
You don’t have to climb Mount Everest or jump out of a perfectly good airplane to move through your anxieties; oftentimes just dealing appropriately with the stress and worry of daily life can increase your self-confidence. One of my friends is a successful physician who says that he is scared every day, and he welcomes it because he truly believes it makes him a better doctor. He is more careful and doesn’t take unnecessary chances with his patients. It drives him to be his very best and makes him a more confident practitioner.
I was once told that faith is the opposite of fear, and whereas I see how having a belief in a higher power can make you feel safer, I also think that understanding why your fears exist, and learning the lessons they can teach us, are also very powerful tools.
For most of us there is a payoff to our fears. Yes, they can keep us physically safe so we don’t step off a cliff or try to pet a tiger, but there is often more to our fears than just keeping ourselves protected.
Fears can make us more introspective and help us see exactly where we need to make adjustments so that we have the strength to accomplish the task at hand. Having the confidence to wrap your head around your fears and look at how they help or hurt you is a great exercise to help you not only overcome them, but also use them to accomplish your goals.
If you want to be a leader, public figure, or movie star, but you have panic attacks at the very thought of speaking to a room full of people, attaining that goal will be quite difficult. However, you can realize your(apparent) weakness and do something about it, for instance, joining Toastmasters . Not only will you get the tools you need to succeed, but you will also build a skill that will help you reach your vision, and make you more confident in the process.
Admitting to yourself that you have a fear of speaking in public (which is the number-one fear in humanity) allows you to drop any pretense you may have had and feel good about getting better at it. I don’t know anyone who has overcome or embraced their fears and not been better off and more confident for it.
Whatever it is that scares the hell out of you should be tackled with the insight that, by hitting it head-on, you will vanquish the demons that reside in your mind.
9. Find a Mentor
Confidence is a very fragile thing. —Joe Montana
If you didn’t have the kind of parenting that helped you develop self-confidence, it’s not too late. Find someone you respect, in a field you can love, and ask that person to be your mentor. Most people are flattered by the request and will do what they can to help you. Mentoring isn’t therapy or even life coaching.
It is a process by which someone who has more knowledge Find a Mentor and experience in certain areas than you, and who is willing to share what she has learned, helps you navigate the rapids of work and life. The first step, after you’ve found each other, is to discuss and agree on the nature and goals of your relationship.
This conversation will set the tone for your future endeavors together, so take your time with it. You can have mentors for a number of areas in your life. A mentor on the job can be worth his or her weight in gold. Your relationship mentor can help guide you through the inevitable ups and downs of life with another person.
You can even have a fishing or tennis mentor, which is different from taking lessons because the mentor is there for your overall well-being, not just to teach you how to “be better at it.” For example, I do not play competitive tennis; I play/mentor what I have come to call Zen tennis. The object of this game is to hit the ball in such a way that your partner (not opponent) can easily return it and keep the volley going as long as possible.
The point is to play, not merely to win. It’s a great way of getting exercise and refining your aim and intention on the court. Besides, it’s fun, it’s good practice, and no one walks away feeling as though they’ve lost. It’s a great confidence builder.
Having a mentor in any area of your life can be valuable. I seldom see mentor/men tee relationships that don’t work out for the best. Everyone eventually outgrows their mentor, and then the relationship morphs into something else, but the bond that was created will not go away (unless you want it to).
The good news here is that you can always pick up the phone and give your mentor a ring if you’re dealing with something you’d like to run by him. The confidence you get from having someone nearby whom you trust, who knows what she is doing, and knows who you are, is a tremendous gift.
If you have never had a mentor, it’s not too late. If it’s been a while, then maybe getting another one is a good idea, because the problems we face in the world today are not going away; they are just getting more complicated.
When confusion strikes, and we don’t know what to do in the moment, it rattles our self-confidence. Talking with a mentor is a great way to reinforce your abilities and remind you that you have the smarts and the skills, as well as another person to help you vanquish the challenges of life and love. More information on mentoring is available in my book Emotional Fitness at Work, also published by Career Press.
10. Maintain the Machine
Self-respect permeates every aspect of your life. —Joe Clark
Staying healthy by exercising, getting enough rest, and watching your diet keeps your energy level high. Maintain the Machine It’s hard to feel good about yourself when you’re running on empty. For some people, self-care is the last thing on their to-do list, which doesn’t help you cut it in the real world. If you don’t maintain the machine (you), it becomes more difficult to attract and attain your dreams and desires.
The things you want will become elusive, and you won’t like yourself or your life very much. By taking care of yourself, you make it easier for positive experiences to be a part of your life, because, quite simply, like attracts like, and feeling good brings good things to you.
It sounds easy—and it is—but it requires that you like who you are and feel that you deserve some of the goodies the world still has to offer. By becoming an Olympic-level couch potato, you can’t put out the energy required to make things happen. The truth is that, when you are tired, getting anything done or keeping things in proper order becomes arduous.
We’ve all had days when we just didn’t want to get out of bed. Imagine where you would be if you did that nearly every day. It’s pretty hard to make anything happen when you can’t get up until the crack of noon. Energy can be enhanced with proper self-care. If you don’t know what to do, just start with the basics:
Take a walk, cut out the Haagen-Dazs, and go to sleep at a decent hour. Much more information about self care is available online, and there are countless books on the subject, but most of it is common sense. If you’re really struggling with self-care, you may have a little depression going on, and you should get it checked out before embarking on a fitness plan.
Your emotional well-being has to be fully functioning for you to be able to take better care of your physical body. The fear of doing something new or different can keep you locked in its grip if you don’t fight your way out. Sometimes it helps to make strong demands of yourself, but you can’t force the issue.
This is where getting a personal trainer or joining a gym can be helpful. Upon occasion, we all need someone to inspire us (or kick us in the butt) to get our bodies moving and our hearts pumping, and to start making healthy choices.
Sometimes we just get into a bad pattern. Not taking care of ourselves first becomes a habit, then a lifestyle. If you think you are there, it’s really time to make some changes.
So put down that cigar or candy bar, pick up a bottle of water, change into your walking shoes, and hit the pavement. Not only will you feel better about yourself, but you may just make a few new friends who are also committed to getting healthy.
Ashish Shah
MADwithAJS
9825219458
