IS IT THE... END???
Everything is black in front of my eyes. Everything is silent as grave except for the screeching whistle in my ears. I feel a lump formed in my throat, making it hard for me to swallow down my saliva. It feel like I am dead except for the fact that I can hear my heart beats in my ears.
It's around a minute later, I come back to my senses. I sigh to myself, "it's over Raavi." I close my eyes to fight back my tears. my body is feeling so heavy that I feel that I will heap up like a sack on the floor.
I can't create any scene here so before I start panicking, I move my weighty legs to run away from this place as I have nothing left to explain to Aarav now, oh god it hurts..!!
I want to hide myself away to the darkest place and cry like a hell to shed off the pain from my heart. It is like someone has placed a big rock on my heart. Really feeling dizzy now. I want to get out of here before I get fainted.
but my stupid heart, it still has a hope and to be sure last time, I again move my eyes to them feeling disgusted. but what I find, Aarav is looking at me from the mirror!!!, shocked. As I glance at him, our eyes meet.
I feel strong adrenaline rush and with that I deftly move my legs to leave, Aarav with a jerk, releases himself from that girl's clutch and cries out, "Raavi...??" of course Aghast.
Well but it's been late, now I don't wanna answer this man. So I just turn around and trot down the steps and start walking as fast as I can by fighting back tears.
I just want to go away from here so I with a long stride want to cover the distance to reach at my car, But Aarav approaches me in a minute and blocks my way by standing in front of me, whole sweaty.. first time apologetic look in his eyes.
I stop by observing him with annoyance twitching my lips. I really want to bang my head against the wall cause in this situation too my eyes are interested in his physique.. yeah big shoulders, muscular torso and ripped abs. Oh god he looks like a Greek God and I want to forget the whole world, and to get disappeared in his warm embrace....!!
Embrace.. oh no.. that girl! And I feel strong rage runs through my veins, boiling my blood, I, without even gazing at him, want to dodge away, But Aarav tightly grabs my arms, asking, "Raavi.. anything wrong..?? I mean you, at my place on this early morning..?? Is everything thing alright?" Oh god his touch, is melting me like wax melts upon heating, I bite my lower lip heavily, to stop myself losing my control that I taste my own blood in my mouth.
Aarav is keenly observing me to get the answer but I am not able to speak, as I am feeling like I am chocked with a big cork exactly at the middle of my throat neither able to swallow it down nor to belch it out.. so I nod my head with a sigh of pain, feeling a sting of tears in my eyes and tightly clutching my fist so that I feel my sharp nails stuck in my palms.
I roll my eyes glancing down at the floor and utter to myself, "I came here to make everything right.. but now I know I was wrong all the time.. thank god I didn't tell you about my feelings otherwise you would have made fun of me.."
I can't show him my tears.. I am not weak. And he loosens his grip on my arms like he has felt my pain and he utters, "hey.. Raavi. Please say something.. Avira was just teaching me exact pose for 'Surynamaskar'.."
I coughed as I hear the name, smiling sarcastically, "oh.. that girl is none other than the great Avira... wow... and she was teaching something to Aarav wrapping her self like a venomous serpent .. wow unbelievable.." I want to yell at him, "even I can teach you every single pose of 'Surynamaskar' and that too without touching you.."
Aarav is innocently observing me, "hey.. Raavi... please speak something.. you are making me confused..." but he gets interrupted by a voice of a girl approaching us, "hey Aarav.. what took you so long.. I am waiting.. " and she stands resting her elbow on Aarav's shoulder as she comes to us. she is wearing only sports bra and a shorts with snickers. Revealing her each and every curves smartly.
I feel nauseated the way she touches Aarav, I start coughing cause I can't throw out here.. Aarav annoyingly moves him self away from her saying, "hey Avira.. this is my friend Raavi.. " then addresses me, "and Raavi.. meet Avira.." "his best friend".. Avira adds.
Both of our eyes meet. It is like if one can kill with the eyes then today I would have been dead by now.. cause her gaze is sharper than knife.. observing me from top to bottom then speaks twitching her lips, "hey.. nice to meet you.." deliberately avoiding speaking my name.
I take a deep breath and utter smiling at her swallowing the lump, "hi.. Avira.. nice to meet you too" yeah I don't wanna be weak. I am strong. At least I can act that way.
I feel amazement in Aarav's eyes, as I move my eyes to him and utter as professionally as I can clearing my throat, "ummm actually I've come to meet your mom.. for some club work. So I wanted to say you hi and came here.. but really sorry for bothering you. Okay I should leave now. I am in a hurry so. Good day!!!"
Then I last time look at Aarav, to drink in his beauty with my eyes cause from now on I'll never meet him again. And in Avira I am not interested so I mouth 'bye' to Aarav and start moving away as fast as I can, of course tears coursing down my cheeks, blurring my vision.
Again I hear Aarav cries out, "hey Raavi..wait.. hey Raavi.." but I can't turn around, showing him my tears and I don't want to.. so I answer him back without turning around, "bye Aarav.. I am being late"
__________
Thank God I see my car..feeling like it took ages to come here. But as I am about to get in, Aarav comes and flips me around to look at him grabbing my arm forcefully.
But as he looks at me, he is shocked with pain all over his face, I hurriedly dash my tears with my sleeves. he asks with aghast in his voice, "hey...why are you crying? Please tell me." I twitch my lips. Of course I want to hug him tight and cry in his arms until I feel comfort but it's not possible now, so I free my arm with a jerk, plaster a smile on my face and utter as flatly as I can, "you should ask yourself Aarav.. good bye."
And before he can react I get in my car, shutting door angrily.. glancing at Aarav for the last time from the window and start the engine to drive out of his home.. cursing myself for coming here at the first place. What I see from the rear view mirror that Avira is dragging Aarav by grabbing his hand..!!!
_____________
Tears are continuously spilling from my eyes, making my vision blurred but I don't care. It's like my world has ended.. now it doesn't matter if I live or die.. I will never be the same again, my heart is hurt that badly that I don't see any possibility that it will get healed again. I knew from the first place.. I am not meant to fall in love with anyone. Now my heart is bleeding.. my cry turns to deep sobs. Oh dear it is the end then. End of my sweet love for Aarav, has he never loved me then? Oh then why was he bothering about my tears? Just out of courtesy only..!! oh no....!!
I want to go home and cry until my eyes run out of tears. To my surprise my cellphone rings and it's Aarav who is calling.. I don't have anything to talk to him so I don't want to receive, but he calls again and again, annoyingly I turn my phone to silent mode.
____________
I don't remember exactly how on earth I reach at my place, but thank god it came, I park my car and dash inside, my only hope that I won't bump into my parents or Anurag.
But today whole universe is wishing me bad luck, fulfilling my wishes that I didn't wish for to fulfil. Cause as I am about to trot up the stairs, my mom is there to welcome me, calling me, but I don't want to turn around with blood shot red eyes and running nose. So I avoid, "mom just wait a minute I'll talk to you later okay. But she is my mom, never gives up easily so she comes to me and looking at my face she covers her mouth with her hands asking, "oh..god.. Raavi what has happened?"
It is my weakness that whenever I am sad and someone asks me about it I start crying so when my mom asked, I start crying like a baby, hugging her.. and thank god I did that.. I really needed it. My mom gently caresses my back without uttering a word.
When I feel somewhat okay, she then takes me to the couch, makes me sit on that addressing my maid to serve me water.
After chugging the whole glass of water. I inhale deeply, feeling numb, my mom ensures me slowly, "you know I am always here if you want to tell me anything." I look at her. She continues, "I know it's a heartbreak.." and listening to that word I am not able to hold my tears so I again start crying and sobbing uncontrollably and utter in a trembling voice, "yeah mom.. but it hurts like a hell.. I don't want it. Please take away the pain, I am dying mom."
My mom utters gently stroking my back, "shushhhh.. no my dear you are not what you are thinking, you are my brave little girl. It's okay to feel pain. It's a part of growing process. A seed can't germinate without facing the darkness underneath the soil.
So be proud that you are growing now. Raavi be brave okay.. I say, "I don't want to grow then.. cause this so called growing burning me like a hell from inside.."
To that my mom says, "hey.. it is not about burning to the ashes.. it is about to arise from the ashes like Phoenix...!! So be my Phoenix.."
I say annoyingly, "But mom.. I am damn sure now I am not interested in marriage and all.. I want to live alone, I will study hard and will be the greatest designer of all the time but never..."
My mom rolls her eyes, "oh..c'mon Raavi..I don't know what exactly has happened to you but listen to me carefully, one bad relation doesn't mean you can't move on.. I mean you'll be more careful from now on"
I argue, "careful.. my foot.. I don't have any feelings left now.. "
My mom slowly explains, "you know Raavi when volcano erupts it burns everything it touches but upon cooled down, the ashes creates the most fertile landscape to cherish life.."
She continues grabbing my hand gently, "so always be positive about yourself, never loose hope, end of relationship doesn't mean end of yourself.. okay.." and her phone rings she picks up and starts answering 'hmmm' and 'yeah' and 'sure..' sharply looking at me.. I am damn sure that she is talking about me but to whom? Well whoever it is I am not interested.
I sit there glancing at the floor with tears coursing down my cheeks slowly, thinking about the time I have spent together with Aarav and now his memories will haunt me for life time.
After hanging up my mom comes to me and suggests me to take rest, them she gets busy in cooking and I, in my deep thoughts, the biggest question is, "what will I do?" I want to shut myself off from the world for months.
I hear my phone buzzing, glancing at the screen I am shocked cause so many missed calls and messages from only one person and that is Aarav.
I just reboot my phone and delete all his details from my phone. Yeah I am acting weird but today my all senses, wisdom and cleverness is gone.. and only one thing took place of all and that is insanity. I want Aarav badly, I still love him, but I want to forget him at the same time, I hate myself for that...! My heart wrenches with pain...!!
____________
Everything is meaningless for me. I spent two days just being alive but as if dead, not interested in anything. Just sleeping and crying all the time..
My parents and Anurag have scolded me for being naive. Anurag wanted to talk to Aarav too but I refused.. saying it's meaning less. Anurag explains that Kia is worried too. She wants to meet me but I avoid, "I am not ready." and request him, "please take care that Ivaan doesn't get to know about me."
It is third day when Anurag threatens me that he will leave my home if I keep behaving this way then I forcefully restrain my pain and try to be normal of course from outside only.
That cheers them up. I go outside with them for dinner, not feeling any urge to eat by the way. My dad presents me my favourite car model, Anurag and Kia forcefully drag me to watch the comedy movie, and my lips get stretched watching it.. In Short I am learning how to smile even when I am hurt..
It is after a week, my mom enters in my room, comes to me, I am busy in fulfilling my online admission form for master's. She sits beside me asking in a gentle voice, "so.. done with the form?" I answer still my eyes on the laptop screen, "yeah.. processing"
She stares at me constantly, so I ask annoyingly, "do you have anything to inform to me?" She nods before I complete my question. And continues, "see..Raavi.. sunday has come.." I look at her with jerk, "so..mom do you still want me to meet with that boy?" I say rolling my eyes and burning with rage..
My mon grabs my hand gently and try to calm me down saying, "please Raavi don't get me wrong.. I know, what you are going through right now and I am not forcing you to like him or to select him but we've promised to them so please just meet him once. Then I know what to tell them so just go and meet Chirag okay.."
I look at her annoyingly furrowing my brows as she continues, "I promise you you'll go to Mumbai and study there, I won't bother you to engage to someone, cause now I know that you can do it.. but atleast last time please do this for me..."
My eyes get widened as I listened to her words, feeling sorry that I've made many people's lives miserable, I can't be that selfish so I agree to meet with that boy tomorrow.
Finally tomorrow has come, today I am not feeling anything not anger not annoyance not excitement nothing. I am like whole empty, From the day when I saw Aarav and Avira, I lost my inner voice who was always there to guide me but now its like it is hidden deep down somewhere to cry over the pain. So today I am doing everything mechanically, being numb.
After lunch my mom approaches me to get me ready. No matter whatever I feel but my mom is still the same excited, of course trying to keep her excitement in disguise but I am her daughter so I know.
She makes me ready with the shimmery gold maxi dress with wispy off shoulder neck, some elegant jewellery, light make up and leaves my waist length hairs open by straightening them and suggests me to wear hills as the boy I am going to meet has a good height.
When I perceive myself in the mirror I ask flatly, "don't you think I am looking too beautiful.." She smiles mysteriously saying, "oh c'mon you are always beautiful.." I annoyingly roll my eyes oh gosh what does she want now? I know it's her strategy when that boy will say yes then my mom will try to convince me.. so I heave a sigh of pain and leave in my car to the cafe, where I am suppose to meet that Chirag.
As I enter inside the cafe, it is totally empty. Strange!! but no one at the reception to answer my question satisfactorily. So I just take a seat around the near by table, look around for any attendant but no one is there.
I call my mom to confirm the address and she assures me that I am at the right place and Chirag will approach me just in ten minutes. I unlock my phone and swipe the chats and messages without even reading them.
I feel that the door opens and someone enters, I know who is it but I don't want to look at him, so that he can feel that I am not interested, I hear foot steps approaching my table, but I am deliberately looking in my mobile to avoid meeting with his eyes.
But as I hear his voice, saying, "hey...!!!" And listening to his mellifluous voice, I raise my head with severe jolt, astonished... to look at him.
OH MY GOD.. there I spot a person, whom I adore like a crazy!!!!
**************
Yeah.. you got it right.. this is not the last chapter but the second last.. so one more chapter to go...�
Please forgive me for the mistakes.. cause I got very less time to edit because of tight schedule..�
I really wish that you have enjoyed this chapter.. �����
