What..? I am looking at Ivaan with my jaw dropped and my eyes widened. Still his words echoing inside my mind.
He raises his brows, laughs cunningly at me and states, "hey..Ra.. I love you.. so I can read whatever your eyes speak. You know no matter how much you try to conceal it but your eyes.. they sparkle when that... that idiot has been around you.." I can feel bitterness in his voice.
"yeah I hate him.. I hate him from the core of my heart.." he utters by pounding his fist into his hand angrily.., "but I love you.. yeah I love you.. you know I've been longing for years that one day I'll find that gleam in your eyes for me.."
I feel his piercing gaze on me.. as he laughs sarcastically and continues, "but now I know, that day won't come.. not in this life.. and I don't want you to suffer because of me.."
He gently holds my face in his hands and states with the most pitiful looks in his eyes, "I've known that you can't be mine from the time I met you on that night but though I tried my hard for little ray of hope in my heart but now I know that I am adding up to your pain ..and I never ever want to do that so... "
He is speaking with anger, annoyance and pain.. and I am listening to him, standing still like a ghost, feeling numb.. I am observing this greatest man, who have had suffered a lot from the first because of me and still he is thinking about me.. oh god what's his fault? That he has met with me, I have became only reason for his distress.
Today he has become great as god and I see myself as a tiny little creepy creature who is not able to decide what's right and what's not? Just selfish about my own happiness. I really feel disgusted to myself.
By looking at him, tears start coursing down my cheeks, making me emotionally numb and sick. I am not able to utter a word, what to speak? To thank him for his greatness or to ask him for forgiveness that I am the reason for his messy miserable life..!! Oh god I can't take this.. I never wanted this!!!
I feel Ivaan's eyes are moist too, but he laughs loudly, wipes my tears with his thumbs and says cheerfully, "hey.. Ra... don't worry.. I am letting you go for this life only.. but you'll be mine in every life after this okay... yeah I'll meet you in every reincarnation and I'll take care that this Aarav never comes near you.." I chuckle to his thoughts with tears spilling over my eyes and without any thoughts I quickly hug him saying, "oh.. Ivaan.. you are the best person I've ever meet and please forgive me.. I am stupid brat.." oh god it hurts. I can feel his pain. But he is so strong and I am so dodgy.
He releases me gently, he says hiding his tears, "hey easy girl cause I won't be able to hold myself if you treat me like this.." and observes me keenly by adding, "oh..my dear Ra.. don't worry.. I love you enough to let you go." And His lips get stretched to form a sarcastic smile.
"You know I don't want to ruin two lives, cause who on earth knows better than me, how the f**k that feels?"
I regard him and ask hesitantly, "but what about you Ivaan?" He asks me back, "what about me?..well, I have my music and I'll find a girl, more beautiful than you.. so that you'll feel jealous.." he pauses then utters slowly by heaving a sigh, "only if she exists out there.." and then chuckles looking at me, "but you don't worry.. I'll be happy.. yeah I promise to you that!!!"
And he again laughs loudly, I can feel the pain disguised in it, "So just tell that dumb, what do you feel about him okay.. yeah he likes you too.. see he is standing in the balcony just to watch us or I can say 'you'!!!"
My heart leaps with joy as I turn my face to look at Aarav, he is really there.. so I clear my throat and ask to Ivaan, "but what about Avira? Aarav likes her right?" Ivaan states by twitching his lips, "I don't know that, I've assumed it that way.. Aarav is not that easy to judge. But the way he notices you, surprised me, cause he didn't care to glance at any girl..so you are special.. Ra.."
I am feeling so embarrassed. It is really awkward but he swiftly changes the topic, asking, "by the way what did you want to tell me?" I clear my throat and laugh sarcastically, " well nothing important.. I don't wanna tell you anything now.." I look at him, and I am about to explain him that I feel a strong and firm grip on my wrist from behind my back, which makes me to turn around to look for who is it? my heart skips a beat with a joy cause it's non another than Aarav.
Of course angry, his jaws get clenched as he speaks, "I think you are a host here, you should take care of the guests, you are not supposed to gad about with your friends and that too out side okay..." then he moves his gaze to Ivaan, "excuse her bro.. if you don't mind, may I have a word with her." Ivaan shrugs in response and turns around to walk to the swing. Oh god please forgive me I am a sinner now!!!
Aarav starts dragging me, with loosened grip of course and his touch again makes my stomach flips due to all the love hormones secreted.
Of course I am on seventh heaven that Aarav came to me, so he is jealous now I know. but I wouldn't give up that easily so I reply trying to free my wrist from his grip, "oh.. so Mr. Aarav is thinking about the party now.. by the way no one is guest here. So I don't have to take care of anyone okay.."
He brings me to the lobby and states, "well.. first tell me how are you? Kia just informed me that you were not well." I roll my eyes with anger, "here I am, all good, standing in front of you.." he observes me carefully and states, "hmm... I see.. but you don't look good.. why?"
I change the topic rolling my eyes, "by the way where the hell was your phone..? do you know how many times have I called you and messaged you...??? " he answers hesitantly, "yeah my phone is broken so I have changed my number temporarily and I forgot to gave it to you.." I twitch my lips..
He continues, "so you came first in college..?" I roll my eyes, "no.. I came last.. like you don't know.." he greets, "okay..congratulations.." I say slowly with butterflies in my stomach, "thanks.."
As we get inside, party is still on, so we again take the chairs.. Ivaan enters after us and join them in dancing just like nothing has happened.
Aarav sharply looks at me and asks me with concern,"so you two had a fight?" I was caught off guard by his question so I look at him with sudden jolt and reply, "no..."
Aarav clears his throat, "you know it is not a good sign of a healthy relationship that you two started fighting I mean he has just proposed to you and now he makes you cry..." I try hard to suppress my laughter because of the look on his face!!
I furrow my brows annoyingly, "oh..c'mon Aarav let me clear you one thing.. yeah that's true he has proposed to me but it doesn't mean that we've become lovers and we are in a relationship okay... he is mature enough to understand that.. that I don't have feelings for him.. so we were not fighting okay.." and one thing I wanna tell you that, "don't assume things in your way when you don't know the reality okay.. perhaps you don't know but it hurts.. the way you behaved that day..!!"
He twitches his lips, "oh really.. and what about me? Do You know, how much was I worried that you were in danger, but at there what I saw, that you were hugging him.. what did you expect me to do.. ? clap for you two or dance... that my..." he raises his hands in the air, mumbling, "okay.. forget it.. you won't get me." I heave an annoyed sigh saying, "well atleast try me.."
And his mobile rings.. glancing at the screen, his lips get stretched into smile and utters, "excuse me.." and he leaves the room to receive the call. After around ten minutes he comes back to inform us that he needs to leave it's an emergency and he leaves glancing at me with smile.
Around half an hour later, Anurag stops the music and everyone gets ready to leave after thanking me and greeting me. Last come Kartik and Tina to sincerely thank me..Anurag is going to give me a hand in cleaning.
Well this is first time I was so upset after meeting my friends.. I just can't imagine our get together without Kartik and that 'ladaku' Tina. And Ivaan I am feeling so ashamed of myself that I don't have any guts left to call him or to talk to him. Though I wish him good night formally.
At last with a heavy heart me and Anurag leave for our home in my car. Today Anurag is quiet too.
__________
At my home, my dad is watching tv, waiting for us. We join him on the couch and chat about the party for a while then Anurag leaves to sleep and I am about to get up that my dad asks me with concerns, "hey you sit here with me okay, and tell me the truth, what's going on.. you don't look good.."
I clear my throat replying, "told you na dad just common cold.. " my dad rolls his eyes, "you haven't grown that much that I can't catch your lies okay.. so tell me, any problem with friends..? Or confused about anything?" I reply inhaling, "no dad..I am fine really."
My dad says, "okay... no need to tell me .. if you don't want to then, but you know your mom.. she must have told you about that proposal.. "
I reply twitching my lips, "yeah and this time you are with her too.." he answers annoyingly, "no..it's not like that but I am just worried about you.. so.. but I don't want to force you for anything... so if you like someone or you are in a relationship..." I get up annoyingly, "oh dad..please stop it.. I don't want to talk about that.. I just wanna sleep okay..."and I sprint to my room.
Well it is really annoying that everyone asks me about my relationship but what to tell them, when I am not clear myself what on earth I want?
Yeah.. but today my all energy is over and feeling really exhausted so I jump on the bed without even changing my clothes and sleep like a log until morning, when my mom wakes me up for breakfast.
Upon reaching downstairs I feel that the ambience is different today. My mom is wearing a new Sari and looks unusually enthusiastic today. Maids are busy in cleaning like it's Diwali. Anurag and my dad are sitting on a couch being artifacts, like they are not much interested.
Upon looking at me Anurag greets me with a naughty smile. But before I can ask him anything, My mom grabs my hand and drags me to dinning table, serves me spicy sprouted beans.. with mysterious smile on her lips, mumbling old song melody.
I, with narrow eyes try to figure out what's going on but I want to concentrate on breakfast first. When done, my mom drags me to the couch and presents me with a beautiful traditional golden coloured anarkali dress. She utters with joy, "you are going to wear this today.."
Now I think I can imagine what is coming? what all the fuss is about? but I want to listen from her so I ask being innocent, "and why that is so..?"
She answers annoyingly looking at my dad and Anurag, who are trying hard to suppress their laughs, "well cause I say so.." before I argue back the door bell rings.. my mom gets up with severe jerk and drags me to upstairs and informs me firmly, "umm.. I've talked about a proposal right?" I roll my eyes, "yeah..and I told you about the weekend right?" My mom apologises, "sorry beta but Chirag's parents are coming at our home today.."
I furrow my brows with rage, "who the hell is this Chirag now?" My mom replies, "the boy I talked you about.. okay so I think they are already at our door step so be ready and when I call you come down stairs okay and I hope you'll behave wisely cause they are my friends too.." and she leaves me with that funny looking dress.
As she leaves, she takes care to send a maid in my room to help me or to watch over me I am not sure.. I just do as she said absent mindedly. Really tired, annoyed and angry.
____________
Then after around half an hour my mom calls me like I am her princess, "hey my dear Raavi.. please come down stairs.." My maid helps to get me up and I, being emotionally numb, just robotically step down the stairs.
My mom get up to help me and makes me sit beside her. I just lift my eyes to look at the guests.. it's a middle aged couple, observing me like an antique piece. I fake a smile at them, they smile back at me. Not sure fake or real??!!
I observe from the corner of my eyes that Anurag and my dad are on the another couch observing my reaction.
And then aunty asks me some silly questions about my study, and then starts talking about his son, like he is the only good man left on this earth and if I won't select him then I would be the most offensive one, I feel so bored that I shut my mouth tight to stop yawning.
After giving me good half an hour lecture she declares by getting up addressing my parents, "see.. we like your daughter.. so let the children meet with each other so they can discuss their likes and dislikes.. you know Chirag is in hurry cause he is shifting to Mumbai next week so can we arrange meeting tomorrow?" By listening to her words, I sharply look at my mom, gritting my teeth in anger but my mom gently avoids saying, "well that I'll inform you on phone okay.."
Finally poor uncle get the chance to speak, "we would be glad if our friendship turns into kinship.." I get nauseous, listening to their overly sweet talks..
Oh god again I have to meet with a boy.. just that thought reminds me of my last meeting with Aarav.. oh god not again.. I don't want to do that. My eyes get moist.. I wish that please god they leave as early as possible otherwise I'll start panicking.
As they leave, Anurag tries to tease me calling Mrs Chirag and my volcano of anger erupts.. I start beating him with pillow, tears falling from my eyes. Anurag apologises and try to calm me down.
My dad is observing me like he is about to come to any decision and my mom scolds me for my behaviour calling me barbaric.
I, stomping my feet dash to my room. I really hate it, when I feel angry and then start crying. I jump on my bed annoyingly. That Anurag knocks on my door and then enters. I get up looking at him.
He gives me glass of water and asks, "okay.. I am sorry but this is not you.. I haven't seen you this vulnerable so tell me the truth.." oh gosh I am just tired now. So I say annoyingly please Anu.. leave me alone." And to my shock he makes a phone call to Kia, that my cheater friend explains everything in detail to her future husband.
Of course Anurag is first shocked then aghast knowing my condition. He suggests me to meet with Aarav. Of course I, my self want to meet with him. I must tell him about my feelings.. no but what will he think about me?
Oh god kill me I am just 21 year old child can't take these much pain and suffering.
I decide to meet with Kia.. so I call her and immediately inform her to meet me at the cafe. I without changing my clothes hasten to the cafe with Anurag.
Anurag drops me and leaves to give us privacy. As I meet with Kian first question I ask, "How is Ivaan?" Kia replies happily, "he is very busy, want to put on a musical show" I heave a sigh of relief then explain to Kia everything about that Chirag. she is shocked, but to my surprise Kia yells at me, "oh c'mon Raavi just stop being naive okay.. where is your fighting spirit? Sometimes you have to grab and hold on tight to the things you want okay..!!!
I know my brother is stupid jerk so you tell him.. if he has feelings then you will be free from these meetings and all and if not then at least you'll know.. okay.. I can come with you if you wish so.." I roll my eyes saying, "no...it's fine.. I'll call him and meet him tomorrow and talk to him.. still not sure what will I say.." She agrees, "yeah he is not receiving my call today.. don't know what is he doing these days?"
Kia asks with naughty chuckle, "okay..leave all these tension and let's just have your favourite ice cream to cool your mood.. I agree to her saying, " yeah yaar I really need it.."
___________
Next day I wake up unusually early with butterflies in my stomach really nervous what on earth will I say to Aarav? What if he will laugh at me saying how dare you to think about that..? oh no I don't want to do that but then my mom.. she will fix my engagement with that Chirag.
I inhale deeply.. of course I've tried to call him on his new phone but still he is not receiving. So finally I decide to visit him on his place.. yeah he must be at home at 9:00am. So I get ready and drive my car to his place.. this is second time I am going to his place. So I am excited and nervous.
As I reach to his gate, his security guard stops me asking whom do I want to meet? I reply, "umm I want to meet to Aarav." He asks me back annoyingly, "do you have an appointment?" I answer with shock, "hell no.. I don't. But I am his friend.." he laughs, "okay then call Aarav sir and I'll ask him.." I do as he said and answer rolling my eyes, " he is not receiving, you can call him and ask" he informs without delay, "sorry mam we are not suppose to call Sir for every guests come here to meet... so you can leave now.."
I look at him saying, "that was rude.. I am really his friend.. " he answers, "you are only permitted with appointment okay.." I really feel insulted but I console my self saying wow God doesn't want me to meet with him.. it's called destiny.. I slowly slowly get to my car and about to get inside that I hear a car horn sounds and a car pulls up near me, I found aunty inside as she lowers her window glass.
She greets cheerfully, "hey Raavi dear.. how are you?" I answer,"hello aunty.. I am fine.." she chuckles, "so came to meet with Aarav?" I reply hesitantly, "yeah.. but.." Aunty asks suspiciously, "but.." I say by lowering my eyes, "I don't have appointment.. so.." to that aunty laughs loudly, "oh..dear.. why on earth do you need an appointment.. it must be the security right?" I nod. She assures, "please forgive him.. he is a new.. so c'mon let's get inside.."
I sigh happily, "finally.. god is not that bad.. I drive inside of his mansion.." as I park my car.. Aunty comes to me with a person, I have seen him only once.. yeah he is our college's director and Aarav's dad. I greet him, "hello good morning sir.." He replies with shock, "good morning... well you can call me uncle.." I smile to that.
Aunty says, "okay... please come in.. actually we were out of city for three days.. so"
I reply, "it's okay aunty. Do you know where is Aarav ..? actually I am in a hurry" Aunty informs, "well we don't know exactly.. but this is his gym hour so he must be in gym.. you come with us.. I'll call him" oh god how on earth I'll explain him infront of his parents so I say, "no.. it's fine aunty I can meet him at the gym.." aunty replies, "well.. that's great then.. you can go straight then left.. do you want me to come with you?"
I say, "no.. thank you" she sighs, "no..thank you cause I am so tired." and giggles. I take their leave and with the hammering heart, walk towards the gym..
As I see swimming pool, our last incident here came back to my mind.. his gentle touch, his sharp look.. and I smile to myself..!!
I am busy in my thoughts that what will I say to him.. my heart is beating really fast happily.. as I take a left turn, I see a gym my legs are feeling numb and heavy because of the nervousness.
My hands are sweaty, my breathing become heavy.. I slowly slowly reach at the last step of that glass door. I close my eyes, pray to my god, crossing my fingers and push the door slowly..
But what I saw inside, just made my mind spin, I have to grab the door tightly to stop my self from falling.. then I realised that I've made four biggest mistakes..
First, I was dumb enough to reach at someone's house like a crazy in the morning.
Second, I didn't leave this place when the security didn't let me in.
Third, I refused to aunty to call Aarav to meet me..
And fourth, I was over confident that Aarav would be all alone..
My lips gets stretched to form a bitter smile..thinking thank god they didn't hear the voice of door opening because of the loud music of the song, "castle of glass by linkin park.."
Cause what I am witnessing right now is, a beautiful young lady in revealing sports wear is standing, facing her back to me, wrapping her hands around Aarav's necked to the waist muscular frame..!!!
*************
Hey guys.. please forgive me for the mistakes...!!
I really hope the you've enjoyed this chapter....😊
