It is 5 O'clock in the evening, when I open my eyes. I feel somewhat refreshed after this sleep cause yesterday night was sleepless for me. Now I need a strong coffee to wake my drowsy mind up.
I sit down on a dining chair, sorting out my crazy thoughts..there are so many things going on in my mind, I press my temples, by leaning my back against the chair, that my maid serves me coffee. I take a sip of the coffee from the coffee mug and unlock my cellphone to call Raavi again. I annoyingly mumble to myself, "What the hell is she doing that she didn't receive my call and didn't even call me back?"
Upon unlocking, first thing I glance through is notification about Raavi's message. I read her message with my heart beating fast, I re-read it to be sure, I get up from the chair with a severe jolt, absent minded walk to my room and grab the key of my car from the key holder, I put my snickers on without the hassle of changing my clothes and move my legs to walk towards the main door. There is only person who should know this and that is Kia.... I try to call her..but she is not answering...
My maid asks me from behind, "sir, what happened, don't you like the coffee?" I inform her without turning around, "it was great and tell my mom that I'll be late."
I almost run to my garage, and take my car out. I directly put it into top gear and press the accelerator.
As the car picks up the speed, a series of thoughts start in my mind...Why does she need to go out with Ivaan? Why on earth she thinks about everybody so deeply? Who told her that I would get disturbed by her call..? how can I explain to her that I want her to disturb me, to talk to me, to call me..!!
I take a sharp turn without slowing down my car. Well it's totally my mistake, I could have warned her about Ivaan but I didn't...because of my stupid ego..yeah when I saw Ivaan hugging her so affectionately.. it really hurt me..why does she need to hug everyone, she meets?
On the way back home from Delhi, when she told me that Ivaan used to call her 'Ra'. I got that she is the one!
I was stupid enough that I didn't figure it out before. She is so pure and innocent, If She can soften my stone cold heart then it is Ivaan's heart the most sensitive one, of course it is her.
In Toronto I've witnessed Ivaan's madness closely. Now I am afraid that he can do anything to her. I've seen his room walls, with 'Ra' written all over them.
I have seen the name 'Ra' tattooed across his chest, despite of being highly allergic to ink, I remember exactly, he's been admitted to the hospital for almost a week, for swollen chest. When I advised him to remove it, then he answered me with the most devilish laugh that it was nothing as compare to the pain of missing her.
In short I've seen his vulnerability. That's the reason after getting back from Delhi, I approached Kia, and informed her that the girl is Raavi.
I was shocked when she told me that she already knew that. Then she opened up about Ivaan.
Kia witnessed her brother's possessive behaviour very closely. As a child he used to be possessive about his things but it all changed after he met with Raavi, he started talking about only Raavi, started drawing her pictures. He was totally lost in Raavi, sometimes Kia heard him talking to himself about Raavi.
When she got to know that Ivaan was threatening and hurting other boys for approaching Raavi.. then she got so scared that she told her dad about Ivaan's behaviour.
My uncle took him to the psychiatrist after closely observing Ivaan for some days. Kia was hoping that it'll go away but it got worsened with his age.
My uncle decided to send him away from Raavi when he got to read Ivaan's letters in which he had written that he wanted to hurt everybody who tried to get near his Ra..the first person he wanted to injure was Anurag.
Well Ivaan, himself was aware of his condition..of course he too had suffered a lot..so he agreed to my uncle without any hassle. It was Ivaan's wish to come to Toronto..far away from everything.
So Uncle called my dad and informed about his condition.
When he came, I used to take care of him, it was not easy at first.. I saw him crying and screeching with pain and sometimes hurting himself too.
As we had hired a good psychiatrist for him, things were changing, his condition got improved though I was not satisfied.
Then he moved out of my house for studies and music..and we just met only occasionally..and we didn't talk about his condition that much so I don't know..what the hell is going on in his life right now?
I still think that he has just suppressed his madness ..cause I am not convinced that condition like this can be cured. That's the reason I was scared to death for Raavi... when I saw him here.
I am really cursing myself for believing Kia when she told me that Ivaan understands his weakness and will never come back here no matter what!!
She assured me that he is improving with the help of medication and she doesn't want to spoil Ivaan's image for Raavi. Kia convinced me that it may be possible that if we tell her and then Raavi will try to meet Ivaan...so let just keep the things as it is..now I realised that I was dumb enough to believe her..!!! With that thought my foot presses harder on the accelerator...!!
Now Ivaan proved her all wrong and came back. I doubt he ever took medicines cause I found tablets in his bathroom yesterday.
That made me panic, I wanted to tell Raavi by myself but when I saw her, she was so happy for Anurag and Kia, so I thought it was not right time to explain things to her and I dropped the thought.
But it literally made me annoyed the way she greeted Ivaan and again that thought strucked into my mind.. but it was too late..cause she'd been already hurt by me...
Oh god I am so sorry..I should 've kept her with me in spite of sending her home.
My car pulls up with the grinding of gears as I press the brakes when I see the red traffic light on... my eyes are glued on the countdown timer.. every bit of time is precious for me.. I pound a fist on my mouth repeatedly out of anxiety.
I again press the accelerator harder as the green light gets on... and my car jumps forward.
It was just the day before yesterday I got to know that Ivaan is here...cause I was too busy in other preparation and I didn't see him at the holiday home cause he spent most of his time at his 'dreamville' farm house.
Wait, the farm house..oh My God he must have planned something there so ..yeah he is at his farmhouse with Raavi right now.
I am continuously dialing Raavi and Ivaan's number but I clench my fist and slam it hard on a steering wheel as I hear, "the number you are calling is not reachable..." both of them are out of coverage area. I try to call Kia but she is not receiving.
Generally I strictly follow the traffic rules but today I don't care for anything except Raavi, and that's the reason I am continuously using my cellphone while driving..
As I approach at Kia's home, I press the brakes without slowing the car down that it pulls up with screeching noise. I hurriedly open the door and jump out of it.
I sprint into Kia's house, notice from the entrance that she is talking to her mom, I almost shout from the door, "Kia, you need to come with me, it's about Ivaan and Raavi."
I observe, color of Kia's face just fade away, aunty gets up and asks, "what about Ivaan and Raavi, what happened to them? Where are they?!!." I look at Kia with piercing gaze, of course aunty didn't know anything about Ivaan. Poor aunty...!! She thinks that Ivaan went abroad for studies... Kia tells to her mom getting up, "I'll explain everything later okay."
I look at her and say, "where the hell is your cellphone..?" She answers, "oh.. it's in my room..you just get in the car I will be back in a minute." And she crosses the hall only in few strides and climp the stairs up.
I look at my aunt she is observing us with so many questions on her face, I am really feeling sorry for her. I don't have any words to explain the situation to her so I just leave quietly, glancing at her with pity.
Kia hurriedly joins me and asks by taking seat beside me, "what happened to them?" I answer by turning the steering wheel of my car, "Raavi has gone out with Ivaan somewhere. Actually Ivaan invited her.." Kia almost shouts, "where did they go?" I reply angrily, "that I don't know, tried to call them but their phones are out of coverage area, I think it can be your farmhouse, dreamville."
Kia mumbles to herself, "no..no..no..it can't be true..I was with him whole day, when and how did this happen?" I look at her from the corner of my eyes..if anyone is responsible for this situation then it's only Kia, but this is not the right time to blame anyone so I just keep my anger aside and inform her, "this is the fact Kia.."
Kia says with regret all over her face, "oh god I hope Raavi is fine, what will I say to her parents and Anurag?"
I look at her from the side of my eyes ask with disgust in my voice, "will you ever forgive yourself?"
She is shocked with pale face, "no..bhai.. please don't speak to me like this..I don't want to think bad..I hope they both are fine."
I really want to yell at her for her stupidity but I am more concerned about Raavi.. oh god her sweet voice echoes in my mind..her big innocent eyes appear in front of me. All I want to do is to embrace her in my arms and never let her go.
All I can hope that she is safe otherwise I am not sure what will I do to Ivaan and to myself? I am feeling like I am not myself today. I didn't feel this anxious and desperate before in any situation but for Raavi....
Kia interrupts my thoughts, "please slow down your car, we are going at 100km/hour, I am afraid you'll hit someone" I say annoyingly with my eyes on road, "all I want is to reach there as early as possible..so fasten your seatbelt cause I am not gonna slow it down."
Kia tries to comfort me, "Ivaan has cured now.. I have observed him so I think Raavi will be fine.." I look at her from the corner of my eyes I feel that she, herself doesn't believe in her words.. so I just nod.
I add, "lets just hope that they are at the farmhouse.. " Kia is continuously trying their phones. I ask to her, "do you think we should ask her parents?" Kia almost shouts with jolt, "no...please.." and adds almost crying, "what am I gonna tell them?..I am sure they are at the farmhouse..cause mom told me that Ivaan was spending most of his time there since the day he came." I glance at her doubt fully.
Now as we are out of city, on a highway I 1again press the accelerator, to speed up my car..speaking to myself in my mind..tell me you are okay..tell me you are fine..Raavi!!
Will you be mine forever? His question is echoing in my mind. I am looking at his face that he is not kidding, but he is smiling at me with confusion and excitement in his beautiful brown eyes.
Ivaan wakes me up from the bewilderment by snapping, "Hey Ra.. where are you lost?... I asked.. would you like to be my girl?"
I look around with unsteady gaze..and my heart pounding in my chest.. I am nervous cause I'd never imagined that Ivaan could ask me this question..
I observe him ..of course I like Ivaan but I not in a that way.. I didn't think of him, more than a best friend..like Ved and Kartik.
Well now I doubt myself cause I really don't know 'what does a person think when he or she is in love?' May be I don't know what love is like? Ms. Raavi is always clever in everything but scored a big zero in understanding love..
Ivaan is staring at me with piercing gaze, I feel one type of heaviness and I try to ease the tension by rolling my eyes, "Ivaan, what are you talking about..please this is not a time for joke like this, let's just go home now okay."
I try to get up but he grabs my hand tightly and chuckles wickedly, "this is not a joke..Ra, I am damn serious and I want your answer"
I try to clear myself, "look Ivaan..." but he interrupts me by gently pressing my hand, "wait... it's okay..you just take your time..I am not in any kind of hurry..this is about your life okay...I've waited so many years..so atleast I can wait for some more time..think quietly.. okay."
I am just noticing him, he is being totally candid. For a moment I felt that if Aarav hasn't been appeared in my life then I would have accepted his proposal..there is nothing wrong with it..I mean I know that he likes me. We know each other since our childhood..He is a good boy..what can I want more than that?
But now the only person I am falling for is Aarav.. and I've made up my mind that I'll wait for him to feel the same way for me.. and I don't care if it will take eternity..but I can't love anyone now. His eyes appears in front me, full of sadness, just like I've seen yesterday.. oh god I am really sorry for my behaviour.. I just want to go to him and explain everything to him." So I utter firmly, "we should get going now...."
But I observe that Ivaan didn't even listen to me.. he is in deep thoughts. Then he utters hesitantly, steadily gazing at me, like he is still in deep thoughts, "hey Ra...before you come up to any decision..I have one confession to make."
By saying that his eyes get lower.. my eyes get narrowed to get his words properly. So I sit beside him still his hand in mine.
I feel his hands get cold, his breathing becomes heavy.. I have a strong feeling that whatever he is going to say, will not be good and comforting. So I hesitantly say, "okay..I am listening."
He lifts his eyes to look at me, tries to swallow the lump in his throat and utters slowly, "see.. we are friends right? And promise me it won't change anything..? I don't know how hard will it be for you..? but I make up my mind to tell you every thing before you get to know it from anyone else"
Oh my god this is really much ado..but about what? I tell him annoyingly, "okay..I got it..now tell me that big secret of yours."
He bites his lower lip out of nervousness and continues, "no..it is not that easy..what if you will hate me after it..cause it is about my past..dark past.."
I twitch my lips and inhale annoyingly, "oh .. please Ivaan..enough of this overture.. I promise you..I won't hate you..so please tell me now I am damn curious."
He tightens his grip on my hands and states slowly by exhaling air from his mouth, "okay.. now listen to me carefully.. as a child I was diagnosed with OLD.. " his eyes get closed due to annoyance.
Of course I don't know what it is..? so I ask, "and what does that mean?" He answers with his eyes closed, "Obsessive Love Disorder.." before I think what has it to do with me? He says with embarrassment, "and my victim was non other than 'you'"
My eyes get widened as these words slipped out of his mouth..I open my mouth to speak, but he interrupts me by gesturing his hand and utters, "I can guess all your questions.. please first let me tell you everything..it is so tough for me.."
He starts, "I don't know if I was born with it or... but the day I met you.. I felt a severe attachment towards you.. well of course I took it as an attraction first.." he gulps the saliva.
"Slowly slowly I was so into you that I have passed days doing nothing but ruminating about only you.. imagining you everywhere."
"It was like someone inside me, was continuously telling to check on you, to call you, to be with you" As he is speaking..I can see sweat beads on his forehead.. and my heart is hammering inside my chest...
He continues, "I was not clear myself that what was happening to me..? there was a time when we had a fight or you were out of town then I literally cried..in short I was only concerned about you..Ra.."
I am listening to him with disbelief and aghast..These many years have passed and I didn't have a slightest idea of it.
He adds after taking a sip out of water bottle.. with regret all over his face, "I know it's not good..but please try to understand."
I response with nodding my head. He starts, "in starting I was only concerned about you.. all I wanted is to be with you..to care for you but as the days were passing...I was being more obsessed with you.."
"I didn't like if boys approached you..and you talked to them or met them..In short I was being possessive."
"So I had mistreated some of them" I can see regret all over his face..he continues, "perhaps you remember the boy named Suketu.. " my eyes get narrowed as I recall him. I nod, "yeah he was my classmate."
Ivaan lips get stretched as he speaks, "well probably you don't have any idea that he used to follow you.. when I got to know I threatened him to death so that he changed the school."
I cover my mouth with my hand in disbelief, but he continues like he didn't even notice me, "and the boy named umm.. Purab..yeah his name was Purab, he used to bother you for your notes. When I saw it..I burnt all his notes down.. and didn't you notice that he suddenly stopped after that day..?"
And the third one I remember is that singer guy in our school..what's his name..I instantly say, "Vinit..." of course I remember him, cause when there was singing competition.. he was my strong competitor and he didn't like me much.
Ivaan asks, "do you remember.. you were practising duet with him and he was scolding you for your high pitched vocals... you left crying.. I was so angry that I broke his guitar and I replaced him in the duet.."
There are many more but I don't remember all of them..in short it was unbearable for me that any boys came near you..
When I saw you laughing or talking with the boys.. I really wanted to hurt you too.. but still I was not totally crazy.. so I controlled my self.. but broken and hurt from inside..
I am just dumbfounded..I mean what is he talking about.. ? it was all happening in front of my eyes and I didn't see it.. he himself was suffering because of me.. and I didn't get to know it.
He continues, "my condition was getting worse day by day.. when I felt that it was out of my control then I explained everything to Kia.. cause I was dying from inside with pain and regret.. oh god Ra.. I really don't know how to explain it to you.. but I hope you are getting me right?"
Tears start rolling down my eyes.. oh god he had suffered all these and Kia knows everything though she always behaved totally cool with me like nothing is wrong.. I am really a stupid and she is the strongest girl... I've ever met..
Ivaan wipes my tears..hold my face with his hands and utters, "hey..Ra.. I am sorry.. I never intended to hurt you..never.. the only thing I can't bear in this world is tears in your eyes.. and that's the reason I decided to leave you all.. on the night of my 12th result.. when you were dancing with Anurag..my blood was boiling.. all I wanted to do was..... of course I don't wanna tell you my evil thoughts.. but I realised that my condition was not controllable and I declared that I wanted to move Toronto for studies.. "
Can you believe first few months in Toronto were like a hell to me..I was all alone.. with 24×7 you in mind.. I wanted to end my life by suicide, but it was Aarav who helped me a lot.." oh so Aarav too is aware of Ivaan's condition and that's the reason he got tensed whenever I spoke the name 'Ivaan'.. I was thinking that he was jealous.. stupid me..!!
But my decision, moving away from you was working cause with medication and meditation.. I was being normal again.. then music entered in my life and it changed my life forever... now music is my passion and it is my obsession..!!
when I felt that I am ready to meet you.. to confess my secret to you..then I came back"
Then he lets out air from his mouth and says, "oh god I am feeling so relieved now, like tons of weight has been removed from my heart... so what do you say now..?"
I am at a loss for words.. what to tell him..? I close my eyes for sometimes, take a deep breath and then speak slowly, "Why do you think that I am gonna hate you?.. you told me that I was your victim but I am honestly telling you.. it was you and your family who have suffered a lot.. I must say you are the bravest and strongest person I have ever met.. I just can't guess what the hell you have been through these years.. and I curse myself that I am that person who is responsible for that.. and I am really sorry for that."
Again tears gather at the rim of my water line.. " I know how much did Kia miss you? And you.. I can't live one month without seeing my parents..you just passed six f*****g years without your family and that too in abroad.. still do you think that I was the victim?"
"Oh Ivaan.. you should have told me before we could have found out some other way.. "
Tears start rolling down to my face.. "and about those boys in school.. I know they were not without ill will.. so they deserved some of your punishment.."
Ivaan's lips stretch in a smile... he looks at me with adoration and says, "hey Ra...just stop blaming yourself okay.. all I wanted, was to save you from the monster inside of me.. and see I succeeded..still if you wanna take a blame then let me tell you what is your fault...?"
He grabs my hands in his and states with admiration, "you are just a sweet angel with beautiful heart and soul....Oh my god Ra.. I feel just help less in front of you.. I love you more than anything.. and I promise you that it is not out of any disorder.. I am truly conscious about myself and in my right state of mind .. so please just tell me once that you are mine.." and he pulls me in a tight hug..
It happens so suddenly that I am just shocked.. don't know what to say to him? but the thought struck me that this person sacrificed six important years of his life to keep me safe.. so why can't I sacrifice my one sided love for Aarav..? and with this I feel a severe pain as my heart breaks into pieces.. my eyes get closed and tear drops slowly seep down my cheeks..
At the same time, a wave of chills passes through my spine as I hear, Aarav's howl of anguish from behind,
"keep away from her... She is not yours.. she never was.."
***********
Hi my dear readers..first let me express my deepest gratitude for all the support and love I got.. I'd never ever imagined that this story would be these much loved by you all..!!❤❤
I hope you liked Aarav's POV.. and please please don't hate me for writing that 'sacrifice thing..' lol..😉😉
About that OLD.. I didn't intend to hurt anyone's feelings .. it is just a part of the story... purely fictitious...
Thank you all for your suggestions about Ivaan... I really enjoyed reading your views ..🤗🤗
Love you all!!!
