HALF MOON
CHAPTER - 15
Cremation took place the very next morning and bhog of paath after five days. On day of the bog all relatives, friends and community people were present in the large court yard of village home. Janab Singh and Surjit too had arrived for this ceremony that morning. After the langar and bhog of the path, people began to take leave of the family members. Mehar was with other female members of the family. Surjit sent someone to summon her. As she came and sat besides her parents in the baithak near outer gate, Rajinder too came and sat there. Janab Singh mentioned his desire to leave now, as it was already two in the afternoon. Ganga Nagar was about three hours drive from this place.
Rajinder looked somewhat reluctant on that. This was strange for Mehar as she did not see any reason for her parents to stay longer. They had never stayed there before for long. She wanted them to leave early so that they reached home in time to have some rest. This place was quite hot and noisy. But Rajinder insisted that his elder brother and mother wanted to have a talk with them. Both Surjit and Janab Singh asked Rajinder to call them so that they could meet and leave.
He got up to fetch them, then stopped and said that it was not easy for his mother to move around as she had bad knees, which was indeed true, they should accompany him to one of his brother's quarters where she was sitting at that moment with her kith and kin. All four of them went there. It was a large campus in which five brothers had got their individual quarters constructed almost identical in style and design. They reached inside one of these to find the whole family of five brothers, their wives, two sisters, their husbands and about a dozen of children of all ages.
It hit her straight that something was wrong somewhere because the moment she entered that oblong veranda, she saw one charpoy in the middle of the gathering kept vacant. Two of Rajinder's brothers got up and asked them to sit on it. Surjit sat but Janab Singh asked for a chair, as he could not sit on a charpoy for
Long, moreover his knees too had begun to trouble him a lot lately. Two chairs were brought from the adjacent quarters of the other brother, Janab Singh sat on one. All this while Mehar had been standing, looking around and trying to grasp the situation and environment, taking stock of the situation by looking at every face individually.
She knew quite a lot about many member of the family by now, by way of gossip they would do about each other behind their backs, by way of their varied behavior with her at different places, at her home in Bikaner and here in this village home. She had marked many times that in general she was treated with respect at her home but here in their comfort zone she was made to realize about her fragile constitution and vulnerable condition with open glee. She would not mind most of the times for she felt if something as harmless as making fun of her shortcomings could provide someone with some pleasure, she was a game for it. But today in front of her parents and under present conditions and latest revelations she had had about the functioning of Rajinder's mind, she felt wary.
One of her brothers-in-law Jarnail Singh, who she knew to be a soft spoken person and had genuine respect for her asked her to sit on the other chair. She sat down in an air thick with anticipation wondering what next? Jarnail Singh made it a point to stand close to this family of three with arms folded against his chest and legs outstretched, firmly grounded, a gesture which spoke of command as well as protection. He was a slim man with medium height but his manner always spoke volumes about strength of character and stability of mind. Mehar some how always had felt respectful for him unlike other members of the family, for whom she seldom felt any kinship.
They did not have to wait much. Janab Singh spoke first.
He said, “We are extremely sorry about the untimely passing away of our loved Sardar Sahib, may God bless his soul and take him in his presence and pardon him from the burden of birth and rebirth.” Janab Singh was articulate and knew the village ways too well.
As he was about to say more when abruptly cut short by Rajinder's mother. She said, “We have called you here to talk about the conduct of you, your family and your daughter.”
Janab Singh was at a loss of words. He looked at Rajinder. Rajinder looked away from him. Mehar came to know many more things at this meeting where they were made to sit and listen and not allowed to speak. And she later realized that there was no point in speaking there as she had done during all her married life with Rajinder. She had read somewhere that you cannot interact with walls. She had experienced this many times and this too was one of those experiences. And this meet was deliberately planned to make them listen.
Janab Singh said in a loud voice so that everyone who was within the vicinity would listen to what he said,“Dr. Rajinder Singh, when you had come to my house with your friend Raja Ram Soni I had asked you in clear words whether you have asked your family members about your wanting Mehar to return to you. I wanted to know because I was certain about my daughter that she did not want to be with you anymore. You had said that you have spoken to them and no one wants to interfere in your personal matter. It was after that I had asked my daughter to come and talk in our presence to you, for I was concerned about your only son, who happens to be my grandchild. Now what is all this?”
Rajinder did not reply. He looked side ways. There was a silence for a few moments. Rajinder who was standing till now, sat down beside his mother. Mehar looked at him with searching eyes. His face was hiding behind someone's back. She could not see much of him. But his body language spoke of revenge. She gathered within herself to face more. This was going to be the ultimate.
She told herself, “Mehar, now get up and listen. You will know what these people think of you. You will know how much they hate you. Let it come out of them. Let them not suffer and this will release you too. Those pent up jealousies they have for you will not let you live in peace until they have taken it out. Just be careful to not to let your soul touch it. Keep it safe, above from filth. Keep it above the murky waters. You will survive this too.”She chanted her mantra.
First to speak was Rajinder's younger brother. He had a fiery temperament, had a history with women, twice divorced, thrice married. He got up, twisting his long mustache with one hand, scratching one armpit with the other-a tall man with heavy and broad structure.
He said, “Doctor is a fool of the first order. Why is it not our concern? Your daughter had run away from his home and this idiot wants her back. Takes her in and now wants us to accept her. We do accept her but all of you have to listen to us. We condemn her.” and he spat on the floor.
Mehar saw his father's face turn red with anger and humiliation. She did not know the real inherent meaning of this gesture. She chose to ignore it and waited for the next assault. Before Janab Singh could react after getting over with his reaction and say something or take any appropriate action many of them present began to speak. Initially it became a chaos filled with loud high pitched voices of men and women. Soon it began to take shape. They began to speak taking turns. When one would speak, others would listen intently. After that person went silent someone else would take the cue and begin their verbal assault. Initially it was on Mehar.
Women of the family expressed their varied views. They said that she had run away with some man and while Rajinder was taking her in his house again, she should be thankful and should show her gratitude by being his slave. She should be sweeping the floor he walks on. She should do every menial work he wants her to do. She should listen to all his commands.
Mehar did not know when Iqbal too joined. He had walked in some time during this melee of verbal assaults, which could have turned uglier any minute. Now Mehar understood why Jarnail Singh was standing so close behind her chair all the time. He too found this to be the perfect platform to take out his frustration. He found one gap perfect for his intrusion. He asked in a loud voice if Mehar could prove when had he proposed to her to be his second wife. His nail dug perfectly he stood there relishing each assault coming Mehar's way.
Surjit could not take more of it. She tried to intervene by telling them that her daughter had not run away with another man. She had been doing a respectable job in Delhi. But instead of making any impact on them it worked as a fuel to fire. They turned their attack towards her. One of them said that they all know about her as well. She too had been a slovenly woman because she worked outside her home. Because she traveled she was not clean. She had slept with men as she worked with them.
This was more than any of them could take. Mehar got up and looked at Rajinder. He was still sitting close to his mother, obviously enjoying all of it. She looked at his face closely, he was unable to hide his pleasure, in fact he did not need to. It was his clan. And all this was pre planned; now Mehar had realized it. She thought of asking him to put a stop to all of it. But looking around she decided against it. She wanted the filth to come out. She had calculated by now that nothing could stop this outburst now. This will go on even after they had gone.
She decided with re-enforced determination at that point of time standing there in the middle of that mad crowd of people called Rajinder's family, that her time with Rajinder was not going to last any longer now. She decided that this was the last time she had come to this place called Rajinder's family home. She decided that she was going to throw Rajinder out of that house that her father had got built for her and she had made a home by investing her life in it.
She decided that Ranjit was not going to go with Rajinder, whatever happens. She decided that she will think now rising above all insults and accusations and small talk. She decided that she will not be disturbed by any of it. She collected all that was said about herself and her mother, put it in a huge black garbage bag and left it behind.
She helped her mother get down from the charpoy. Three of them walked out of the small walled compound, being followed by Jarnail Singh with folded hands, eyes downcast and apology written all over him. His wife too following a few steps behind. She was a frail woman, small and delicate, belonged to a well off family and had studied till high school. Both of them followed them till they reached Janab Singh's car. They helped them sit in car, then bowed down and touched their feet and folded hands once again.
All this while only words that escaped their stunned lips were “Sat Sri Akaal”. Then they turned and slowly entered their own quarters not far from where Mehar was standing waiting for Janab Singh's car to move away from this land of unworthy people. Surjit beckoned her to come closer.
Reluctantly she went forward. Surjit asked her if she would be okay by staying back for another or two days.
Mehar spoke and found her own voice strangely harsh. She said, “I can not go with you. I will go with Ranjit and to my home and will stay there. I will let you know what I want after that. Let me reach safely to my fort first.”
Janab Singh put his hand on her head, he rarely did that, “Biba, do what you find right. You have two forts. Our house is also your fort. Never forget this. And we are there waiting. As long as we are alive to shelter you, you will always have a roof over your head.”
She knew these words were heavier than they sounded. She had heard her father say “Biba” to little girls many times, but he never addressed her with that word. He always called her name or called her beta. She knew something inside him was snapped today. She could not mend that. In fact all of them were broken that day in many ways. They were going through the process of picking up pieces and trying to mend themselves.
Three people healing themselves on their own. None wanted the other to know how bad it was and each knew nothing could be worse. Irony of the situation was that those who had done this did not even know what they had done. They were naive people; uneducated, uncultured, uninitiated; taken for a ride by Rajinder to serve his ulterior motive in his pursuit to take revenge on Mehar and her parents.
The car began to move and Mehar walked towards the main house where mercifully sitting with other children Ranjit was watching television. She asked him to come with her. They walked outside the main gate. After crossing small narrow kachchi gali they entered family farm. Lush green lands, aroma of earth, grass, wild flowers and other vegetation filled her nostrils. Nature's bounty wafting in refreshingly soothing evening air provided her aching senses some solace. She sat on one log of a tree and Ranjit began to playground.
Soon other children of the household found them. They were all playing around her, climbing tree for no reason but sheer pleasure of it, jumping down, picking cucumbers from climbers. Ranjit knew Mehar loved to eat these small raw fresh cucumbers. He got a handful of those for her. As she began to munch on them she realized she was hungry and it was evening tea time. She asked Ranjit if he wanted to have his milk. He wanted. So she got up, as she began to walk towards home compound, she saw Rajinder coming
Her way. She stopped in her track. She waited for him to come closer.
He came and smiled at her. She was surprised at his audacity but did not show it. She smiled back although her smile was tentative. Rajinder's body language spoke of victory and joy. It spoke of the person who was happy with himself after being able to call his shots. Satisfied with life, happy for being one up after a fight of wits and muscle. She stood for a while, thought and then told Ranjit to go home and ask one of his chachis to give him milk. He ran towards home, most of the children following him. She liked the fact that he was liked by most of the children here.
She sat down again on the same tree trunk. Rajinder stood by her. She asked him when they would be going home. He did not answer. She asked again after waiting for a while. He did not have an answer ready. He thought and then said he will ask his mother and brothers and then decide.
She said, “But you must think about Ranjit's school. He is missing out on that. He had already missed out a lot. We must return by tomorrow or the day after.”
He looked agitated, “Why are you always after his attending school? It does not matter if he misses a few more days. I don't care even if he misses the whole year.”
She looked at him with her eye brows raised, but it did not make any impact on him. She could not let him play around with Ranjit's life. She tried again if he could listen but it fell on deaf ears. The more he became rigid in his attitude towards the well being of his son, the more it made Mehar determined about her decision. She got up to go but could not resist herself from telling him that he had done immense damage to her dignity about asking Iqbal point blank, without using his discreet abilities that he will never accept uttering this suggestion and Mehar can never prove it.
But as this thought came to her, second thought followed. It said that if he cared about her prestige at all, this would not have happened at the first place. She started moving towards home. He asked her why she was leaving. She told him without halting that she wanted to have some tea and continued.
Next day during morning tea, Rajinder's eldest brother said that he was leaving that afternoon for Bikaner. He lived in Bikaner in a
House built on a huge plot of land bought collectively from farm income, with his wife and only son. This plot of land was in all six brothers' names. Later this too became a bone of contention between these brothers. Mehar was asked to live there but since she had her own house she could comfortably say no to this proposition at the onset. It had all amenities that any village home had, as well as close proximity to town life.
Rajinder too expressed his willingness to leave that day and Mehar took a sigh of relief. She kept her fingers crossed till the time they started their journey from village. Finally after lunch and some more formalities they left the village home. Mehar knew it was for the final time for her. She had made up her mind never to return there in her life. She bade goodbye to all the time she had spent at this place, which had not been kind to her in many ways. But she knew she would never be able to erase the memories of this place embedded in side her. These might get faded with time but those will live and then die with her. This she knew.
Order returned the very next day to a family life with Ranjit attending school and Rajinder going to his hospital. Mehar, however, was more perturbed than ever before. She did not know how to handle loose time and equally loose mind that was constantly reminding her of her vulnerable life. The very next day Rajinder insisted that she sleep in their bedroom and give in to his demand. She refused straight away. He demanded the reason for her refusal and she told him not in too many words that he should know himself after all that had been added to their already turbulent marriage. He refused to accept it as his doing.
This sent Mehar's temper shoot up as never before. She shouted at him, “How can you not take the responsibility of what had happened there at village? Even if I accept that you did not trigger it, which I don't believe in, you should have put a stop to it. You demand me to perform my wifely duties for you but when your turn to do your husbandry duties come, why do you go in hiding?”
He looked at her with scornful eyes. He stayed quiet for a while and then shouted back,“This is why I did not want you to study further. You have started arguing like a lawyer. You were already so full of your rights and duties and now after these degrees and journalist's job, you have become worse. You have not seen enough of me yet. Yes, I made them ridicule you and your parents in front of the whole
Community. Yes I made sure that it happened in front of everyone. So that you people learn your lesson well. But it seems you still need to be taught more.”
Mehar was not surprised. She was already certain about this fact. She spoke,“Fine, you did it. Good that you accepted. But would you please be kind enough to let me know what purpose has this solved of yours, besides torturing my parents at this ripe age?”
“You will see for yourself. They will be looked down upon by the whole community.” his eyes were shining.
Mehar could not believe her ears. “You wanted to teach me a lesson, then why did you take this out on them? Especially my mother!”
“Because I hate that woman you call your mother. I hate her. She will not be able to sleep for many nights and I am happy, very happy.”
Mehar could not believe herself that she was listening to all this, standing erect, facing him, allowing him to take out all that was there. But deep inside she wanted to do that. She wanted to dig out and know the origin of her own miseries. She needed to know how much of it was her own doing and how much of the other's doing.
“Dr. Rajinder Singh, you should know that community is not made up of short sighted and close minded people only. They know my parents and they know me too. They do not need you to tell them how bad or how good we are.”
“You are one stubborn woman I hate. I hate this face of yours and this body of yours.” He could not contain his anger now.
This brought a smile on Mehar's lips. She did not make any attempt to hide it, “Then why do you want me back? I had no intention of coming back into your life. It's you who subjected my parents to force me into submission.”
This infuriated him further. His pitch was quite high now.
“This shows how high headed you are. This is not the way to speak to your husband. You don't know what more harm I am capable of.”
“Do tell me please. I too want to know. What you have already done is more than enough for any woman to take and bear. If I can take this and I am still alive and kicking and standing in front of you, I can take anything. You want to beat me in the town square, kindly do that also. None of your wishes should remain unfulfilled. After all you are my legally wedded husband.” her tone was serious now and she meant every single word she said.
She wanted to take out all the bitterness from inside of her. She also wanted him to take every thing out of him. She wanted to spread everything in front of her. She wanted to look at all ugliness to leave it behind before heading forward. Just the way when finally the time to cremate a dead body arrives, its face is uncovered for everyone to have the last glimpse of departed person's face.
He looked at her for a long time to judge her inner strength. Finally he blurted out, “You do not know what you are up and against. I can even get you finished off and no one will ever know what had hit you.”
She was unmoved,“you mean you can get me killed?” “Yes.” he was smiling now.
“Well, in that case I must remind you that we live in a democratic country. If you kill me or you get me killed, do not forget that there is a law in this land where both of us live.”
“This is what I hate about you. You can make or break a person merely by your talk. But I will not bow. You will see I will do what I want and you will not be there to tell the tale and speak like this holding your head high.” he was seething with anger.
Mehar was unmoved. She felt that this was another of his outbursts. Moreover she was beyond caring now. Ranjit was sleeping in his room. She entered her bedroom, bolted from inside and slept.
Next morning after Ranjit had gone to school and Rajinder to hospital. Mehar was sitting with her after shower cup of tea, when Raja Ram came UN-announced. This was surprising, for he never came without making a call first. He lived in a town about sixty kilometers from Bikaner. Obviously he would not want to come and not find any of them at home to see his time and effort go waste. She welcomed him and asked Tarabai to get him tea.
He looked worried but trying to keep a brave front he said,“Not just tea, serve me some breakfast as well. I have not eaten anything since morning. I was worried about you.”
Mehar was surprised, “why should you be worried about me or any of us?”
This put him off. He said, “I am very much attached to both of you, in fact to your family. If you do not understand this it's OK, but let me do what I can do. Tell me what has happened between you two again?”
Mehar now could not keep this to herself. She waited till he finished his breakfast, then she narrated the whole drama that was enacted at village home, and later whatever had transpired between her and Rajinder. Then she sat looking at him questioningly. He sat down visibly disturbed, thinking, worry writ large on his face. After a while he asked her what it was she wanted him to do or how he could be of any help now. She did not have any answer to that. She did not think anyone else could help her in this circumstance. The only person who could help her was the reason of all this. She did not say anything.
He asked again. She did not say anything.
He seemed to be contemplating something for a long time. Finally he said,“Rajinder called me last night to tell a few things. He did not say anything about what happened at village. He did not divulge into details. But now I know and I am very much worried about you. You are my younger sister, you are my bhabhi, and bhabhi is like mother, so whatever relation suites you, you can think of that and please, let me say some thing very personal to you.”
He waited for her approval and she waited to hear more from him. The pregnant pause became quite long, finally he spoke, “kindly, try to be co-operative towards Rajinder. I hope you understand what I mean.”
So that was it. Now Mehar knew why Rajinder had called Raja Ram. She felt a bitter taste in her mouth. She thought for a while before replying, “Soni ji, tell me only one thing. If I was your own daughter, even then would you have suggested to me to continue living with Rajinder?”
He could not answer for a long time. Then gathered himself to say, “But we live in India. Here marriages are for seven lifetimes.”
Mehar could not resist saying, “Mine would not seem to last even first lifetime or may be this is the eighth time and that is the problem with it.”
After this Raja Ram could not stay longer. He got up, took leave of her with assurances of any kind of assistance she might need at any time in her life, though this time his words were not convincing. They lacked the vigor and impact he had earlier. She saw him walking out of the gate dejected, disappointed and sad.
Few more days passed, each with Mehar trying to keep pace with routine of Ranjit, tough task at hand to go through another turbulent period, as Rajinder would invariably come up with one or other way of making her succumb to his wishes. There was a tug of war being played between the two. Mehar did not know who would win eventually, she did not care either.
All she wanted was to be left alone to find some way out of this black hole she had fallen into. She could not think of a way out. What she had done earlier did not deem right now under present circumstances. She was finding difficult to continue in this manner with every passing day. Every evening would arrive with palpitation and apprehensions. She had to think anew each evening to evade Rajinder's advances. He still seemed to have hope or may be this was another of his ways of teaching her a lesson.
For the last two-three days she felt some relief as she did not find Rajinder's behavior to be too aggressive. He would still seem to suggest to her for physical proximity with him but it was subtle and was rapidly decreasing in intensity. She was beginning to feel some relief. She felt that now she could think about her own life with some ease. That evening had something else in store.
Rajinder had been out almost the whole day. He had not even come home for lunch during afternoon. He came at tea time, had tea with Mehar and seemed silent and calm. A little later he summoned Ranjit and asked him to come with him for a visit to some relative's place. Ranjit did not want to, as he was going out to play with his friends.
Rajinder insisted saying that they want to meet him. When Ranjit did not relent, he made some concession by allowing him to go out for an hour and return after that to go with him. He told the boy that he will be waiting for him at home and he had postponed
This visit just to allow him to play for a while. Mehar felt Ranjit did not listen to his last sentence. He ran off towards the exit door with the lightening speed at just the mention of the word “OK”. She smiled to herself and let it be.
It was past six when Rajinder started getting impatient as Ranjit had not returned till then. It seemed he was in hurry. He asked Mehar why Ranjit had not returned till then. She had no clue. She told him that the children played nearby, in another friend's big lawn, which was a few houses away from theirs. He could ask him or pick him up from there. Rajinder agreed absentmindedly and went out. He took the car out and Mehar heard him drive out of the gate after getting off and closing it on his way out.
She got busy with the house work. Tarabai had gone for two days to attend a wedding in her family. Mehar while cleaning tea things began to think about the dinner she had to prepare all by herself. She liked to cook once in a while. It kept her busy and triggered her brain to think. She was taking out raw vegetables from the fridge when she heard Ranjit walk in.
She was surprised. She asked why he had not gone with his father. He told her that Rajinder wanted to join him urgently, whereas his friends did not want him to leave the game half way. So he refused to go with him. He told her that Rajinder had asked him to stay and play there only. Not to go home. He had said that he will pick him up from there in a short while and will take him out for an ice cream.
But since all his friends had gone to their homes he too returned. He drank some water. Mehar was feeling hot and sweaty that day in particular since Tarabai's absence meant she had spent almost the whole day in and out of the kitchen. She wanted to have a shower. He told Ranjit to mind the house as she was having her bath.
She was washing her hair when she heard the door bell rang. She shouted from within to check who was at the door and instructed Ranjit not to open the door. As she hurriedly finished her bath, put on her bath gown and came inside the bedroom she heard some voices from the living room area. She thought perhaps some friends had visited and Ranjit had opened door, made them sit and now they are interacting. She heard someone ask Ranjit where his mother was. She could not recognize the voice. Moreover tone of the man who spoke too was a little harsh and unfriendly, very unlikely to be
Addressing a child of nine. People in Bikaner are generally soft spoken and speak with children with some added sugar in their voice.
She hurriedly put on clothes, opened, came out and was surprised to see about five or six men roaming inside her house. Three were sitting on sofa in the living room, two or three of them in dining area and one was trying to peep inside guest room. She was shocked. She felt annoyed at their behavior and intrusion, she thought they might be some patient's relative and had come to see Rajinder. Generally those from near his village came in large groups and try to be over friendly. But something was strange with these men's behavior. They did not look and smell like villagers do. They looked cleaner, wore city clothes and did not smell.
Mehar asked the man standing at guest room door why he was here inside the house. She threw this question to all the intruders in general. They all gathered up at one place, close to dining table, unsure of themselves. It seemed they felt alarmed by her presence. She felt something amiss. She asked Ranjit, who was sitting inside living room answering those stranger's queries to come out to her. He came and stood by her. She felt a little relieved. Still she did not feel secure. Then she asked those standing in dining area talking in low tones among themselves about why had they come to her house.
One of them came forward and said, “we want to meet doctor sahib. But he is not at home.” she felt awkward. She said,“Since you know he is not at home, why have you entered the house. Why did you not wait outside in patient room? Like every one else.“
None of them replied. There was ominous silence. She waited for a while then she looked at Ranjit, “Why did you open the door beta?”
He pointed his finger towards the man who had earlier answered Mehar's query and said, “This uncle asked me and said he wants to meet you.”
She looked at that man again, his face was a little familiar to her. She tried to revamp her memory to find out who that person was but she could not gather much about him.
She asked him, “But why do you want to meet me? I do not know you.”
He looked a little puzzled, searched for a while for some admissible answer then said hoarsely, “you will know.”
She could not make much of it. She felt uncertain and was beginning to feel scared. She felt fear for her son. She told him to go inside his room. He was reluctant. She dragged him towards his door, almost pushed him in and told in stern words to bolt it from inside and not to open until she or someone he knows asks him to. The boy went inside and closed the door, much bewildered.
Now she came to dining area and discovered that all of them were now gathered in living room, were talking among themselves. As she entered the room she heard some of their talk in local dialect which meant that the boy is his and we should not do anything to him, she has seen all of us, our faces too, but he had told that she would be alone.
They fell silent midway. She smelt something fishy. She again asked why had they entered her house and why they were not going away if they now knew that doctor sahib was not at home. She was shaking from within, an unknown fear gnawing at her, but she tried to keep a brave front. She could not think of anything else besides getting them out of her house somehow. It did not occur to her at that point of time that she was alone and a woman, that they were more in number and they were men, which meant physically she was weaker than them.
But her subconscious took stock of her situation, it made her sound robust, clear and straight forward. She asked them in loud authoritative voice to leave her house immediately. She looked straight at them, no one in particular, avoided looking into anyone's eyes, she feared that might give her away. They could sense her fear and gauge her vulnerability. She had realized at this point that only her courage and strong outward appearance could save her and her son from any damage these people had come to do, she was not sure to what extent they had planned to till then. She came to know about that much later.
Reluctantly, looking at each other, taking cue through eyes they got up and walked out of the living room door slowly, one by one. She kept looking at them with sharp eyes, standing erect giving them impression that she did not care much about their presence. She wanted all of them to get out and then to lock the door. As the
last man got out, she sprang up and almost jumped at the door, closed it with a bang, locked, put the latch on.
By this time she was visibly trembling, first her hands, then her legs, soon whole of her body began to shudder UN-controllably. She could not keep standing any longer, felt a chair behind her with quivering hand and sat down on it. She was not able to think or speak. She stayed that way for how long she did not know. She felt drained completely. This was something she had never encountered before. This fear of unknown. Fear to be thrown to wolves. Fear of losing oneself to physical violence. She felt the air of the house filled with terror those men had left behind for her to deal with.
Mehar who had felt till a few days before that she could endure as much as could be thrown her way, today after this ghastly experience came to know how fragile and untrustworthy her bravado was. She was trying hard to control her tremors. Gradually her body stopped shaking, but now she began to feel cold, again it started from her hands, feet and then the whole body, once again she was shivering.
She was completely lost to her structural biology. However much she wanted to look at herself objectively, to be able to deal with this latest storm that had just passed through her, uprooting so much inside her, throwing her off her guard; she could not.
Knowing fully well who was behind this new episode, knowing by now there was no limit to his despicable she still could not bring herself to believe it was him. She had absolutely no faith in him but she still did not want to believe that he could stoop so low. She remembered that talk with him that happened a few days back. She still could not believe.
She felt like crying out of helplessness. But she forbade herself to. She understood the futility of crying for herself. A wave of thought occurred to her, to tell her that if these people had been successful in carrying out their task, she would have been relieved of all her miseries by now. She would have been beyond caring by now, dead for sure. She again felt herself tremble with terror. She shuddered. At this juncture she remembered she had to get Ranjit out of his room.
She got up, her legs refused to take her weight. She sat again for some more time, to gather courage, to let her muscles be back from
Their molten state to solid one, so that her legs were able to carry her weight to walk, to be able to lead her life. Finally she was able to get up, walk towards Ranjit's room, knocked and asked him to come out. He came out, asked her who those people were and what they wanted. She did not reply, he waited for a while, then switched on television and sat down to watch.
Mehar felt she should ask him to finish his homework but she was beyond caring and terribly exhausted. She let him be. She wanted to think about her next step now. She was sure Rajinder would come home as usual. She asked herself about her next step. How to confront him.
Now she was scared of him. She knew he meant it when he had said he could get her finished off. She could not trust this man anymore with her life. She could not be under the same roof with this man again, not even for a second. She now knew she needed help. She needed advice. She was to get all of it from her parents. She hated to bother them again but she had no way out. There was no one else she could ask for moral support at this time. She called them.
Janab Singh listened patiently to each and every detail. Asked her if she was feeling better now, she assured him. He told her to not to open door for anyone and that included Rajinder. She agreed to do whatever was asked of her. Then he told her that he will call her shortly after talking to their lawyer about what their next step should be. She put down the receiver and began to wait for his return call.
Time seemed to have halted at her threshold. She could not move herself further. She stayed there sitting on chair, standing within her, silenced deep inside, not knowing how to move further, how to handle life from there, where to put her next step, where to cast her next glance, simply waiting, standstill.
Fifteen minutes later which passed like ages for her, the phone rang. It was Janab Singh. He told her that he had spoken to their lawyer Mr. Dinesh Jain. Jains were their neighbors. Senior Mr. Jain had been one of the leading lawyers of GangaNagar and a very good friend of Janab Singh. He had passed away a few years back. Dinesh Jain was his eldest son, as eminent a lawyer as his father was and carrying his torch further. He and his wife Neela addressed Janab
Singh and Surjit as Chachaji and Chachiji and respected them as their elders. Janab Singh and Surjit were sitting with him.
Dinesh Jain spoke to her and asked her a few details. Again she was told to wait for some time more. If it was some other time she would have got impatient but today she was completely out of her own element, she did not know what to do. She simply kept sitting there.
Meanwhile Ranjit asked her what would be served for dinner. That reminded her that she had to cook, but her hands, her mind, her whole body was not listening to her commands. She asked him if he could eat some bread butter with a glass of milk. Ranjit knew something terrible had just occurred at home, but he was not old enough to gauge how bad it was. He looked at her confused but agreed.
He asked her once again who those people were and what they had come for? She did not seem to hear him, she was lost in her thoughts. She was only waiting for the phone call to know what to do now. Ranjit waited for an answer. When he did not get any he again went to living room to watch TV.
This time when the phone rang she sprang up from her chair, she realized how terribly scared she was by now. She reprimanded herself for being foolish, for the worst was gone. She thanked herself for braving it and scolded herself for now over reacting. This brought a small smile on her face.
This time Mr. Jain told her that she would have to come to Ganga Nagar with Ranjit as early as possible and file a legal separation suite against Rajinder in the lower civil court, as that was the place where their wedding took place. She could file it either at Bikaner, where they were living at the time or at Ganga Nagar, where wedding took place. He explained that since here her parents would be able to take care of the suite it is advisable for her to file it here.
She agreed to that. He also suggested that Janab Singh and Surjit file a civil suite under child custody laws for Ranjit's custody. According to his opinion and experience chances of Mehar getting Ranjit's legal custody were very slim. Since he was almost ten years of age and being a boy, court will prefer the father to grant his custody. Grandparents asking for custody on the basis of warring
Parents not able to take good care of the child was a solid ground for the court to decide in their favor. This suited with Mehar too. She understood her position well.. .She agreed to both.
Now he again asked her many more details about that day's happenings and told her frankly it would be almost impossible to prove that Rajinder was linked to it. Moreover he too was aware of Rajinder's elder brother being a police sub inspector. He knew and told her that she would not be able to do much on that front, but she must file a first information report in Ganga Nagar only, for that would be convenient for her. She understood. Her only consolation was that both of them, she herself and Ranjit had been unhurt. This was more than she could ask for. She said this to Mr. Jain. But he explained to her that she must file a complaint because that will help her in her fight for divorce after the legal separation period is over.
Now was the trickiest part. What was she to do when Rajinder returned and he might soon be at the gate wanting Mehar to open it for him. He told her that she is not to open door for him. He was not to be allowed inside the house, under any condition. He could go wherever he wanted but not in this house, not when Mehar and Ranjit were in it. She was not to share any roof with him anymore. She felt the same. But she asked what was to be done if he made a hue and cry and gathered people, neighbors and friends.
Mr. Jain chuckled,“ He is not a fool to do so. He will dig his own grave if he does that. If he does that do avail the opportunity he provides you. Come out in the open and tell everyone, take over the stage he provides you by doing this. You are capable of doing that. I have heard many times how articulate you are when addressing people. Tell them in full detail what all he had done and you will see the end of him. But I am sure he will never do any such thing. He already seems to be getting advice from some hideous lawyer. His actions speak of it. You are naive. You should have told all this to me earlier, your going back with him was a mistake. But don't you worry, worst is over. Now we shall take care of the rest. Do as I have told you. Mark my words. Do not let him in. period.”
She sat thinking although still was not able to think much. It was getting late when Ranjit said he was feeling hungry. She got up, heated some milk for him, toasted bread and gave him with butter. Then she made some tea for herself. She was smearing pineapple
Jam on her toast, when phone rang. Ranjit wanted to go and get it, she forbade him with her hand. Looked at him sternly to stay where he was, having his meals. He obeyed.
This time it was Surjit. She told her to put Rajinder's clothes in a suitcase and keep that handy near the outer gate, so that he could pick it up from there. She told her that he will need clothes and other essentials wherever he stayed. Both women knew he will be going straight to his elder brother's home in the town.
Mehar had come to know earlier that her papers he had taken from her wardrobe too were kept there in a suitcase. She had asked her sister-in-law to give her the suitcase or at least allow her to take her personal papers from it but she had flatly refused to let her. She had to get duplicate papers of all documents and that had turned out to be more troublesome than she had anticipated.
She agreed with her mother, the man should be given some of his clothes for his immediate use. Rest of his belongings she felt she could hand over to Raja Ram when she left this house for Ganga Nagar. But it seemed Surjit repeated her words and Mr. Jain listened. He interrupted.
He took the receiver from Surjit and gave her clear instructions that she had to give him only some of his clothes and toiletries for his immediate use. For he knew the kind of person he was, he would be seeking court's intervention to get his belongings from Mehar. Then it will be troublesome for her to prove that she had already given those to him through someone. She understood.
She got up hurriedly, took out a suitcase, put some shirts and trousers about five of them, a few kurta pajamas, a few vests and under-wears, stuff from bathroom, a pair of slippers, two pairs of shoes and shoved them in it. It became heavy. This did not have wheels attached to it. She asked Ranjit to help him. He had been looking at her all this while feeling left out, he happily came forward, together they lugged it out of the living room door. She placed it near the boundary gate, so that it was not visible from outside but if someone came closer and peeped inside from atop the gate, it could be seen and picked up.
She kept standing there, it was getting late. Rajinder might come any time now. She asked Ranjit to bring the key of the outer gate. He ran inside and got the key from a drawer in dining area. She
Locked the door, checked lock twice, held him by hand and both of them entered their fort. Now she understood the real impact of her own words she had spoken unknowingly a few days back at village home. They again sat down to finish their simple dinner. Mehar did the plates, then did her nightly schedule, told Ranjit to brush, change and go to bed. There was no sign of Rajinder.
Finally when Ranjit was deep in sleep and she too was tired of sitting and waiting, she heard the car driving near the house, then the honk, after a while another honk, then one more, a longer one. Finally she heard him switch off the engine and get out of the car. She heard car door bang. She heard him trying to open the gate but the gate would not give in. He cursed loudly and then began beating it. She gathered courage.
She went to the outer door and came out. Rajinder was standing at the gate waiting. This was a little surprising for Mehar for under normal conditions he would have been furious by now at not finding the door open, for making him wait for so long, she would have been flanked verbally without constraints by now. But there he was, waiting for some one to come out and open the lock.
She came in full view and stood. His back was towards the light. She could not read his eyes, not even his facial expressions. She waited silently. Though her trembling had returned the moment she saw him, as the memory of those intruders a few hours earlier came back to her, but she stood unmoved. He looked at her trying to read closely.
Finally he spoke, “Why have you locked the gate so early? You knew I was coming home.”
Mehar was not surprised at his audacity this time, she now knew how discreetly pernicious he could be when needed. Although sometimes he would be at a loss to find the words he needed to express himself but in his manner he was not very transparent, especially when Mehar needed to know, he would easily hide his intentions. Mehar could feel those intentions by being in his presence by not looking at him. But if she ever was in doubt and she looked at him to get the clue she would find herself more confused. So with Rajinder she had learned to rely on her intuition rather than what she could read by looking at him or what he spoke.
“After what you had tried to do this evening, what were you expecting of me?” she tried to keep her voice soft and succeeded at that.
He stayed quiet for a while, shifted feet, rubbed hands, adjusted his turban a couple of times. Mehar knew he was searching for words. She let him. She waited. Her arms folded on her chest. Her manner difficult to read, her posture erect.
Finally he could find something apt for this occasion.
“What have I done? I was with my relatives the whole evening. They can vouch for me.” she could feel the wavering in his voice clearly.
“So you agree that you have done something that would need vouching from someone for your presence at some other place.” she was curt.
He did not speak for a while. As he was going to open his mouth to say something more she blurted out, “I did not believe you when you said that. But you indeed are a brave man, at least you made the attempt to validate your threat. At least you tried to be true. Good.” she could not keep sarcasm out of her voice now.
She wanted to see the effect of this on him. But his face was still in dark. She moved closer but careful to stay at some distance so he may not physically approach her.
He spoke in a voice uncertain of himself, “I don't know what all are you talking about. Open the lock. I have to drive the car in and go to sleep. We will talk later”
Mehar knew he was getting weaker now. She stood where she was.
“But what you have done is graver than anything else you have done so far. This needs to be tackled right now.”
He stayed quiet. He did not push her further. This made her more certain of what others were but she still deep inside hoped it could not be, after all he was the man who had fathered her son. She had lost her virginity to him, she had been sleeping beside him for many years by now. He had been the man who had made her a woman from a teenage girl. She could never love him but she could never hate him either, even at that point, where she was certain now that he was behind that foiled attack on her honor and life; she still
Could not hate him. She feared him, was afraid of him and knew if he would make an attempt to approach her by climbing the gate or the boundary wall she would run for her life screaming but she stood keeping her ground, trembling inside, her heart pounding.
“What have I done?” he did not raise his voice quite unlike of him.
Mehar remembered what Mr. Jain had told her. He had said Rajinder will not risk other's involvement, that will be certain doom for him. It seemed to her he wanted to get inside as early as possible lest people get to know about this uncomfortable situation he was in.
“OK, listen if you want me to say it in words. You felt the need to send seven men to kill me. That shows I am very strong” her voice had stronger sarcasm now.
He said under his breath, “Idiots, all of them came here?” Surprise was writ large on his face as he moved backwards, startled; light from the gate post fell on his face. At the same time he realized that she had listened and seen him, he panicked. He went a few steps towards the car, keeping his back towards her. Then gathered himself, came back, stood again at the same spot where he was standing all this while.
“Why should I get you killed? I did not send anyone? Who had come here? Tell me. Let me come in. I will take care of that. I will kill the bastards. Who were they?” very like his words his voice too was incoherent.
“You don't need to. For you are the one who sent them. I will take care of all that on my own now onward. You please, pick up this suitcase and leave. All you need for a few days is in it. We shall see what we have to do later. I cannot let you in my house. I have to make sure that my son and I are safe from any harm.”She was stern.
Mehar gestured at the suitcase for she felt he had not seen it till then. He did not look surprised. She moved away, keeping her face towards him. Once again he tried to say something. She was extremely mortified at the sheer wastage of life, years gone in wind, emotions spent on one futile, shallow, untrue relationship, devoid of faith. She heard some words, which did not make any sense to her, walked in, closed the door behind one more time. She hoped and wished deeply with all her might, one final time. This door if now
opened for whatever reason would certainly be the last day of her existence.
She walked to her bedroom with a faint sound of Rajinder's car, unregistered to her mind, for she did not think of anything now. She wanted to put herself to rest, complete rest. There were many more battles to fight and win. She needed to gather energy, to garner courage to face the challenges of life that lay ahead. It was not going to be a cake walk. She knew it.
She lay down on her bed and began to think. From here she had to realign her life. She had to set her priorities right. She had to put them in order to chalk out her life's trajectory. The first thing on her list was Mehar. She smiled to herself. Nothing would matter if she were not there in self-concrete and tangible, her body as well as her soul.
Second in line came her son Ranjit. Third were her parents. Fourth place she chose for her career. Fifth for financial clarity. She needed to know how much of worth she was. So and so on. She felt she needed more clarity of thought and that would require some rest to her aching body, her seething soul and her bleeding heart.
A midst all this discomfiture she amazed herself with a flattering smile. She did not hear when the tower clock of the town struck twelve at midnight nor did she hear zoo's lions' roars during early morning silence, which she invariably heard and enjoyed. It was a blissful night for Mehar after many uncomfortable ones in this very same house
