Chapter : 1
“Meri kismat me tu nahi shayad
Kyun tera intejar karta hoon
Me tujhe kal bhi pyaar karta tha
Main tujhe ab bhi pyaar karta hu”
“Please turn the TV off mummy” I shouted taking pillow on my head trying to sleep for another few minutes.
“Hey you mummy’s boy! Idhar dekh…Baap khada hai idhar tera”
I ignored the voice and kept sleeping.
Me tujhe kal bhi pyaar karta tha
Main tujhe ab bhi pyaar karta hu
“Will you please shut your mouth off?” I asked taking pillow off from my head. He was there standing in front of me. I looked at him for a while and then again closed eyes.
“I didn’t call you today, why you are here?” I asked.
“Me tabhi aata hu jab tum baat karna chahte ho, tumhare bulane pe hi aaya hu me”
“I didn’t call you, and why you are wearing this Joker costume? Really, you also painted your face as per joker! Joker banke kyun aaya hai aaj” I spoke.
“I am the one what you make me, I am the one what you like to see and I am the one what you are not! I am totally different from you yet I am invisible part of you. I am not like you who keep sleeping in morning” I turned my eyes and looked at him – the inner me is standing in front.
“What you want?” I asked.
“Forgiveness – A Sorry” Inner me spoke and started walking in room.
“Sorry – from me?” I set pillow back of my head and looked at him.
“Yes. Sorry from you. You broke the promise” Inner me said and walked from right to left acting as joker.
“Why sorry? Which promise?” I asked looking at him.
“Promise that you will not again fall in someone, Promise that you will stay away from that love thing and a promise that you will not offer a space to someone in our heart. I also own our heart! Have you taken my permission?” Inner me asked walking from left to right.
“Hey Hey…shut up please! And stop walking from here to there! Come sit with me” I said.
“I am just like this…Chanchal…Paagal…who always looks for answers of some question, who always remain in search of logics” Inner me said.
“I am away from love thing and you also know that” I said.
“At least stop fooling us” spoke inner me, looking straight into my eyes.
“Yes…There is a feeling, a strong feeling…there is something building me inside, you also know that you are the part of me but I can’t name it love” I said.
“Don’t drag me with you in this, I am here to listen sorry from you not to be partner in your feelings, even we had decided that we will not recreate this feelings for anyone. You already know what that girl had done with us” inner me spoke.
“What?” I asked surprisingly.
“What?” Inner me shouted angrily.
“You took our heart from us and tried to give to her…and what she did? Even didn’t listened what you were trying to convey. She just broke our heart into two pieces. I bear all the pain that time and what you were doing? You were busy in making everyone happy with your smiling face, have you looked at me once then? How I handled that situation single headedly? How I joined the pieces of our heart. It was pure red, a bleeding one. I have seen that” Inner me shouted angrily.
“Look Brother that was all different things” I spoke.
“And what is different now?” the inner me asked.
“Now…when I look back at that time, I just think that the feeling I was considering as love was just an attraction. This time it is totally different” I said.
“Different? How?” Inner me asked.
“Different means…it is not like I saw her, I liked her, physical attraction begins and we met and started falling in those conversations” I said.
“I know her from many years now but I never felt like this, and now I don’t know from somewhere it started building up – the bunch of feelings” I said and stopped in between.
“Shaila” Inner me spoke.
“What?” I asked, confused.
“Shaila means that which is extraordinary, which is rising up to reach the height. When the mud rises up to reach the sky it is called Shaila, an aspect that embodies height, the first aspect of Durga” the inner me spoke and laughed.
“I can’t understand what you are speaking” I said setting my pillow relaxing a little. The inner me stared at me for a while – a full eye contact and the he suddenly laughed hard, very hard that he started rolling on floor.
“What happened?” I asked.
“Buri tarah fasne wala hai tu” the inner me spoke laughingly and looked at me.
“I exactly know kaha tak jaana hai” I spoke with confidence.
“Bhai…Tu 6ota sa Tibet hai aur vo pura china…Sanghai aur Siachin dekh ke usme samane mat jaa…Fir problem hua to bich me Dalai Lama ban ke me rah jaunga” Inner me spoke jumped on my bed putting both his hand on my chest hardly.
“Dekh bhai…Vo bhale hi mujhe pasand ho, bhale hi mujhe extraordinary feeling ho lekin vo pehle meri sabse a66i dost hai, so I exactly know mujhe kaha tak jaana hai” I spoke.
The alarm rang and I opened my eyes, there was no inner me in front, It was gone but his laughter still rang in my ears, he was dancing in room with joker costume and was laughing at me. Yet he was right, there is something building up in me inside, slowly but strongly and it tries to reach the height every day, something different which I never felt before – ‘Shaila’. It was just a dream, I opened my eyes and imagined whole working day.
