The Interview
A short story by
Anirudh Deshpande
III
In the Kripacharya College, Professor Aftab Hasan Mehboob, notorious for selecting, supervising and recommending long-legged young lady research students, had interviewed Sameer the previous year. Mehboob took his name seriously and caressed female colleagues and nubile students with a pair of large watery innocent eyes.
There was evidence that a doctoral student had slept with his wife some years. This happened when he was abroad on a four-month summer fellowship meant for a single person. The relish with which his wife had packed his bags had aroused his suspicions but he could not miss an opportunity of ogling at scantily clad White women.
So, while his wet eyes feasted on the young women in Kensington Park, his wife enjoyed a second honeymoon back home.
Upon his return he found her absent from the airport. At night she made the usual excuse and slept in the children’s room.
“Several jobs were advertised some time back, why you did not apply then?” Mehboob had asked Sameer in incorrect English.
Sameer had forgotten all about the interviews because of the delightful company of Antara.
“Sir, my father was serious when those interviews happened” Sameer had lied.
“What happened to him?” the bald heavily bearded former graduate and post graduate of a university in Bareily had feigned concern in a false voice. Other members of the committee peered at Sameer. The sympathy was short lived. Mehboob, Badshah as he was called, was allergic to young males.
“Sir, he suffered repeated attacks of priapism lasting months and I had to rush him to the hospital at odd hours. I am his only relative, Sir, my mother died when I was seven. He raised me single handed with the help of an old servant” Sameer said, softening his eyes from years of theatre practice.
Mehboob walked into the trap. Like a chief inquisitor in the medieval age, he glanced at the other members of the committee and resumed the interview.
“What is this priapism, some heart problem” he looked comical in the pose of an intellectual in a coffee house.
His colleagues were amused. Some of them smiled.
The only illnesses Mehboob knew were high blood pressure and diabetes, which he called sugar. These civilized diseases had made him impotent. His wife was fifteen years younger than him and brimmed with suppressed desires. She openly flirted with young men. This left him seething in anger but provided the justification for his indulgence in visual sex. He had secretly visited the Khandani Shafakhanas of the old city to cure the impotence. The treatment had coast him a packet. The hakims in white pathan suits and Peshawari turbans had encouraged him from behind large dyed waxed whiskers but nothing worked.
The garish posters and soft-porn films in the itr scented counselling room had failed to arouse his member. He had never seen his wife undressed. What he had missed in his prime increased his frustration.
The author of the pompous sounding, unoriginal and sedate A Comparative Study of Unani Medicine and Yoga in Later Medieval India Through Persian and Arabic Primary and Secondary Sources, 1650 – 1850 AD had never heard of priapism. The thought of entertaining the committee at the cost of Sameer, whom he imagined in bed with his wife for a fleeting moment, got Mehboob going.
“Sir, during the months of my father’s most unfortunate illness I researched and published a paper on priapism in the double peer reviewed Interdisciplinary Journal of South Asian Sexual Studies and Reproductive Disorders. The reference, Sir, is in my CV. The word priapism comes from the Greek priapismos”.
The expert on medieval history had skipped the CV because the winner was known. He came prepared with his usual question on the irrigation projects of Alauddin Khilji. His colleagues looked at the files in front of them more attentively because they had never heard of such a journal.
Before another member of the selection committee reacted, Mehboob repeated his query. Sameer pushed back his chair a little and crossed his long legs encased in a pair of dark blue blue jeans. An awkward silence filled the room. Candidates were supposed to grovel and keep their legs tucked away under the chair!
Sameer clear his throat and began.
“Sir, p-r-i-a-p-i-s-m is a temporary, sometimes fatal, condition caused by an unexplained and sustained stimulation of the cylindrical male genital among adult males. It may strike an old man who has remained celibate per force or out of choice for months, years or decades. If not treated in time, Sir, with the urgent aspiration of accumulated blood in the swollen hardened organ it can cause permanent damage called Penile Atrophicus in medical jargon.”
Sameer had paused to observe the effect of this inventive lecture.
He saw a slim short-haired middle aged woman in a blue kurta looking at him from a corner of the formidable crescent order in which the interviewers had arranged themselves. From the center Mehboob. The Principal, a burly Jat Political Science teacher with thick forearms, looked tired.
The other men waited in anticipation, silent smiles hanging on their drooping lips.
The elderly chairman of the college governing body had dozed off and his gentle snores were about to infect the Principal.
“Dr. Ranade, please continue” the Lady professor of Ancient History and Archeology was obviously enjoying her colleague’s discomfiture.
“This last result, respected Ma’am, can prove embarrassing and damaging to a man. Studies indicate that men with sedentary habits are surprisingly more prone to unannounced priapism incidents. My father suffered for many months, and the nurses faced considerable unspeakable problems because of this rare medical condition.”
Finally, with eyes fixed on Mehboob’s cyclonic face, he finished with a long sigh.
“The shocked nurses, especially the young ones, thought him a pervert Sir. But the physician was kind and convinced them otherwise. How I wish the medical fraternity of our country is more informed in these matters. Sir, the nurses remained suspicious because the attacks appeared particularly strong when the suffering patient looked at them for help.”
Sameer leaned back, tucked away his legs and forced a weak smile.
The Lady Professor’s shoulders shook with silent mirth. As a young Assistant Professor she had been a visual and verbal victim of the Badshah.
Mehboob, whose last erection had occurred in a dream years ago, fumed with anger. He fell silent in disgust. The story reminded him of what he had seen in the shafakhanas.
The Teacher in Charge had started taking viagra under clandestine medical supervision. He was awe struck. Protocol kept him silent because college representatives are not expected to say much in the presence Professor led Selection Committees. He met Sameer later outside the college for a chat about priapism. The idea of the Greek condition had struck terror in his crotch and he secretly cursed the doctor who had not warned him.
The position went to a convent educated student of Mehboob. The Lady argued for Sameer in vain. Her student was awarded a two year leave vacancy.
****
