My stomach is full ., I don’t want to eat, you have it. I just don’t like pineapples . Your face seems like a pale. What’s the issue ?why cant you take care of yourself ? You become so naughty. I think you never become mature enough to take care of yourself after having your child too
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Vidisha is mesmerising her old memory with her mother . She heartsick her mother. Especially after receiving call from her brother. He says that ma is not feeling well and she wants to meet you, Vidi please come as soon as possible. Vinits sounds anxious. She tries to normalize him but at some place she is anxious too. She wants to meet her mother as soon as possible. She wants to hug her tightly and tell everything will be alright , mom don’t loose hope . Same as her mother used to do. She book a ticket for flight.
Whenever she feels broken her mother hugs her tightly and say , “everything will be alright dear. Don’t loose hope. My daughter is capable, no one is braver than you. My child Lord is always with you. You cant loose hope , you are my daughter . Those words are power therapy for to Vidisha , those tight hugs are the encouragement therapy for her. As a power mediction she always finds a unseen power energy , she feels more enthusiastic ,more enrgetic . She get a power encouragement.
Her mother always says , “Physical illness can be treated with chemical medication but for emotional and mental illness mother medication is required. When mother got sick she required child medication.”
Vidisha finished her packing and stand in front of mirror to see everything is ok or not, her mother wants that her child should always looks perfect. So, that from when Vidhisha leaves her mothers house to complete her graduation, and Seattle down at Delhi, she always looks in a mirror as she wants to feel that her mother is with her. But today she feel something is missing , something is incomplete.
She looks at clock and finds that she is running late for thirty minutes to catch her flight. She leaves her house in a hurry but she not forget to pray among Lord for safe journey, as her mother used to do. Whenever any family member leaves house for trip or for any reason she never forgot to pray for their safe journey.
Vidisha reached at airport, she was in a hurry, hardly she give confirmation for arrivals to her brother. She wants to meet her mother as soon as possible she can.
She had a long day and quite busy schedule. Even she didn’t get enough time to eat. She exposed her lunch box ,but again she lost somewhere, those were days, when her mother cook for her it gives taste of five star to . Today at the age of 25 she still cant figure out that how her mother fix 2-3more chapattis in a full packed lunch box ., And best point is that Vidi eat that more chapattis’ after full stomach.
When Vidisha used to come back from collage always being tired and hungry, her mother used to prepared tasty snacks which always boosted her energy and kept her fresh for rest of the day, but now she being fully tired and hungry, but she left with only one choice outside Junk food else skip the snacks and wait till dinner.
Hardly she had two -three bites from box and then she refuse to eat , she feels that something is stuck at her throat, she was not able to eat, or she don’t want to eat , her mother is in pain how can she eat, she plugged earphones and try to have some sound sleep, otherwise when she reach at home and her mother will see her tired face, she will scold her. She try but she was not able to sleep.
Still she has to travel for two and half hours. She connect her pendrive and take a look at previous memory.Before leaving for Delhi she prepared a good collection of each and every moments into pictures.
Vidisha s doctor advice her to have music therapy for better health. She is looking on the screen of mobile and scrolling pictures with soft music track. Tears rolled down on her cheek while watching her mother’s pictures. She notice that in every pictures he mother was smiling , encouraging, loving her, blessing her but then after she was crying. Today she notice the things that she didn’t before. She notice the sacrifices, giving up on her dreams for the big dreams of her child . Now she know a person who has been working in the same manner for years and would continue to do so till her last breath .
Starting from Vidishas birth her mothers role triples up, a wife , a daughter -in law and a mother . The shoulders of responsibilities seems heavy but she smiles in each and every moment with passing times the duties keep on and her value and her respects among family members is decreasing. Sometimes her child shout on her for her love, they says that mom you leave it, its not your matter, don’t interfere in my life, let me live independently, and so on, but then after her mother didn’t say anything just smile and say that you are right my dear, I don’t know anything, I am sorry for trouble.
Vidisha was looking at photos again and again. She notice that slowly her mother is missing . There were some parts of her is missing in every pictures. Even she didn’t have a picture of her from last two years. Vidisha feels shame on her, her mother was melting, disappearing slowly but she didn’t notice it.
Anyhow Vidhisha reached at her birth place, she refuse to go anywhere and travel straight to her mother , she wants to meet her and confess her crime, her crime to not taking care of her, her crime to not understandher pain, her crime to not to respect her sacrifices.
“ I see her pain now. Her dreams gone. Her scars overlapping one other. she is not happy . But she puts smile on her face for us once in a while . She is prisoner of destiny . She lives in a hell. For her, home is solitary confinement and her soul is bruised . The scars may fade away. But she is already lost. This world took every last bit of energy she had. Still she lives, I don’t know how. But she does.” Vidisha says to herself.
She reached at her moms place with full of tears in her eyes. Literally she ran, hug tightly and confess crimes before her mother. First time Vidhisha show her mothers eye with tears. But on a next minute, she puts a big smile on face ,smile of satisfaction,smile of proud, smile of gratitude she hug her tightly and say, “Vidi, my dear get up dear, I was wrong , I was totally wrong. My child become more mature than I thought. Don’t cry dear . I am alright , everything will be alright. Don’t feel guilty. You are my child . You cant commit any mistake. You were not at fault. Again she gives a power hug to her beloved child.
After two years she get a sound sleep as her childhood in mothers lap.
She puts her hands on her tummy and says, “ I wish to become strong like her. Strong enough to take the blame and pain. Strong enough to fight for my kids. Strong enough to live. Don’t worry my child , I will be a mother like your mamma's mamma. She feels kick in her belly for first time. First time she feels the feeling of motherhood. She was enjoying the joy of first kick in her mothers lap.
-DEVANSHI KANANI
