Holding his phone in one hand, and drinking coffee from a plastic cup from his other, Aditya at Hazrat Nizamuddin Station was waiting for someone, under the strict orders of his soon to be married cousin Kanchan. A day ago, Kanchan had pestered Aditya into submitting to her request, saying, "Bhaiyaa, she's coming to Delhi for the first time. Please pick her up na. I've already told her that you would be coming. Please...please....please..."
So after much melodrama on Kanchan's part and much reluctance on his, finally Aditya had acquiesced to his sister's wishes.
Aditya Sharma, Kanchan’s maternal cousin was twenty-eight years old, five feet eight inches tall guy with gym trained physique. His short hair, black thick well-trimmed beard and moustache added a sharp and mature look to his persona. He was a photographer by profession and had his own photo studio in Connaught Place. It was his business, started three years ago which was now thriving due to Aditya’s MBA degree and his new, fresh ideas.
So, at his only dearest sister's wedding, he like everybody else was designated with a particular wedding task, his job being of the wedding photographer. However, under such special circumstance, he was given the task of a chauffeur too.
So, here he was, at ten o' clock in the morning, waiting for 23132 NZM RAJDHANI EXP from C Shivaji Maharaj T, Mumbai. The train was running late for approx ten minutes. In order to kill time, he decided to grab a cup of coffee while he waited.
Soon the announcement commenced and the train arrived on the platform. Aditya, in order to once again get a good look at the person whom he was to pick up, looked at the WhatsApp pic which Kanchan had sent him.
The guest was Richa Agnihotri, Kanchan's only best friend of Mumbai.
The train arrived. Almost two to three compartments away, Aditya saw Richa getting down with her luggage. Wearing pink anarkali kurti and black palazzo, she was smiling and bidding farewell to her lady co-passenger and her shy little boy.
Aditya saw Reaching down to that boy's height, Richa removed a Cadbury from her purse and placed it on his tiny palms. Looking at this unexpected gift , the boy's eyes sparkled and he leaned closer to Richa and placed a tender peck on her left cheek. Experiencing such an innocent and tender gratitude, a loving smile spread across Richa's face.
Looking at this scene, Aditya couldn't help but smile to himself. A kind of warmth and maturity reflected in Richa's persona, a stillness. Aditya observed, how her eyes sparkled when she smiled, a sparkle which he realised was quite similar to someone's who once meant the world to him.
He kept the phone in his jeans pocket and walked towards her. The lady and her child had already left and Richa, now by herself, was now trying to adjust the stuck handle of her suitcase, stood facing the train's door. Aditya halted behind her for a moment, and gently called out her name, " Richa?!!"
Startled, Richa turned back and took a second to register the man standing in front of her. “Oh Yes…!! You must be Aditya?!”
“Yes…Welcome to Delhi." To this, they shook hands with a warm, welcoming smile on both ends.
Aditya called out for a coolie, handed him the bags and started walking with Richa. He asked her about her journey and the people who accompanied her in her compartment. Richa answered all his questions cordially and in turn enquired about the wedding and Kanchan.
Soon, they reached the car park. Aditya handed some money to the coolie and helped him load the trunk of the car with Richa's luggage. Richa found this gesture to be sincere and noble. She smiled again. As they were to leave, he, much contrary to her experience, went ahead and opened the car door for her.
Richa thanked him, sat in the car while Aditya came to the driver’s seat. They didn’t speak much after that but something about him made Richa feel protected and looked after.
That happened quite rarely with her. Having lived mostly all by herself, where her parents, both working and very oblivion to their daughter's needs, were busy in their own lives. So, Richa since quite a young age had learnt to be independent, having no expectations from others.
She wasn't accustomed to feeling secure and protected, especially in the presence of a man. Her experiences with men were such that it often left her with a feeling of being manipulated and highly exploited. Dealing with men, often left her exhausted. It would always be a silent war between her and the opposite gender. So tired was she with all her failed relationships and the frivolity of the opposite sex towards her feelings, that Kanchan's wedding was a much-welcomed opportunity for her to get out of Mumbai, and be among strangers, so at least for a few days, she could just be.
Aditya started the car and soon it moved from the busy streets of the station to the much quiet of intercity. Ten minutes had passed and as if to stop the rivière of thoughts, Aditya out of nowhere commented, “You sing well. Have you learned it?”
“Huh...Ohh…I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I was that aloud!” said Richa, who without conscious awareness, had started humming a ghazal, which soon had turned into singing. She did that. Whenever she felt secure, protected, she would often sing, mostly her favourite: ghazals.
And even though she had met Aditya a little while ago, those small kind gestures of his were reassuring her of his good nature and on the goodness of humans in general.
“Ohh..please don’t be. I wish we all could be our true selves all the time. This world and its ways turn us into one great actor…forcing us to put a macabre for each role, a new face, a new attitude and a new way of living each time we get out of the house. To this great fraud, we have given a very noble term…GROWING UP!!” said Aditya, looking straight at the road ahead. His tone was sombre and his words so earnest, that hearing him, Richa could not help but wonder what storm was this man carrying inside of him.
“Too serious…?” asked Aditya, smiling at Richa who saw her staring at him.
“You have lost someone, haven’t you?" Richa asked Aditya as if ignoring his previous comment.
He, surprised by this sudden discovery of hers just shot her a bewildering look.
Richa suddenly realizing that she might have crossed a line, just smiled and said, “I'm sorry! You don't have to answer.”
After that, no one spoke anything till their destination arrived. Aditya pulled up into the house gate and parked right in front of the main door. As Richa turned to open the door, Aditya's voice grounded her in that position. Looking straight at her, with a firm voice all he said, “My Mother!!”
***
The wedding festivities were to go on for a week. But on Kanchan's insistence, Richa had come ten days prior to the wedding.
A week had passed since Richa's arrival and it was the same amount of time for both of them to realise how much they enjoyed each other's company.
In the sea of unknown or unwanted people with whom we either have to spend time or are forced to share a space, Richa and Aditya, contrary to it, looked forward every day to spend time together. To both of their surprise, being with each other was to them as effortless as breathing.
Every night after dinner, all the youngsters would capture the terrace, leaving no room for adults. All Kanchan's cousins, siblings, friends got acquainted with each other and formed strong bonds. They would mingle amongst one another, sharing fun stories of their lives. Mostly, everyone enjoyed pulling Kanchan's leg at the expense of her to be husband and her future life in Canada.
But the most fun part of the night would be when the whole family would gather on the terrace to play Antakshari, Truth and Dare and Damsharaj. For the first time, in her life, Richa was surrounded by so many people, so much laughter, so much love, so much togetherness. There were many moments, in which she never failed to tell Kanchan how envious was she of her for having such a loving family and how fortunate she feels of being a part of this.
In spite of being busy and surrounded by people twenty-four seven, Aditya and Richa, unanimously, stole time from their always occupied hours, to spend with each other. They would often sit on the terrace and would talk about their lives. Richa would tell him about her school days, her college days, her and Kanchan's life at Mumbai, and how after pursuing MA degree in literature she still had no clear idea of what she wanted to go ahead.
Whereas Aditya would tell her about his life, his friends, all the fun he had while pursuing his MBA, his passion for photography and why he prefers to live in Delhi than Mumbai.
The more they knew each other, the stronger became their desire to know more. Richa, a bookwork, would often recite some of her favourite quotes from her favourite books. And Aditya, who loved photography would often show her the pictures he had clicked and what it signified to him.
They realized that even when not together, the thought of being in the same premise as each other, gave an extra bounce to their walk, made them a little more happy, a little more cheerful. Often, they would observe each other from a distance, trying to gauge their aspects of personality. And with each passing moment, they found themselves enveloped in a magnetic power , drawing to each other like bees to honey.
However, it was not just them who realized this change but ala people around them. Kanchan, do that matter had never seen this side of Richa ever in Mumbai. Always somber and thoughtful, Richard seemed to carry a heavy, sorrowful cloud over her head. But now a days, all she saw Richa was with smiles, widening each passing day.
Aditya, to much of his father's and sister's surprise had again started fiddling with his guitar, an instrument which once dear to him, was thrown into storage, burying with it, his dead mother's memory.
Soon the wedding was upon them. It was the night before the wedding and Richa and Aditya, as per their routine, were sitting on the terrace. The house was much quiet that day, as the next day being the D Day, everyone opted to rest well.
Being a cold night, Richa had drapped a shawl around her shoulders and was sipping a hot mug of coffee, resting after a much hectic yet funfilled day. Sitting here on the terrace, offered so much solace to her heart, that she knew how much she would miss all of this once she was back to Mumbai. And Aditya.. how much she would miss this man, she shuddered to know.
Aditya's face was grave that night, his countenance restless. He didn't say much since he arrived on the terrace other than passing weak smiles, once or twice. Richa knew something bothered him, but gave him his space.
After a while, Aditya as if coming out of his Riviere of thought said, "Richa, there is something I want to tell you. Something which I haven't really spoken with anyone but is not unknown to my near and dear ones."
Richa, sensing his discomfort, got up from her chair and went and stood besides Aditya, who was standing to lean on the railing, looking at the oblivion.
"Adi you can tell me anything, you know that," said Richa with reassuring warmth.
"But what if, what I say changes everything between us. This...this bond, which we have developed for each other, what if it's destroyed even before we could name it," asked Aditya with a nervous tone.
Richa scared of what he was about to say, still remained calm, for both of their sakes and said, "Adi... this "whatever" that has developed over the course of few days between us, is equally dear to me too. I promise you, nothing you say, will change anything."
Aditya was astonished by the courage and confidence with which she spoke. However, it was exactly what he was hoping to have heard from her.
Heaving a deep sigh, Aditya started speaking, uncovering all the layers of his heart, one by one, moving towards complete nakedness...
"I was always a mamma's boy. Always! Clinging to her saree's end, playing with her, eating with her, sleeping with her, I never left her out of my sight ever. Dad would often try to bond with me more, play with me, take me out. But I never really felt that security and warmth with him, which I felt when I used to be with my mom. It's not that my dad didn't love me. He did..very dearly. I did too. But I for me, my mom was my world. Everybody in our family knew how attached I was to my mother...
You know, when Shweta, my younger sister was born, I must have been ten years old. Still, even at that little age, I had developed insecurity of my mom straying away from me. And somewhere, I blamed this newborn baby for it. So, I started acting out. Every time, mom picked her up or made her sleep, I would keep hovering around her, demanding she attend to me instead of Shweta. So much so that, whenever I would get a chance, I would take my revenge on her, by pinching her, or removing the pacifier from her mouth, just to punish her for stealing my mom away from me...
One afternoon, I was in the room, where Shweta was playing in her crib, I went and was about to snatch her toy from her hands, when mom entered the room, holding a milk bottle in her hands. She saw what I was about to do. I stood there, laying my head down, like a guilty person. She should have scolded me or punished me in some form, but she walked towards me, held my hand and made me sit on the bed, beside her. Before she could ask me anything, I blurted out, "She's taking you away from me. You don't me anymore."
Hearing this, mom gently took me in her arms and once she let me go said, "Aditya, remember. Your sister and you both are my babies. I have two babies, but your sister has only one brother, that's you, sweetie. You have to take care of her baby, protect her, love her, care for her. And you know something, she also loves you exactly like me. And I promise you, I'll never leave you, I'll never go away from you. I promise.
h
Hearing this, I still remember how my happy I was. I held on to every word my mom said to be that day, as considering it's not my mom, but Destiny speaking to me, of the absolute truth of my life."
Aditya paused. Looking straight at the vast, expanse of sky, it seemed as if he was transported to that bedroom, standing in front of him mother, innocent and protected. Clearing the lump in his throat, he continued,
"Years passed, I grew up and with me, so did my maturity and understanding. However, my love for my mother didn't change, neither did my paranoia of her going away from me. However, the manifestations of it had changed, had become more subtle. Those days, it was a norm in my house, that every morning the first thing I did as soon as I would wake up, was to see her and every night, I would practice playing the guitar, where my only mandatory audience would be my mom.
I was in ninth grade, when one afternoon, I came home from school, and as usual went straight into the master's bedroom, where mom would often spend time on the sewing machine, stitching kurta's for me and frocks for my sister. Not finding her anywhere, I panicked and started frantically calling her phone, dad's phone but to no avail. I even went to my neighbour's place, but even they had no idea about my mother's whereabouts. I was going absolutely crazy, having no idea what to do.
After an hour or so, I heard a vehicle being pulled up in our gate. I ran out, hoping it to be mom, and resolving to reprimand her for having left without any a word. I stood at the main door and saw a white ambulance. The door opened, and I saw my dad coming out from it, holding my sister in his arms. His face was pale and lifeless. As if someone had sucked the soul out of his body. His looked vacantly at me, while my sister, oblivion to what was happening around her, kept patting his cheeks cheerfully.
Two wardboys entered into the ambulance and removed a stretcher from it. I...I...stood there, just watching everything unfolding in front of me, like the worst nightmare of my life. The stretcher passed through me, from the main door, into the house. As the stretcher jerked a little, trying to climb the stairs, of the main door, a lifeless hand sprung out of it, the hand whose red bangles were broken and some pieces of it were still pierced into the arms. Mummy...mummy... I kept mumbling like a mad child innoculously. The horror of it was unbearable for a fiftteen-year-old. I choked, suffocated and left nauseated, all at once. I started vomiting and soon lost consciousness.
I was later told that for four days, I was lying lifelessly on my bed, hardly reacting, in utter shock. But the nights would be worst, where developing hysteria, I would scream and wail in pain, calling out for my mom, asking her to come back."
Aditya's voice was reliving the time again. His eyes were welled with tears, his voice choking, while Richa just stared at him, experiencing the loss and pain of a fifteen-year-old boy which were streaming down her eyes in the form of tears.
"I had to be tranquillized. A twenty-four hours nurse was kept to look after me, and Dr Shrivastava, my psychiatrist, would visit me twice a day. After a year of house arrest and extensive therapy, I was livable again. Not alive but livable.
You know, Richa, how my mom died? She was killed in a hit and run as she was coming home from the market. BECAUSE I INSISTED THAT MORNING, I WANTED TO EAT GULAM JAMUN. SHE WENT TO THE MARKET TO GET KHOYA. SHE WENT TO THE MARKET BECAUSE OF ME RICHA... SHE WENT BECAUSE OF ME!!! I KILLED HER RICHA....I KILLED HER......I KILLED HER...!!!
Aditya broke down, crying loudly, sobbing hysterically, his body jerking violently. Richa stunned, tried to hold his shivering body, but Aditya kept pushing her away, crying like a baby. She resisted his pushes and hugged him tightly into her arms. Feeling Richa's body's warmth, Aditya tightened his grip, wrapped his arms around her, sobbing.
Aditya's tight grip was hurting Richa, his finger's piercing into her bac, leaving deep marks. But Richa didn't let go. She stayed in his embrace, trying to pass on as much warmth and love she could to him.
It didn't take much longer for Aditya to realise what he was doing and in a jerked action, he let go of her. Richa whose eyes were now wet with enduring the pain looked at him with all the love and tenderness.
Aditya moving two steps backwards, said in a petrified tone,"This is what I am scared of Richa. See, what I did to you. I am a monster. I don't deserve anyone's love. I always end up hurting others. I am not worthy of your love, or of anyone's. I am highly possessive, demanding lover. For me, a relationship is all or nothing. Not a single relationship of mine because everyone thought that my love is suffocating, it doesn't leave room for personal space for anyone. That's what I have been told. And now, I have started to believe it to be true. I am an overbearing partner Richa. I will overpower every aspect of your life and one end you'll regret being with me.
This attachment which I have developed towards you is making me crazy. Every second of the day, your existence rules my mind. I find reasons and excuses to be near you. All I can think of is how much I want to be with you, to be around you. And your smile, God, your smile, just makes me surrender you my everything. Richa, how much I need you...how much I want you... It's unbelievable.
If it were in my hands, I would just hold you tight and would never let you go..never! But no.... I can't do this to you. I'll end up ruining your life Richa. I'll end up ruining you."
Wiping the tears off his cheeks, Aditya started walking away when something stopped him. Richa was holding his left arm. She looked at him with compost countenance and asked, "You said what you wanted to, now won't you hear what I have to say?"
Aditya, keeping his gaze fixed on the ground, sighed and walked towards the chair. He sat, waiting for Richa's words to fall on his ears.
Having left his hand, Richa went and sat on the floor, cross-legged, right in front of Aditya's, facing him. She gently held his hand with both of hers. Looking straight at him, she started speaking...
***
"Adi, I cannot really understand what pain you are in, of losing your mother and how horrible that feeling must be. But I know this, your mother going away, is not your fault. You loved her soo much...how could you hurt her. She was really a lucky mother to have had a son like you, who was so devoted to her, who loved her so much. Please... understand. It's not your fault. It's not...
You know, you say that your love is suffocating, it's consuming. But you know what, I really envy for it. I really feel jealous of the fact that all these years of your life, you still have managed to keep one aspect of ours intact: ie to love someone with all their heart and soul. Do you know what rare gift you have?
Twenty-six of my life Adi, I have spent in just wanting to be 'needed', wanting to matter so much to someone, that my existence should mean the world to him/her. My parents were living their own tangled lives, never had time to understand me, fill my void, with love and care. And all my past relationships were futile too. They just gave me an allusion of being in love, of being someone's someone. But the truth of the matter is, these days, Love..unconditional..unbridled love is suffocation, it's a taboo.
So..after a series of failed relationships, I had to make peace with the brutal fact that at least in this lifetime, I would never be able to experience love which in its true essence, is LOVE!!
And then I met you...and things changed Adi. We formed this bond which we both knew was more than just affection but were scared to label it what we truly knew what it was.
People don't just connect Aditya... they connect because their souls identify each other. Souls, which are two parts of the one. And when they come in contact with each other, inexplicable things happen. Then, time, age, place, all these worldy constructs become futile. They stand no meaning.
You say, your love will suffocate me. But believe me when I say this Adi, being with you, being around you, I feel complete. I feel one. I feel whole. Then how can you suffocate me baby, when it is this love which I have waiting for all my life.
I am not scared to be consumed by your passion, by your love, rather I would feel blessed that at least in this human life, if not anything, I at least experienced a feeling so pure, so unadulterated with time, culture or society. And no matter how much overbearing your love may seem to others, but for me, it will always be the most gentle sensation of my soul."
Aditya who was staring at her, listening intently to every word Richa spoke, got up from his chair and simultaneously lifting her up. He wiped off the tears streaming down her cheeks with a touch of his finger, cupped her face into his palms, looking deeply into her eyes.
Richa returning the same look, closed her eyes. Aditya brought his face closer to hers and gently placed his lips onto hers. Richa tightening her hold on him, wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer and Aditya gentle touch, dug a little deeper into hers, intoxicating both.
After a few moments of absolute serenity, he gently let go of her and opened his eyes. He saw Richa's face so up close and just wondered at how this person, this human out of the billions on this planet, was now HIS. Richa, for the first time in her life, blushed and dug her head in his chest.
To which Aditya mischievously commented, "Blushing in the 21st century...that's something!!!"
On this, they both chuckled.
Holding each other's waist sideways, both of them stood on the terrace, looking into the sky, as if looking at their future together.
A peaceful, loving silence spread into the air, which kept them warm in that cold night. Aditya, sombrely said to her, "Richa, I want you to move to Delhi. I can't let you live in Mumbai while I stayed here. I'll set up everything here for you, you wouldn't have to worry about a thing. Do what you want to, live how you want to, but just do it, by staying with me. I won't be able to let you go."
Expecting some kind of resistance from Richa's side, Aditya looked at her with helpless eyes. Richa, saw him and with a faint smile said,
"Adi, you know why I came to Kanchan's wedding, here in Delhi. Because there is nothing in Mumbai, which feels like mine, nothing which makes me feel like a belong there. When Kanchan was there, for those two years, I feel grounded, but now that she's gone too, I feel groundless again.
My parents are busy in their lives, my friend is moving to Canada, and my education is also done. As for my career, I have never been an ambitious person. Rather, the fact paced life of Mumbai, the rat race has always made me feel breathless.
You know now when I think about it, I would love to be teacher or a writer. I don't know, but i'll figure it out.
But I know one thing now that I have you now, I have us.
I wouldn't be anywhere but here...."
Aditya embraced her gently and said, "Don't worry...you have all the time in the world. You have me now. You don't have to figure out anything alone. I will always be there with you, on every step of the way. ALWAYS!!!"
Aditya, thinking something, concerned asked her, "But Richa, it might not be easy. People would say things of me being over bearing, of you taking a hasty decision of leaving everything known to you for a guy, of you not being strong enough. You know na, I would never hurt you. That I would never do anything knowingly to cause you harm. You trust me right?"
Richa a little flustered replied, "Adi, THESE PEOPLE didn't come to lessen your pain when your mother passed away. PEOPLE didn't come to carress my wounds when loneliness crippled me. PEOPLE will not come to rescue any of us, when we would be drowning in our sorrows. It's our life Adi, its our happiness. We define it, not the people, not the world.
And as for me not being strong enough, not being feminist enough, so if going after what makes me happy, what makes my life worthwhile, is not feminism, then I don't know what else is!!"
Aditya till now, kept gazing at Richa with all the love and admiration. However, after having heard her say this, he eyes were filled with utmost respect for the woman standing next to her. He held her arm and said, "Come, let's go."
Richa surprised asked, "Go where?"
Aditya smiling, replied, "TO ANNOUNCE ONE MORE WEDDING DATE!!"
THE END!
