It was 10 years and 1000 miles back from now. In 2008, 19th August Tuesday was the Worsening day of my life which is very hard to forget or I would rather say I will never fail to regret how I ruined my whole life whatever my mental condition will be. I don't know whether anyone will believe me or not what I am going to write in my last few days in a mental asylum.
My name is Swastik Roy I am a man of 35 years aged now who is not capable to walk just because my both legs are paralyzed. I am a resident of 5/1A, Hunger Ford Street, Kolkata 700017.
I am the only son of my parents, late Brhamar Roy and Swarnali Roy. I used to be a football player. It was my passion or I should say football was in my blood when I was at the age of 15. But everything has ended up with my outgrowing age. My story started like this…..
I was a little boy when I got bitten by our pet puppy so badly on my thigh, although the fault was mine. I was continuously taking his meal away from him every time he was going to eat, I made him angry and that puppy showed his rage against me and my another wrong step was I hid that incident from my parents and I made them believe that I got that scratch from a little cycle accident just because I was afraid of injection. So, my secret was safe with me and it has never disclosed to anyone. Even if I almost forgot that incident in keeping with my growing up but my best friend only with whom I shared it on earth, Roni never forgot it.
He was my one and only best friend. We were used to be called twin brothers from different mothers. He lived nearby my house, his father was a reputed doctor in our ward. We grew up together, we studied together, whatever the deeds are there in our life we never did it alone. I enjoyed being with him. I liked a quote very much he used to say often 'If You Fall I Will Be There As Floor'. But only one thing, I was worried about him, was he had symptoms of panic infirmities from his childhood. And for this reason, he used to suffer from fever most of the time.
And about me, he used to feel ashamed everywhere most of the time for my tardiness. In addition to that, I had a smelling problem, sometimes I can smell like a dog. In spite of this bad habits, we used to do a lot of fun. After becoming the adults, we decided to do some mature deeds what we had never done before like smoking, drinking alcohol and taking pills, acids etc. which are injurious to health. Though we knew that where we tended to, can cause death for us. Albeit he panicked but I didn't even care about it and we got used to it in daily scheduled work.
After a few months, we took one of the most terrible risks 'taking acid in our vein'. So, we found a place, an under-construction building in our area where it used to be a graveyard, to fulfill our desire. That day we were totally insensible for more than 6 hours. Since the incident happened, we didn't meet for two days first time ever in our life. He was in little trauma but on another side, in my mind, I understood that it made me crazier than ever.
As we know the nature of fate that “everything you do, it comes back to you.” So, in our case, it was not so different. After two days on 19.08.2008 Tuesday, I asked Roni to do it again at the same place but he didn't uphold me. He said no without any hesitation. For a few seconds, I was upset but suddenly I got a shock that he didn't panic at all. I think that it was the effect of the addiction. So, I tried to convince him for the addiction by making him understand that this addiction can cure him as well, but he was determined not to do that again. Then I started insisting him forcefully although he didn't know that I already took drug.
His continuous ignorance made my blood hot. My mind became infuriated on him. I started smelling his whole body and rumbling at him. I was behaving just like an angry dog! Still, I don't understand what happened to me at that moment, I injected my teeth into his body. I turned out to be a beast. I bit him in such a brutally that he lost his resistance power and threw a stone on my head and called me the son of a dog. Blood was splattering from my forehead. I became insane when I saw my blood. He was the only enemy to me at that time. I felt the exact same rage inside me which I saw in that puppy who had bitten me in my past. He was yelling at me by lying back against a wall beside an open window and asking for help from me. I approached him, grabbed his collar and dragged him like a garbage bag towards a nearby balcony and kicked pointing to his ribs with my all strength I had in my body. Although I had no intention to fall him down but unfortunately, he fell down from the balcony.
After seeing him on the ground, my mind calmed down. I was staring at his fatigue face from the balcony for more than 5 minutes that made me so much pleased. Instantaneously, I got my humanity sense back and I went downstairs breathlessly but I was late again. When I reached to him, he had lost his most of the blood from his body by that time.
I saw Roni my best friend ever lying on the ground. His eyes were closed, the shoulder was broken, plenty amount of blood was oozing from his mouth, nose and fractured head. It was the most horrific scene I have ever seen. For a few seconds, he opened his eyes, it was glinting in tears. Then he smiled slightly and said ‘If You Fall I Will Be There As Floor' for the last time to me.
I was astonished for a moment, I had no idea what to do? I had become appalled and escaped from there. I was searching for someplace to hide and found a closed garage. I had been hiding myself in that closed garage for 2 days from my parents and my relatives. Two days later, it seemed to me that everything is going to be okay. so, I decided to go home, but I was so feeble in starving and pain that I could not walk properly. Everything was blur before my eyes, I was having tremendous pain on my forehead, blood and pus were oozing from the wound. However, I attempted towards my home. When I was near about my home lane, I figured out that I have to go through Roni's house on my way home! So, I covered my face with my clothes lest I should be caught.
I was passing through his house as fast as possible without noticing anything. I almost crossed his house, suddenly I smelled some scent of attar and it attracted me to Roni's dead body. There were many people mourning surrounding his dead body. Approaching there, I started smelling and licking his body like a dog again. Everyone wondered about my behaviour, especially Roni's mom and dad. After a few minutes, I slipped into unconsciousness. Thereafter, when I woke up, I was here in the mental asylum. Somehow, I got to know that I was admitted here with the source of Roni's father on account of my mental disease.
I have been living here since that day. Till now no one knows the truth except me. I can't explain to anyone what is still killing me inside. I understood the most important fact of life with my experiences that if we try to cover our sin, God will reveal it. If we confess it, God will cover it. Only one thing haunts me most is I still love him that is fact but my million apologies can't bring him back.
