LUSTY LOVE
( A story from the book : Just One More Button Down by Kajal Mehta)
His lips are such as if he is just walking out of a painting. Perfectly pink and shaped like a master stroke of a master painter. White Teeth are arranged so perfect to tempt me to rub my tongue on them.
I was on my vacation. – A badly needed ‘no strings’ attached time. That evening after a beer or two, I was standing at the smoking zone; just then he walked in wearing a smile. His first look felt like a water balloon bursting on my head at midnight on winter night. Huuuufff!! And it blew me.
Hypnotised me walked towards him.
“May I have light please?” My cigarette was already lightened.
He smiled back flashing his teeth and spreading his lips again. One more balloon flashed on me. Huuuufff!!
By the time I could establish sync with my mind to realize that I was holding a burning cigarette; he walked away to the bar. Oh my god! I wanted to run after him and just kiss him and to make him kiss me back. “Did I feel like having sex with him?” Fuck man, I was tipsy enough to feel like sleeping with a stranger just because he is good looking? I ran away to the hotel room, drank another beer, and watched some of my favorite TV shows. Hoping to be able to sleep I turned off the lights and slipped under comforter.
This guy was getting really hard on me, I couldn’t sleep at all. Should I fantasize him to find out what am I looking for? I didn’t fall this easy for any man. We didn’t even strike a conversation that would make me feel so attracted towards him. I wouldn’t urge physical connect unless I love that person. That’s how I have always been like.
What he must be doing now? Thoughts of having him drinks in the hotel bar and may be even dancing on any of the dance floors of the city disks challenged me to deal with the urge of being there around him. 4 beers and a few cigarettes threw me far off from the senses to even observe my looks, before I walked out of my room to go to disks of the city in the hopes of seeing this guy. The wired looks of cab driver and people on streets made me realize that I was bare foot and in my shabby shorts paired with a worn out spaghetti top.
“Take the taxi to the best disco theque in the city.” Driver put the meter down certainly worried about if I had anything to pay. He drove me to a big looking building with lots of colorful lights, and loud music which was audible even on the streets. I pulled out some money out of the pocket of my shorts and gave it to the driver thanking him. The dashing men and chick girls were not the only people outside this disk. Some drunkard disgusting men and some females giving “sure to be slut” looks to me also passed by as I walked. They left me with no confidence to walk in that glorious place. The left out senses convinced me that I have no money, and dress to walk into that place. And if my nightmare turns out to be true, and I had to face him that way, I would be a proven ‘skunk’. I decided to walk away from there and walk to nearest bar, have another beer and go back to the hotel. This time hoped not to bump into him in this attire and state.
I was still wearing my stilettos with this “Payjama Party” dress. I could not stop laughing loud at myself. I lost on count of beer I was gulping. I really wanted to smoke and had no more money to spend on. I had to save my return taxi fare, the last drop of sense told me very loudly.
“Do you want a light?” Someone asked me from behind. The husky voice and warm breath out passed a shiver out of me. I didn’t even look back to assure that it was him. I turned back with a smile and again a water balloon dropped on my head. Huuuufff!! It wasn’t him. A drunken man with smell of cheap cigarette and beer was leaning on my shoulder. I got up and almost all the guts evaporated out of me in a jiff. I threw up there and then. All the hunks around me were either laughing or showing disgust at me. I am sure they would have tried to impress me, if I was well dressed. I could not wait for a blink of an eye to grab the first available cab to run away from there.
Hotel façade was silent at 3:30 A.M. The 24 hours open bar looked like as if it was closed. I didn’t want to go back to my room. I was experiencing this for the first time - a good looking man haunting me. I was just about to kiss the ugly looking man behind me, as I was desperately looking around for him. Oh god! What shame, it would have been. What could have followed me, if I would have really kissed that drunken man? I walked to the bar and thought of one or two pegs of whiskey to serve as sedative. One large “black label.” I sat on the high chair placed next to the bar counter. I really liked the silence in the bar. I wanted to know what was wrong with my hormones. Just a quick look loaded with a sexy pair of lips and a set of amazing teeth couldn’t do this to me. Was I being bitchy? Did I really want to sleep with him?
I found no answers. I wanted him to come and whisper in my ears, wanted to feel his breath and smell him close to me. Alas it was more than 4 A.M. I knew that the whiskey wouldn’t help me anymore to sleep. I got up and walked away to my room.
Next day morning I went for city tour and I don’t even remember whatever went through my eyes. I looked pointlessly as far as my eyes could with hopes of a glance of him. I came back to hotel disappointed and with burning desire to see him and went to the smoking area, with expectations of history to being repeated. May be he had checked out and left me with this fire; a wave of lust which I am sure will go away once I will approach my routine back home. I ordered dinner in my room and listened to some music drinking in my balcony only. I was really fantasizing how would it have been if he were a man offering me a light yesterday night. How would he have smelled? What all we would have talked? Would he have escorted me back to the hotel in the same taxi? Would he have kissed me in the cab? Would that kiss had lead us to bed? How would it have been sharing a bed with him? And much more; I loved it and wanted to sleep with his thoughts. My eyes felt bit heavy. I wanted to sleep exactly than the intercom in my room rang and left me dazed. It was hotel staff who called to inform me that the cab driver who dropped me yesterday night was there for the 3rd time since morning. I had to pull my body to go to reception and find out what was it about. Going to meet a taxi driver was not at all a motivating job midnight in that state - drunk, fatigued and even sleepy now. I thought it could be some money matter, so I grabbed my wallet and walked in the corridor.
Yooohooo, not all the pains are painful. It was him getting out of another cab while I exchanged the false currency note which the cab driver wanted me to change before his worries of I had checked out turns real. I wanted to give away all the money that I had in my wallet and hush him away at that very moment. He thought I deliberately gave that false currency to him, and old man intended to give moral lectures to me. I completely ignored him and rushed to the porch with glitter of hopes in my eyes to locate him and create a chance to talk. But I was greatly disappointed. I decided to take the steps to reach the terrace- another smoking area of the posh hotel. I did not even wait for the lift, and took the steps. Out of breath I was repenting the decision of coming to such open area on this chilly night. I took a walk on the terrace waiting for the heart to ease before I lit my cigarette. I smelled the smoke of cigarette confirming presence of someone else on the terrace. I looked back struggling with my temptations of seeing him there.
And what the fuck….It was he, gazing the sky, which I am sure he pretended. I lit my smoking stick and walked to him, not even knowing if he would remember me or would be interested knowing me.
“Hello” I said with a smile. He smiled back. ‘Dog. Is this the way a man responds to a girl who has been waiting for him like a zombie?’ My mind shouted. I ignored my mind and tried to talk more, intending to get closer. All I wanted was to hold him there, and not let go.
“I thought you have left this place.” I failed in the efforts to not to display how desperately I was looking around for him.
“And what made you think that?” He continued smoking and gazing stars.
“Nothing much, just as I didn’t see you around, not during the city tours, not at the disk and bars of city and nowhere in the hotel too.” Oh my god such a fool I behaved; I was revealing the stories of my desperation. I feared one more question and I would end up letting him know that I have been fantasizing him sometime back. I decided to move away before I looked like a ‘despo’ to him.
“Oh, I did not know you have been looking around for me, or else I would have asked you to join me for the city tour which I took on my own. Exploring real city is more than just watching some monuments, famous tourist spots and shopping malls. I like to see and feel real things more than just watching something from far distance. You know it is different when you can really touch and feel something closely than appreciating it from a distance.” This time he threw his cigarette and looked straight in my eyes.
I would have kissed him right there and then. His voice and smell added petrol to fire. I constantly failed to know what I wanted from him. Is it just flood of lust that drove me crazy? I just wanted to walk away from there, before I embarrassed myself kissing him.
“Interesting idea of exploration.” I said and started walking away whispering “good night.”
While I turned back to go away, he came just in front of me, held my wrist, looked straight in my eyes passing shivers through my body. I was sure that we were to kiss. His lips felt 100 times enchanting on mine than it looked from a distance. His teeth felt amazing to my tongue than it looked when he smiled. He kissed, I kissed, we kissed. We kissed and kissed and kissed as there was no tomorrow. Chilly night, tired legs, pain of disappointment of not seeing him around everything melted in the taste of his mouth.
Oh man! How a stranger could feel as good to my heart as to my lips? He clutched my back with one arm while another hand adjusted my flying hair behind ears. He felt amazing, he felt like fountain of melting chocolate, he felt like the smell of my favorite childhood flowers, he felt like the rush of the first beer I had, he felt like the smooth old worn out t-shirt to my body on a summer night, he felt like a the only shining star in the sky twinkling at me, he felt like the first ripe mango to my tongue after the wait of a year long, he felt like a soft pillow to my head after a long tiring day, he felt like first sip of perfect coffee on a lovely morning, and he just felt perfect. I explored his V shaped back while he was my lips to feel as most wanted most sweet, most perfect pair of lips. I wished I could stop time.
He was still sleeping as I looked at his perfect lips and shiny forehead which was partly covered by his silk smooth jet black hair. He opened his eyes, smiled at me and again closed his eyes to go back to sleep or may be go back to dreams. I too closed my eyes and rested my head on his chest, I opened my eyes when I didn’t feel him around and searched him around. He stood in front of me close to the door of my room. I wanted to talk to be able to hold him; I wanted him to hold me.
He smiled at me and walked away.
***
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Just One More Button Down by Kajal Mehta
