LOVERS TO FRIENDS
( A story from the book : Just One More Button Down by Kajal Mehta)
“Are you sure you want to do this?” I was almost out of breath when my mind pushed me to ask this to her final time before we got into action.
“Yes, why are you behaving so scared about it? We even have got the tests done, neither of us is HIV positive. (She giggled) Let’s not lose the moment.” Her heavy breathing ate my words.
“Will we be always same?” I could smell her freshly washed hair while she lied on my shoulders playing with my chest hair. I could really not think much about what she asked; I wanted to live in that particular moment.
She has the ability to give words to her emotions. She is one of those who wear their heart on their sleeves. She has convinced me that she is a woman with two hearts than a set of a mind and a heart.
***
Her cell phone beeped with my message.
“Hi! Busy?”
“I am always free for you my love.” beeped back on my cell and the chat continued.
“Free??? You must check my credit card bills darling, you are too expensive.”
“You dog, stop barking. What r u doing?”
“Nothing much, looking around for my shorts.”
“@ Home?”
“Obviously, where else you think I will look around for shorts? LOL.”
“You are sick.”
“Neither of us is sick honey, check our reports. LOL”
She was wildly and madly in love with me, just as she made me feel. And I was also going crazy about her, every time I could know and touch more of her.
***
“Love making is also a way of exchanging feelings.” She again pulled out feelings and gave voice to them.
“Can we exchange feelings that way, some day?” I spilled my beans. Not that I intended to hurt her or play with her emotions but I really wanted to feel her completely, inch by inch. I wanted to know her that how good she can make me feel when she pours her heart and showers all her love on me.
I guessed it right to not to wait for her reply any more. She went silent.
“Knock knock” I tried to make sure that she wasn’t annoyed over last communication.
“I am not a door you need to knock, mind your hands.” She acted funny, may be a sign that I was safe.
“I waited for your reply yesterday, honey.” I took a risk as I couldn’t really stop thinking of us making love. Every time I tried not to think about it, memories of her breath’s smell filled my nose.
***
It was our first date. I had officially asked her out, we were not in love with each other though. May be a possibility to find good company in each other ventured this. I picked her up straight after a relaxing steam bath and a shower at gym. I tried of smelling good - knowing girls like good smelling guys. May be she also thought the same and tried smelling good. (It is now that I know that she always smells heavenly, it’s just her natural body smell.)
“All set for the date?” I really wanted to know if she considered this outing a date. I beeped on her cell phone.
“Yup, only if you receive me with flowers to tag this outing as a date.”
“I promise to get lots of them, if the date gets sealed with a kiss.” I rolled my dice.
“Let us see how it gets sealed, but I hope you to start it right.”
I read these messages for a few times to understand if she signaled something between the lines (Actually to judge if I could kiss her- date or no date.) She brought me out of thoughts and here she was in my car sitting just next to me, smelling like blossomed rose. She was in the simplest attire I would have ever dated. Was she not interested impressing me? (Why would she be? I was already impressed and I am sure she knew it that I was falling for her.)
We were standing on this broken bridge where I took many girls I dated before but today it felt special being there with her. It took a long drive to reach there, we talked a lot on the way and I really enjoyed her company. She proved herself a good listener too. We had been chatting, messaging and talking a lot over internet and phone calls, but were meeting for the first time
I shared my life with her the way I never did on any of previous dates. She was a wonderful listener. She convinced me that she was really interested knowing who I am as a real person. She hypnotized me and I kept muttering the answers. I talked a lot about my childhood, my family, my business, my hobbies, my dreams, my lost love, my dates, my love affairs, my sex affairs. She was not being judgmental at all; she was still holding my hand which I did not even realize who initiated to hold.
“May I hug you?” I really wanted to feel her as close to me as I could and it was purely a call of my heart. Her silence was followed by a nice warm hug, which established strong bond from my side with her. (And I am sure we both were binding with each other) We kissed and we really kissed from the bottom of our hearts. I did not want to let her go ever. I wish I could stop time there. If at all I could, things would have never changed between us. Not too far not too different. Things went too far – we planned an outing and spent 4 lovely nights together.
***
“So….” For the first time I did not know what to type in my text message to her.
“So, what??????” She too sounded blank. (May be, acting weird was one of her traits.)
“Enjoyed the kiss?” I did not know how to sound decent but I wanted to check if she was not feeling guilt over a kiss.
“Enjoyed??????????? (Multiple questions made me skip a heartbeat.) I am still enjoying it man. You are too good, and I hope you will grow better.”
Oh my god, is it really her on the other side? Better??? Next time??? I wish she is not drunk. When can be this mentioned next time? I was being drawn away in waves of thoughts and ideas. I took time to gather words now. I did not want to talk anything to make her feel that I consider her available or don’t value her beyond her body. She held a special place in my heart - Sex or no sex. She would always be this special to me. (Am I sure? I ran an instant quality check with my mind and heart. She is special and she would always be was a mutual answer.)
“I will try to get better my majesty.” I read it four times before I pressed sent button.
“☺” Was she stealing words? Just a smiley was not enough from her over that matter.
“When can I have next opportunity to prove my betterment?”
“So excited??? Practice well before you attempt this time. LOL”
“Are you sure? Won’t you feel insecure, if I will practice more?”
“Why would I? Are you my boyfriend or hubby? Practice wherever you want, and let’s have a small vacation next month.”
I was feeling insane. Was she for real? Is she pulling my legs, has my dad planted her as a catch, are my friends playing a prank with me? Why the hell she would say a trip with her??
***
Ultimately the day came offering love filled nights. We merged and it was surely a proof of our strong bond. Our bonding been very strong and I believe that there was something very special between us. This trip introduced me to a wild lady in her, she was 100% more of a giver then I could imagine. We had days which we would never be able to forget. And this trip brought us closer. She knew more of my dark secrets, my dreams, my strengths and my weaknesses too. And I think she is the first one to know all of them. I have people who know either my dreams, or strengths, or few of the secrets. She is the only one who knows almost everything and still loves me the way I am.
How I wish I could hold time on broken bridge. Things between us moved too far to a trip and now too different to be like what it is today.
***
Everything was just more than perfect but I probably could not see my dream partner in her, and I am sure she sensed it between my two breaths. She is just too perfect a woman and she has given me more than I would ever dream of. I didn’t want to let her go ever from my arms. I want her to by my side every time I win cricket matches, I want her to hold my hand say everything will be fine whenever I fight with my family, I want her to listen to all my silly dreams even today, I want her acceptance for all my sins, I want her to help with my travel plans, I want her to just sit next to me every time I am too happy or sad, I genuinely love her (I can’t identify what is missing but I don’t see my dream partner in her).
Things are different between us. We love each other and I am sure we will always. She still dreams about making my dreams come true and I am sure she will be after my life, until I make them true for her if not for me. I also want her to be happy and live the best life for 100 more years.
May be we are meant to be friends and not lovers. May be we misread our love and bonding and went into wrong direction.
“Flames to dust, lovers to friends, why do all good things come to an end?”
We have not ended and I believe that finding this love is a new beginning.
***
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Just One More Button Down by Kajal Mehta
