The reason to express…!
Bachman se khulke rona, gussa, nafrat, kuch bhi khul ke express nahi karne diya. Ab pyaar kaise express karen? Familiar isn’t it? This dialogue by the King Khan is from the recent flick ‘Dear Zindagi’. Well, I don’t want to comment on how the film was, but ya, to an extent I could connect with this dialogue.
Whenever we tried to express, even as kids- scream or shout or laugh like mad- we were always hushed. Well, I know, nothing is more irritating than a child screaming his voice off, but yet, that is the way it has to come out at that tender moment, because they don’t know any better way to express them at that time. If we stop them at that time, by force, or anger or fear, they will stop, but then that will create a volcano within the child which will then erode when they no longer are able to hold back their expression!
Because of the holding back habit since the childhood, whenever it comes to expressing something, specially a positive feeling about others or even own, we take the lesser route of “non- expressing!” It just doesn’t come naturally. While it is such a beautiful feeling to express! We think, well it’s ok. How is my expression on this even important! But it’s too late till you realize what beauty you are missing from your life till you completely express yourself.
Well, since we hold back so much of expressions inside- we don’t let it float outside- be it- happiness, sorrow, jealousy, anger, success, failure, etc., all these is a cocktail of feelings trapped inside you till it explodes in the form of anger. That is the reason it is so easy to be angry, because you have not allowed yourself to express any other feeling, that it often gets hoarded inside (because of the inability to express) and suffocates inside till it becomes an anger ball.
When was the last time that you did appreciate someone else’s good work? Don’t think it’s not needed. It is as much needed as much you would want someone else to appreciate your good work. Agree or not, many times appreciation exceeds the monetary benefit. Appreciation is also an expression! We think it’s ok and keep it inside, but when we are at the receiving end and don’t get applauded, again, those ill feelings are trapped inside you till it mixes in the grinder of all hidden expressions, till one day….
Imagine your mother- working day and night, serving everybody’s needs, she needs nothing but love. Sometimes she really needs that love to be expressed vocally, in the form of appreciation.
“Delicious dinner mom!, Thank you mom for ironing my clothes, Thank you for taking care of me!” There, you can see that wide smile on her face. She will forget all her worries for some minutes and feel valuable. Thanks to our habit of non expression- we will take all her work for granted and keep our mouth shut because our voice is so subdued that we find ourselves dumb. This is the reason why most Indian housewives are under a depression! There is no doubt about it. She keeps doing the household chores (which by the way demand a whole lot of sacrifice) and then the least she expects is to be appreciated for her efforts. But we Indians suppress all our expressions, especially the positive ones and dump the anger ball on our loved ones because we think we have a right on them and they will understand. That’s the biggest disappointment! Instead of praising and loving our loved ones ,we dump all our bad feelings on them which we could not actually express to the right person at the right time. Forget appreciating them. Of course, this leads to a depressive state – because she is the one who will have to take those negative vibes and frustration inside her and to her bed every night. Since she also suffers from the habit of non expression- those bad feelings pile up inside her. This is the worst kind of environment for anyone to live. Imagine a child growing up watching this. He will learn the same isn’t it?
As we gradually grow expressing truly and living a real life, we realize the benefits of positive expressions versus the negative ones. We observe the impacts of being angry and jealous and realize it harming us. Then we work on it and lift the positive expressions compared to the negative ones. But living consciously with all the expressions is important to understand life. Because life is not always going to be such that we can hold back being angry or frustrated. Instead, holding them back is even more dangerous. But as time goes by, we understand, that being angry or anxious is not going to help me and then we try to work on it to let go such negative expressions. That’s called growing up. Even after we know this, and keep throwing our anger here and there, that just means you take your lessons properly from your life.
So, let those expressions loosen a bit, don’t think what others will say or feel. We have a freedom of expression. Let’s have the widest of our smile on the jokes that really touched your heart. (holding back your smile is just stupidity). Don’t just type LOL- feel it too! Let’s cry when our heart is full- (It’s ok to sometimes, even for the men). Let’s appreciate someone who has actually done some thing good (rather sulk and be jealous, which has no positive impact). Let’s be grateful vocally to someone who has done you some help. (especially your loved ones). Let’s be vocal about how beautiful this world is, instead of cribbing! Let’s apologise when we have done something wrong. (It’s a great sign of bravery and self acceptance). Hold your wives hand one more time and say you are beautiful! Complement your child even on petty things they have done or tried right. Go on a date with your parents, they will definitely appreciate the time you still have for them amid your busy life. Give a warm hug to your husband and say thanks for being there. Just like that – expressions doesn’t always need a reason! Don’t behave as you are dead before you really are! There will be time for that too.
Try this for a week and see how truly you live since the guilt of non expressing has been lifted and you feel much lighter by expressing, because there is nothing to hide and trap inside now! To live each moment, we should allow ourselves to express truly, instead of wearing that poker faced mask always. Just throw that mask away and allow yourself to be! Wink wink.
